Pills

Pills
By Sailor Poison
Summary: Depression hits Laguna and Kiros’s attemtp o reach out
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Kiros X Laguna

Laguna is waiting. Waiting is always the hardest part, especially of you were Laguna Loire. Kiros would doing his best to distract his Boss and friend from a wait. Usually, he would be enticing a smile that can light up the bedroom turquoise eyes.

Today that is not needed for Laguna is very sedate. There are many things about today that make him like this. The main reason is today being the anniversary of Raine’s death. Instead of visiting her home town, Laguna has decided to have a special meal with the two children that meant so much to her.

Laguna toss down his drink, Orange juice, knows better then to try anything harder for the President can’t hold his liquor.

Kiros, “ You know they will both come. Ellone made a promise that Squall won’t back out this time. “ Squall is known to back out of any plans with his father. To be fair, Laguna did that a few times to Squall as well.

Laguna makes no comment. Aside he rubs his thigh from an obvious cramp developing. So typical of him to tense and cramp up. Kiros can’t say why but seeing the leg cramp does make him feel better.

Their arrival is announced and Laguna goes out to greet them. Kiros settles back as the day proceeds forward. His friend chatting about the past, asking about their lives, and mostly they talk about Raine. Kiros watches this from afar, making sure all goes well. Wishing he could be closer to his friend. As the day turns to evening and the meal is done, he can tell Laguna is putting up more of a front now. Something is not right.

Laguna isn’t sure why he thought this day would be better then it has been these past years. He feels even worse now. When the day started, he believed his pain might be more bearable of he had them as company. As the day went on, the pain grew as it always does. Pain he hides so well from most. Pretending to feel otherwise is leaving him even more tired then normal.

Squall apparently not having an easy time of it, “ I better get going. They need me back at Balamb Garden. “ As much a workaholic as his father. It was hard to tell if Squall was mentally there at all most of the time.

Ellone, “ I guess I need to go as well. “ More apologetic. She is taking classes there and if Squall leaves then she must as well.

Sadness and relief seem to come to his being for a moment breaking through the painful depression. How he wishes he could be closer to his son before.... well sometimes, somethings are not meant to be. Gives a wavering smile. “ Travel safely. “ Watches them walk out the door. Squall looks back with a soft frown before the door slides closed.

Kiros watches the girl clean up, can’t quite put his finger on it. Laguna just seems so off. Usually, if he was sad, it was expressed but right now its like Laguna is turning himself off. How he wants to shake the man and demand he say something! This side of Laguna worries him, scares him, and makes him wonder what is going on in that head!

Laguna heads off to his room, dragging his feet. Kiros has to linger to give some last minute instructions. His worry a distraction the whole time. The girl has to sometimes catch his attention a few times.

Kiros, “ Sorry, I guess I’m more tired then I guess. I’m going to retire now. “


+ + +


Kiros can remember when times were simpler. Never were the times easier though. The adventures they all shared, getting lost and wounded but never giving up hope. Always finding their way back to safe ground. That was the military. The search he went through when Laguna was MIA. No one believed he was still alive, not even Ward. Kiros just knew it in his heart.

Part of Laguna seems to have died with Raine. Black hole that seems to get bigger every year. Kiros wants to remove the wound, wants so badly to show him that he is still loved now. What if Laguna didn’t feel the same way? Though sometimes he thinks he sees something in those eyes of his. Love that shines so bright with hesitance. Laguna usually trips or does something clumsy breaking the shared feeling.


+ + +


Kiros realizes he has been standing in the hall close to Laguna’s room, “ Here I am acting like like an idiot. I need to be checking on him, not be strolling down memory lane! “ Chides himself.

Walks over to Laguna’s room to know on the door. “ Laguna, you still awake? “ No reply to the knock or the inquiry. Can’t hear anything. Perhaps Laguna is in bed already? Normally Kiros would just head down the hall to his room. Kiros opens the door and enters the spacious bedroom. Everything down to the smallest detail is both tasteful and well chosen for a president’s room though almost too clean for Laguna, thanks to the maid. The clothes left littered the floor more matching the personality of the man. One thing it lacks is a president in his bed. The light is on in his bathroom.

That makes perfect sense. The knuckle head has mouth full of toothpaste. No, cant be that. The sink is not on and he always leaves the faucet running. There is no sound of water hitting off porcelain. “ Laguna? “ asks again with No reply.

The prone body of the President is found on the floor in nothing but his boxers. At hand is an almost empty bottle of liquor and a few empty pill bottles.

Kiros rushes to his side checking for a pulse. It is weak and getting weaker. His breathing labored and his face pale with a cold sweat. What will seem like an eternity for the medical team to arrive. Trying to keep him alive. The rest will be a blur to his memory, as it goes by fast till he finds himself endless waiting in the waiting room. Everything with a surreal quality.

Please let this be a nightmare.

Squall and Ellone come into the waiting room. Its easy to tell they feel the same surreal quality of what is going on.

Squall, “ What happened? “ Confused by what is going on. Didn’t he just have supper with the man? Perhaps the boy is realizing he may lose the only parent he has left?

Kiros, “ He ODed. If I didn’t... I should have been there sooner. “ Knows there is no way of knowing he would do this. For months before hand laguna seemed happier then he has been in years. Sometimes, laguna can act well.

Ellone asks in her soft way, “ Will he be okay? “

Kiros, “ I don’t know, baby girl, I just don’t. We have the best medical technology on the planet at least. “


+ + +


The best, that happens to be enough. Laguna waking up to the tired face of Kiros. His friends eyes never seemed so red as they do now. Sound of the machine beeping with each heart beat he takes. Also the lingering despair in his heart. He is is still alive.

Kiros’ with relief in his voice, “ You’re awake. “

Laguna resentfully looks to his friend, “ Why couldn’t you just gone to bed. Why couldn’t you left me alone. “

Kiros looks confused then angry, “ Why couldn’t you told me something! Why did you do something stupid like that! “

Laguna looks away now, “ I can’t bear it any longer... “

Kiros, “ What about Squall and Ellone?! “

Laguna sounds even more tired now, “ Squall doesn’t even want to be around me. Ellone... she has a life of her own now. I’m just so tired... it hurts. “

Kiros grips Laguna’s hand gently but firmly “ That's not true! Squall came back when I called him. Actually he never left! “ takes a deep breath, “ He was worried about you. Even Ward has been in and out checking on you! Damn it, Laguna! You can’t leave me! “ Last comes out before he can even stop himself.

Laguna, “ Why? “ Looks Kiros in the eyes.

Kiros, “ Cause... “ words failing him. Why does he have to ask why?! Those turquoise eyes looking into his own, seeking something more.

Laguna asks again, “ Why?”

Kiros, “ Because I love you, you idiot! “ Says louder then he intended. Not that it matters, the room is private. Harsher then he wanted and that did matter. Can see Laguna flinch so he pinches his arm.

Laguna’s eyes fill again with little anger, “ Why did you do that? “

Kiros, “ You flinched. “ replies like a smartass.

Both men stare at each other. Smiles break out, followed by laughter. It is good to hear him laugh again. God to feel him still here with them. So good it hurts.

Laguna, “ You bratt! “ Further words never come as Kiros presses his lips against his own. Even after the shock wears off, he finds himself kissing back. Kiss that seems to send warmth through his core.

Kiros, “ Laguna, I should have said something earlier. I do love you. I guess I was too scared you might not... if I lost what I had with you, not sure I could live without you. I almost lost you last night. “ Tears only then begin to fall.

Laguna, “ Kiros, I.... , “ His words again interrupted by the arrival of Squall and Ellone.

Once again Kiros withdraws from Laguna to wait outside. He is left wondering what Laguna was going to say. Was it I love or or I’m sorry. His thought churning both possibilities over. What will he do if Laguna can’t love him back? What was he doing, stress over this like a teenage girl?! He should be thinking about getting Laguna some help. Someone to talk to. Help with this depression. But... Laguna did kiss back.

Squall clears his throat catching Kiros’ attention, “ Laguna wants to talk to you.”

Kiros merely says, “ Oh? “

Squall, “ Listen Kiros, I need to say something. I should have been there for him too. All last night I was busy thinking about work. I’m not good at being close to someone. Laguna tends to be so energetic and ... I really suck at being a son. “ Guilty that racked him so openly revealed.

Kiros puts a hand to his shoulder, “ I know, its hard to be honest with others and yourself. Its not your fault. Lived your life without a father and having one suddenly isn’t easy to deal with. At times he seems like a big kid, just full of energy that you don’t know what to do with him.“

Squall nods, finding some peace in knowing kiros understood him.

Kiros, “ Must be hard to learn to trust and love again after all you been through. “

Squall almost laughs a dry laugh, “ Ironic part, I got what most orphans dream of. I kinda can remember the others kids wondering what their parents were like. Some of then fantasizing that their parents were heroes. They might still be alive just out there waiting for the time to bring them home. Wishing their mom and dad will drive up saying I’m sorry baby, but I am here to make it all better now. “ Night of no sleep catching up to him now.

Kiros, “ Go lay down. I’ll keep an eye on goofy for you. “

Squall nods, “ If there is anything I can do, I will do it. “ Promise both in words and eyes.

Ellone walks out just then and they head off. Kiros walks back into the room to see Laguna tired but smiling softly.

Kiros, “ I told the kids I would baby-sit your dumb ass. “

Laguna, “ Kiros... I, love you too. “

Kiros can hardly believe the words. Sits down, grasping that slender, willowy hand again. Leans back over to kiss again, unaware of the silent man who watches from the doorway. Only briefly does he watch, before closing it, smiling to himself. Wondering how he became associated with such over-dramatic people.

Still so much to do. The media, the questions, the press... that all can wait. Ward only knows this moment something very right is happening. Gives his friends the time to love and be loved.

- The End -