The Laying of Boundaries

“You can’t be serious,”

No answer,

“This has to be joke,”

Still nothing,

“Just tell me that you’re kidding already! Come on Reks!”

The elder brother closed his eyes, refusing to look back to Vaan. Finally, he forced himself to speak, his throat nearly cracking as the words fell past his lips, “It’s not a joke Vaan…” The voice was soft, almost hollow,

“You can’t do this to me!” Vaan was growing ever more desperate, all of the passion torn away from him and replaced by fear, and terrible pain as he gripped onto Reks’ hands while he slumped there in front of his brother, “You can’t just leave me like this!”

Vaan was angry and Reks knew it, but even more than that, Reks knew that Vaan was hurt. But Reks would never understand the level of pain. Vaan felt as though he’d been ripped, torn in half and shredded until nothing had remained, that everything inside of him had splintered and shattered all at once and the world had left him far behind.

Tears made their way down Vaan’s cheeks but Reks refused to glance at them, refused to acknowledge them, instead, he kept his eyes closed, trying to ignore the pain.

“Why? Just tell me why the hell you’re leaving!” Vaan demanded, his voice faltering as he pressed his face against Reks’ knee.

‘Why?’

Reks couldn’t answer, didn’t want to, didn’t know how to.

Drawing in a shaky breath, he slowly opened his eyes, looking right through Vaan before he focused on those young lips, and those eyes. A bittersweet smile fell over Reks’ lips as he leaned down, resting his forehead against Vaan’s. For several moments, nothing passed between them except for silence, until Reks finally managed to speak.

“Because…” he started, not wanting to say it, “I love you…” His voice cracked with the very next words, “And I shouldn’t…Not like this,”

Vaan was baffled, “Wha? ... What?”

“It isn’t right Vaan, what I’ve been doing to you, it’s so wrong,” Reks sighed, hating the way the words felt so bitter upon his tongue, “You’re my brother…and…that’s all…”

Vaan went pale, his lips trembling in disbelief as he gripped onto Reks’ clothing, “What are you talking about? You’ve never said anything like this before, You’ve never…why would you now…why now?”

Reks shook his head. He wasn’t going to answer this time, he just couldn’t, at least, not with words.

Slowly, he pulled Vaan up into his lap, brushing a palm over the side of his cheek, giving a forced-little smile as he passed his attention over Vaan’s face.

A soft, almost timid kiss was pressed against Vaan’s lips.

Reks hated himself for this, hated the way that it felt so right, so perfect. He hated the way that he wanted more. Above all, he hated the way that he just didn’t want to give it up. He closed his eyes, as if in an attempt to hide that it was Vaan, his own flesh and blood that he was lavishing with the sort of attention that only lovers should receive.

When Reks’ eyes opened, he finally saw the tears, saw the pain in Vaan’s eyes. He didn’t want to see it, but he had no choice. As a brother, he wished to sooth that pain, but as a lover he wished to tear it into tiny pieces and burn it with calming touches and even more calming kisses.

As much as he didn’t want to give up on Vaan, he knew that it was the best choice, the best decision and the only one that he could ever make and never go back.

But, there was one last thing that had to be done before he left and never looked back.

For the very last time, Vaan was directed gently down onto his back, among the cloth of their messed bed and was smothered with speckles of kisses, dotted with gentle love-bites.

For the last time, the very last time.

Reks sobbed out silent apologies, muffling them against Vaan’s skin as he marked invisible trails across the boy’s partially exposed chest, and down his toned stomach. His fingers quaked fearfully and desperately as clothing was tossed around the room, as it landed upon chairs and over the small table in the corner.

It was almost pitiful that neither of them had noticed that the window was wide open for the viewing of any small creature or any variably sized human who happened to pass them by and catch them as Reks continued exploring the young boy’s body with his fingers, his teeth, his tongue…and his length.

But…it wasn’t so quick.

Reks drew it out. He savored each tiny act, allowed each individual taste-bud to remember the feel of Vaan’s skin, the taste. Allowed each finger to memorize each tiny imperfection, and each mark of pure perfection.

He was not going to deny himself this, and he was not going to deny Vaan this.

Not Vaan.

Any thought of letting Vaan flittered from his skull as Reks prepared him, using tiny gentle caresses that were so much more caring than the night before. It tortured Vaan, but he loved it, and it certainly was worth the wait.

When the clash of skin upon skin finally occurred, nothing but cries of appreciation and longing were forced into the very heavens themselves. He’d never felt so blissful. But, he’d never been in so much pain. It wasn’t physical, by any means. But just living on with the idea that Reks would have to leave…that’s what nearly tore him in two. It had nothing to do with the way that Reks was forcing hungry flesh into him, the way that the elder brother’s member lightly moved over that tiny bud of all too sensitive nerves, the way that stars flashed over his eyes and sweat traced his features. But…more than anything, it had to do with the way that Vaan cried out Reks’ name when he spilled his liquid between the two of them, coating them just after Reks had moaned out pitifully and filled Vaan with the only physical thing that Reks would leave with Vaan, other than those tiny love-bites.

It was soon over. Euphoria fading. Breath leveling. Sweat becoming crisp against the cooling air. Eyelids falling until minds drifted away and disappeared into dream-land.

Reks should have known all along that he could never have Vaan.

He should have known that from the very beginning.

Maybe, part of him did, but it had nothing to do with bloodlines.

Vaan…was an angel.

And angels could never love humans.