Scandal

~*Part 7*~


It was the next day when I was wandering around aimlessly around Esthar when I found myself lonely. I didn’t have a destination, other than the fact I finally was alone, and some peace and quiet to think with. Since Quistis and Seifer were gone, I could think because they were the ones that wouldn’t let me have a moment’s peace.

You know as much as I bitch, I didn’t really mind it at the time.

I casually stop to look at a stand selling pictures. Some were photographs, while others were paintings that were created with anything from pencil crayons to oils. I noticed that the theme was heros, Guardian Forces, monsters, and other magical related beings and items.

As I casually looked over the pictures, as did many other costumers, I found my attention drawn to one painting.

The painting wasn’t very large, but the detail was minuscule, and amazing. It took a steady hand to make the ice glisten the way it did. The painting was about 11x18 with a nice thin black frame, holding the picture inside.

It was a painting of Shiva, my Guardian Force.

She had been angry at me when I first woke up and refused to speak to me. Every time I tried to speak to her, I was given the cold shoulder (literally in some cases). However, I continued to talk to her; apologising for not listening to her, ranting about my stupidity and proclaiming my love and need for her. Shiva had become one of my best friends.

Slowly, but surely she started to communicate with me. Shiva tended to hold grudges, which is why she still serves sly and degrading comments against Rinoa. She’s mad at Rinoa for leaving me, but insists it is for the best.

Just like me and everyone else, I think.

Shiva is still rather hesitant to talk to me, still a little peeved about the fight. I think it is also part of pride. We haven’t lost a fight for a longtime and in some way I think it ruins her reputation. She’ll get over it - I know - but for now I’ll have to tread lightly around her.

I looked at the picture for another few moments, before biting the bullet, and bought it. Shiva was a good friend, it was an amazing picture and I needed new paintings to fill the empty places in my apartment at Balamb. It was too empty without Rinoa belongings.

Besides, the picture was ang ang and I think Shiva would agree. It shows Shiva standing in a whirlwind of snow, while shards of ice form around her. Her long yellow hair following around her lithe body as she curves her arms around the air beside her. They even caught the icy blue of her eyes.

Carrying my purchase, I continued on.

It wasn’t till I was buying the newest Weapon magazine that she approached me.

I was causally flipping through the magazine, wondering which to buy because there was now various Weapon magazines by different publishers. I found the old, trusted and true to be the best, but I’m willing to try something new if it seemed worth it.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, a familiar tap, but didn’t warn me at all for what I was about to see as I turned around slowly . . .

. . . to find myself staring at my ex-wife.

“Hello Squall.” She murmured uneasily as she clasped her hands before her, like she always did. She was dressed in long pink sun dress with sandals that matched, but a large fake yellow lilies on them. Her hair was tied back with a pink handkerchief and dark pink-framed sunglasses covering her eyes - almost as if she was trying to hide her identity.

“Rinoa . . .” I whispered, gapping. I didn’t expect to see her now, let alone anytime in the near future. I knew we would have to see each other soon, but not now.

We stared at each other for a few moments as I tried to gain all the common sense I just looked back and she seemed to be considering her next words.

“I didn’t mean to . . . I need to . . . Squall, we need to talk. That’s why I came to Esthar. I came to find you.” She finally explained, but still struggling for the right words in the uneasy air between us.

“ . . . why?” I finally asked, turning away to put the magazine back. I saw her bite her lip from the corner of my eye. “It’s too early to become friends, Rinoa.” I continued, knowing Rinoa. She tends to like to sweep everything under the carpet like it’s all okay. Rinoa has yet to learn that you can’t just shove everything away. Instead of disappearing, it builds.

I learned that the hard way.

“I-I know. I just . . . I want to explain myself. I want you to know the entire truth because I don’t want you to blame yourself, or Irvine.” She shook her head as I scowled at her.

“You want me to blame you?” I asked, bluntly.

“N-no!” She responded, clasping a hand to her chest, gripping the chain with my Griever and her mother’s ring on it. Her knuckles started to go white as she held it tight. “I just . . . I just want to tell you and get off my chest. You deserve the truth as do I.” She continued, uneasily, but gaining my force as she spoke.

What did I have to explain to her? I didn’t cheat on her, or anything like that.

“Let’s go gets some coffee.” I finally said after a few moments silence. I was curious to hear her part of the story, and I felt I needed to know. Know where I went wrong, what she did, and why.

So many unanswered questions.

Finding a seat out on a porch in the café near the ocean - we sat down. She stirred her sugar in her coffee as I broke a piece of my oatmeal cookie, and chewed it watching her. The silence stayed between us for a few moments before she spoke.

“Our marriage was never truly a marriage. We both married each other to keep the other happy. We were thinking of ours, rather than ourselves. It happens in many marriages, and they always end the same way.” Rinoa explained, tapping the orange plastic stick on the side of her mug after she had finished stirring.

“Our marriage was a joke.” I muttered, sounding extremely bitter. I, actually, am. I spent 6 years of my life with a woman that I didn’t love, and only married her for duty.

I think I had a right to be bitter.

Rinoa simply looked at me mournfully, and I felt a tinge of regret for what I said. I sighed, rubbing my forehead as I attempted to mend the bruise from my earlier comment.
“I
“I care for you, and I came to rely on you, but the only reason we married was for all the wrong reasons. We married because I didn’t want to hurt you - I had never had any significant other till you - and you didn’t want to hurt me. You all tried so hard to make me who I am now, and you didn’t want to break me; make me go back into my shell.” I said, sipping my coffee as she looked down at her coffee. Sipping it occasionally.

“Was it really all a lie?” She asked finally, her coffee brown eyes beseeching as she looked at me with her coffee brown eyes that were visible because she had long removed her sunglasses. I closed my eyes with a sigh, trying to find the best answer.

“Yes and no.” I finally decided. I opened my eyes to find her watching me, questioning. “The care isn’t a lie. It isn’t love, or at least not of lovers, but it is one of a deep friendship. However, it was a lie because we married for all the wrong reasons. We married for the happy ending for the war, the hero marrying his sorceress that he fought to protect. We married for everyone else, instead of ourselves.” I continued, taking another bite of my oatmeal cookie as she twined her fingers somewhat nervously.

“Can we be friends again?” Rinoa asked, hesitantly and I instantly scowled. She blinked at my scowl as I looked away, and to the ocean.

“No. Not now. Maybe someday, but Rinoa, it’s hard for me to sit with you now. You hurt me, and the trust I held for you. You betrayed me, and it still hurts.” I said, sternly as I heard her wistful sigh.

Silence flittered between as we listened to the waves crashing on the shore.

“Why did you?” I asked, my voice hushed as I still refused to look at her. I head her sip her coffee.

“I don’t know. I not fully sure myself, but I’ve had time to think, and I think I may know why.” She answered, sounding weary, yet somewhat displeased at herself.

I closed my eyes temporarily as I turned back to face her as she stared back with seriousness, and apology. I simply shook my head at the situation as I drank some more coffee. She was silent for a few minutes before she started to speak.

“Our marriage was great in the beginning, but something happened where I found myself throwing myself at men. I think it’s because the sex started to die, but I only had you as a lover. I had no other experience - other than you - and I was curious to what I had missed, so I started disguising myself, going out, and sleeping with various men, hiding my identity. Taking my rings off.” Rinoa said, ashamed as she stared at her hands as they twist together.

When I thought about it, they were times we slept together and she seemed to be more experienced, but I never questioned. I brushed it away as something Quistis or Selphie taught her; or something she read in one of her magazines.

I never considered she was sleeping around.

“You became a whore.” I hissed, mostly in rebuke. How could she do that to herself? Tossing herself at men and begging them to take her home. It disgusted me just to think about it.

“Yes. I suppose that is the best way to describe it.” Rinoa whispered, whipping at her eye that was obviously a tear. I sighed.

“It wasn’t completely your fault that you did. I stopped giving everything you needed by hiding behind my desk - not caring what you did - and ignoring you. I wasn’t giving you the attention that you wanted and needed, so you went to others to find what you were missing.” I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

“Don’t blame yourself for what I did! It was as much my fault as it was yours!” Rinoa exclaimed and I simply arched an eyebrow at her.

“It was a downward spiral started the day I asked you for your hand. We did it for duty, and I don’t blame myself for that, or you. I blame society.” I explained, placing my anger on the one thing I always hated - society. It was because of society that I killed and had blood all over my hands. I would loath them for that for the rest of my life.

That among other things.

“How did Irvine come involved?” I asked, hoping that it would help her continue when she became silent in thought at my words.

“He recognized me one day and followed me in the bar. He and Selphie broke up a few months before and he was cruising the bars again. Anyway, he demanded to know what I was doing and it was kinda ugly, but it ended with Irvine not having the will to break you or our marriage and me refusing to quit.” Rinoa said, scratching her nose - an attempt to hide her whipping another tear away.

“So Irvine kinda played damage control in the beginning. He made a deal that he would not tell if I only saw him. Being a player everyone thinks he is, he slept with me to get me off the streets. The lure of the forbidden was too great for both of us. So the affair between us started.” Rinoa shook her head as I frowned at her.

“I think I would have preferred to be told earlier.” I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose as she drank more of her coffee.

“Maybe so, but neither of us thought it would last for so long. Irvine planned to do it till I got this . . . ~thing~ out of my system, and I was doing it for the attention I craved. It just ended up as more.” Rinoa frowned, playing with her fingers again. I noticed our engagement and wedding band were both missing.

I didn’t wear mine anymore either. They were in a box in my room at Balamb.

“How long?” I asked, keeping my voeveneven.

“A year and 9 months.”

“Hyne.” I growled, rubbing my forehead as I leaned on my elbow. Rinoa shifted in her seat. I waved my hand to gesture for her to continue.

“It was simply sleeping together at first, but then he started taking me out to dinner and other sorts of dates. Sometimes I would leave for days at a time where he would take me out, and I didn’t have to dress-up because he was one of the gang and a friend of yours, no one suspected we were having an affair.” Rinoa continued her story.

“An affair has to have feelings between each other - other than pity or blackmail, that is.” I snarled, somewhat angrily. She simply nodded.

“At first, it was nothing more than a warm, experienced body. Then it started to transform into a relationship and I ended up falling in love with him. I still am.” She whispered looking at the tabletop.

“Don’t be ashamed. I’ve finally fallen in love with someone - ” two actually “ - too, and I now what it’s like. You can’t control it no matter what you do. The love I feel for you is what I feel for a close friend, maybe a sister - nothing more, nothing less.” I said, thinking of Seifer and Quistis.

Talk about the lure of the forbidden. They were already married to each other!

“I know.” She murmured, and I scowled. I was about to question, but she continued on. “Irvine left me that day. He doesn’t know how I feel and I can’t find him.” Rinoa whisperedokinoking at me as tears ran down her cheeks.

“Irvine Kinneas is a sharpshooter and an assassin. He will only be found when he wants to be found.” I stated, simply. It was the truth. Irvine was gone from the face of the earth till he wanted to come back. There was no one that could find him.

Seifer and I even have had trouble finding him, and we took the same courses!

He is the best of the best.

“I know!” Rinoa wailed, causing me to jump slightly in my seat in surprise. “I miss him. I want to tell him how I feel. I never told him. I never got to tell him that I love him!” She said, her voice laced with tears, but the volume - thankfully - lower.

I pitied her as much as I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

I have never managed her tears well.

“He’ll be back. Kinneas is never the type to leave things dangling for long. He just needs to think for a while.” I soothed, patting her hand in reassurance as she regained her composure. She sniffed, whipped her nose with a napkin, and nodding.

“I like to think so, but it still hurts. A lot of things still hurt.” She murmured, taking a long drink of her coffee and fingering her tears off her cheeks.

“So do mine. We both need time to heal. Maybe that’s why Irvine left. He knows you need to heal, and he has to think. He’ll come back soon.” I said, nodding knowing what I said was truth. Irvine never ran away, just point things on hold.

I drank more of my coffee as Rinoa continued to pull herself together. She put on her sunglasses again to hide the redness that was starting to appear - still sniffing.

“I hear that you aren’t doing so badly as I am in love.” Rinoa said, breaking the silence after she was fairly cleaned up. I could still hear the huskiness of crying in her voice as she gave a small smile while I snapped my head to look at her confused.

“What do you mean?” I demanded, thoroughly confused as she placed her hands on her hips.

“Don’t bothering denying it, Squall! It’s all over the papers!” She retorted, angry that I was denying what she believed to be true. I simply glared at her as she snorted, reaching toward her bag. rem removed a paper, thrusting into my hands as I started at the first page headline.

‘Hero Finds New Love in Galbadia’s Headmistress and Ex-Sorceress Knight?’

Well, at least it’s the front page this time.

“ . . . what the . . .?” I whispered, feeling the blood rush out of my face as I started at the photo of holding hands with Quistis and Seifer’s arm around my shoulders as mine was around my waist. Smaller pictures were also a little further down with me kissing Seifer and the other Quistis.

Oh shit.

I quickly read the article, skimming over it to get the gist of what was being said.

It was considered a scandal. It was made to be why Rinoa and I divorced. I had been sleeping with Quistis and Seifer, and Rinoa divorced me because I had cheated on her. They made me look evil and the cheating husband, and Rinoa the pure angel.

Make me wanna barf.

Only if they knew that it’s the other way around.

“This is bullshit.” I hissed, throwing the paper down on the table. Rinoa looked at me carefully before answering.

“Then what is it?”

“They were comforting me. Offering friendship after everything that had happened - nothing more, nothing less.” I snarled, chugging back a few large mouthfuls of the lukewarm coffee. Rinoa said nothing, but looked thoughtful.

That’s when it hit me.

This would be everywhere and they would read it - Quistis and Seifer.

What would I say to them? What ~could~ I say to them? What would happen to them? What about their marriage? My job? Their job? Our reputation?

Some asshole had a field day with what they saw - I secretly wished was true - and now everything was put on threads. Our jobs, reputations, and their marriage.

Their marriage.

I was their friend, not their lover. They had each other, and I was just a third wheel.

Why did that hurt so much?

~*Part 8*~


“Oh for - ! Just pick up the phone and dial, Squall!” Xu growled at me impatiently when I placed the receiver back in the cradle for the umptieth time. I sighed angrily as I rubbed my face roughly with my hands.

“ . . . I can’t.” I muttered, shaking my head as my hands still covered my face. Xu just swore, smacked some papers down on my desk and placed her hands on her hips as she glared at me.

It seemed she wasn’t leaving anytime soon, which I requested 15 minutes before.

I gave up after 7 minutes.

After my afternoon snack with Rinoa, I went back to my father’s and made arrangements to return to Balamb the next morning. No one really questioned my departure, but I saw the sly looks. I knew that something was rolling around in their small, feeble minds as I phoned Xu to let her know I would be returning the next day.

I noticed that the only paper present in the palace was the one clenched in my hands. It seemed that they knew, but didn’t know I knew, and I wasn’t planning on bestow my knowledge upon them.

Dorks. That is what they are.

Ellone was the only one that came out that she knew. Being my big Sis, she wanted to know what happened and I guess she felt it was her right to know. I think I also had to release something out to her. It was killing me to keep it all away inside.

I walked out of the bathroom after gathering my toiletries to see her folding some of my clothes and placing them in the cases. She still babied me and probably always would.

I found that I really didn’t mind.

“You don’t have to do that, Sis.” I admonished with a sigh as I walked back into the room and flopped on the bed causing the cases to wobble wthe the bed.

“I want to.” Was the simple, determined reply. I shook my head.

“I’m 27. I don’t need a babysitter anymore.” I snorted, as I leaned back against the pillows while she continued to removed clothes from the dresser and pack them away.

Hey!

If she wants to do the work, she is more then welcome to! I ain’t going to stop her!

“True, but you do need somebody. Everyone needs somebody. Somebody to love and care for.” Ellone said, smiling up at me. I arched an eyebrow. I got what she was hinting at and last I heard, she had no significant one either.

“Kettle, pot.”

“Maybe so, Squall, but I don’t shut people out. When I need help, I go to people I love and love me. I don’t just hideaway, and keep secrets.” Ellone said, firmly. I sighed. “I’m not pushing you to go out dating, or getting into a meaningful relationship right off the bat - I’m simply asking that don’t brush us off so quickly.” Ellone continued, her eye imploring.

“I’m not planning on it, Elly, but there are a lot of things that need adjusting. I also got talk some things out with people.” I shook my head thinking of Seifer and Quistis. I had to contact them about the article and see if we could fix it up.

“Seifer and Quistis.”

“W-what?! How did you know?” I demanded, snapping up to face her. She wasn’t at all disturbed as she shut the empty drawer and moved onto the next one.

“Lucky guess.” She shrugged.

“My ass. You’re an empathic and - ”

“No, actually. I read the article.” Ellone interrupted and sighed as she turned to me holding some of my shirts. I caught her eyes to see the truth. “I can sense feelings and occasionally use that to read minds, but I don’t need to in this case.”

“Do you do that with everyone? Just sort of laser in and read their thoughts and feelings. That is kinda violating our privacy.” I growled in half embarrassment and half anger, looking away as I crossed my arms. She slammed the shirts down on the bed with a loud angry sigh and caused me to bounce a little on the bed as I turned back to her.

“Squall, I never ~ever~ do it on purpose. When I was little, I had no control, but now I have control on my side - however, somes fes feelings are so strong that they violate ~me~! I only use my empathic abilities when I feel it is necessary - like when you came here after your divorce with Rinoa. Sometimes I need to, but this time ~you~ broke through my shields.” Ellone said passionately, but not really angry.

“I’m sorry, I guess it’s just . . . I don’t know what to do Sis. I don’t want to hurt their marriage.” I apologised, looking at her as she relaxed.

“I can feel your confusion and pain, but I can also feel the passionate and devoted love for them. Much stronger than you did with Rinoa - very much so.” Ellone replied and I looked at her, asking her to continue and answer my question. “I can’t tell you what to do, Squall.”

“Can you at least advise me?” I pleaded, looking for anything at this point. I wanted Seifer and Quistis, but I didn’t want to hurt them. I also wanted them.

As lovers.

Good Lord, it’s messed up!

“Follow your emotions.” Was her simple reply. I glared at her. That was what got me into this entire mess in the first place! I followed my emotion when I married Rinoa - or did I? I think there I just followed duty. “Squall, you need to talk to them. They are who you have to talk to - not me.” She shook her head.

I tried to pry more because she obviously knewethiething, but she avoided it till she left to go to bed.

And here I am now - trying to find the fucking courage to call them at Galbadia to talk and figure it out. However, I can’t get over myself to do it.

“Squall, they are not going to eat you! For Christ’s sakes! They did kiss you, didn’t they? There are as much at fault as you are!” Xu said, slamming her open palms on the desk. She was getting very frustrated.

Not that I blame her, I’m getting kinda frustrated too. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t married Rinoa.

What was I thinking?!

Obviously not with the head on my shoulders - nor my emotions.

“But - !” I started to protest.

“Squall, has it ever accrued to you that those kisses are more than friendship? Maybe they have been trying to tell you something. That they feel more for you then friendship.” Xu interrupted, sighing as she rubbed her forehead.

I stopped because that was what I secretly hoped for, but it couldn’t be true! They were married! I was just the third wheel. They were just trying to make me feel better. They weren’t trying to -

“Oh - ! Stop thinking in your head and call them up already!” Xu was very impatient. She looked like she was itching to hit some common sense in me.

I went to retort when the phone rang for me.

Saved by the bell.

Xu sighed wryly and turned her back to me, obviously angry at the interruption. I sighed in relief as I answered it.

Only to find that I had nothing to be relieved about.

“Squall! I was hoping you were back. Laguna said you left this morning. You didn’t call like you promised. Naughty. Naughty.” Quistis teased, I could hear the smirk as my stomach clenched.

“Uh . . .”

That was beautiful Squall. Simply beautiful. I can hear them calling your name for the best actor of the year award now.

“Was the trip okay? How’s Xu? Happy that you back? I would be. Too much work for too little pay, if you ask me.” Quistis continued, not at all disturbed by my lack of comment.

“ . . . uh . . . actually, Xu’s right here and she doesn’t look too happy.” I said, looking up at Xu, who turned around interested.

“Who is it?” Xu mouthed and I glared. Xu then knew who and promptly smirked as she plopped herself in a chair. I waved my hand at her to leave, but she didn’t budge.

I get no respect around here.

“Oh? Why not?” Quistis questioned, sounding perplexed. She knew that Xu and I got along great in our working relationship. We were always on top of everything. To be honest, Xu and I were the most organized of all the Gardens. We were the ones always getting everything done and organizing new things to be offered.

“We had . . . uh . . . little misunderstanding. Nothing to worry about.” I said, running a hand through my hair as Xu snorted. I glared at her, knowing that Quistis and I were close to discussing about the article.

Definitely not something I was looking forward to.

“Oh? About what?” Quistis asked and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I should have known that was going to be her next question.

“About me calling.”

“Why were you afraid to call? Something the matter?” I closed my eyes as I looked for the resolve to tell her.

“About the newspaper article. I don’t suppose you’ve read it.” I replied, looking up to see the now warm face of Xu. This is when she made her exited.

Aw! I see. She was simply waiting for the subject to be breeched before she left.

She wanted to make sure I wouldn’t avoid it any longer.

Clever.

“Of course.”stisstis answered breezily, not at all concerned. I blinked, confused. Wasn’t she worried, or upset? She sounded as if she didn’t care!

“Did Seifer?”

“Yes.”

“ . . . uh . . . was he upset?”

“No.”

“Are you?”

“No. Why would I be?” Quistis asked, sounding confused. I frowned totally confused to their reactions. I was upset! Very much so! Why weren’t they?

“Because someone violated our privacy and this could destroy your marriage. Because everyone thinks we are lovers, instead of friends. Because Rinoa got off Scott-free and here we are taking all the blame for the divorce.” I muttered, angrily. Quistis sighed.

“Squall, has it ever mattered to you what people think?”

“ . . . no. Not really.” I answered, calming down as confusion seeped back in. I was hoping Quistis would start her own rant then, but she was completely calm.

Figures.

“Seifer and I love each other and some article will not destroy our marriage.” Quistis continued and I grunted in agreement. They did love each other and I knew that. Then why did it bother me so much?

Because I wish it was true.

“Yes, it kinda gets on my nerves that Rinoa got away with it, but it isn’t the end of the world. Just be happy that c in in your life is over. Who gives a flying fuck how it ended?” Quistis said, sounding a little resentful when she spoke of Rinoa.

“Okay.” Was all could say in reply. What else could I say? I had jumped to conclusions because of my own desire for it to be true. I was angry because someone knew my deepest desire. I feared that Seifer and Quistis would discover it and brush me off. That they would leave me again.

It scared me.

“Are you all right, Squall?”

“Yep!” I said a little too loudly and cringed at my own tone as I tried to hide this new hurt inside me. I was not going to dwell on it now.

“Good. We need you to come out here for a few days. We were thinking you could come out Friday and stay for the weekend.” Quistis proclaimed, thankfully not pushing the article anymore. I was glad that was over.

“Why?” I asked, scowling. I couldn’t go from one vacation to the next, no matter what Xu said. It just didn’t look good and besides, I was away long enough on my vacation with Laguna. I had a lot to catch up on.

“We need you and Selphie to come out and discuss the next SeeD test. The last few times we just faxed and signed the forms that you and Xu created, but I think it might be a good idea to have a meeting about it this time. Selphie will come out too. Besides, you don’t have any ideas yet, do you?” Quistis asked, and I frowned, knowing that we didn’t.

“No.”

“Good. So you’ll come out. It’s an on business so not much will be said and then we can spend the weekend together.” Quistis continued, with pleasure. I could see her sweet lips curving into a smile. Just so soft and -

Stop it!

“Sounds good. I’ll call you tomorrow to see if it works out, okay?” I replied, wanting to get off the phone as soon as possible.

“All right. Take care, sweetie!” She cooed as I said a quick, clipped goodbye and slammed the receiver down.

“Hyne help me.” I muttered as I rested my head on my arms. It wasn’t up to this life thing. It was just too full of surprises and conflicting emotions.

Ah~h. The fun is just beginning because I had to see them this weekend.

Someone ~please~ shoot me now?!

Where’s Irvine when ya need him?


~*TBC*~


A/N: I promise, it'll be continued soon. ~Very~ soon.