Fire-Cross Knight

Squall walked up the first flight of steps to the dormitories, already having packed in his mind, and already prepared to go. He reviewed the mission objective a few more times, then shut the folder as he walked, thinking about Zell taking the burden of Selphie and Irvine from him. Quistis had run into Seifer in the Garden from what Squall had heard, but she hadn’t said a word to him, merely turning her nose up- Seifer speculated that Matron had told her about Seifer’s appearance, which made everything all the easier on Squall. Handling other people’s feelings wasn’t his strong suit by any means.

As he passed Seifer’s room on the way to his own, Squall knew he had to tell Seifer about the new spin Zell had put on Seifer’s situation so he could answer any uncomfortable questions in Squall’s absence. He knocked on Seifer’s door, expecting him to be out at the library or finding food at this hour. Despite his expectations, the door slid open, and Seifer stood before him. Whereas everyone else had stuck to basically the same wardrobe, Seifer had been forced to change. He wore a plain blue vest, a familiar white cross splashed across the front, chosen because it showed the two large red crosses that had been tattooed into his upper arms. Those same tattoos had caused him to choose to wear his infamous trench coat throughout his student career (tattoos being quite illegal in Balamb Garden for any student). He had taken to wearing sturdy gray canvas pants, and at his neck glimmered his silver necklace. His golden hair had grown just enough to give him a slightly shaggy appearance, and even without shoes or socks on his feet, he still stood taller than Squall.

“Yeah?” He looked Squall over, letting Squall notice that his eyes landed on the folder under his arm, and then met his gaze again. “Come on in,” he said, standing to the side, knowing from that simple glance that there was something they needed to discuss in private.

Squall entered his dormitory, a faculty single. The kitchen was relatively small; smaller than Squall’s, even, but he doubted highly that Seifer did any of his own cooking. Seifer himself didn’t feel the need to eat, he had told Squall one evening, but still did so for appearances, even making a point of eating in the cafeteria every so often. Squall knew that Seifer probably drank, too, but that had less to do with normalcy. Seifer gestured for Squall to take a seat at the kitchen table and did so himself, pushing several books out of the way so they could have a place to rest their arms.

“What’s going on?” Squall quickly related his conversation with Zell, feeling oddly as though he were reporting to Seifer. “Hn, yeah, we are going pretty light on each other.” He shrugged. “Especially if Zell could notice. What’d you tell him?” Squall told Seifer of the lie Zell had provided for them. “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? That’s good. You could blame pretty much anything on that.” Squall nodded. “Alright, I’ll run with that. Anyone asks me anything I can’t handle, I’ll tell ‘em I’m having dreams and all that stuff. Pretty easy to pull off, I’m thinking.” Squall nodded.

“I’m going to be leaving this evening,” Squall added, and Seifer looked at the folder he’d placed on the table and nodded, obviously having suspected that. “They’re sending me to Esthar. It might be a while before I get back.”

“Yeah, good. Feel free to summon me if you get into a fight,” he added, looking up at the ceiling. Squall couldn’t have read Seifer’s face if he had tried to, but the sense of ill ease that suddenly echoed in the back of his mind gave him all the information he needed. “Unless you want to pass me off to Zell or someone while you’re gone.”

“Is that what you want?” Squall asked, confused. Seifer shook his head.

“Never mind.” They sat in silence for a few moments, Squall hearing Seifer’s anxiety clearly. While Squall was never an emotional, or sympathetic man, that twang in his mind made him worry just enough. Seifer himself must have picked up on Squall’s sudden concern, because he sat forward. “I’m a big boy, Squall, I can handle being on my own.” Seifer’s sudden anger snapped through the back of his mind, then. He himself experienced a flair of annoyance at Seifer’s reaction to concern he didn’t even know he was feeling, but before he could answer- “Whatever” as he always had before- he felt a very familiar fear under that sudden anger. A feeling that almost forced him to remember a time when he himself had been crucified to a metal wall...

Whenever Squall and Seifer had fought before, the entire exchange followed a very strict formula. Squall would do something small that annoyed Seifer. Seifer would retaliate in anger and hate, possibly physical violence. Squall would respond with greater anger or violence, and one of them would wind up in the infirmary. But now, even when they weren’t talking, they could feel a faint echo of the other in the back of their minds. And *feeling* that Seifer was afraid of something...

They looked at each other, Seifer realizing what Squall knew. And the silence between them stretched for quite some time, Seifer too proud to talk to Squall, Squall too emotionally incompetent to ask. After a few moments of thought on how to proceed, Squall realized that he wanted to talk to Seifer about this if it would help- not only because he didn’t like feeling fear, even in the back of his mind, but because he could imagine something of what Seifer had been through. And while Seifer was an asshole, he didn’t deserve to be murdered at the hands of the person he idolized, even deluded himself into believing he could love. Squall had known, briefly, what it was like to be a Knight, and even then, he had been emotionally distant enough to keep himself separate from Rinoa, in a way. It was part of what had driven her away; he could never completely devote himself to her- he was a SeeD, and his life lay in the Garden, even if he didn’t feel necessary.

For Seifer, however, Squall knew there could be no distance. He must have devoted himself completely to Ultimecia- which was why he had willingly followed her after she had left Matron, and why he committed those acts. He was always willing to bend or break the rules, but he had always been loyal to his ideals. Only Ultimecia had made him change.

...But Ultimecia was dead. Why would Seifer be afraid now?

There was still too much of a division between them to breach this gap. Seifer had been broken when his life was taken from him so violently, but he was still proud, still strong. Though his dreams were shattered, he himself still stood- he had to. He had no choice.

Squall looked at his folder. They had sat in silence for a few minutes now, neither capable of speaking about what they both thought. Instead, he finally spoke;

“Irvine and Selphie will be back today. Zell will tell them that you’re here, and... everything else.” Seifer nodded, and the moment was past; the awful fragility of it gone. “They’ll probably want to see you at some point.”

“I remember them... She... gave me back those memories. It’ll be good to talk to them again.” Seifer honestly did look forward to seeing Irvine after all this time, but the words themselves had been awkward- a testament to how uncomfortable they both were. It was Squall’s turn to nod, and he stood.

“I’m leaving at 1700.” Seifer stood with him, nodding, looking thoughtfully at one of the books on his table. He felt exposed, and wanted Squall to be gone as soon as possible.

“I’ll see you again before you go?” His voice made the statement into a question.

“Probably,” he said as he walked to the door and it chimed open before he touched it.

“Alright, catch you later.” Squall nodded and left, and both of them felt perhaps one of the most unnerving things either of them had experienced since Seifer had taken a forced residence in Squall’s mind- they shared the same feeling at the same moment.

Relief.


***
Little side-note, I know that for those of you who just want smut, this story is probably dragging way way way too long, but... I feel I should warn you that the smut isn't going to occur for another hojillion chapters. It's coming, but it's not here. I've got a plan for it, but it's not here. So if you're very disinterested in plot, you may want to avoid this story for a while.

Thanks for your time!