Fatality I: Teasing

I haven’t seen or talked to Squall in four days, which means I’ve had a lot of time to think about just why in the world I’d like to tell him that I want more than just to have him whenever I want. Selphie asked me what it is that I like about him, and it actually took me a while to think of how to put everything into words that actually made sense.

Aside from the obvious physical attraction, he’s one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever known, which is a trait I admire. If he wants something (or someone), Squall does all he can to get it. I know he’s probably avoiding me right now, so I won’t make the effort to see him or I know he’ll just shove me away, literally.

He’s also determined to be good at whatever he does and I think that’s why he spends so much time in the office. Just because he doesn’t like being the commander doesn’t mean that he doesn’t put in the effort for it. His fighting skills are also proof of that determination to be the best.

I also like that he doesn’t carry a grudge- I mean, what other person would offer Seifer the chance to come back here to Garden and resume his training, not letting anyone put him on trial for the things he did as Ultimecia’s knight? That offer hasn’t been taken up yet, but it still stands and I think he’s hoping for the other gunblade wielder to come back and give him an actual challenge.

True, Squall isn’t exactly the most talkative of people, but I don’t want him to be like that. It keeps me guessing what’s going on inside his head, makes him a mystery and that’s another quality that I like. Finally, I’m not sure what to call it, but I feel drawn to him, like there’s someone telling me I’m supposed to feel this way. Strange, I know, but I can’t put it any other way.

But I seriously doubt that I’ll ever tell him any of that because he doesn’t want anything other than what’s already present. He probably thinks that I just want him because of his looks, and that’s a part of it, but it’s not the only thing any more. I want to tell him that I don’t care how cold he acts or how much he keeps himself in that office, I’ll still care about him, and yet I’m scared to say anything because that would probably put an immediate stop to what contact there is between us…what’s a guy supposed to do?

Yesterday I almost wanted to strangle Selphie. While sitting in the cafeteria at the table next to her and Rinoa, I heard her telling about the arrangement that exists between Squall and I. She knew that was supposed to be a secret but she just went right ahead and blabbed it to the one person that didn’t need to know, although I’m sure she was curious because of the whole catching us in the act deal. I settled for yelling at her once there was nobody around to hear my complaints.

I sure hope he decides to at least look at me sometime in the near future. Otherwise, I’m going to have to risk pissing him off even more by searching him out and asking why in Hyne’s name he’s had nothing to do with me since I came and screwed him senseless in his office. That could of course lead to me being hurt in the process of being removed from his room, but a little pain’s nothing that really matters.