Vincent's Horrid Poetry Hour

We enter on Vincent seated in a high-backed armchair in front of a crackling fire in an ornate library, like something out of Edgar Allen Poe. He continues reading, a glass of red wine at his side and a raven peering over his shoulder; both seem oblivious to their visitors. The bird ruffles his musty feathers, cocking his head to one side he tucks his beak beneath his wing preening the down feathers. Finishing his own grooming, he moves on to preening Vincent’s characteristically unkempt head.

Vincent: I get the hint, fuck off…oh. People. I suppose you want something.

Breaking the fourth wall, a voice echoes through the chamber.

GuardianKiune: Good evening, and welcome to ‘Horrid Poetry Hour,’ with your host, Vincent Valentine.

Vincent: I am not your host.

GuardianKiune: Yes, you are. Or we will write an MPreg fic. Pairing you with Heiddigger.

Vincent: (shudders) You’re bluffing. You wouldn’t ruin my masculine figure like that.

The voice is silent.

Vincent: Thought so.

GuardianKiune: Look, just host the damn thing so we have a premise for this, alright? We’ll write in more red wine.

Vincent: …Write me some single-malt scotch and we have a deal.

The glass of wine at his side is replaced by a bottle and tumbler of thirty-year-old scotch.

Vincent: Good evening, and welcome to ‘Horrid Poetry Hour’! Here to comment with me tonight is the miscellaneous cast of Final Fantasy 7. Let’s begin, shall we?


Fade to black as the raven begins dipping his beak into the scotch.
******

Title:(Vincent's) Love For Aeris
Original poem by lostaria

Wrapped in darkness day and night
I wait for a normal life.

Vincent: For thirty years. Then a kid with a chocobo on his head opened my coffin, and I just gave up.

Come once more from the shore
of the lake that brought you back to me.

Aeris: I don’t remember washing up on the beach.
.
Come into my castle fair
and let me stroke your hair.
But beware o' fairest of
damsels, when i lure you to my lair.

Yuffie: And introduce you to my bear.
Tifa: We’ll sing and dance without a care.
Cait Sith: And make friends with Tony Blair.
Cid: And eat steak cooked medium-rare.
Aeris: We’ll wax our legs with lots of Nair!
Cloud: I’m not wearing underwear!
Sephiroth: I’ll kill you all beyond repair! Shut up!
.
Come thus love, into my arms
and don't worry about any harm.

Vincent: Until my gauntlet eviscerates you. It really does make romance tricky.
Cid: Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
Vincent: Ssh, later.

Let me charm you into a dance
filled with sweet romance.
.
Aeris dear, please don't fear.

Aeris: Vincent dear, please don’t rhyme.

No tear shall you ever shed.

Cid: Now take it off and get in bed.

I shall protect you o' precious one,
until the day I am none.
.
Tonight we dine on things so fine.

Yuffie: Mmm, Aeris.
Aeris: Don’t look at me like that.

I wish to make you mine forever more.
But there is one problem...
You will not give me your heart.

Vincent: Which apparently hurts so much I can’t rhyme anymore.
Aeris: Good.
.
So I will stand here on the sidelines
as you fall for another.

Tifa: Zack – er, I mean, Cloud.

Worry not fair damsel,for I will
always be here...waiting.

Cid: Circling like hungry sharks.
Aeris: Why aren’t I supposed to worry, again?
.
My love longs for another and
my heart is bear.

Yuffie: Let me introduce you to it.

So stare I shall, longing for what cannot be mine.
Alone. Always forever alone.
.
My love, my sweet love,

Yuffie: (bats her eyelashes) Yes?
Vincent: No.

remember this if nothing more,
I shall wait forever just to hear you say
" I love you"
.
End

Vincent: Thank God. Let’s see what travesty is up next. (gulps his scotch)