Desires of the Past

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters here in described. Do not sue me, thank you.
Desires of the Past
I stand amid the roar of a surf-tormented shore, And I hold within my hand Grains of the golden sand-How few! Yet how they creep through my fingers to the deep, While I weep-while I weep! O God! Can I not grasp them with a tighter clasp? O God! Can I not save one from the pitiless wave? Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?
-E.A.Poe
Yuna watched as his body faded in the eeiry glow of the farplane. She fell to her knees and closed her eyes. She had no tears left to cry. The events that had unfolded before her just moments before casually running through her head. She had just defeated Vegnagun. She had just witnessed the borrowed memory of the demise of Lenne and Shuyin.
"They were brought together...again." She thought.
She rose from her kneeling and dusted off for good measure. Not that anything was there, in this world of the dead. She looked across the vast horizon, wondering just how far this place really did go. She almost dared herself to find out. She heard a rustling behind her. It distracted her thoughts, violently, all she wanted was a moment more. But it wasn't to be granted. Rikku gracefully took her hand in hers.
"Ready to go Yunnie?
Yuna nodded. She was silent as the grave. Rikku decided that silence would be best for her now. Yuna turned around to watch Gippal come through the portal carrying Baralai, she had forgotten he was weakened during his battle with Shuyin. Nooj came after followed by LeBlanc and her goons. Yuna smiled, a weak smile that hurt to even create, because even though inside she hurt so much, she was glad her friends were all right. Paine came through last. She was carrying something.
She walked over to Yuna and placed it in her hands.
"You forgot this."
It was the sphere. The one that had caused all of this adventure in the first place. The one that sparked her interest in walking away from all the duties and responsibilities she had been overcome with. She didn't remember leaving it behind, as a matter of fact she hadn't remembered the last time she saw it. She turned it over in her hands carefully inspecting it. She then looked over to the farplane again, walking over to the edge, the edge of whatever it was they were standing on, the last solid ground before the dream-like world below she threw the sphere as hard she could, she watched it glide through the misty air and across the mysterious world. She smiled and placed her hands together and swayed in a gentle motion as if some strange wind was swirling around her. She paused for a long moment. Silently, mentally, she began thinking of him. His voice, his face, his touch, his lips. A single tear fell from her cheek. She looked up and said her goodbyes.
6 months later...
Rikku had left with Paine after a solemn goodbye with Yuna. She felt regret and responsiblity for Yuna's unhappiness. But Yuna tried her best to make note that there was never a promise of finding him, and that although the ending of their journey was abit hard on her, she would never have changed it, ever. She loved Rikku and wanted her to be happy. Rikku attempted to make her go with them claiming the Gullwings just weren't "The Gullwings" without her. But she insisted to stay, laughing mentally still at the silly name they had created for themselves.
Many new things kept Yuna busy at first. She had participated in many events within Luca, cared for the sick in Bikanel Island and attended the cermonial wedding between Nooj and LeBlanc. Such a funny pair they made, she never really understood what Nooj liked about LeBlanc, she was so...well...different from him. Lulu and Wakka had their first son. He was beautiful and kept Yuna's mind from running to other things, other people she did not like to think about, but when those times came Lulu was always there. Lulu was beside herself with admiration for the strength she had after all her endeavors. Lulu always had such remarkable grace with her wise words of advice. She felt better after many sessions of discussing their adventures together and her own with Rikku.
But then there were days when the sun was setting against Besaid Island, when she walked the beaches alone, as if waiting for him to suddenly appear out of the water like he had done so many years ago. And take her in his arms and hold her, and tell her he would never leave her. But it was pointless. She would laugh aloud at her own insanity, what childish thoughts. He was merely a dream.
After one particular evening walking along the beach she heard Wakka come running up to her.
"Yuna!"
Yuna turned around and watched as the now slimmer Wakka came running up to her holding a letter of sorts in his hand. She stiffened, "Oh no, not another letter from Luca requesting my attendance to another event." She thought.
"Yuna, this arrived today for you from Bevelle."
"Bevelle?"
"Mmhmm." He nodded.
Yuna opened the letter. It was from Baralai of all people. She had never thought she would receive something from him. Baralai was an interesting person, she never really got to know him. He was silent and mysterious to her. Receiving a letter from him was most surprising.
"What does it say?" Wakka asked excitedly.
"He wants me to come to Bevelle."
"Really!"
"I wonder why, he doesn't state the reason in the letter."
"Are you going to go?"
"Hmmm...I don't know."
"Well I think you should, it's better dat you get atta her for awhile, Yuna you need ta!"
"Yes, maybe your right." She smiled.
Yes, maybe that was what she needed was some time away. And what better place to go then Bevelle. She had been all over Spira and back. She thought it might be nice to visit her birthplace again, besides it didn't matter where she went, he'd always be in any of those places. She decided in that moment, that she would go.
Bevelle...
Baralai had nicely ordered a ship to pick her up from Besaid, and from there she journeyed quickly to Bikanel where she was picked up by Gippal in his new found airship. She was glad to be off it since she had spent most of the time listening to Gippal talk on and on about where they found it, how they fixed it, and the goings on of Rikku and Paine. She noticed that whenever she asked slightly prying questions regarding the rumored existence of a relationship between he and Rikku he became quiet and reserved, or shoved it off as nothing. She laughed mentally, she knew it to be true. Her heart sunk alittle, feeling lonely, was the worst feeling she concluded.
Bevelle was a wonderous place full of as much history as Zanarkand. The two were linked in a way. She could never get over the long corridor bridge that stretched to the main sanctuary. She had walked along this long bridge with him. She had fought on this bridge. Almost married on it. And was also cheered on this bridge. So many memories flashed before her. She tried her best to supress them for the time being. She had business to tend to.
When she finally reached the inner sanctuary Baralai was waiting for her. He bowed to her and gestured for her to enter his private quarters.
"Baralai, it is very good to see you again."
"Likewise Lady Yuna. I am so glad you came."
He seemed excited and honest in his emotions. Yuna liked that about him. He seemed happier and more innocent then the last time she had met him. It reminded her of the times she had seen him in the spheres she had found all over Spira. She smiled. They entered a large hall with great high windows that looked over the grand city. She casually walked over to them and looked out.
"Beautiful view isn't it?" He asked standing beside her.
"Yes..it is, I have never been in this room. I have never seen this view of the city before."
Baralai smiled at her.
"So, why don't I tell you why I have invited you here."
Yuna turned to him and smiled wide eyed.
"Yes, please tell."
They took a seat at the large table across from the windows. He had tea brought to them.
Pouring the tea she watched as the steam flowed from the pot and mixed with his features hovering above her. She breathed in his scent, he smelled like smoky musk and the salty sea air. She liked it. She was surprised to notice what handsome features he had. She laughed at her slight attraction that had overcome her quite suddenly. Baralai noticed her staring at him and smiled a genuine and handsome smile. She blushed nervously as if he knew what she was thinking. He blushed too. "Goodness, does he know!" She thought.
"I brought you here because I have a surprise for you, but it is not here, it is...in Zanarkand."
Yuna jumped, she wasn't expecting to go anywhere else and she burnt the tip of her lip with the hot tea.
"Ow!"
"Oh, are you alright Lady Yuna?" He asked panic stricken, rising to help her in some manner he knew not of.
She motioned with her hand for him to sit down.
"No, no I'm alright, just foolish. Zanarkand did you say?"
"Yes...Zanarkand."
"Why on Spira do you want to take me there?"
"I have created a special surprise there for you."
"But for me?" "Why?"
"Well...the people of Spira owe something to you do they not?"
"Spira owes nothing to me, I merely assisted in helping others, I niether need nor do I want anything in return."
She found the whole idea ridiculous and thought this trip may have been a bad idea. She was hoping that never would a statue of her be created in monster size proportion to be erected in all the temples beside her father. She was nervous that it might be just what was in Zanarkand. Her worst fear she decided.
"Well, even so I would like you to come...please."
He looked like a helpless child, his eyes danced with the gleam of sunlight pouring through the large cathedral like windows. She couldn't help it. Yuna the great summoner reduced to melted butter under those cute little needy eyes.
"Alright Baralai, I will go."
He laughed smiling. He clapped his hands together rather excitedly. He seemed so happy with her answer.
"We leave tonight!"
"Tonight?"
"Yes, Gippal hasn't left yet, it will take us merely an hour to reach Zanarkand by airship."
"Well than...okay."
The prospect of traveling with Gippal again wasn't a very entertaining thought but she figured she'd been through worse. She could withstand an hour. She hoped.
Zanarkand...
The trip to Zanarkand from Bevelle was not a long one, at first she pried at Baralai for awhile to give her a hint of what laid in wait for her in Zanarkand but he kept his lips sealed. Soon she bore of trying and decided to stand atop the airship and feel the cool air rush by her. The setting sun was behind them, sending purple and blue streaks across the clear sky. Stars twinkled and danced here and there spread arcross the horizon. Yuna sat and waited patiently for Zanarkand to come into view. As she sat she began to think of him , again. It didn't take much, she going back to the city of Zanarkand, the now city of ruin. The place where he claimed he was from. She knew from the moment she met him that he really must be from that place, if it weren't for Jecht she may have thought the way everyone else did. But his clothing and the pure honesty in his voice told her that he was telling the truth. It made her want to help him, and by the time the reached Luca she knew she wanted him by her side. Yuna's thoughts were pushed aside as Zanarkand came into view. It was a beauitful site, they were going to the popular region, the place where Yuna thought she might just die.
"Yuna, we have reached Zanarkand!" Gippal called from the loudspeaker.
Yuna stood up and waited for the airship to hover slightly over the campsite. She saw in the distance another aiship, the Celsius. That meant Rikku and Paine might be here. She was excited about seeing her friends again. It had been almost a year since she'd even talked to them. A large crowd was spread over the old entrance to the blitzball arena. The blitzball dome had a great cover over it, she pondered what might have happened to it, possibly more decay was causing it to fall and become ruin like the rest of the city. But it was far too dark for her to tell. She was becoming nervous as the airship landed softly.
Baralai came walking through the launch door.
"Yuna, we are here. Are you ready?"
Yuna nodded. Baralai rose his hand out as if for her to take it. She walked over to him and placed her hand in his. It was strange yet comforting, as if he knew she needed that human touch at that very moment. Something to cool her thoughts from darker places.
They walked over to the campsite. Rikku jumped up when she say Yuna and Baralai.
"Yunnie!" She squeeled as she grabbed Yuna into a tight little hug.
"Yunnie I've missed you so much! We are so glad you came!"
"I didn't know everyone would be here, I'm glad I came Rikku."
Paine waived at Yuna.
"Hello Paine, it is nice to you again."
"Likewise Yuna, we are glad you came."
"Well are we gonna stop the girly acts and get to the good stuff or what!" Gippal shouted.
"Gippal!" "Stop being so mean!" Rikku yelled as she slapped him on the arm.
"Hey now Rikku, that felt good, hit me again."
Rikku blushed and stomped her foot. She looked flushed and nervous. Quickly she looked over to Baralai and nodded to him.
"Lady Yuna, please this way."
Baralai walked her over to the Celsius, they moved aboard the Celsius on to the upper deck. She remembered being here when she sang. As she walked towards the edge everyone greeted her. Brother, Buddy, Shinra, even O'aka. Everyone she had before met was below too. Elma, Lucil, Rin. A very large crowd of people from Luca and Bikanel Island. She was astonished.
"Yunnie, Wakka and Lulu knew about it, they wished they could be here, but taking care of the village is top priority of course."
Yuna smiled and nodded.
Over the loud speaker she heard a familiar voice. It was Issaru.
"Lady Yuna, once I wanted to share the Zanarkand ruins with all...as if it were some amusement park. But I have come to find that...that is not exactly what I wanted to do. I would rather excavate these ruins...the people of Spira want to breathe life back into this great and legendary city! So the people of Spira have decided to make Zanarkand a city anew! We have spent many months now in the process of rebuilding and will continue to do so for many years to come. We would like to announce this place will no longer be a tourist attraction but an actual city once again! With the help of the Al Bhed we will all come together and master the marvels of this once great city! We present this to you Lady Yuna, Great Summoner of Spira, for you have given us the freedom and ability to once again rebuild this city into it's once amazing glory!"
Yuna watched as the crowd hushed and lights throughout the city began to glow anew right before her eyes. Her mouth opened in awe. She couldn't believe it. It looked just like the images she saw in Guadosalam. She watched as the water began to flow over the city like it had a thousand years ago. It looked as if the dead were rising. She would have fainted if it weren't for Baralai suddenly grasping her arm.
"Lady Yuna are you alright?"
"Yes...I am okay...just a little overwhelmed I suppose."
She regained her composure and walked over to the edge, Baralai followed. The lights continued to brighten the city. Whole buildings had been erected, signs glowed in dark neon colors all over. And finally the lights moved in a path towards the great dome. The Dome lit up with a burst of fireworks from the top and the once covered blitzball arena was now exposed. It looked just like it had so long ago. The people cheered below. All Yuna could do was watch. The emotions never came, maybe there were too many to really comprehend but she couldn't cry, she knew that much. It hurt slightly. She had always wished this place to be her own little escape, when she couldn't bear to be away from him she could always come here and some how, he would hear her. It was comforting that way. But all of that was gone now. Music was playing in the backround and everyone around her was happy and smiling, they were celebrating.
The wind blew freely through her hair and she swore aloud.
"Do not live in the past..." A voice called out.
She thought it was Auron's, she knew it was his. She heard him, calling from beyond death.
"Lady Yuna? Are you alright?" Baralai asked again with deep concern in his voice.
Yuna looked over at Baralai, his eyes gleamed in the brightly lit night sky. She smiled and placed her hand on his cheek. His cheeks flushed. She could feel the heat rising in them, it made her laugh slightly. A single tear fell from her eye.
"Thank you." She whispered.
She held his face a little longer as he moved in closer to her. She could feel his breath against her face, he smelled good. His eyes moved with hers, she watched as his arm laced around her waist. She knew he was going to kiss her, she could feel his skin against hers. It was tantiliazing but frightening all at the same time. A wasted moment on a wasted person she thought to herself. As quickly as there entangled gaze had become she jerked softly away from him and ran away from the spectacle before her.
She leaped off the edge of the Celsius and unto the ground gacefully. She looked above her, one quick glance more at Baralai. He looked worried and sad. She mouthed the words "I'm Sorry" to him. He nodded. Yuna ran away from the city, she ran towards the campsite. Toward the large hillside that looked over the entire city. She scrambled up to the top. She needed to be alone.
After a couple hours she heard footsteps coming up the hill. She sighed, she was never meant to suffer alone, yet that was all she wanted to do.
"I understand why now...this might not have been such a good idea."
Yuna looked up to see Baralai standing beside her, he sat down next to her.
"I remember hearing about the man from this very city a thousand years from the past that helped you through your journey in fighting Sin. I was also told that he dissappeared after you destroyed Sin.
Yuna was silent for awhile. The memories flooding her mind of the moment he evaporated into thin air right before her, when she ran to him, to hold him one more time yet, could not.
Baralai rustled next to her.
"His name was Tidus. He was brought here by Sin to help destroy Sin...Sin was his father...Jecht."
"But..wasn't Jecht one of your own father's guardians?"
"Yes, I guess it seemed fitting to have his own Son destroy him."
"What happened to him?"
"He was only a dream of the Fayth. And when the Fayth were tired of dreaming, he ceased to exist, so when I destroyed Yevon, he dissappeared."
Yuna couldn't control it, she began to cry.
"I know I am selfish for not being grateful for what you've done to Zanarkand. I only wanted it to remain this way for my own selfish desires. Zanarkand belongs to all of Spira, not just me. Maybe I wanted it to stay a ruin forever, forever a feeling I will have inside myself. I'm so sorry."
Baralai placed his arm around her and pulled her close.
"Lady Yuna, I am sorry for your pain."
Yuna began to sob into his chest, she needed someone to cry on.
"I really shouldn't feel this way, I should be happy that I got a chance at all to be with him."
"Lady Yuna, I would feel the same way, it's hard to put away the past."
Yuna sniffed loudly. She looked up into his eyes. He gently moved his hand across her brow to sweep some hair from her eyes. He smiled.
"If your past is constent then what of your future? Come on, let's try to put our past aside, at least for tonight, and enjoy the festivities of the present, for living in your past can only hinder you from seeing your future."
Gently he rubbed away her tears with his thumb. She smiled and stayed in the comfort of his arms awhile longer. Neither moved nor spoke. They lived in the moment continuing before them. Yuna couldn't admit it to him, but when she looked into his eyes, she only saw Tidus. She would only ever see Tidus. She would only ever love Tidus. It was something that would haunt her soul until her last breath. But she was willing to accept that.