Irvine's Secret

Irvine's Secret
Chapter 7
"Uncertain"


With Squall back in control at the Garden, he took him anger out on the SeeDs. He made the classes longer, breaks shorter, food more expensive, training more grueling, and gave clean up duty to most students. He was cold and bitter to everyone, but mostly to Irvine.

Irvine sat in the hallway at lunch with Zell. There was no talking between them. Every so often Zell would pat him on the back in silent consolation. He barely touched his food, he just sighed. He closed his eyes and saw flashes of his night with Selphie. Irvine covered his mouth and pressed his palms against his forehead, hiding any signs of tears. After another pause he finally opened his mouth.

"He knows...doesn't he..?" he stared the floor.

"..."

"Why else would he change so much? He knows..."

"Yeah..."

"You know too? Figures...and Quistis?"

Zell gave him a look of pity. "She was the first to find out."

"What...happened that night? I can't remember."

"I don't know. Quistis didn't even want me to talk to you about it." he thought, "I just remember leaving to get food."

"Thank you, Zell. You're a good friend." he stood.

"Hey! You're not supposed to be in the halls, chicken wuss!" Seifer said as he came from the elevator.

"Just shut the fuck up and leave us alone Seifer! No one likes you, so just shut up, and leave us alone." Zell pushed Seifer away and for the first time in a while, Irvine smiled.

Squall sat in his office trying to think of any reason 'it' could have happened. Over and over he went through scenarios in his head, but none of them made sense to him. He stopped thinking about it when Rinoa entered. She sat on his desk, leaned forward, and waited a kiss.

"Go away, Rinoa."

Her face contorted into an ugly frown. "What's wrong with you?"

"You."

"Don't you love me again?" she clutched her necklace.

Squall spoke flatly, "No."

"But...our last few times?"

"Never again...now leave."

"But you've been with me! You touched me!" She grew desperate.

"I was pissed. I wanted revenge. No need to worry, I won't be 'touching' you again. Period."

"WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME!? I do everything for you! And all I want is for you to love me! So why won't you?!" In her moment of rage, Squall could have sworn that for just a split second her eyes became and eerie yellow.

"Get out. And stay away from me..."

"He doesn't love you! I do! He was with Selphie! Don't you see it?! He doesn't love you! Leave him!" her voice dropped to a whisper. "Don't worry about him anymore...leave him...come back to me..."

"How did you know abou-....leave!"

When night fell, Squall visited Irvine's dorm. Having the master key, he just walked right in. Irvine was huddled over his desk, sleeping on his homework. Squall sat down on a stool and watched the door slowly close. The click of the door startled Irvine. He rubbed his eyes and looked behind him.

"Squall!" he approached him as if he were inspecting something. "Why are you...what are you doing here for ? Don't you hate me?"

"I'm not sure. But 'pissed the fuck off' doesn't quite say how I feel."

"..."

"Why did you do it?"

"I...I don't know." he dropped his head.

"How the FUCK do you not know?! How do you not know why you fucked her, Irvine!?"

"I'm sorry! I don't know!"

"What happened?"

"I don't know...I can't remember..."

"I don't have time for the shit Irvine. Don't fucking lie to me. Why?"

"I'm not lying..." he sat on his bed and locked eyes with Squall. "I'm not lying to you. I don't know what happened, how it happened, or anything. I'm telling you all that I know. I just know that it DID happened and I hate myself for it." Squall opened his mouth to speak, but Irvine kept going. His eyes were brimming with tears. "Do you remember when you told your father that you'd love me and that would never change?"

"I remember."

"Well it's the same with me. I love you and I don't care if you don't believe me. I do..."

"I wish I could tell you something Irvine. But, until I find out what the hell happened out there, I can't forgive you...and I can't damn you."

"But do you love me?"

"Yes..." he got up and opened the door. "But that doesn't mean I can't hate you." and he was gone.

Irvine sat alone and defeated. He shook his head, not longer able to hold back his tears he buried his face in his hands and cried out to anyone. "Help me..."