Soaked: First in the Chronicles of Soaked

Title: Soaked

Series: The Chronicles of Soaked (so dubbed by Vixxy, for whom I wrote this)

Author: Cuzosu

Rating: M for explicit yaoi.

Summary: Zack is lost in rainy Midgar and Tseng has orders to find him.

This is a gift fic to Vixxy, who knows who she is. It was up on TSH, but Proboards was lame and made us take our stories down....

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Soaked: Part I

Like the Rain

Tseng stared at his phone. What the hell... Why does the Director send me when it's a SOLDIER matter? Confused and wanting clarification, the raven-haired man sent a text to SOLDIER First Class Angeal Hewley, who was probably the only SOLDIER of rank who would answer his questions...or could, as apparently Zack Fair was drunk and...misplaced in Midgar.

Why am I supposed to fetch one of your comrades?

It took a bit for the burly SOLDIER to respond. Because Lazard doesn't trust the Second or Third Classes to do as they're told without supervision.

While that was helpful information, it wasn't quite what Tseng wanted to know, specifically. Okay, but why aren't you fetching your 'puppy' then?

This response took even longer than the last. My hands are full. No one else can handle Sephiroth and Genesis when they're drunk. I don't know what Gen spiked their drinks wi

The message cut off in the middle, but the Wutaian TURK figured he had enough of a reason to at least try to fulfill his mission. Still, he could use all the help he could get. So he sent a text to Lazard, requesting his target's number. He got it, dialed and was about to hit the send button when his PHS buzzed a text alert again.

Please tell Lazard to send two Second Classes to me. Genesis may be used to his concoctions but Sephiroth just threw up on my boots.

Resisting the urge to make a disgusted face, Tseng dialed Lazard's number.

"Lazard here, who is this?" came the voice of Rufus ShinRa's half brother.

"Tseng of the TURKs, sir. SOLDIER Hewley requests two Second Classes to aid him in putting SOLDIERs Sephiroth and Genesis in their beds."

Though the TURK couldn't see it, Director Lazard blinked. "It takes more than one sober First to deal with two drunken Firsts? What the hell were they drinking? It's all but impossible for a SOLDIER to get drunk on any normal liquor."

The raven-haired man sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hewley said something about Genesis spiking their drinks with one of his concoctions, sir."

"Shit."

Tseng pretended he hadn't heard the swearing, since it had been under the Director's breath.

"I'll send a couple down to help him. Can you handle Zack on your own?"

"Sir, I'm a TURK and he's drunk." This was Tseng-speak for 'Don't ask me stupid questions.' "There's only one of him and he's the most amiable of the Firsts."

"True. Call if you need assistance."

Without further ado, the line went dead. Tseng sighed, knuckled his forehead, and sent another text to Angeal.

Help is on its way. I'll handle your puppy.

He tried to call Zack's phone, but the lost puppy wasn't answering. Either that or he lost his PHS again.

Then he pulled his umbrella from its place near the front door and made his way into the rain. Until he could get Zack to answer his phone, Tseng knew his best bet was to visit the bar all the Firsts preferred to frequent and follow his trail from there.

---

Di-da-di, di-da-di, di-da-di, da-di-da-di, di-da-di-da, da-di-da, da-di. Tseng scowled. "I'm going to shoot Reno the next time he changes my ring tone to something this much his style." But he answered his phone with an admittedly growly hello, and heard a voice he really wasn't expecting.

"Dot-man!" slurred Zack drunkenly over the phone.

The first thought that ran through Tseng's mind was: I'll kill his sorry ass too. Second was, Maybe I can get the idiot to tell me where he's at.

"Zack, why are you calling me?"

"Wuz gunna call 'geal... Bu' the bu'hea' won' answer yer phone..."

Is it really a surprise that not even drunk SOLDIERs make any sense whatsoever? ...not really.

With a put-upon sigh, the Wutaian TURK asked, "Zack, where are you?"

"'m a' m' pla-y-ss," came the mumbled reply.

Good, then I don't have to find the puppy after all. If only Tseng knew...

"Bu' m' dayu-um d-oor won' O-PEN!" growled the puppy drunkenly.

If they'd been face to face, Tseng would have put his head in his hands. He settled for telling the hapless SOLDIER, "I'll come help you. Stay there. STAY."

"Uh-kay," groaned Zack. There was a thump in the background; the TURK assumed it was either his back hitting the wall or his butt hitting the floor.

Flipping his PHS closed, the TURK frowned faintly to himself as he turned around and walked back out the door he'd just entered. Was there any point to entering the bar? Apparently not...

Tseng strode into the rain, nearly grumbling at the fact that his shoes were getting splashed by watery detritus from the streets. He was beginning to regret not taking the car.

---

When the TURK arrived at Zack's apartment, he had not been expecting to see the SOLDIER with his hair laying flat, reeling drunkenly from song to song with all the mental retention of a water bottle. Zack Fair was dressed in his regular uniform-after all, the populace wasn't used to seeing SOLDIERs in formal dress drinking themselves under the table of their favorite bar-and the puppy was dripping all over the place.

"Like the rai~n!" sang the sopping wet SOLDIER. He had all the enthusiasm of his normal self but none of the recall to accompany it. "...here a better man... Turn on the radio! 's finally Friday! ...you're my better half! ...played a sad song, made me cry... Hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm...gone..." Something about that line confused him-Tseng knew it was because he'd gotten a word wrong-but the puppy shrugged as best as his inebriated body could manage and sang on. "'s all over now and it sure is Monday!"

"Well, he got that partly right," sighed Tseng. It's all over for the night, and tomorrow is Monday, which means work. He'll have one hell of a hangover in the morning, though, if his actions are anything to go by. It wasn't that the Wutaian TURK felt sorry for Zack-the puppy had gone on drinking binges with Reno far too often for that-but that he wasn't sure he was pleased with anything about this scenario. To his fellow raven-haired man, he said, "Do you have your card key?"

The look that query was given had Tseng shaking his head. Of course Zack would misplace his key when he was drunk; normally he just crashed at Reno's place. Said key was likely either still at the bar or in Reno's possession from their last drinking binge.

If it's not Reno, it's Zack. How is it I always wind up dealing with them? Veld apparently liked assigning the fetch-and-babysit missions to him when it involved these two in particular. Does he like pissing me off?

"I guess you can sleep at my place for the night," the Wutaian man informed Zack. Then he eyed his umbrella, eventually deciding that hauling a drunken SOLDIER to his home would be complicated enough without the addition of unwieldy things that would take up a hand he needed.

As he helped the sodden and intoxicated SOLDIER to his feet, he grimaced at the water soaking into his clothes. At least he doesn't SMELL like wet dog, snarked his mind. Tseng steadied them both, turned them, and led the way back to his apartment. He was definitely regretting not taking the car.

---

Like the rain, the inebriated Zack Fair fell repeatedly, splashing water up on accident and further soaking the TURK. While the long-haired man couldn't say he was pleased, neither was he surprised. But he drew the line quite firmly when Zack started trying to grope him through his sopping wet suit.

He probably doesn't even know who he's with, Tseng rationalized. So what if he's bi? The man's never had to work with me in close quarters for any length of time, so either he goes by surface appearance or...He couldn't decide what the other possibility was. Nor did he connect the dots* and realize that he HAD worked for extended periods of time with Reno, who had a big mouth when he felt like talking, and Reno was good friends with the SOLDIER he was currently tugging through Midgar.

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*Hey, I had to use the phrase in connection with Tseng at some point. :P

A/N: If you see any missing spaces or whatever, point them out, please. I copied this over from FFnet and sometimes it messes up the editing.

*ALSO: The lyrical bits that Zack sang in this are from, in order:

Clint Black's "Like the Rain"

Clint Black's "Better Man"

Reba McEntire's "Turn on the Radio"

George Jones' "It's Finally Friday"

Keith Urban's "You're My Better Half"

Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Shot the Jukebox" with one word wrong in the quote, because Zack's drunk and I wanted to leave that impression - for those who caught that.

Three Doors Down's "When I'm Gone"

Mark Chesnutt's "It Sure Is Monday"