rate_review Reviews

good... I go for Squall/Zell

I wanna see a squallxirvine! yay!

ZELL!!! ohhhhh and Seifer lol, the more the better hahah yeah but yeah my main vote is for Zelly

yay, snuggles, K.F.F.

I am interested, but I do doubt your ability to create a good story when you haven’t even planned the pairing out. It’s not exactly uncommon for authors to leave it up to the readers, but I assume this entire fic is going to be centered around the couple, and since Irvine, Seifer, and Zell are wildly different, that would make for three completely different stories… none of which seem to have been planned out with enough forethought to require any one particular character. That said, I will at least play along with your ploy for getting more reviews. Seifer would be my first choice and then Irvine. I will read just about any story if it has Squall as uke. You write well, especially since this is your first fanfic. I do have a few tips though, if you’ll indulge my terrible nitpicking habits. This prologue wasn’t really a prologue at all. Like any movie, a story is composed of scenes, several scenes making up a chapter and sometimes one really long scene making up a chapter. This prologue left off without accomplishing anything other than a quick little introduction to three characters. I have no idea what the story is about or what conflict there may be other than Squall choosing what to eat for breakfast. To go back to middle school English class, there was no hook other than your author’s notes tell readers they had a choice in the pairing. I assume the reason for this is because A- You’re inexperienced with writing and don’t have a handle on the flow of events in a story yet. B- You couldn’t take the chapter further because the pairing isn’t set yet. Considering that practice will take care of A and enough reviews will take care of B, I look forward to chapters that build a story. I do think you have a talent for writing, so I hope to see you post many more chapters and stories. There were some minor grammar issues in this prologue, which I think were more the fault of not having a beta reader than you not understanding the rules of grammar. Raise instead of rise, your instead of you’re. Overall you did a nice job, so keep it up.

The story sounds pretty interesting. I'm interested in seeing how it progresses so my votes for a IrvinexSquall