Perfectly Flawed
folder
Final Fantasy VII › AU - Alternate Universe
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
870
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy VII › AU - Alternate Universe
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
870
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own FFVII and make no money from writing this story
Control
Control…
Cloud took in another long drag of his cigarette allowing it to burn at his lungs; which in turn caused him into a short coughing fit. He only smoked when offered; he never thought it was necessary to waste his money on such a thing. His eyes wanted to water, he took that as a sign to take another deep breath of the poisonous stick. He didn’t mind the feeling of his lungs contracting trying to tell him to stop; he didn’t care that he could practically feel the tar building against them; he just didn’t care. It felt good; it felt good to allow this poison into his system. It seemed funny to him because he didn’t even ‘like’ the taste or like smoking in general. There was nothing appealing about it, in all honesty he rather hated it. So why… Why smoke it? It all boiled down to one simple word; Control. Control over choosing what harmful chemical was entering him; control to inflict that simple discomfort; control….
He never felt in control of his life; sure he tried, and of course he kept a death grip on a sense of false control but that ‘wasn’t’ control. There was no denying the loss of control in his life thus far, he didn’t really have any growing up. He didn’t have control over his parents divorce. He didn’t have control over his father’s excessive drinking or his mothers never ending prescription drugs. He didn’t have control over the emotional basket case called his brother. He didn’t have control over his love life or friends. He didn’t have control over losing his virginity. He couldn’t control his body or his thoughts. He never had a choice; not once. His pleading fell on deaf ears and no one would grant him the mercy of allowing him to have some control. But this simple act of smoking a cigarette… it was control. As stupid as it was…. Taking the poison in voluntarily was pure control. He lit the tobacco. He placed it to his lips. He sucked in the smoke. He did it; completely voluntary, complete control.
He was choosing his poison; no one was choosing it for him. No one else was forcing it on him. He wasn’t being told to smoke it. He didn’t have someone forcing it to his lips and holding his nose shut and mouth around the object to inhale the smoke. He, yes he, was the one putting it to his lips and lighting it; and that’s what made it beautiful. Serene; uplifting; complete and total release from having no control or grasp on what was going on in his life. It was a simple act yet it felt like so much. Cloud could only laugh to himself with a twisted smile; almost one of ironic agony. He pulled the object from his lips and stared at it, “I can throw you away… it’s just that simple…”
Cloud flicked the object to the ground and dug the tip of his boot into it a few times before sighing and looking up. As short a moment as it was and as meaningless as it seemed; Cloud felt a bitter sweet satisfaction in it.
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Short….. Insignificant You read - Now REVIEW
Cloud took in another long drag of his cigarette allowing it to burn at his lungs; which in turn caused him into a short coughing fit. He only smoked when offered; he never thought it was necessary to waste his money on such a thing. His eyes wanted to water, he took that as a sign to take another deep breath of the poisonous stick. He didn’t mind the feeling of his lungs contracting trying to tell him to stop; he didn’t care that he could practically feel the tar building against them; he just didn’t care. It felt good; it felt good to allow this poison into his system. It seemed funny to him because he didn’t even ‘like’ the taste or like smoking in general. There was nothing appealing about it, in all honesty he rather hated it. So why… Why smoke it? It all boiled down to one simple word; Control. Control over choosing what harmful chemical was entering him; control to inflict that simple discomfort; control….
He never felt in control of his life; sure he tried, and of course he kept a death grip on a sense of false control but that ‘wasn’t’ control. There was no denying the loss of control in his life thus far, he didn’t really have any growing up. He didn’t have control over his parents divorce. He didn’t have control over his father’s excessive drinking or his mothers never ending prescription drugs. He didn’t have control over the emotional basket case called his brother. He didn’t have control over his love life or friends. He didn’t have control over losing his virginity. He couldn’t control his body or his thoughts. He never had a choice; not once. His pleading fell on deaf ears and no one would grant him the mercy of allowing him to have some control. But this simple act of smoking a cigarette… it was control. As stupid as it was…. Taking the poison in voluntarily was pure control. He lit the tobacco. He placed it to his lips. He sucked in the smoke. He did it; completely voluntary, complete control.
He was choosing his poison; no one was choosing it for him. No one else was forcing it on him. He wasn’t being told to smoke it. He didn’t have someone forcing it to his lips and holding his nose shut and mouth around the object to inhale the smoke. He, yes he, was the one putting it to his lips and lighting it; and that’s what made it beautiful. Serene; uplifting; complete and total release from having no control or grasp on what was going on in his life. It was a simple act yet it felt like so much. Cloud could only laugh to himself with a twisted smile; almost one of ironic agony. He pulled the object from his lips and stared at it, “I can throw you away… it’s just that simple…”
Cloud flicked the object to the ground and dug the tip of his boot into it a few times before sighing and looking up. As short a moment as it was and as meaningless as it seemed; Cloud felt a bitter sweet satisfaction in it.
----------
Short….. Insignificant You read - Now REVIEW