Scandal

Scandal
by CJ May
aka Drakon Sword


Pairing: Squall x Quistis x Seifer (Squall x Rinoa, Irvine x Selphie, and Irvine x Rinoa implied)

Warnings: Yaoi, Threesome, Lemon, Angst, OOCness (it’s 10 years since the game), slightly AU (just maybe not what Squaresoft intended to happen to their lovely, not to mention incredibly sexy, characters.)

Rating: NC-17

Feedback: What do you think? YES!!!

E-mail: drakon_sword@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Right . . . I so~o own them. *rolls eyes* For any of the idiots out there, I’m being sarcastic . . .unfortunately . . . *sighs dejectedly* . . .
Summary:10 years after the defeat of Ultimecia, 6 years of marriage, Squall finds that the life he once had is not worth caring for. He stops lying to himself, and realizes that he truly isn’t happy. What does he intend to do about it? Who is going to help him? What is he not admitting? Even to himself?

Author’s Notes: My story ‘Weakness’ went over really well, and I am still considering a sequel, but I need ideas. I do plan to return to that one day, but I want a break from the atmosphere, and I’ve wanted to do this fic for a long~g time. So, here it is.
Quistis is my favourite female from the game. She is the only one with brains, and seems like one that can stand up for herself. I hate the ‘damsel in distress’ shit. I think she does too, which just increases my love for her.
I know that you know that I absolutely love Squall and Seifer. Hence, all my other fics. Most of them are SxS, or have at least one in it. (More Squall . . . *shrug* . . . I took a test to find my best final fantasy lover and he was my #1 match. Seifer was #6. Zell was #12, and Irvine was #24.) So, I decided that a Quistis mixed with the two would be interesting, and unbelievably sexy.
So here it is! R&R!!!


~*Part 1*~


“Squall, she’s gone.” Xu told me while she was standing calmly in front of my desk. I nodded, and couldn’t help but sigh as my callused fingers reached up to stroke my throbbing temples. I was relieved, but angry. Betrayed. Tired . . .

Yes. I believe I’m just tired.

I feel betrayed because of what she did to me, but what did I expect? Nothing lasts forever. There were signs that I ignored… her constant absences. The phone calls. The notes. Other comments that would give me clues. She had made it obvious, and I still didn’t care.

I just didn’t care.

It’s hard to believe that 3 days ago I signed the papers that made me a divorcee. 6 years of marriage down the drain. 6 years of our lives wasted living a lie. Living up to expectations. Fulfilling the duty that everyone expected, assumed, and wanted us to.

That is everyone, but we, truly wanted us to.

It’s been an entire decade since the sorceress wars. After Ultimecia’s death things attempted to go back to normal, but it just wasn’t possible. Things were just not the same. I wasn’t the same, Seifer wasn’t the same, no one was the same. We were all confused, tired, and too relieved to care about anything, but our own good damned luck.

Balamb and Galbadia gardens were landed in their proper places as SeeDs were sent to clean up the mess, destroy the monsters, and help bring back the order that we once had. Plans were already being made to rebuild Trabia. Esthar was being introduced into the world, sharing their technology.

Things were attempting to become normal again.

Seifer Almasy, my rival, was found and taken into custody. He was put through tests to see if he was under the influence of the mind-magic that Fujin and Raijin had claimed he was, so that he could be judged. Fujin and Raijin’s story was proved to be true and Seifer and his posse returned to the Garden, where they were re-initiated by Headmaster Cid. They also completed their last year’s SeeD exams and where currently on the payroll.

I wasn’t overly pleased with this, but Seifer did seem just as hurt because of the events as we all were. Maybe more, and the first few years were very uneasy between us. We weren’t sure what to think about, or do with each other. He was my rival, but our rivalry seemed to be so petty after the latest events.

Even so, we just couldn’t become friends . . .

Could we?

So for the first few months, I ignored him and put most of my efforts into Rinoa, my steady girlfriend. I also put effort into my new friendships with Zell, Irvine, Selphie, Nida, Xu, Quistis, and others. I also tried to kindle some kind of a relationship with my father, Laguna Loire, the president of Esthar.

Things were going well, or so I thought. I was even finding myself being friendly to Fujin and Raijin, who I hadn’t been able to stand before. I suppose that had been because of their loyalty to Seifer and the fact that they had shared his hatred towards me since they were his posse. However, now things like that seemed so childish.

We weren’t 13 anymore. Or 17 and 18.

I noticed that the others were getting along with Seifer. He wasn’t as sarcastic or harrying anymore. He was still as individualistic as ever, and he still teased, but he wasn’t cruel or demeaning. He was more respectful, and stopped his calling other people name.

Somewhat.

I guess I felt a little jealous that he wasn’t doing the same with me and that we didn’t get along, though I was probably closer to him than anyone, including Raijin and Fujin, but had never pursued it. We never really sat down and talked about what happened. He had apologized to me, but it was all of a five-minute conversation where he extended his contrition, and I told him it was fine. That I accepted his apology, and that… was the end of that long awaited conversation.

Whatever.

I talked to Quistis, who seemed upset at that we were avoiding each other. Everyone got along with him. Including Zell! Everyone… except me.

I wasn’t sure what to tell her. I didn’t know exactly why we didn’t speak. I didn’t know why we couldn’t be friends. I didn’t know why we avoided each other. I gave him space, and he returned the favour.

This didn’t please Quistis.

I never realized how close the two had gotten. I noticed that Selphie and Irvine were together. Actually that was obvious. They had been together since before the Time Compression. It was just that now it was official.

I noticed various crushes forming, but I didn’t like to pry. Zell was off and on with his girlfriend, Artemis, who worked in the library. Raijin and Fujin seemed to have something going on for a while. Xu and Nida dated for a short time before moving on. Rinoa and I were the only ones, besides Selphie and Irvine, who were steady and officially dating.

However, Quistis and Seifer were always together. It wasn’t till over 2 years after the Ultimecia incident that they admitted that they were dating. I’m not sure if they had been before, but they were good friends.

Which is why I think Seifer came to talk to me that day.

It was over 9 months since he had last talked to me, ‘the great apology’, when he came into my Commander’s office without knocking. I was surprised, yet not completely so. I was more disturbed, and taken off guard, I suppose.

It was in that typical Se fas fashion.

He plunked himself down in a chair across from my desk, saying nothing as we stared at each other for a long while. His stare wasn’t challenging as they once used to be, and mine wasn’t as blank and cold as they once were.

Things weren’t the same.

Then he demanded that we talk, and get everything off our chests.

I blinked at him.

Get everything off our chests? Like how I felt about the rivalry. The anger I still felt towards him. The memories that came back to me from our childhood. Ask him why he treated me the way he did? Why didn’t he leave me alone? Why did he join the sorceress in the first place? Was he really controlled? I thought it was his romantic dream.

Why I have that ugly little scar that runs diagonally between my eyes?

Things started off slow, but as time passed things were answered. Frustration was admitted to. Misunderstandings were cleared up. Accidents were apologized for. Admiration was told. Care was shared.

Things started to make sense as a friendship was born.

We took baby steps from there, but we became very close. We continued training together as he finished his last year. I was there to clap at his graduation, and help him celebrate. I was there for him now, when I really should have been there for him before.

When Edea the sorceress took him.

Quistis seemed pleased at our new found friendship, and the two became closer to me than anyone else could have. They were the only two that I trusted with my life, emotion, and with my soul. They were the ones that questioned me. Helped me through rough times when I needed support.

They were there for me when I wasn’t.

Seifer was my other half, and knew what I was thinking, or feeling without me having to tell him. Sometimes he knew even when I wasn’t even fully aware of what I was experiencing. He was blunt, and made it obvious to me instead of beating around the bush. He would help me out with my problems with Laguna, Rinoa, or anything else that was brought to his attention or that I asked help with.

Quistis was usually beside him. Also giving her advice as to what I should do. Training me in the ways of human emotions, and how to deal with people. I had avoided them for so long, that I wasn’t sure how to react anymore, or how to be polite and not hurt someone’s feelings. It never mattered to me before, but now for some reason it did.

I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

While everyone else obeyed me as their leader, and commander, Quistis and Seifer asked questions. Not letting me get off easily, and fixing mess-ups before they could even start happening.

They were there for me when Rinoa wasn’t.

3 years after everything had ended, and the world was finally in order, I was offered a job as Headmaster. I didn’t really want it, but it was expected of me, and I couldn’t leave them hanging. It was the natural move for me to make after being Commander and the world hero. Take the cushy job as the leade

Right!

A year later, I did the other thing that was expected of me, and married my girlfriend of 4 years, Rinoa. I thought I was set, and happy. Everything was normal, and I could take that break I had been waiting for, for years.

Whatever.

Seifer and Quistis remained close at hand during all this. Quistis was the maid of honour alongside Selphie, Fujin, and Xu (Rinoa didn’t want to leave anyone out). Seifer was my best man, while the others happily found a way to participate in our wedding - even if it was only in a little way. They were more than happy for us.

However, as happy as everyone was, Quistis and Seifer seemed edgy at my move to marry Rinoa, but never tried to sway me otherwise. I don’t think they were entirely sure if it was the right move or not. I think they were the only ones that didn’t expect it of me.

However, after my first 5 months of marriage, they left. Quistis was offered a job as the Headmistress of Galbadia, and she took it. Seifer then asked to be transferred to Galbadia to be with her, and I granted his request. Still, I was hesitant, but said nothing. I was afraid of being selfish. They deserved as much peace and happiness as everyone else.

Selphie and Irvine were the next to go. Selphie was offered the job as Headmistress of Trabia, and Irvine followed. Zell and Raijin left to Esthar to work for my father, they are together now. Nida and Fujin went to Timber to open up a restaurant, they aren’t married yet, but I think I heard something about them planning to. Xu was the only one to stay.

Well, other than Rinoa.

Once I had friends, and then lost them, I felt empty. We were still friends, but business caused us to not see each other often. I saw Raijin and Zell every time I visited my father. I saw Nida and Fujin all the time because Rinoa would often drag me there to see Zone and Watts in Timber. We would stop in their restaurant for a bite. They were amazing cooks.

Selphie, I talked to a lot because she insisted on calling all the time, to ask for advice, and just to babble my ear off. I knew that she did this to everyone. She kept in touch with everyone constantly.

The only ones that I didn’t converse much with, were the ones that meant the most to me.

Quistis and Seifer.

2 years into her job, a year and a half after Seifer got his Commander post at Galbadia, Quistis and Seifer were married. That was the last time I saw them, 3 years ago. Seifer had me return the favour of being best man, and Rinoa was one of Quistis’ maids of honours. After that day, there was the occasional phone call till it withered away to nothing.

Not even an e-mail.

I don’t blame them. They are caught up in the joys of marriage. I know they love each other. I saw it in their eyes. Complete devotion, trust, and care. I can’t help, but smile at the thought. I’ve never seen either one of them as happy in their entire life.

They were meant for each other.

However, while I lost their friendship, I was also losing Rinoa, my wife.

I love Rinoa, and I always have. I still do, but things just seemed to fall apart. At first, we couldn’t be parted. Marriage seemed to make us much more devoted to loving each other. She would surprise me with new lingerie and I would bring home various gifts. We were in a haze that quickly drifted away. Things were pointless, and tiring. We weren’t trying anymore.

The spark was lost.

It was over a year ago when things really started to go downhill.

I stopped taking her places, and she stopped asking. She would get a phone call, and then leave for the weekend, leaving me to my work. She would check her e-mail, and then tell me she was going to see her father for the evening. Not to be back to early morning.

What she couldn’t get from me anymore, she was getting from someone else.

It was a month ago that I discovered Irvine was bedding my wife.

I wasn’t surprised, but I did hurt and I felt betrayed. One of my best friends, and my wife were having an affair behind my back. I returned from my trip to see my father to find them together in my bed.

I think I handled it rather well.

Rinoa went to screaming at me about how I ignored her, and how I didn’t love her anymore as she held the sheet around her. Irvine got dressed, looking ashamed. I took everything Rinoa had to say, knowing that I deserved it, because it was my fault that she had turned to someone else.

I then took my turn at yelling at her for not being there for me. Not being the obedient wife, not standing beside me. Going off to do her own things. Not asking, and ignoring me as I had been ignoring her.

It was then that I realized that this couldn’t be blamed on either of us. It wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t hers. We were just simply to different.

We were too different to make this marriage work.

With that, I demanded that they both leave at once. Irvine did, without sparing me a single glance and Rinoa dressed and packed a duffel bag before leaving me to my thoughts. Slamming the door in her wake.

That was the end of our marriage.

3 weeks later, I received the papers on my desk. Xu knew about our break-up, and was sympathetic, but I just read the document like any other, and signed it when I felt it was justified. She would take what belonged to her, and I would keep what was mine.

Rinoa then came three days later to pack and take her stuff. I went to my office to wait for her to leave. Letting Xu help, and watch her. I didn’t really care what Rinoa took. As long as I had my clothes, gunblade, and food, I was fine. She could take whatever else she wanted and felt that she deserved.

However, we both deserve a lot more then what we lost fulfilling our duty.

Now here I was, Xu standing before me, nervous, as I rub my temples remembering the days when I was remotely happy. They were so long ago.

Now I just feel empty.

“Squall? Do you want to talk about it?” Xu asked, handing me a glass of water, which I took. She then sat down in front of me, looking as professional as ever, being the new Commander, but her voice told me that she wanted to help.

“What is there to say, Xu? It was quick, it was fairly painless, and we are both moving on. We made a mistake 6 years ago, and we are rectifying it.” I shrugged, taking a sip of the water to wet my dry throat. I felt the dullness of pain in my chest, and the dryness in my throat.

“Are you saying it was all a mistake?” Xu asked, frowning. I gave a small snort, and sighed as I shook my head.

“Maybe. Rinoa and I gave an ending to the story, and the war. To show that they are happily ever afters, but we weren’t doing it for ourselves. We are too different to stay together. This was bound to happen sooner or later.” I muttered as I stood up, turning my back to Xu as I looked out the window at the warm sunny day that was taking place outside.

“You don’t love her?” Xu asked. I heard her shift on the polyester chair.

“No, Xu. I do love her. I love Irvine too, but that doesn’t mean I’m meant for him. It doesn’t mean I want to sleep with him, or be able to spend the rest of my life with him. The love I feel for Rinoa is deep, but it wasn’t strong enough, obviously.” I answered, not turning to look at her.

Silence flittered between us as my words sunk into her. Funny, that I chose to use Irvine as an example. The friend that betrayed me with my wife. It hurt, but I refused to acknowledge how much. I love Rinoa, but I can’t make her happy. Irvine can, and he has.

“She only took what was hers. She didn’t seem to want to take anything else.” Xu finally said as the silence started to become uncomfortable. I turned to look at her, taking another drink of my water.

“Did you think I gave her too much leeway? Afraid that she would take more to get revenge against me?” I asked, sounding curious. Most break-ups, the couple ends up throwing barbs just to get at each other. I should be the one doing that - I was hurting, but I didn’t feel that it was necessary.

Why make it harder than it already is?

“I assumed she would want to avenge her pain and the time she lost somehow. I felt uneasy that you trusted her, and left her to take what she wanted. She didn’t seem angry. Just tired, and hurt. Like you.” Xu replied, sounding slightly confused and bewildered. I let out a little chuckle.

“We hurt each other, but the world has hurt us more. Besides, outside of my gunblade, anything can be replaced, and I have more than enough money to buy everything we had at least 5 times over. I owe her something, and if she feels that she is justified to everything we had, she can take it.” I said, my voice laced with amusement that I didn’t feel.

Xu fell silent again. I could feel her brown eyes watching me. Studying me. Trying to figure me out. She couldn’t understand my coolness, and the indifferent way I was treating the situation. Actually, I can’t either. Shouldn’t I at least be grieving?

“You know Squall, you are more hurt then you are willing to let on, or admit.” Xu finally said as she moved out of the chair. I didn’t answer her. “Have you told anyone?” She asked, when she realized I had nothing to say to her last comment. What could I say?

“Irvine knows. Rinoa knows. I know. Our lawyers know. You know.” I answered sipping my water again when my voice cracked. I still didn’t turn to her.

“I’ll take that as a no.” She muttered wryly. I said nothing. “Do you want me to tell anyone?” Xu asked, her voice concerned. I sighed.

“I plan on calling my father tomorrow. I also want to talk to Selphie. Between the two, they will tell everyone.” I answered, putting the half empty glass of water on my desk as I turned to look at Xu. “They deserve to know before the press does.” I continued. Xu winced.

“You don’t think . . .?” She started to ask, frowning.

“That the press will know? Yes, they will. It will be top news in a couple of days - once it gets out. I’m surprised it has been this quiet up till now. However, I want to keep the affair between Rinoa and Irvine quiet to the press. I think we would all like to keep that in the closet.” I finished for her, scowling at the thought of the press. We had been lucky so far, but how much more luck did we have?

“Squall, you’re takings tos too logically, I’m concerned. I think you’re going to explode.” Xu murmured as she touched my arm. I look at her, and then let out a large rush of air through my nose.

“I won’t deny it, Xu. I am hurting, but I like to keep it till I’m alone. When I figure it out, I will talk to someone. I promise. Just right now . . . right now I rather be alone.” I whispered, looking back to the window. Not before giving her a reassuring pat on the hand that was touching my arm.

“All right. Though I’m here for you, Squall. Remember that.” Xu told me, as she left. I waited till the door closed with small bang before a few tears fell.

I leaned against the window and let out a shaky breath. It did hurt, but getting emotional wouldn’t help things. Rinoa cheated on me, and then left. It hurt, but Ellone abandoning me also hurt. Quistis and Seifer’s leaving also hurt. I got over those hurts. I could get over this.

I didn’t blame what happened completely on myself, or Rinoa. Not even Irvine. What happened was inevitable, and we all knew it. Rinoa and I did love each other, but we weren’t meant for each other. We were too different to stay together forever. I couldn’t change enough for her, like she couldn’t change enough for me. We changed, but not enough to live together.

She would never be calm enough to sit with me, just like I would never be optimistic enough for her. I was too thoughtful, and independent for her. She was too dependent, and talkative for me. We were opposites, but we didn’t compliment each other.

She was my first real girlfriend, and my first love. I wouldn’t forget her, but I think we rushed into it. It became too comfortable to leave. We were too afraid to try something else. Afraid of losing what we had, to find that there wasn’t anything else like it.

That’s why Rinoa cheated.

She still had me, but could try other things. She found that she liked what was outside of me, but couldn’t find it in herself to break away from me because she loved me, and didn’t want to hurt me. Still, she couldn’t let what she found go, and was stuck in stalemate.

Then it blew up, and things came out in the open.

We then realized that it wasn’t just us, hurting each other. It was the world that depended on us. The duty that we fulfilled. I hurt her, and she hurt me, but the world hurt us more. Maybe now we can heal, and take the path we choose, instead of following the path society chose.

I love Rinoa, and I always will, but I can’t be with her.

She knows this.

Maybe I will find somebody that I can love, and be with. Like she has. I know she loves Irvine, and I am happy for her. It hurts, but at least one of us can find happiness. I wish I could. Don’t I deserve it after all that has happened to me during my life? It hasn’t been easy, and I think I deserve some sort of break, don’t you?

Is there even such a thing as happiness?

I shook my head at the thought. I’m thinking too much. With that, I shut down the office and left for the day. I’m tired, and tomorrow is going to be a long day - explaining what has happened, and why I haven’t said anything. It simply wasn’t worth it.

I walk to our - correction - my quarters, and removed my shoes. I looked around the room as I removed my jacket. It seems empty. Various pictures are missing from the wall. Ornts, ts, plants, books, and other paraphernalia that were Rinoa’s, but helped fill the place and make it home.

I look around the rooms, and find that the other rooms are the same. Her things are indeed gone. It’s strange, and I can feel the strings of my hearts twanging as memories of our happy times started to plague me. We were happy for a time. We were truly happy, but sometimes things just don’t work out.

It’s strange to realize that those things use to make these rooms home. Now it feels cold, and unlived in. It seems like a hotel room. A place of inconsequentiality, nothing more.

I feel the dull ache in my chest as I collapse on . . . my bed. I clasp the pillow, and breath deeply as I try to control the emotions that are threatening to burst my demeanour at the seams. I really don’t need to have a complete breakdown right now. I’m too tired.

I don’t think I have a choice in the matter, however.

I can smell her. Her scent iill ill present in the bed. Her perfume mixed with her musky scent is woven into every thread of the sheets, pillows, and comforter. She may have taken all of her belongings, but she didn’t, and can’t, remove her presence.

Why me?

The tears fall as the sobs start to wrack my chest. I may blame the world for my loss, and our pain, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have done something to make it better. It doesn’t mean that I couldn’t have made it work. It doesn’t mean we weren’t meant to be.

It’s just an excuse to make me feel better. I may as well admit it. I fucked up, and lost her. I can’t love, and can’t be loved. I couldn’t then, and I can’t now. I may have changed, but still nobody wants me. I was meant to be alone, but no one ever leaves me alone.

Why did anyone bother?

I clutched her pillow to my chest as the walls break down, and I fall apart. The one that I thought could save me, couldn’t. I’m so far lost, that no one can save me. I wasn’t meant to be loved, and I guess I just have to accept it.

She left me because I can’t be loved.

I just can’t be loved.


~*TBC*~