Help me if you can

Squall Leonhart stood by the railing of the Knightshade Taverns guestroom balcony. The ocean breeze ruffled his hair, and penetrated his cloak, cooling him. Squall wore black leather pants, no shirt, and no shoes. His black cowboy hat lay forgotten on the bedroom floor. Where he had left it the night before during his encounter with a tavern whore. She had left hours ago. Squall never even knew her name.

Sex for Squall had never meant anything. It was like meditation, it relieved stress. He had only ever been in love once, with Rinoa. But she was long gone. Squall cast her aside the moment he had her. The thrill of the chase drove him wild, but the catch always disappointed him. He was never satisfied. Squall sighed. He wished he could find someone to love, and to stay in love with. Someone that could keep up with his changing moods and who could satisfy him. Alas, it seemed there was no such person.

Squall had never really been interested in men. Sure he’d fucked them for fun, and found it slightly more enjoyable than fucking a girl, but it didn’t keep him interested. Squall even found a few guys especially attractive. He’d met tonnes. The one he remembered most was Irvine. Irvine the sexy cowboy whose ginger hair had driven Squall wild.

Squall knew Irvine from way back, when he was a child even. They’d grown up as friends. Then drifted apart. But the thought of him still haunted Squall. Squall turned to go back inside. He tossed his cloak on the floor, along with the rest of his clothes and stepped into a hot shower. He let the steaming hot water run on the back of his neck.

Squall washed his hair thoroughly, then turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He picked up the fluffy white towel from the rack and walked out into his room drying his hair.

“Well hello there...” a voice stated.
Squall turned around. It was Irvine.
“Oh. Hey.” Squall replied, in that ‘it’s only you’ tone of voice.
He proceeded to dry his hair. Not caring that he was naked and Irvine was there. “So what's up?” Squall asked casually, pulling on a pair of blue boxer shorts.
“Nothing really. Everyone's down at the beach.” Irvine replied, shrugging.
“Everyone?” Squall asked quizzically.
“Yeah. Selphie, Quistis, Seifer, Zell, Rinoa.....” Irvine answered.
“What are you all doing here?” Squall asked, zipping up his leather pants.

“Quistis married Seifer.” Irvine said.
Squall looked at him.
“So they finally got together? Lucky for some. Well.... I hope they’re happy.” Squall replied.
He put on a tight white shirt and rana brush through his hair.

“Wait a minute” he said finally “What are you doing here? In my room?”
Irvine grinned.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that.” He said.
Squall kept looking at him.

“Alright... I slept with this girl and she asked me if I knew a handsome young man named Squall. Of course I did. She told me where to find you and I figured since I was in the area.” Irvine continued.
Squall bent down to tie his boot laces. Irvine could see the muscles rippling beneath theht sht shirt. It was always so easy, he remembered, to get lost in those stormy grey eyes.
“Was it worth it? Are you happy?” Squall asked, standing up.
Irvine looked confused.
“Look. Irvine. I know you know my past. I know you know what I did to Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis and the rest. I’ve changed man.” Squall said.
Irvine shook his head.
“No. You haven’t changed. You’ve always been this cold, this withdrawn..... and lonely.” He stated.
Squall flinched.
“You think I'm lonely?” skedsked.
“Yes.” Irvine replied straight away.

“Why would I be lonely? Tell me, sniper slut, you know what it is like. With those looks you can have all the company you want. Sure it’s always sex. But what's wrong with that? And I'll bet that hair drives the chicks wild.” Squall said, laughing.
Irvine wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or offended.
Squall walked over and took Irvine's hair out of the tie, running his fingers through it.
“Yeah, I'll be it drives them wild.” He added.
Irvine felt his pulse quicken. He fought the urge to leap on Squall.
“Well then” Squall said, patting him on the head “if you’re done, I'm going out.”
Irvine sighed.
“Meet us for dinner than. Tonight. 7pm downstairs.” He said, spinning around to face squall.
Squall looked at him.
“Maybe.” He said, holding the door open.

Irvine walked out without so much as a backward glance. Squall watched him go, noticing how tight his black jeans were over his ass, and the way his ginger hair shrouded his shoulders and shone in the sunlight. Squall smiled to himself then set out on the town.

Squall wandered around until &pm. He had nothing to do, and decided to go and see the guys again, for old time’s sake.
He strolled into the tavern about twenty minutes late.
“Better late than never.” Irvine stated, smiling over at Squall.
Squall walked over to them.
“Better never at all.” He heard Rinoa mutter.
“Rinoa...” he purred “as charming as ever.”
Rinoa glared at him.
“Oh bite me Squall.” She snapped.
Squall laughed coldly.
“Been there, done that." He said, sitting down next to Irvine at the head of the table.
“Congratulations” he added, turning to Quistis.
“Thanks.” Quistis replied hesitantly.
Everyone was quiet. Squall suddenly laughed. Irvine looked at him, aching to grab him and kiss him. He was so beautiful.

“Anyone would think you guys aren’t happy to see me.” Squall stated with mock sorrow.
He knew he was being a bastard but he didn’t care. These people were his past. He le bac back in the chair, waiting for an answer.
“What do you expect us to say to that?” Zell finally said.
Squall raised an eyebrow. Selphie spoke.
“Yeah Squall. We love you like a brother. We grew up together...”
“Those days are gone!” Squall snapped.
Selphie burst into tears.
“Are you happy now?” Rinoa asked coldly.
Squall smiled nastily at her.
Rinoa jumped up.
“You cold hearted bastard! Are you fucking happy now?!?” She creadowndown at him.
Squall looked up at her.
‘You’re so cute when you’re angry.” He replied sweetly.
That did it. Rinoa flew at him. Sending them both crashing to the ground. Squall rolled her over and pinned her down with his weight. He bent down and kissed her on the lips. She cursed incoherently then smashed her forehead into the bridge of his nose.

“Bitch!” He snarled leaping off her, blood pouring down his face.
She stood up and threw herself at him. Irvine grabbed her and pinned her to his chest. Squall looked at the others. They looked horrified. Selphie wouldn’t even look at him.

Irvine studied Squall as he stood there, glaring defiantly at the others. Oh how he wanted to soothe Squall with a full body massage. He could practically feel Squall beneath him. He stifled a groan.
Squall turned to Irvine. Irvine tried to look indifferent. Squall studied him. God he was pretty. That gorgeous hair, those beautiful eyes and that incredible body. Squall shook his head.

“I think you should go.” Quistis was saying.
Squall looked at her. She shrunk under his gaze and stepped closer to Seifer. Seifer moved his hand to his sword. Squall laughed at them.
“All right... if that's what you want.” He said, shrugging.
He turned to Rinoa
“Night Princess.” He grinned.

She strained against Irvine, hoping to scratch Squall’s eyes out. Squall turned and went upstairs to his room. He turned the shower on and stepped out of his clothes. He realized he’d left his hat downstairs, but decided to worry about it afterward and got into the shower. He gingerly washed the blood off his face and leant back against the wall. He sighed. Irvine had been right, He was lonely. Squall sank to his knees. The realization too much, Squall began to cry. He tangled his hands roughly in his hair and sobbed. Once he started he couldn’t stop. He thought of how he’d used Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis, and all the other girls. They’d all trusted him, and he’d let them all down. Their hero. Saviour of the world. He remembered Zell telling him no one could hate a hero.

“But I'm not a hero.” Squall cried, sobbing hysterically “And you al hate me.” Squall curled himself into a ball, unable to breather properly but he didn’t care. His eyes were red and sore from crying but he couldn’t stop. He finally realized that he was shivering and the water had gone cold. Slowly he stood up and turned off the water. He got out of the shower and went outside to sit on the balcony, putting on a pair of leather pants. The night air was surprisingly warm. He sat with his back against the wall, looking out over the ocean. “Who could ever love me? Cold hearted bastard. I loved you all. I did. I gave my all. I did. Don’t believe me. Don’t worry about me. I’m nothing.” Squall whispered, the tears began again.
“I’m in charge. I’m in control. I’m... so lonely. I need you. I love you.” He continued. He had a picture of Irvine stuck in his mind.
“I love you” Squall whispered again “I need you to need me.”
Squall stood up.

“Bring me my salvation!” He screamed to the sky. It stayed dark, ominous and unresponsive.
Squall climbed up on the railing.
“Give me a reason to stay!” He challenged the sky.
“I love you.” Said a soft voice behind him.
Squall spun a round, a smile lighting up his face. His eyes widened in surprise as his foot slipped. He fell backward. Irvine rushed to the railing.
“Squall! No!” He cried.

“...I love you...” came Squall’s whisper on the wind before he hit the ground with a sickening thud.

“No! No! NO!” Irvine cursed, horrified.
The wind whipped his loose hair about. He looked up at the sky. Seeming to find his answer there he climbed up on the railing. He stretched out his arms.

“I’ll be there soon Squall, my love.” He said quietly, then dived forward off the balcony.