Stronger than hate

I have to say that English isn't my first language. As this ficlet hasn't been betaed, there might be grammatical and spelling errors. I'm sorry about that.


Stronger than hate
------------------

We are facing each other, standing eye to eye. The large gun in your hand points directly at my heart.
Your stare is cold, inexpressive... what a difference to the irrational, overly emotional boy you were! You've matured during these years... well, I more or less forced you to.
My creature... How beautiful you are when hate hardens your perfect features and makes the red of your unbelievable eyes glow! You were just the wayward son of a second-class scientist, too erratic to follow his footsteps. Surely you were more intelligent than the average Turk, and most certainly more bold. You never knew when to keep quiet...
Calmly, I look at you; I know that I can't allow myself to show any weakness in your presence. A low growl emerges from your throat. Is one of the monsters awakening? I have to admit, the thought arouses me. How strong is the demon really? What effects may the other three creatures lurking inside of you cause? And what about the experiments my wife - your beloved Lucrezia - did to you? This is fascinating...
You are trembling like an aspen-leaf. I nearly forgot how much it kindles my lust to see you like this, to read on your face how hard you fight for control, desperately trying to keep composure despite pain and fear...
"Well, Vincent? Don't you want to put it to an end?"
Satisfied, I register the irritated flutter of your eyelashes. You're not so sure about that, are you?
You seem exhausted; there are dark shades under your eyes, and you're even paler than usual. It doesn't look as if your so desired freedom would do you any good... Well, I foresaw that. After all, I know you better than you know yourself.
"You look tired", I remark gently, nearly solicitous. Your reaction is most interesting: you twitch as if I hit you. Look at this... not as distanced as you'd like to be...
Your hands are shaking, and with them the weapon.
"What are you afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid!", you hiss, far too vehement.
"No? Then why are you trembling?"
Terrified, you look at the gun's shaking barrel. It's hard to face the truth, isn't it?
"What will change for you if you kill me now?", I ask matter-of-factly.
"..."
"Answer me." Automatically, my voice changed to that strict intonation you already know from the laboratory.
You look to the ground, helpless. It didn't take much to bring you to the point where I wanted you to be. You are so calculable, react to my manipulations like the puppet you are... my beautiful, deadly toy.
"You'll never be human again. You will never be with Lucrezia again - she'll be captured in her crystal forever. Let's see... revenge? You know very well it wouldn't satisfy you. On the contrary: it would be just another sin torturing you, another life you..."
"Shut up!"
With supernatural speed you close the distance between us; I feel the gun's cold triple barrel on my forehead.
"Go on. Pull the trigger. But what will you live for when there's no one left to hate? Your so called friends have their own lifes now - they do not need you any more. Those you once knew think you're dead. They surely would be horrified to see what you have become. You're alone now, Vincent. Where will you go?"
You're looking nearly helpless by now... poor thing.
"Will you find your place in this world... like you are now? You know very well that they will fear you even more than you fear them. And it's not only you that changed - this worls has changed, too. A being like you hasn't got a place in it. Do you wish to hide for the rest of your existence?"
Your eyes darken - I seem to have said something you didn't want to face.
"Do you wish to wander in the dark alone for all times?" Now, I'm talking to you like to a frightened child, calm and gentle. "My poor Vincent... can you stand to fight your shadows on your own? Or will you lose the battle one day?" Again, I search your tired, lifeless glare. "And when you finally lose - will you be able to live with the consequences? Even more blood on your hands..."
I can't help but smile as you lower the gun slowly. "You will never be anything but a monster... A nightmare like one of the beasts in the Cetras' legends."
In a split second, the shade of an emotion shows on your expressionless face. Pain? Again, you lift the weapon. Is it possible that I went too far? No... this time, you point the barrel to your own head. Amazing... I still have such a power over you... But you don't think that I'll let you go so easily, do you?
"No", I censure. "Do you want to run away again?"
How much I missed it, that precious little spark of rage in the deep red of your eyes!
"You made me what I am. It is you who didn't leave me a way out!"
"Are you so sure about that?"
Bitter laughter. I can't remember hearing you laugh full-heartedly - not that I'd mind.
"What should I do in your opinion? Crawl back to you and make myself your specimen again?"
A thin smile twists my lips. "Very good, Vincent. That's exactly what you could do."
Unbelieving, you stare at me, not sure wether to laugh or yell. "Why should I do that?"
"Can't you answer that question yourself?" You have to say it aloud ro realize it... and it will remind you of the appropriate humility.
I didn't think it would be possible, but your trembling grows even worse. It seems you're closer to the desired conclusions than I thought.
"Well?"
"..."
I expected perhaps even violent resistance, but you just look at me silently, helpless, lost. It seems I have to help you a bit.
"Who created you?"
You're fighting your last bit of pride... but I already know who will lose. You bite your lower lip, hard; a thin trail of blood searches its way over your pale skin. So beautiful...
"...you..."
"This isn't so hard, is it?", I praise. "Whose sign do you wear?" Of course I couldn't resist to brand you with my name sign - on the right side of your back, just above the kidney. Ah, your precious little scream when the red-hot iron seared your skin... There would have been more modern, less painful methods to mark you, but when it comes to this, I am old-fashioned.
"...yours..."
"Correct. Mine."
Is that a hint of a blush showing on your cheeks? I smile, satisfied to see the look of confusion on your marked features.
"Don't be afraid", I whisper. "It all can be over... No doubt. No confusion any more." Slowly I raise my hand and touch your cold skin with my fingertips. "Leave the responsibility to me... Just surrender, Vincent."
"I... can't..."
Really? I don't believe so. "You did it once."
There it is again, this flutter. I feel the urge to throw you on the floor and force myself upon you... to bring one of those hoarse, choked cries out of your pale throat before you clench your teeth and look away... perhaps even bring crystalline tears to your eyes. But no... not yet. Everything at its time.
"You forced me to..."
"O no... I just helped you to find the way, that's all. Everything was within you. Is it so hard to face that?"
You are avoiding my eyes - another painful blow, another point scored for me.
"Make your decision", I admonish quietly.
Now you're looking at me again; your eyes are wide open like those of a frightened animal.
"You're going to hurt me", you're whispering.
I have to admit that you're everything but stupid. "Yes", I rely, never letting you out of my sight. "Everything has a price. Are you willing to pay it?" As if you had a choice! We both know that there is just one way for you to go.
For a moment, you keep on fighting... then you bow your head and toss the gun aside. Hesitatingly, you kneel down before me and cross your arms behind yor head. Pleased I notice a single tear that glitters on your cheek - the first of many tears you'll cry. But please, don't grieve about that... I really appreciate your tears.
I guess you have earned yourself a bit of attention... and so I stroke your hair, playing with the dark strands. You will learn to be thankful for those rare, gentle gestures again. They will let you endure the tortures and humiliations I will inflict on you. Like it was back then... You will look at me with this breath-taking mixture of fear and unconditional love again. Once more, my will is going to be your law, my person the centre of your universe...
Smiling, I let my hand glide through your hair another time. You are so beautiful, so dangerous... and you are mine. There are bonds that nothing can destroy... not even hate.


28/01/07