The journal of a knight

Mar 1st

I really am lost. I went out to job search with Shawn and no one would even listen to me when I told them how bad I needed a job. One guy told me that all I could be was a whore. Asshole.

There still haven't been any sightings of Melisa. Not one. All I can do is pray to Hyne that she is ok. Shawn is asking for her more now and sobbing when he does it. I just hug him and tell him everything is going to be ok. He still has Squally so that keeps him happy.

I skipped community service again. I didn't have a choice.

Mar 2nd

Rinoa showed up at my apartment today. She told me that Squall had sent her to see what was going on. Laguna had mentioned to him that I wasn't showing up for community service anymore. I told her about how Melisa and I had lost our job and about how Melisa was missing now.

"Ok," she said. "It's an family emergancy going on. I'm sure Laguna will understand. He is a pretty nice guy. If she doesn't show up please call me."

I didn't really like Rinoa that much. I mean she left me for that pretty boy. Deep down I still hadn't gotten over that. Now that things were over with Squall I think she thinks she can get me back. No gonna happy.

When it was time to leave I promised to call her just so that she would leave.

Mar 4th

The bad news came yesterday and I've been crying since I heard it. It isn't like me to cry this long but I just can't stop the tears. Melisa was dead and I couldn't handle it without crying.

A man called around noon yesterday and said that they found her body in the desert no too far away from Esthar. She had been killed by a blow to her head. Whoever did it robed her after they killed her.

Shawn wasn't even told that momma wasn't comming back yet but he knew. He knew just by the way I looked when the man told me the news on the phone. He started to scream and cry. I didn't know what to do. I had never been in this position before. I just held him. I held him and told him momma was someplace wonderful now and that she was happy.

Mar 5th

I couldn't cry any more today. My tears seemed to have run out of tears. So I decided to use the chance to call Rinoa. I had promised to call her and I didn't break promises. When I told her what happened she begged me to come back to Garden. She said 'forget your pride Seifer. If you don't come back Shawn is going to starve to death'. She was right. I knew she was and I told her I would think about it.

After we hung up Marko showed up. He gave me the money he got from selling some of Melisa's things. He told me that he felt responsible. If he had been able to kepe the store going none of this would have happened. I told him it was bound to happen. I hadn't thought of it before but it was possible that her death was done by the groups against me.

I have enough money to last a while but I knoow the day would come when I wil run out of money. There was no way I can find another job.

Mar 6th

Shawn finally calmed down today. I don't think he knew what death but I did know that he had excepted the fact his mother wasn't going to come back. I wish I could accept it as fast as he did. The medicine I'm on is helping but it can't take away all the pain like it did when the memory of my mother putting me in the orphange came back.

Mar 7th

I'm running out of money. Even with the money from the stuff Marko sold I barley have enough money to buy food for this month. I don't think I'm feeding Shawn enough because he cries a little after he eats.

Mar 8th

I'm stuck going back to garden. Even if I didn't want to I'd still have to. I know I'm not fedding Shawn enough now because he started screaming 'hungeries!' last night at the top of his lungs. I gave him a lot of food this morning and it seemed to make him happy. I'm going to call Rinoa later tonight.

There is a chance they won't even let me back into garden but I have to try now.

Mar 9th

I talked to Rinoa today and she arranged for me to see Cid tomorrow. She felt so bad for me and told me there was no reason for me and my 'son' to starve to death. For a few mintues I didn't hate her anymore. The hate came right back when she said that she had something pretty important to tell me about her and Squall.

I'm not looking forward to hearing it.

Mar 11

Everything went fine during the meeting with Cid. When I explained the situation he told me that I could have come back anytime I wanted. He said that he understood what he had gone on. He said that if I passed a little field test he had set up just for me I would become a SeeD. Not only did he said that but he said that if everything went well and I was well-behaved he would make me an instructor. Cid said that they were in great need of Gunblade instructors.

That was beyond fine. I had another chance to become a seeD AND there was a chance I could be a instructor.

Mar 12

I packed up all my stuff, with some help from Fujin, and moved it back into Garden. When it came to the cat Cid said there was no way he could tear a kid away from their pet. Shawn was excited about the move because on the train he kept hopping up and down in the seat.

My dorm room hadn't been used by anyone because Cid had expected me to come back. I put my things back the same way they had been before I had left and it looked as if I had never left. Shawn liked it. He kept walking up to the automatic doors on the dorms just so they would open for him and then he would jump back to do it again.

No one seems very happy to see me back. I think I was meant to come back. I think that is why Melisa died. I know it sounds stupid but I believe in fate. I haven't had a chance to hear what Rinoa wanted to tell me.

Mar 13

Rinoa is nearly two months pregnant. She claims that it is Squall's baby but I don't buy that shit. I think that she was seeing someone on the side as her and Squall broke up a while ago. Squall says it isn't too so I guess we'll find out soon enough.