A Door Between Worlds

"You can't hold it off forever."

Squall looked up at Seifer, sitting across from Quistis. Squall was sitting in a chair he had moved beside the bed Rinoa lay in.

"What are you talking about now?"

"Sleep, Commander. You can't hold it back forever. You've always been a resilient SOB, but even you have limits."

"As long as you are here, and awake, I will be to."

"So even this is a competition to you, a battle of wills?"

"Just leave me alone, Seifer. And, for that matter", nodding at Quistis, "leave her the hell alone to."

"So she's good enough for you to watch over, but not to love? Is that it, Squall?"

"Don't go down this road, Seifer."

"Unlike your other 'friends', and I use the term lightly, I don't confuse letting you live in denial with not bothering you. Can you even comprehend what it took for her to tell you how she felt? Do you even give a damn?"

"Yes, I get that it was hard. It was hard for me to say the words to Rinoa."

"So you are saying it is the same for you, telling someone who EVERYONE can see is falling all over you, as it was for her, telling someone who her intuned perception told her was already someone else's property? Help me out, Leonheart, cause I'm not seeing the correlation."

"Fuck you, Seifer."

"Nice try, but you're not dodging this one. It's just us here. And from the look of it, we're gonna have a lot of time to chat. So tell me, Squall, Where does she go from here? You and Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine, Chicken wuss and dopey library chick, Quistis and...who, Squall? I'm not sayin I'm up for the job, or that she would let me, but when the time comes, it's gonna be 'Fuck you, Commander', cause that's how much say you have in it. Assuming she can ever stop being the martyr long enough for her to find her own happiness."

"Don't pretend you get her, Seifer. If she is the martyr, what does that make you? When have you ever done something truly selfless, where you got nothing out of it? At least she understands the concept of sacrifice for the greater good, for the sake of her friends, her students. Everything you admire in her is everything you will never be."

Squall waited for it, the explosion. Seifer had never had much patience, and he was getting more mad with each passing moment. The fact Squall was to didn't occur to him.

"You talk about turning everything into a battle. Isn't that exactly what you do? We weren't competing against each other for the Seed test, but somehow you just couldn't pass without me failing. That's why you failed, Seifer. You couldn't follow orders, then or now, cause you always knew better. It didn't enter your limited thought process that someone might have a better view on the situation, and might just have thought of something you didn't. Quistis worked her ass off for everything she ever got in life. You've never worked hard or sacrificed for anything, Seifer. That's why you don't have anything worth having, anything anyone else actually wants."

"I had Rinoa once."

"And how did that turn out?"

'That should do it', Squall thought. But it had the opposite effect. Seifer's face cleared, the rage melting away. He looked at Rinoa, a look Squall couldn't guess.

"I loved her"

Squall almost didn't hear it.

"Then why did it end? She told us she loved you."

With a bitter laugh, Seifer shook his head.

Squall pressed, "I need to know, Seifer."

"You really want to know, Squall? Cause you're gonna love this. She left because I told her I was going to be a Seed. She left because she thought I was going to become like her father, a soldier who takes orders and kills people, and she would become her mother, someone who lives with it and silently suffers. She left me because she was afraid I would become exactly what you are, Squall. And the irony of it has been killing me ever since. Every time I fought you, with her at your side, every time I thought of coming back to the Garden, the place where they teach people to fight and kill for hire, I almost died from the irony."

Squall didn't know what to say. If what Seifer was saying was true, it almost explained his approach to the Seed test, his unwillingness to take orders. Instead of trying to pass it his own way, he was trying to fail, to give her what she wanted. And by failing, he wasn't at the Seed ball, where Squall had met Rinoa.

"Rinoa told me something once. Something her mother told her. Sums it up pretty well."

"What's that, Seifer?"

"We often find our destiny on the road we take to avoid it. Edea would never have found me as a Seed at Garden. When the fight came, I would have been on the other side, with you and Rinoa. And...Quistis."

"How far back does that go?"

"Farther back than my memory goes. She never let me win, never backed down, even at the orphanage. Even then, she was the teacher, the guardian. Even then, she was everything I wished I was. I mean, she got into Garden at 10 years old. 10! She was always the best of us. You're right on one thing, Squall. I always did like a secret, liked knowing what others didn't. But not her, she would teach anything she learned, tried to make us all stronger, smarter."

"She still does. Just with a new generation."

"But at what cost? Does she really think someone will fly in on silver wings and take her away? Or one of her promising students will choose her, fight with her like you and Rinoa do, knowing every day that one of them could be killed. Rinoa was right on that one. It's insanity."

"It's who we are."

"By choice? Cid started Garden when Edea became a sorceress so that when she lost control, someone would be there to fight her. Why did it have to be us? Why did the fates choose for us to be her charges, her legacy? We all shared one thing, being alone. Why did fate choose us? Why is it choosing us now? The battle was over, the world could rebuild. Okay, so maybe I can count on being hated for the rest of my miserable existence, but why her? She doesn't deserve this, none of us do."

"I don't have the answers, Seifer. No one does. It's just how it is. Rinoa had to learn to accept that, and now Quistis will have to."

"But why did she choose me?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Not Quistis. Aria."

"I don't understand, Seifer."

"It wasn't a dream for me, it was a vision. Middle of the day, walking down the street and BAM, she's standing there. Or, I guess, floating there. Anyway, she say she can't come into this world because 'The One' wasn't ready. I get freaked, thinking this is Ultimecia all over again, and I won't listen to what she is saying. So she touches me. And I feel it. All of it. I didn't touch Pangea, Squall, it touched me, she touched me. And I finally got what I always thought I wanted. All of the answers, all at once. The ability to understand things I had never even considered. For a moment, the possibilities were limitless, and so was the power. And that's what scared me. Anyone having that kind of power. How could it ever be controlled? I've always been afraid of dying, wondering if I would be forgotten. But I was just as scared of being Eternal, of never not being. To be master and slave to time. So I pulled away. I pulled away from her touch. And then she told me that's why she chose me, because I would understand. She said I had to make this 'One' understand, I had to teach her. I knew it was Quistis, I saw it. And I saw the last battle. She dies, Squall. To save another world, she dies. And I couldn't do it. I told her I couldn't do it, that I didn't care about some other world, I wouldn't let Quistis die. I wouldn't sacrifice. Then she asked if I could live with that decision, know that Quistis would pay the price, that I would be to blame. And once he had his own world, he would come back for ours, stronger, and I would lose everything. I would lose her anyway."

Squall was reeling, not sure what to think, let alone say. He looked at Quistis.

"What about Rinoa?"

Seifer's head dropped, another bitter smile on it.

"Even now. Even now, after I tell you that Quistis is going to die, your first thought is Rinoa. But you don't have to worry, Commander. You're angel will still be with you in the end. This is Quistis' fight alone. No on can make it with her. And I have to lead her to the gate, knowing the price of it. So don't ever question my resolve again, or my willingness to sacrifice what is most precious to me. I am the reason she is on that bed. It has already started, and it won't be stopped, not by anyone."

A single thought came into Squall's mind in that moment. In all the years he had known him, through all of the battles and tests of will, he had never seen Seifer cry, until now. And cry he did, years of pain, frustration, anger, and helplessness washing over his face. Squall looked back at Rinoa. Could he have done the same thing? If he had seen her die to save another world, could he teach her how to do it, knowing the cost? Knowing she would be alone at the end?

Squall watched Seifer take Quistis' hand in his, still crying. He held on to it with all of his soul, his broken heart finally falling to pieces. He would face his own death, scared as he was, with all the courage he could muster. He would take on every hell, be born every day and die anew if he could save her. And he knew he couldn't. Now, in that moment, Squall finally understood what he had in Rinoa. He wondered, 'What if it was me. What if it was Rinoa?'

'What if I had to choose?'

-----

Tifa stood on the open deck of Highwind, looking out over the wide expanse as they traveled. She wasn't sure where they were going, knowing only that they had abruptly changed direction about half an hour ago, but she didn't go check. She didn't want to interrupt him, not when he was with her. A single tear rolled down her eye. It was all happening over again. And she had never really had him when Aerith was gone. He had always been mourning her, blaming himself for letting her die. Saving the planet wasn't enough for him, he had failed her. That was all that mattered. And now the were going to save the planet again. Tifa had no idea how they were going to do it, no clear idea who they were fighting, or why. She didn't even know if they would be fighting, or if it would be Aerith. Aerith and...Sephiroth. She still couldn't make peace with that. His sword was sitting in her bunk, laying out for all to see. She had left it there as a test for him, to see if he would take it. But he didn't, he wouldn't. She didn't know what to think anymore. Cloud was distant and bitter, keeping his distance from her. Sephiroth was warm and friendly, including her in discussions when she didn't even want to be. But he avoided being around her when they were alone. He seemed to know it made her uncomfortable. Whatever he had lost with Jenova, he was still a force to be reckoned with. They had fought in the arena before leaving Gold Saucer, and he seemed to be untouchable, even with his stock sword. He seemed unwilling to upgrade to another, and she wondered if he was trying to save gil, or just waiting her out. When she took Masamune in her hands, she would have sooner plunged it into herself than give it to him. But now she wasn't sure why she had retrieved it. To spite him? To prove something? She wondered if he was controlling her somehow, if this was all a cruel game. But why? Why not just take it?

"You know why."

Tifa thought she could see her own ghost as she jumped out of her skin. To say Vincent had startled her would be an understatement of the first degree. She had pretty good ears, but Vincent and Nanaki could still sneak up on her. But with Vincent, it was never intentional, it was just the Turk training in him.

"You scared me."

"My apologies."

"What were you saying again?"

"You know why he hasn't taken it yet. It's not his to take, it's yours to give."

"Never stopped him before."

"It was never him before."

"How am I supposed to believe that, Vincent? That he was just a twisted marionette, a slave in his own skin. How am I supposed to blame Jenova for everything that happened when it was him he was doing it?"

"I cannot answer that for you. Perhaps he can."

"He's avoiding me."

"He does that when you are alone, as a courtesy to you."

Tifa looked out again.

"The last time...I tried to take his sword from him. But I was so young, so small. He just jerked it out of my hands like I was a fly, and sliced down. I thought that was it, that I was dead to. The pain was incredible, like being cut in half. I had failed them."

"Them?"

"My town, my dad, Zack. I had failed all of them. I had lead them to the reactor. He had gone crazy because of me."

"Jenova was inside of him. Her emergence was inevitable."

"Like I knew that at the time? It was him, Vincent, he had done it all. He had killed them all, butchered them like sheep. They weren't soldiers, it wasn't a war. But he took everything from me. And he couldn't even kill me, let me die with them."

"Is that what you wanted?"

"I don't know. I'm not like Cloud. I can't always be brave, or fake it when I'm not. I was scared of dieing, and I was scared of living alone. I buried them, Vincent. Almost dead, I dug the ditch and put them all in it, all of them. Then I buried Sephiroth when it was all over, buried him in my mind. I had to let go, to stop hating him after he was gone. I had to move on, for Cloud, for us. But he never did. It was never about the town, or even the planet. It was always about HER! And now they are both back, and everything I buried is back with them. I didn't want to hate her, and I don't want to now. But how can I not hate her? She didn't try to take him, but she did. When she dies again, he will to. I will still be left to pick up the pieces. And what about Sephiroth. What if he dies again, this time as a hero who saved the planet? What am I supposed to think, or to feel, about that? To fight along side of him, to heal him in battle is more than I have in me, Vincent. I can't do this. I can't..."

Tifa sighed, and more tears came. They both stood in silence, looking outward at the planet passing by.

"Why did you have to bring him back? Bringing her was enough, more than enough for me in my own hell. Why him?"

"Perhaps it was so you and he could make peace with what happened. So that if he does die again, their ghosts won't haunt you anymore. Aerith came back for the planet. Perhaps he came back for you."

Hearing it put that way confused her. Why would he come back for her? He never knew her, aside from the little tour guide to the reactor. Why would he even remember her?

"You will never know until you talk to him."

"You trying out a new career as a mind reader?"

"The eyes will tell you a great deal, if you know how to listen."

Vincent walked away, leaving Tifa to her thoughts. Almost.

"Vincent."

He turned back.

"Where are we going?"

"Cosmo Canyon."

"Why?"

"Aerith had a dream. There are visitors here, from another world. They have come to help us. And they will be at the Canyon."

"How does she know?"

"Because one of them is named Quistis."

-----

'Well', she thought, 'this isn't the cave.'

One moment she was dancing with Jeff, the guy she had met at the party, and the next she was standing in a field, on the edge of a forest. She assumed she was back in the other world, but there was no voice, no light surrounding her. It all seemed so real. She bent down and ran her hands through the grass, feeling the blades on her hand. It all seemed real enough, but how was that possible? If her body was back there, how could she be whole here?

'Standing around here isn't going to get me answers.'

She decided against heading into the forest, as it looked rather foreboding. She was surprised to find, when she looked down, that she was wearing her uniform, with 'Save the Queen' sitting dutifully on her belt. Still confused at how that was possible, she started to make her way in the opposite direction as the forest. The placement of the sun told her it was probably in a Northward direction, somewhat West. After traveling through the field for a while, she stopped to take a rest.

And then she saw it.

It was laying on the ground. As Quistis came closer, she realized that, whatever it was, it was glowing. It was green, and glowing. It was warm...and glowing, a fact she couldn't get past. What kind of rock was it? As she wondered this, she heard the sound of an approaching chocobo. She looked up and saw it was being ridden by a man, much older than her.

"Bless me", he said, as he pulled up. "I thought I'd lost that one."

"This is yours?", she asked, handing it to him. "What is it?"

"It's a Restore Materia. I've had the thing ever since my father gave it to me, his since his father did the same. It's about half mastered by this point.

"Mastered? What is a materia?"

"Where about's are you from, miss? I'da thought everyone knew what materia was."

"You would be mistaken. I'm not a local."

"Well, I suppose you've traveled for a bit, so it'd be just as easy to show ya."

With that, holding the stone in one hand, he pointed at her with the other and said, "CURE 2".

A wave of light snaked it's way out of the stone and circled Quistis, and she felt her aches from walking ease, while a warm feeling came over her. It was a feeling she knew well, the one she got from casting a Cure spell.

'So their magic comes from stones called Materia?', she thought.

"Feels good after a long walk, don't it?"

"Very much, thank you. I guess I'm just accustomed to casting spells as I draw them, never needed a stone."

"Draw them? You're definitely not from 'round here, missy. In any event, I appreciate you findin it for me, had a lot a sentimental value to it. And a lot of practical value. You're welcome to stay up at our farm for the night. It's gettin late, and the monsters start roamin after sundown. I think it hurts their eyes somehow."

"I would appreciate that. Might I have a name to go with the kind gesture?"

"The name's Kyle, ma'am"

"And I am Quistis"

"Quistis? Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? No offense intended."

"None taken, it is a bit out of the ordinary. So where exactly am I?"

"You're 'bout half a days ride from Cosmo Canyon. Only town worthy of the name that's near is Gongaga, and it's 4 or 5 days hard ridin to the SouthEast. We don't get many people out here. Where'd you come from, if I might ask?"

"I'm not sure. Is there a cave around here? One made of ice, perfectly domed?"

The farmer froze, a look of shock going across his face.

"You've been to the ladies cave? You must've seen him."

"Him?"

"The, the Vampire. He stays in that cave for days on end, then leaves for a while. They say he knew the lady, but I don't know nothin 'bout it."

"A vampire? With a claw for an arm?"

"That's him, all right. Stay clear of 'im, I say. He's a cold one. The cave's far to the North. I was up that way once. Saw the cave and decided to poke my head in. He 'bout bit it off, sent me ridin for my life back home."

Quistis considered for a moment heading that way, but decided to try a different tactic.

"If it's all the same to you, Kyle. I think I'll head out for this Cosmo Canyon. Which direction is it?"

"The same one you've been headin on, NorthWest. You sure 'bout this? Them monsters can put up a fight."

"So can I. You say it's a half day ride. How far on foot?"

"Once you head into the canyons, it's a lot of uphill, takes it out of ya, it does. I'd say a healthy lass like you could do it in a day. You'd best sleep along the way somewhere, and sleepin out in the open won't get you much shuteye."

"All the same, I should head out. Thank you for the information, and the healing."

With that, she left him shaking his head, as she headed NorthWest. Traveling would get tougher after sundown, especially trying to find her direction, but she would manage. She wasn't sure why, but when he had said 'Cosmo Canyon', it had rang with her. She needed to go there, not quite sure why.

-

"Well, I'm lost."

Saying it out loud didn't make her feel any better, but Rinoa said it just the same. She had been dancing up a storm, and now she was stuck in this...place, wherever it was. She had landed on a coastline, the ocean a strange color for her. As she headed inland, the terrain got much steeper, and she tried to find paths through the hills that were quickly becoming mountains. She now found herself lost, in between two of them, trying to get her bearings.

'Where is Quistis when I need her.'

Quistis had always seemed to have an innate sense of direction. Whenever they traveled, she was usually the navigator, and they seldom were lost, and never for very long. But, here alone, she was almost ready to give up.

"Hello."

Rinoa spun around, and found herself staring at a monk of some kind.

"Um, hello. Where am I?"

"You are in the mountains."

Rinoa sighed, 'So he has a sense of humor, does he'.

"I mean, where am I? Where on this world am I? What is around here?"

"To the East is Cosmo Canyon, where I am from. To your back is West, back toward the Ocean. North and South will also take you to water before anything else. Why are you here?"

"I wish I knew. I just kind of plopped in."

"Are you The One?"

He asked this with as much interest as he would the daily weather.

"The One?"

"The One who will save us?"

"From what?"

"You must not be the One. We are expecting her. She is late."

"You mean Quistis?"

"I do not know this name. But perhaps it is her. Is she a friend of yours? Is she with you?"

"I have no bloody clue where she is, or if she is even on this rock at all. But I'm thinking she's the one you're looking for."

"Then I hope your coming is a sign that she has come as well. Would you like to journey back to the Canyon with me, and wait for her there?"

"Sound's peachy."

"Peachy?"

"You don't get out much, I'm guessing."

"I take a daily walk, with the occasional group walk."

"Never mind. Lead the way."

-----

The knock on the door was so soft, she wondered if it was Aerith. But then he asked, "Tifa? Are you awake?"

"I'm up. Come in."

"The door opened slowly, and Sephiroth entered just as slowly, unsure of himself.

"Vincent said you wished to speak with me."

"I don't recall asking him to tell you that, but now that you're here, lets talk."

"I can leave if you wish."

"No, we should get this out of the way."

"As you wish."

He closed the door behind him, and stood, his eyes matching hers. Tifa was accustomed to people coming up to her eyes by way of her chest. Even Cloud did it at times, though he wasn't doing it on purpose. But Sephiroth had gone straight to her eyes. His eyes were more blue than she had noticed before. No doubt, the Mako had hid that fact for a while, and she hadn't looked into his eyes for more than half a second since he had been back. But they really were quite beautiful. She took a moment to look him over. His features, while somewhat feminine, were pronounced. She knew that he was deceptively strong, and very agile. His hands were calloused, as most sword fighters hands were. 'Cloud's sure are', she thought.

Without knowing why, her gaze moved over to the sword, standing in the corner, and his eyes followed hers. She wondered again if he was somehow influencing her, but pushed it aside.

"Is this about Masamune?"

"No, this is about us."

Seeing the look that came over his face, she realized what she had just said.

"That is, all of us."

"I understand. What is your concern?"

"My...concern is about the history we all have. It's going to make it hard for all of us, me in particular. Whether it was you doing all that stuff or not, it was your face I saw, your hands and strength I felt."

"Again, I understand."

"Do you? You...she took everything from us. The town me and Cloud grew up in, the City we later made a home in, that I made a business in."

"The latter was Shinra, was it not?"

"It just feels like it was all the same. Like one big force trying to steal any happiness we found. Even when it wasn't Jenova doing it, it was someone doing it for her, because of her, or to get to her."

"I did not expect this to be easy, Tifa?"

"But that's just it. You calling me by name like that, so easily. That's why it's so hard. I want to believe it wasn't you, but it was you. It wasn't her eyes I was looking into."

Tifa sighed, "It's already starting. And when it gets going, it won't slow down till it's all over. And one of us might be gone by then. A few of us even. I just don't know how to do all of this. I don't have Aerith's selfless nature. I can't just give up everything for the planet like she does."

"Yet you have, therefore you can. I admire your strength, Tifa, your strength of heart most. You have loved him through it all. I can think of no others who would have the sheer willpower to do so. Your loyalty isn't a weakness, regardless of how you may see it as such. By it's very nature, life is fleeting. It takes all things in time. Our future becomes our past, our past becomes memories, and our memories become stories, and eventually legends. It will be spoken of for ages to come, what the savior's of the planet did in it's darkest hour. And perhaps they will tell this story as well. But the tale of your love for him lives on through your friends. And it will overcome all obstacles, even Cloud himself. He will see it for what it is, if you see this fight for what it is."

"And what is it, Sephiroth? A chance for her to be a martyr again? For him to chase her ghost again?"

"For him to make peace with her passing, something he couldn't do before. She was taken, before her time, in his eyes. But it was her choice, that's why she left. And this will be her choice. But this time, he will have no choice but to see it for what it is. And he will have to move on. There will be no injustice to atone for. She came back because of all of this, it would not have been possible otherwise. The planet released her because it recognizes the threat. And it released me because I have a part to play in it. That's how you make peace with it, Tifa. When my purpose is done, the planet will reclaim me. But you and Cloud will live on. No more ghosts, no more regrets. All will finally be laid to rest."

"I just don't see how."

"You will, in time."

"You still want your sword?"

"Not yet."

A confused look crossed Tifa's face.

"Not yet?"

"There is something you have to do with it first."

"I can barely swing it. What am I supposed to do?"

"That will also come in time."

In that moment, Tifa realized that Sephiroth was standing much closer than he had been. But he hadn't moved from his spot. She had. He was so close she could almost...

"Tifa."

Startled, she stepped back.

"Wha...What?"

"It would be unwise."

"What would?"

Sephiroth stood, looking into her eyes, seeming to choose his words with care.

"For me to remain here any longer. Was there anything else you wished to speak to me about?"

"I guess not."

"Good night, Tifa. May your dreams be pleasant."

As he was leaving, he stopped and said, "We will be at Cosmo Canyon late tonight. Cloud will likely head into town at first light."

After he left, softly closing the door behind him, she collapsed on the bed. The implications of what had almost happened were racing through her head. She had almost...kissed him.

HIM!

SEPHIROTH!

But she couldn't bring herself to be outraged. She was still lost in what he had said. He was trying so hard to make peace, and to help her carry through with Cloud. But she still wasn't sure. It was beneath her to check to see where Cloud would be sleeping tonight. But she knew it wouldn't be with her. And as long as it was possible that it might be with Aerith, she felt ill. Was that why she had almost kissed him. As a way of getting back at Cloud for something she didn't even know he was doing? Or was it the loneliness? She had kissed Cloud when he really meant it, and she had made love to him when he really meant it. It was like an explosion. But it had been so long. Every day, she passed by hundreds of men who would sleep with her at the simple suggestion, some on the spot. She had fought and trained her body into something men have wet dreams about. Why should she be lonely? The answer came a moment later. Because she was loyal. Sephiroth had called it a strength, but was it? When it left her lonely and needing...release? She had seen what she had done to Dio, seen the tent. He was reputed to be a fantastic lover, and she imagined their lovemaking would be just as strenuous as their fighting. But she hadn't even been tempted. Why? Why did she hold out for a miracle?

There was another knock at the door, this one louder.

"Yes?"

The door opened, and Vincent poked his head in.

"Forgive the intrusion. I thought I might find Sephiroth here."

"Why?"

"Intuition.", and with that, he was gone.

Tifa didn't know what to make of the statement, but she had a good guess, and found she wasn't offended by it.

-----

Anyone who has seen the movie "Kung-Fu Panda" will recognize the statement from Master Ugway about finding fate on the road we take to avoid it. I know that the movie line was also quoting from somewhere profound, but I'm to lazy to look it up.