I Don't Know What I would do Without You.

I Don’t Know What I would do Without You


This is my first FF fanfic, so forgive me and correct me if I got anything wrong. I’ve never played the game, seen an anime of it, never read a walkthrough. I just gathered as much information about the game as I could and pieced what I knew together. I think it came out well. The only things I had problems with was whether Auron was still unsent after the game or if he had a home to go to. Also if they remained in Dream Zanarkand afterward. I would like to play the game sometime, though and learn more so I can write more.

P.S: I LOVE AURON!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy X or any of the other Final Fantasy series. I don’t know who does, but I only know the square-enix has something to do with it. Kudos to whoever owns it; it’s a great RPG.


It was all Tidus could do not to scream. It just picked at him, nibbling away at his nerve, his resolve. He wouldn’t. No, that would be…

Stupid. He must have been stupid. To even think…It couldn’t, wasn’t ever going to be. But…he could always dream about it.

They were all he had. His dreams. But even those were unfaithful to him. He always left. Always. And every time he did, it gapped the hole that stretched over Tidus’ heart. Was it really so bad? So bad that he had to turn his back and walk away? Leave Tidus on his knees broken and open, completely vulnerable, with nothing to protect him but hope? Every time he left, he took that hope with him. Dragged it away like a burden, and probably dumped it somewhere for the vultures to destroy it.

Surely there had to be some other way. He couldn’t go on like this. There had to be. Right?

“Right?” Tidus breathed. All alone in the boathouse he and his guardian shared, he sat in his room. Although nobody was home, he had taken care to keep his sobs muffled and his broken form hidden in the back of his closet. So he wouldn’t see. But Tidus wished he could see, just so he wouldn’t have to say it.

Alas, he didn’t know. He didn’t have the slightest clue. One part of Tidus wanted to keep it that way and the other just wanted to throw himself into the gruff man’s arms and let it all out.

“I wouldn’t ever do that.” He whispered to himself. Never would he ever.

“Tidus.” It was simple, not alarmed, but questioning. Auron was looking for him. What did he want? His voice bounced off of the walls of the boathouse though he never made an effort to be loud. His voice was always soft and deep, but when he talked anyone could hear.

Tidus curled up tighter, hoping that if he kept his mouth shut, his guardian would go away.

“Tidus.” The most he ever said was never more than monosyllables and on rarer occasions, a full sentence, but then that would have to compensate for all other speech. It was as if he never wanted to say too much in one day. Auron was a man of little words.

Auron glanced around the seemingly empty boathouse. He knew Tidus was around. He had to be. He could smell him. The boy’s scent lingered wherever he went and the smell of that too-strong soap he used and stale sweat from his games always let Auron know where and how close he was. After all, he stalked the boy. As his guardian, Auron followed the blonde blitz ball player wherever he went for the most part; to make sure he was safe.

It was all Jecht wanted. Before Jecht became Sin, he pleaded almost pathetically for Auron to watch over his son. They had been acquaintances for a long time, Auron couldn’t say no.

So now all he ever did with his time was play tail for the teenager, warding off fiends and other enemies that tried to kill him. It wasn’t the life he had thought of for himself, but what could he say? He was getting too old to be wanting of anything.

He stepped into the room. Heard the sharp intake of breath. The boy was hiding. ‘Like a child’ He was nowhere in site, but he was close. Very close.

“Get out of that closet, boy.” A full sentence. He didn’t want to have to say anything more if he could help it.

Tidus did not emerge.

If there was anything that bothered Auron more than sniveling children it was hiding. What was wrong with that kid? It was always something with him, whether it was the crying, the annoying chatter, or the way he kept calling him ‘old man’. There was just something about him the agitated the unsent summoner.

“Now.” He growled, coming mere seconds away from grabbing the blonde little bastard and yanking him out himself. Walking stiffly over to the closet, he tried the knob, but the little cuss had locked it.

Fine. Auron turned and headed back out the door without another word. If Tidus wanted to stay in there, then he could. He groaned. Lately Tidus had been acting more annoying than usual. And to make matters worse, it looked like the teenager was avoiding him.

‘Stupid boy’ He thought darkly to himself.

Auron had nothing else to do for the day. After stealthily following the boy around, he found himself in a one sided conversation with Rikku, the other annoying blonde. She just couldn’t keep her mouth shut or her hands to herself. It made Auron’s skin crawl that the thin, slinky bimbo would rub herself up against the fabric of his trench coat, smiling coyly and petting him. Petting him! Like he was some kind of animal. He would dust himself off after he peeled her away, but she never took the hint.

And damned if he was going to waste his precious words on her.

Aside from being Tidus’ guardian, he was also the guardian of Yuna, daughter of Braska. Life could have been worse.

Why would Tidus be going so far out of his way to avoid him? It wasn’t as if he had ever really spoken to the kid, the opposite. He did what he could not to. He would have preferred to be alone in any case, if he had a choice in the matter.

Or, he could have just left.

Jecht had been dead for more than seven years now, he fulfilled his obligation. Tidus was grown, or looked that way. He couldn’t watch the younger one forever. At some point, he would just turn around and go, for Tidus needed him no longer.

Yet for some rather irritating reason, he stayed on, looking after Tidus like he would never leave. But he would…he wanted to. In time.

When?

Shaking his head, Auron smacked away a bird that unluckily got too close to him. He didn’t even allow nature to be that close. He never gave anyone the chance to touch him, or even so much as breathe on him; always wary of the ones he couldn’t trust.

Unfortunately, he didn’t trust a single soul, not even Tidus.

Tidus’ father, Jecht, had gotten under his skin, coming as close to a friend as anyone ever had. Then he turned out to be the universe’s greatest evil. So much for that. Even Braska had betrayed them both. It didn’t take long for the older summoner to lose the ability to trust anyone.

He may as well have left today; it wouldn’t have meant a single thing to him if he had. But that boy…

Jecht was right. The kid was a crybaby. Auron knew he was doing nothing other than sniveling like a brat up there in that closet.

//‘You, with a woman? You can't even catch a ball! Oh, what's the matter? Gonna cry again? Cry, cry. That's the only thing you're good for!’// Jecht had been somewhat unfair to his innocent young son, but it was no excuse to turn the boy into a babbling loser.

The brat couldn’t stay in there forever, he would come out. And when he did, Auron would not be waiting to question him. The boy wasn’t that important. Sitting in a chair, Auron closed his eye and remained perfectly still for three and a half hours before Tidus decided to slink down the stairs.

He tried to sneak past his rough guardian, but as always, Auron knew he was there. But he said nothing. Tidus stared; scowling and angry that he just so happened to be right there, in his way. He wasn’t exactly enjoying himself in the closet and had come down for something to calm his rumbling stomach.

Not expecting to see his guardian so out in the open, he snuck down the stairs and into the kitchen, only to stop short when he saw Auron settled in a chair.

Resisting the urge to leave, he briskly walked past him and opened the pantry. It looked like he would have to go into town and get more, anything to get out of the silent boathouse where madness tempted him at every turn. Madness sat a few feet away in that damn chair, eye closed, but fully awake. It made Tidus shudder. More than anything, he wanted to say something, but the most he would get was a one word answer that dismissed his question instead of answering it.

Why did Auron have to be like that? Couldn’t he just---

“Crying again?” Tidus’ head snapped in his direction.

“What?!”

Auron grunted. The boy had heard right.

“Say it again.” Tidus sneered. He didn’t care how much bigger than him the man that had taken care of him for five years was, nor did he care that his chances of winning a fight with him were slimmer than Rikku’s arm.

Auron said nothing. He would not indulge him again.

“Stupid old man.”

At 35 years old, Auron was used to being called old. But this little shit had a lot of nerve.

“Crybaby.”

Tidus threw the package of beans at him, but Auron’s hand came up and effortlessly caught it.

“I hate you!” He seethed, glaring venomously at Auron.

“Don’t do that again.”

“Or what? What are you going to do? Who do you think you are, my father? You aren’t him! You never will be! I don’t need you, just go!”

Tidus knew that the reason he was mad at seeing Auron had nothing to do with Jecht. The man’s presence had set him off, sending his mind into a frenzy of emotion. Then he called him a crybaby. Just the way his father always did. It hurt. It made him so mad.

Auron opened his eye and got up. He would go, just like the boy wanted. Yuna had been more thankful and would be getting most of his services. She could use him for a while. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Tidus watched him move to the door and walk out without looking back. Not even a goodbye. He wanted to scream at him to wait, tell him he hadn’t meant it but…he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. This was his only chance. ‘Let him leave. I need this.’

Standing alone in the middle of the kitchen, Tidus bit his lip as a tear slid down his face.

“Arghh!!! What do I care that he’s gone?!” He slammed the pantry door and slapped the beans off of the table.

“Damn it!” All he had to do was attempt to explain, but he couldn’t even do that. What would Auron have said? He wouldn’t have understood, not even if Tidus had taken the time out to tell him. Five years was a long time to be around someone that only spoke in monosyllables. But he had managed that long.

At least that was before what happened happened.

Tidus couldn’t even explain why. He had feelings for the older man, he was the closest thing to a father Tidus had ever had and he looked up to him like a son. But he didn’t want to be his son, he wasn’t. He had long ago accepted that Jecht could never love him because he was never the kind of son he wanted.

Jecht was rough and mean, but Auron was rougher, and Tidus didn’t know if he could be mean. But he knew he wasn’t nice.

When Auron spoke, he never spoke with any feeling, so Tidus could never know how he felt, or if he was being understanding at all even if he had said so. Auron was never sad, angry, happy, or curious. Tidus had never in all the years he’d known him seen the man smile. He never took off those sunglasses that hid his scarred right eye. He was stoic, unfeeling and aloof. If Tidus had even bothered to open his mouth to tell him, he wouldn’t even be sure if Auron would react. If he was disgusted, he wouldn’t show it. Or couldn’t, Tidus didn’t know. Nothing.

How would he go about telling a man with no feelings something so delicate?

“I won’t.” He muttered. Simple as that. Go to school, play blitz ball and come home. Alone. No Auron stalking him, protecting him from fiends. He would be all alone, for the second time in his life.

But that was okay, wasn’t it? It was alright, because he wanted to be alone. He couldn’t even be around Yuna, not when Auron was her guardian too. He would always be around, even when Tidus didn’t want to see him.

Well, there was always Lulu and Wakka. The dark haired woman had taken a vow to the elder blitz ball player and married him, then had his child. Life was good for them. They didn’t need a whiny baby like him messing it up. He didn’t have any other friends and was too tired to go out and look for any.

For as long as he could remember, people always treated him like crap or like he was a star, because he was the son of Jecht. The little bit of friends he had acquired were slowly slipping away after their journey to Spira for the pilgrimage.

Yuna had once been his closest friend, but ever since Seymour had gotten his hands on her, she hadn’t been the same around him.

Rikku was just annoying, with her shameless and obvious attraction to Auron, and the other one, whatever her name was, was just too mysterious for his tastes.

He could stand to be alone for some time, that way he could cry in the privacy of his own house. Hn. He scoffed at himself, bending over to pick up the pack of beans. Suddenly, he wasn’t hungry anymore.

*************

Auron groaned as the blonde girl yapped in his ear.

“Yeah, Auron, how come you don’t talk? We’ve been through a lot and you still act like you aren’t even comfortable enough to say hello.”

“Get off.”

She giggled. Damn it, was she annoying. The 16 year old wrapped her arm around his and squeezed tighter in her sad attempt to loosen him up.

“Come on, live a little, I promise if you don’t like it, you can leave.”

For the past 3 hours, she had been trying to convince him to follow her and her girlfriends to a party. Yuna had given him the option not to go, and he was taking it. He had nothing left to say, so the girl might as well have been talking to herself. He adjusted the long katana in his right hand so as not to hit her in the head. He wasn’t going to that social disaster and that was that.

“Rikku, let him go, he still doesn’t like you, ya.” Wakka smirked, poking Rikku in the arm. She let go long enough to try to smack him. She missed and went back to hanging off of Auron’s arm, but when she turned around, he was hastily making his way to the door.

“Wait!” Auron didn’t turn around.

Finally, he was free. He would leave now, and stay close by Yuna, but he would not stay in that house. It was demeaning and a hell like experience for him. He would have rather gone up against Sin again than spend another day too close to the blonde with braids. She was creepy.

A motel would be a good place for him to stay for a while, until he was sure Yuna could fend for herself. Then…he would set off. Maybe he would go back home, maybe he would find a place in Zanarkand. Who knew?

He would probably never see Tidus again. The blue eyed boy had expressed a very clear desire to see him go, so he left. If that was what Tidus wanted, then so be it.

He would be alone as well for a while, but it never bothered him. For as long as he could remember, he was used to it.

Tidus had been very upset, and to him, it was for no apparent reason. He had done nothing he could think of to warrant the anger of the blonde one. Auron wasn’t exactly involved in Tidus’ life, but he knew that whatever was wrong, it had something to do with him. It just couldn’t be that Tidus would be so reckless when he knew that Auron had done nothing wrong.

No, there was something about him that irritated the teenager, though he couldn’t figure out what. He didn’t believe he had even been around him enough to frustrate him in any way, but obviously, he had done something.

It had nothing to do with Jecht; that was just convenient for Tidus at the time. Auron was very perceptive, and he sensed something was wrong. Of course, that didn’t mean he was willing to do anything about it. Tidus made it clear. He didn’t want his help.

Auron shifted past a merchant who had a few bundles in his hand. Without touching him, the man tripped and fell, spilling his goods all over the ground.

“Damn it! You old fool, watch what the hell you’re doing!!!”

Auron kept walking. He didn’t touch them man. It was his large katana that made him move out of the way and fall. Auron was used to that.

“Hey you! I’m talking to you, you old piece of trash!” Obviously, the man wasn’t intimidated by his katana or what he could do with it. He could care less what the foolish merchant had to say to him, it wasn’t like the weakling could hurt his feelings. He continued to walk, the hostile man screaming insults at his back.

His mind drifted back to Tidus. He didn’t know what the boy’s problem was; he never spoke to him, except when it was necessary. Maybe that was it; maybe Tidus didn’t like him the way he was. Well that was too bad. He didn’t care what the boy wanted, all he was there to do was make sure he didn’t die, and he wasn’t going to jump through hoops to make him happy. That wasn’t his concern.

************

Tidus cried. Like the crybaby he was.

For four days he had been alone. He had been crying since the day he told Auron to leave. He couldn’t believe his guardian simply left him. He hadn’t meant it. Couldn’t Auron tell?

Auron, so silent, stoic, and distant, knew nothing of his feelings. Tidus wasn’t even sure if the katana wielding man knew what feelings were. Still, it felt like Auron had taken that katana and shoved it through his heart until he could feel himself die inside.

Blitz ball wasn’t the same anymore. Tired of trying to learn Jecht’s technique, he perfected his own. But to his teammates, it wasn’t good enough. He was never good enough. Not for Jecht, not for his mother, not for his teammates and definitely not for Auron. He would never be good enough, old enough, strong enough. Not when all he did was cry. Jecht was right, which was one of the reasons he hated his father so much. The bastard was always right, and he loved it.

As a child, he remembered Jecht being so smug, so mean. Always calling him a crybaby and teasing him and just being a general asshole.

“I hate him.” Tidus muttered darkly.

Jecht had left him. His mother had left him. And now, Auron was gone too. Had he been so terrible to drive them all away? Jecht left because he was a mean son of a bitch, his mother died because he left, and Auron was gone because he told him to leave. And the samurai listened.

He should have begged him to stay, but his mouth didn’t want to. His mouth wanted to betray him, so he had to cover it up. He didn’t want Auron to go, but he didn’t want him to stay. It was…complicated.

The thing was…he didn’t hate Auron. It was the exact opposite. He loved him. Yevon knows he did. With every once of his being, he loved the older man. He meant everything in the world to him. He was a somewhat better replacement for Jecht and his mother, and he was always there, even when he never spoke, or wasn’t around when Tidus slept.

He was reliable. But he was not loving. He was not capable of emotion. That wasn’t the kind of man he was; the kind of man Tidus wished he could be.

The most compassion he’d even shown Tidus was when he touched his shoulder, once, and even that was a task for the guardian, and he would take care not to touch him again. He never hugged him, or told him he cared. Hell, Tidus had never touched him before, save for the time he was hanging on to his arm for dear life when Zanarkand was falling apart. That was it, and even then he barely felt it. He couldn’t even see the look in Auron eyes when he held him at arms length to keep him from falling to his death because he never took off those damn sunglasses.

Tidus got up. This wasn’t working. It hurt too much not to try. He was going to find Yuna. He knew that wherever she was, their guardian was there as well. He would try. He just had to know. Even if he didn’t get the reaction he wanted, just letting Auron know would be taking a huge burden off of his shoulders. He didn’t like the crushing feeling he got in his stomach every time he stopped moving to think. It was too much. He had to at least try.

************

Auron couldn’t help it.

He was back to following the boy around. After careful consideration, he designated himself to the fact that he had to take responsibility and see what was wrong with Tidus. After all, he was the cause of the boy’s pain. That and he may have been a bit curious to know what it was that he was doing to make the boy cry. Then again, anything could make the boy cry.

The boy was going to Yuna’s house. He was looking for him. Auron’s boots clicked silently as he stayed on Tidus’ heels. Yuna wasn’t home. But Tidus didn’t know that.

Instead, it was Lulu who was house sitting, cradling her baby at her bosom. Tidus knocked on the heavy wooden door, fully expecting to see Yuna and smiling when the wife of Wakka opened the door.

“Oh. Tidus, you just missed them, I’m sorry. But I ca---are you alright?”

Tidus waved his hand. “Oh no, I’m fine I was just…I was looking for Yuna.” His eyes were puffy and red, but he smiled to make that fact seem smaller. It didn’t work.

“Oh, well, she will be back, she went out with Rikku and Paine. But Auron is here, or,” She shifted in her seat to look around. “..he was here. He’s somewhere; Yevon knows where that man goes.”

Tidus’ face contorted like he was in pain at the mention of his mentor’s name.

“What’s wrong Tidus, you do not want to see him? He has been here for a while and I know that seeing as Kimahri guarded her on most occasions, that he would be with you. But I see him lurking with Yuna and you know, since Kimahri is dead now…”

He was dead? When had that happened? “Kimahri? Wha---

“A fiend. Since Kimahri is smaller than usual Ronso, he could not hold his own against the rare fiend that attacked him. He, uh, Wakka and Yuna killed it, but Wakka got his arm slashed and can’t play for a while.” She said sadly, hanging her head.

“Oh…” Tidus mumbled.

“I thought that was why he came.” She shrugged, holding out her baby. “Hold him for a moment, I have to…” She handed the baby with Wakka’s hair tuft on him to Tidus and he held it at arms length like it had some sort of disease.

“Why are you looking at him that way?” She glared at him, and then back at her child wondering why he was holding him the way he was.

“Nothing, I’m just not good with kids. He, uh… he won’t pee on me, will he?”

Lulu stared at him plainly for a few seconds then she snatched the baby out of his hands. “Give him to me! Geez, you act like you can’t stand a little baby pee!”

“Well he is like his father.” Tidus scratched the back of his head and laughed.

Auron had walked away the moment Tidus got to the door, having no interest in what was going to in there. When he was done, he would track down Tidus and…Tidus would talk to him. He had nothing to say to the boy, but he would listen if he wanted to talk. He just hoped Tidus wouldn’t expect him to say anything in return.

Just as he suspected, Lulu began to ask him question. She had gathered after a few minutes that he had been crying recently and only then did she work up the nerve to ask why. Lulu was like a mother to him, maybe he could talk to her. She was the most understanding person he knew. Still, he should have waited a while before coming.

“Is it that bad? You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone, I promise.” Mini Wakka had fallen asleep and so it was just her and Tidus. Just them. Maybe he could tell her.

“Well…A-Auron…I-I asked him to leave.”

“What?! Why? Did he do something wrong? Did you two have a fight?” Lulu was genuinely concerned; her motherly instincts calmed Tidus. He sighed like he was 70 instead of 17 and rubbed his arm absently.

“Something like that. He called me a crybaby---

“Oh no! Not that, Tidus! Is that what made you kick him out?! You can’t be serious!” She cried, throwing her hands in the air in disbelief. Tidus flinched, glaring away from her and making his way to the door. “I should go.” He whispered.

“Wait! Oh wait, I’m sorry, no! Stay, I was just surprised. I’m sure you...ahem…haven’t finished explaining.” No, he hadn’t. Leaning against the wall, he tilted his head back and whispered something Lulu didn’t quite catch.

“What was that Tidus? I can’t hear you if you’re talking so low.” He had to tell somebody, and it might make it easy for him to repeat it to Auron.

“Promise me you won’t tell ANYONE, not even Wakka or Yuna, what I’m about to tell you.” Lulu nodded slowly, sitting down. Tidus had something to tell her, something important, and like the caring woman she was, she wasn’t going to judge him afterward. It seemed to her that the fight he and Auron had truly upset the young fighter, and Auron’s sudden appearance had made her and the others curious.

“Auron and I did have a fight. But…it was my fault. He didn’t do anything, but I-I was angry at him. I was crying in my closet when he came home. When I came out, he asked me if I had been crying. He knew I was!” Tidus’ fist clenched at his side, a hiss escaping him. If only Auron hadn’t said that.

“Tidus. He’s Auron. He isn’t an easy man to deal with. You are too delicate, so easily hurt. I know you want his approval, but if you do not talk to him, how will he---

“But I want more than his approval!” The blonde yelled, angry at himself for not knowing any better and Lulu, for being so naïve.

“Well, what do you want?” She asked quietly. She watched Tidus with worry as he paced her kitchen floor, hands balled into fists.

Beating his fists into his legs, hot tears trailed down his face. He was pathetic. It was no wonder Auron never liked to talk to him, or be around him. Nobody wanted a 17 year old baby.

“I want HIM!”

Lulu’s eyes widened, paralyzed by shock, she said nothing, making Tidus uncomfortable with his heated confession. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out right then, but he was just so frustrated, he didn’t know how else to keep it inside.

He had to leave, and go somewhere, anywhere but home. He didn’t want to look for Auron anymore, he just wanted to leave. For the first time in his life, he wished his dream was over, so he could just be sent to another world, maybe, and leave that realm.

“Forget what I told you.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t mean to say it like that. You won’t tell, right?” He asked sternly.

The Black Mage smiled briefly before responding. “Why would I do that? You should have more faith in my judgment, Tidus. I will tell you that you that I do not think you have much of a chance with him. I do not want to make it sound simple or attainable when I doubt that it is. I will not lie to you anymore than I will try to make you feel better. I’m listening because you need to talk, but I will not indulge you. But then again, I could be wrong.”

Yes, she could be. He hoped she was. Yevon…

“Lulu, I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life. I’ve never loved anyone as much. I swear to you, I need him! I don’t know what I’m going to do without him!” His shoulders sagging, he tilted his head back and gasped, rubbing furiously at the tears. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry over that man again, but he couldn’t help it. The tears came whether he wanted them to or not.

“You must tell him. I know this is hurting you inside, and that you do not want to be hurt anymore, but don’t you think this is worth the chance?”

“I don’t know. He hates me now.”

“No, he does not. I am sure of it. If you talk to him---

“I won’t! I can’t. He doesn’t like me. He never has. I’m afraid that if I tell him, he’ll stop being my guardian. He’ll leave me. I only want to see him. I want to so badly, that’s all. I don’t want to tell him, not yet. Maybe when he’s ready to leave the world, I can say it. But not now.” Tidus fisted his coveralls desperately.

Lulu felt bad for the kid. He was so young, yet was in so much need of love. Dire need. Need so bad that he had to get it from the person that was closest. He was confused. He didn’t know that what he was feeling was not love, but an irrepressible need for the stimulation of love.

“Tidus. Have you ever thought about this, really? How do you know you are in love with him? Are you sure you don’t want him to just love you that way a father should love a son? Are you sure you aren’t just lonely enough to think you want him? Do you think about Jecht?” She would give him the benefit of the doubt. He deserved at least that.

“Lulu. I know I’m not confused. I’m not, okay? I want him so bad it hurts. I want him to love me, the way I love him.” Lulu stared into his glistening blue eyes.

“He is twice your age.”

“I know.”

“He is a complicated man.”

“I know.”

“Go after him.”

“….”

“Tidus…I don’t know how to help you if you will not help yourself.”

“I know.”

Lulu put her hand on his tense shoulder. “Auron is tough. You need to know what to expect. It will not be…just don’t rip yourself apart for him.” Tidus nodded. Finally the tears had stopped. Lulu had been very helpful. He knew he could trust her.

“He can’t be far. He is Yuna’s guardian, he’ll be along when Yuna comes, but he never stays. Rikku is a bit promiscuous and I suppose it makes him fearful. Haha.” She laughed thickly.

He turned to hug the woman, but his arms stopped in mid air. She made no attempt to return the gesture. “Just go. Look for him, and if you want, talk to me again. But I will not let you leave here thinking you have a chance.”

“You have more than that. You have a choice.”

“Thank you, Lulu. I, uh, I’m going…” She walked over to the basin in the corner of the kitchen and peered in at her baby, silently dismissing him.

**************

It was some time before Yuna came back home with her friends, stumbling in the door, giggling loudly with Rikku hanging off of her arm. Yuna cringed. The younger girl was weird. It was a shame she was her cousin.

“He liked you! I know he did! Brother would kick his ass if he found out. You should be more careful, Rikku.” Paine smiled lazily, a nice buzz settling in her stomach.

“And would you mind explaining why you three are coming in here making so much noise at such a late time?” The sound of Lulu’s voice startled them out of their drunken haze. They weren’t giggling anymore.

The stern woman walked over to Yuna and peeled Rikku’s arm off of her. “Go to bed Rikku. You shouldn’t be drinking. Yuna, I will get to you in the morning. Paine? Why are you here?”

“Yuna is my friend. This is her house as well. She invited me to stay.” Paine said, deadpan. Unlike her friends, she never backed down to the slightly shorter woman. Lulu admired that.

“Stay if you want, but do be mindful that I have a son that needs his sleep as much as I do. And Rikku, I need a word with you in the morning.” Lulu turned to retire back to her room at the rear of the boathouse they lived in.

“She’s such an old woman.” Rikku whispered. Paine glared and sucked her teeth at the dumb girl’s uncanny ability to be stupid and brave at the wrong times.

******************

Auron frowned as the girls stumbled in from their long night out. He had to keep and eye on Yuna at sundown, to make sure that she got home with no problems. Now that that was over. He didn’t turn around, not surprised to know that the blonde boy was following him and had been for some time.

He stayed silent, waiting for the boy to speak. He knew he had something to say.

“A-Auron I…” Tidus ran a hand through his thick hair, gritting his teeth. He could barely speak.

“I didn’t mean what I said before.” Gulp. “I’m sorry.”

Auron remained silent. What did the boy want him to say? He didn’t care. Not about that. He waited.

“I was just upset and took it out on you. I know I shouldn’t have. I was wrong. I always am.” He strained with the effort to form more words around the lump in his throat, but he could feel his voice getting raspy and raw. He just knew they were coming… Swallowing again, he spoke, “Will you at least look at me?”

“What for?” Auron finally asked.

Tidus almost reeled back at the careless tone of Auron’s voice. Lulu’s words came back to him. ‘…you don’t have a chance.’

‘He is a complicated man.’

He tightly grasped the hem of his short yellow jacket and began to wring it nervously. He would try again.

“Please…I want you to come back…”

“What for?” The tall samurai asked again. Tidus bit his lip. Why was he being like that? It wasn’t that hard to just turn around and say more than two words.

“I need….I mean I…Auron please don’t.” He pleaded helplessly.

“You have no need for me anymore. You said so yourself. And I…have no need for you.”

Tidus couldn’t help it. He began to cry. It hurt so bad, he didn’t know what else to do. He whimpered in the back of his throat, trying to calm himself before he started sobbing.

Auron could here the muffled gasps coming from the boy. He was crying again. What was it this time? Because he wouldn’t turn around? Without thinking about it, he slowly spun to face him, taking in the sniffling fighter with dispassionate eyes.

“What does that mean?” Tidus whispered. Why was he acting like a woman? A child, a helpless love stricken fool?

“Does this mean you don’t want to see me anymore?”

“Yes. I have no reason to protect you. I have fulfilled my promise to your father. And now I will watch over Yuna for the rest of this year, then I will continue on.” It was the longest string of speech Tidus had ever heard the man speak in his life, but it was far from what he wanted to hear.

“Alright then. I just wanted you to know….”

“Yes?”

“I…I love you, Auron. I always have, and I always will.”

Auron flinched. So that was it. The boy was afraid to tell him he loved him. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but then again, he would have rather not been talking to him at all.

“That’s all? Is that what you’ve been sniveling about?”

Tidus’ eyes widened. He wasn’t sure if Auron knew what he was talking about. He must have thought he loved him as a father figure; platonically.

“Since you’re going to be leaving, I didn’t want to tell you, but, oh well. I have nothing to lose. I love you. And I don’t mean like…I like you. Wait…I----

“Stop.” Auron snapped. It was the first time Tidus had ever heard him raise his voice. It made his soul shatter. It was killing him. His head felt light, his feet felt heavy.

He was dizzy. He was shaking. He was….falling?

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground and the last the he saw was Auron step over his body and walk away.

****************
Blasted boy! How dare he? How dare he say such ridiculous things?! Auron stomped across the courtyard, shoving people out of his way. People screamed and cursed but he couldn’t here them.

‘I love you, Auron.’

What nerve the boy had.

That was what this whole ordeal had been about? Love? What the hell was that?

That brat didn’t know what he was talking about.

What did he expect him to do, just trapeze into his arms? There was a litany of problems with the current situation.

He was too old for the boy.

He didn’t like the boy.

He didn’t like the boy’s crying.

He didn’t like the boy’s friends.

He didn’t like the boy.

He was old enough, and certified enough to be the boy’s father.

He didn’t like the boy.

He couldn’t think of a millions better reasons. He simply did not like Tidus. Not that way, not any way. He wasn’t supposed to, so he didn’t. That was never a part of the promise he made to Jecht. The boy spilled his heart out for nothing. And then he collapsed. He probably had a stroke. It wasn’t Auron’s place to care. He protected the boy from monsters and fiends, not trivial matters of the heart. Hn. The blonde haired crybaby didn’t love him. He couldn’t. Why would he do something so stupid? Fall in love with his guardian. What kind of---

“You know, you could have been gentler with him. At the very least you could have told him you didn’t feel the same way. Do you know what happened to him?”

Yuna. Where did she come from? How did she know?

“Lulu told me. After…Auron, what the HELL?!” He blinked his eye. Just to add to his unsettling day, the sent child of Braska was yelling at him for something he didn’t do.

“Leave Yuna.”

“No! I hate you Auron! Do you know what you did to him?!”

“Should I care?”

“You left him in the streets to die! You sick bastard!” He had been called that once or twice in his day. Yuna spread her arms, producing her staves.

“Here and now Auron. I want you to die.”

“Leave.” He said again. She wasn’t serious.

“You left him to die!” She cried, taking a step forward, staves raised to attack.

“But he is not dead. He is broken.”

It was then that Yuna laughed. “For the mighty Auron who thinks he knows everything, you know nothing. You are not the man my father thought you were. You betrayed us all. And now, you will die for it, just like Tidus!!!” She sprang forward and before Auron had time to react, she managed to cut a deep ridge in his left cheek. Angrily, he lashed out and backhanded her. The younger woman hit the floor, hard.

Struggling to get up, Yuna reached into her pouch to get her magic but the moment she did, Auron had already stepped in front of her and raised the katana to the side of her neck.

“Tidus….is dead?”

“You fool.” She spat, curling away from the long sword. He wouldn’t dare.

She had gone out early that morning, waking up as she always did, before everyone else. Making her way down the empty courtyard, her attention caught a figure dressed in yellow and black, lying still, unmoving on the ground. When she got closer, she let out a surprised cry, covering her mouth and backing away.

It had taken her all the healing potions and phoenix downs she had to attempt to revive him and nothing had worked. Tidus was gone. Taking him back to Lulu, the older woman frowned the instant she saw the blonde boy in Yuna’s arms. Something had gone terribly wrong.

They tried everything to revive him, but as it was, the fayth had taken him. His dream had ended. What had Auron done?

Auron grimaced. There was no way he could have caused the boy the much pain. All he said was for the boy to stop. He didn’t want to hear it, what was wrong with that.

Auron felt the need to explain himself for the first time in years. “I did not tell him anything that would have caused this. I simply told him to stop. He told me…he loved me. I took it to mean that he wanted to replace Jecht with me. It was then that he told me had had feelings for me. I told him to stop talking. He collapsed. I left.”

Yuna rolled away from the sword and held up her staves again, instantly going for her pouch. Auron watched her silently. “Why didn’t you help him?” She whispered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Why did you leave him to die? He needed you!”

“I did not know!” Auron growled. Tidus was dead. It was not his fault. The boy had made the wrong choice in telling him of his feelings. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t care for him like he had wanted. The Zanarkand youth was asking too much of him. He would not give in.

“Now you do. I hope you are sent to a hell. You don’t deserve this world, Auron. This is not over, I will gather up the others, and we will defeat you once and for all. You cold bastard. All he wanted you to do was acknowledge his presence. Just to let him know that you would always be there for him or at least give a shit. He never expected you to love him back, he only wanted to let you know.” Yuna walked backward tears rolling down her cheeks, staring at him piteously.

Auron watched her fade into the foggy morning distance. Tidus was dead. Yuna wanted him dead. It was time to move on. It was about time he had been sent. He would lodge in a new motel for the rest of his nights in Spira, just enough to gain supplies.

Tidus was dead. Auron shrugged. He had done what he promised to do. Now, it was time for him to start a new journey, or pilgrimage. The boy was out of his way; he could live freely now.


END.

Messed up? I know. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this, but when I figured out that I couldn’t get Auron and Tidus together with the way Auron was, I gave up and this is what happened. This is my first FFX fic, and I wanted to keep the characters as in character as possible, Auron would not be lovey dovey. At least not in this fic. I don’t even know if I can make him that way, but I can try. Please leave reviews, as reviews does a body good. Better than milk. Heh, I know that was lame.