The Hojo's

The Aftermath

It was the Monday morning after the date, and Beth was getting ready for school.

“I am going with your mother to the grocery store today,” Danielle said, watching the female twin comb her snarled hair painfully.

“Ah, be careful, Mom always... ouch... buys a ton of things... ouch again.” Beth finished brushing her hair and pulled it back into a pony tail.

“I guess she wants me to go so she can have a pack mule.” Danielle said.

Sephiroth pounded on the door, “SIS! The bus is almost here!”

“K!” Beth splashed on a dab of perfume and ran out to meet the bus.

Danielle finished dressing and went to meet Lucrecia in the cafeteria for morning coffee.

***

Beth sighed deeply, she hated the bus ride all the way to school. It was an hour and a half, and today, Dad, Dr. Eugene Hojo, had taken both her and her brother’s swords so they couldn’t take them to school on that Monday.

“Man, I feel naked without my sword.” Sephiroth said, both twins sat in one seat so they wouldn’t have to sit next to either Yuffie, the newly divorced bitch, or Cloud, the idiot.

“Maybe that’s because you forgot to wear pants today.” Beth smiled.

“WHAT?” Sephiroth looked down, “No, I didn’t...”

“Made you look though.” Beth handed Sephiroth his sword, “SHHHHHHH!”

“How did you manage to get these?” Sephiroth smiled, hiding his sword in his coat.

“Just be nice to Danielle... she got them for us.”

“No way.”

“Way.”

“So,” Beth said, not wanting to continue on with that conversation, “What are you making in Home Ec today?”

“Oh, I’m honestly excited about that class today, we are making chili.” Sephiroth grinned.

“Only you see chili as a weapon instead of a food substance, you know that bro?”

“I know.”

“So what did you bring to put in your chili?” Beth beamed.

“I brought some of that ‘Dave’s Insanity sauce.’”

“What kind?”

“Super insanity, so hot, it has a huge warning on it, and when it arrived, I had to sign a waiver saying I wouldn’t sue.” Sephiroth took a bottle out of his backpack.

“Is it that hot?” Beth said, looking at the thick glass bottle that Sephiroth pulled out of his backpack.

“So hot it is even packaged in inch thick glass, so it won’t eat through it.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, so what are you going to do today?” Sephiroth said, putting the bottle back in his backpack carefully, as if it were made of solid gold.

“We are boxing in Gym, and guess who is unlucky to be pared with me?”

“Yuffie?”

“I am actually glad that she is in my gym class, especially because she is always injured in gym.”

“I wonder who always harms her?”

“Er... Cloud?” Beth was smiling, trying to act innocent, and failing.

“Ah, well... have fun.”

The bus stopped and the twins exited.

***

“So, where are we going?” Danielle said, sipping her coffee, as Nanaki lay at her feet.

“Well, I am going to go to the open air marketplace in Costa Del Sol, where they have a good fresh fish selection and good fresh vegetables.” Lucrecia was petting Cait, her soft cat.

“How are we going to get there?” Danielle sighed.

“I drive the buggy.” Lucrecia said, “It’s a quiet little journey, about an hour.”

Danielle nodded, finishing off her coffee.

***

“And today,” The male-looking female gym teacher was saying, “We are going to do some kick boxing exercises.” She looked and made sure she had a charged Cure3 materia on her small bangle. “So, first, Beth and Yuffie will fight.”

Yuffie looked at her ‘friend,’ “So, how was the date with my ex husband?”

“Peachy.”

“I’m going to kick your ass for touching him.”

“Look who’s talking, squirt.” Beth grinned, making sure her own materia was charged. She was going to kill Yuffie if it killed her.

***

“And today, we are all going to make our chili reciepies and taste each others,” The teacher of Sephiroth’s home economics class was talking. “Sephiroth, you are in station one... Julie, station two...”

Sephiroth walked over and put the bottle of his hot sauce on the counter, and went to retrieve the meat, fresh tomatoes, powders, beans and other things.

“We have three hours today, so go ahead and start your chilies, and as I go around to check, tell me about how hot each will be, on a scale of one to ten. One being the mildest...”

“Or extremely weak...” Sephiroth said, chopping up some tomatoes, while browning some ground beef.

“And ten is very, very hot. Five alarms, super hots, stuff like that.”

“Then mine will be an eleven.” Sephiroth said, actually having a good time preparing for his chili. He read the side of the thick glass bottle, it read ‘add only one drop to soups, chili or stews, and beware at that!’ “Hmm... maybe it will be a little more, like a twenty.”

***

“Okay, begin to fight...” The gym teacher spoke.

Beth gave Yuffie a small smile, “Hit me.”

“I’m not going to hit you...”

“Hit me,”

***

Lucrecia was a decent driver, if it weren’t for the monsters that were jumping in front of her, chocobos and other creatures every once in a while...

“Danielle, what is your favorite dish?”

“I like steaks and chicken and fish.... and alcohol.”

“Good, I know a good wholesaler that sells some good alcohol,” Lucrecia continued driving.

“Then get us a lot of good alcohol.” Danielle said.

“Sure, as long as you don’t tell Beth or Sephiroth.”

“I do have a question.”

“Okay, shoot...”

“Is Beth’s name really Beth?”

“That’s her middle name... her first name is Sephirena.”

“So are they twins?”

“Well, DUH.” Lucrecia said, turning a corner into a fresh air market.

“So Sephirena and Sephiroth... typical of mothers with twins.”

“What do you mean?” Lucrecia parked the car and glared at Danielle.

“Name your twins alike.”

“Sephirena Beth is her name, Sephiroth Greg is his name... if they wish to use their middle names instead of their firsts, I let them. Besides, Beth likes to be different from her brother.”

“Okay, okay...”

***

Sephiroth grinned evilly, and smiled as his teacher came by, he was just starting to put his chili together.

“And Sephiroth, what rank is your chili going to be?” She asked him sweetly.

“I am going to be making about a nine, maybe ten.” Sephiroth smiled, “My family loves hot foods.”

“I bet... I am partial to hot foods myself...” She walked away.

“Not THIS hot...” Sephiroth opened up his bottle and ignoring the warning, poured the bottle into his chili concoction.

***

“AYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye-oof”

“BETH! That was uncalled for...”

“Sorry Teach, but this is personal.” Beth said, smiling at the splattered Yuffie on the opposite wall of the gymnasium, as she dusted off her hands and sheathed her sword.

“Mhh... hmm... mh!”

“Yes Yuffie?” The teacher walked over to the splat mark.

“I give.” Yuffie pealed her lips off of the wall and mumbled.

“Aww... I’m not done fighting yet Yuffie... come back and play with me.”

“Fuck. You. Beth.”

“No thank you, that’s what your ex husband will do.” Beth sneered.

Yuffie pealed her whole body off of the wall and walked over to Beth, “I do hope you will be at the Divorce hearing on Thursday... ‘poor’ Vincent will need someone to consol him after I take all of his worldly possessions from him.”

“I’ll be there, but only to laugh at you when he wins.” Beth sneered, showing her bangle of green materia. She was more than adequately armed.

“O...okay.” Yuffie suddenly turned towards the locker rooms. She didn’t want to be turned into a pile of road kill with assistance from a mastered Ultima.

***

“Oh, would you look at this fresh fish?” Lucrecia was saying.

“It’s still moving.” Danielle said flatly.

“Yeah... but you know its fresh...” Lucrecia said, then spoke to the man, “Ten pounds of the red snapper, two pounds tuna and three whole trout please.”

“Is fish still considered dangerously poisoned by too much Mako in the water?” Danielle sighed.

“Yes, but see, my children are genetically engineered, and Mako is needed in their daily diet.”

“Hence why my orange juice was glowing this morning?”

“You aren’t suppose to drink that, its for the twins... its unsafe for normal humans.”

“I always thought Sephiroth was inhuman.” Danielle smiled.

“Yeah, some soon to be self proclaimed god like creature/madman.” Lucrecia took the bag of fish and paid the man, then walked on towards the next stall.

“Okay...”

Lucrecia was looking at freshly grown-mako infused vegetables, while Danielle noticed someone she knew. Danielle smiled at Lucrecia, “I’m going over to talk to someone I know.”

Lucrecia looked up, “Alright.”

Danielle walked over to Cid’s now ex-wife, Shera, who was picking out some fresh fruits.

“Hello.” Shera said nicely, as if Danielle was just passing.

“Don’t I know you?” Danielle said.

“Uh... do I know who you are?”

Danielle smiled and held out her hand, “My name is Danielle...”

“Oh, Cid’s new date.” Shera’s tone had changed from nice and airy to sour suddenly.

“Yes... and I was just wondering who he was married too.”

“Oh, well, it was me... but I don’t know what he sees in you.” Shera smiled.

***

Sephiroth had to give up stirring his chili with a wooden spoon, because his chili had eaten it after two rotations of stirring.

He was now stirring his stew with a steel spoon, which was melting as he stirred.

“Sephiroth, may I taste?” A friendly looking female asked Sephiroth.

Sephiroth smiled and picked up another small spoon and dipped just a taste of his chili on it then handed it to the woman.

***

Beth had just gotten out of Gym when she heard the blood curdling scream. Then the young woman came running out of the home economics classroom, fire all but coming out of her mouth, and smoke pouring out of her ears.

“What was that?” Cloud asked.

“Sephiroth’s chili.” Beth said.

“Oh, hey, I like Chili... HEY SEPH! Can I have some?”

Inside the classroom, Sephiroth nodded, “Sure, Cloud, come on in!”

“Sephiroth, your spoon...” Beth said, “It’s melted...”

“Oh, it ate the wooden one,” Sephiroth said, “Guess I need to find yet another spoon.”

Cloud walked into the home economics class and over to Sephiroth. He grabbed a spoon and dipped it into the caustic chili. He brought the spoon up to his lips, and a drop hit the floor, eating through the tile floorboards.

“Cloud...” Beth said, trying to stop him.

Cloud slurped up the chili on the spoon and smiled, “Tasty, perhaps a tad bland...”

Sephiroth’s jaw hit the floor, Beth almost passed out.

“Cloud... are you alright?”

“Sis, that stuff kills brain cells...” Sephiroth said.

“Ah, no harm there then.” Beth smiled.

Cloud had gone in search of a bowl to eat more chili.

***

Danielle and Shera were fighting. Fruits, vegetables, fish and sides of beef were thrown as the women scuffled.

“Danielle, we are leaving.” Lucrecia sighed.

“Just a minute.” Danielle replied.

Just then, Shera pulled down a display of cabbage, one of those pyramids of the stuff. It came crashing down on both women.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

***

The twins entered the living room from their day at school.

“Hey, my babies are home.” Lucrecia said.

“Fuck you” Sephiroth hissed.

“Didn’t you have a good day?” Lucrecia said.

“Cloud Strife ate all my chili...”

“So it was good then?” Lucrecia smiled.

“Apparently. I wanted it to kill my class.” Sephiroth scowled.

“Aww... wasn’t it hot enough?” Danielle, in a neck brace, said.

Sephiroth shot Danielle a worried glance and shrugged before grabbing an apple.

“I’ve got homework.” Sephiroth said, turning around.

“Hey Mom.” Beth said.

“And how is my favorite daughter?” Lucrecia said.

“I’m your ONLY daughter, Mom.”

“So much more reason for me to be protective...” Lucrecia said.

Beth stared at Danielle, “What the hell happened to YOU?”

“Oh, you mean the leg cast?” Danielle said, “Cabbage.”

Beth gave Danielle a funny look, “Cabbage?”

“Yeah,” Lucrecia said, “Long story...”

“Well, Mom, Danielle, I have some homework to do...” Beth said, turning around to head for her room, stepping on Nanaki. Nanaki turned and barked at her, sending her flying forward, right into Sephiroth who was coming back for the bag of chocolate chip cookies.

“Oof...” Sephiroth flew backwards landing on Cait, who commenced to clawing his throat out.

“Call....off... the... pussy...” Sephiroth clung to the cat, trying to free himself and be able to breath again.

“Can we get a Cure 3 in aisle Kitchen please?” Danielle said.

Sephiroth threw the cat off of him, right onto Eugene, his father, who had picked a horrible time to try to come up the stairs.

Cait flew through the air with claws extended, and implanted himself onto Dr. Hojo’s face, with a scream.

Dr. Hojo danced like a wild man for a moment, before losing his balance and falling backwards down the stairs, tumbling like a USA gymnast, but without the grace.

By this time, Beth’s butt had caught on fire by Nanaki’s tail, and she started to do a wild, flaming ass dance around the dining area in a vain attempt to put out the now scorching flames. All the while screaming something like, “MY ASS!”

Danielle turned her head to see what Dr. Hojo was doing before crying in pain, then she started to laugh about Beth’s flaming ass. She fell off of the stool she was sitting on, cracking her already injured leg and arm. She ignored that pain as she rolled on the floor laughing.

Lucrecia sighed and set the table, “That’s my family...” She secretly thought if she was the only one hurt. But it was a thought that came about four seconds too late. A large pot on the top of the cabinet she was standing under had fallen and hit Lucrecia on the head, knocking her loony.