A Crack in Time
folder
Final Fantasy VII › Yaoi - Male/Male › Cloud/Sephiroth
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,215
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy VII › Yaoi - Male/Male › Cloud/Sephiroth
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,215
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I don't own Final Fantasy VII and make no money on it. All belongs to square-enix
A Crack in Time
A Crack in Time
Disclaimer : Yeah yeah yeah I know I don't own if I did…..-yaoi nosebleed- so much yaoi…
Wellllll first of all this is PURE crack or semi pure crack. Just know it is full of crack. Also I have nothing against time travel fics. I LOVE THEM. They are epic awesomeness. Number two : …Grammar sadly isn't my strongest point T_T I'm so sorry If I had a beta they would beta it but I don't so please live with it. Number three : This may or may not be a yaoi depends if I can fit it in…..after all for the most part Cloud shall be chibi-ed for most chapters don't want Seph to seem like a pedo bear…. And sadly number four well it's only sad if you actually like this story but : I have no idea where this is going pasted the "Dwon't Fwuck wif the cwuteness!" Which doesn't pop up for another 2-3 chapters. And uh yes it's AU.
Side note: No chocobos were harmed in the making of this fic...and the one that did had it coming to him.
/.../ Cloud talking to Zack
(...) Zack talking Cloud
'...' Cloud thinking
Cloud sighed taking a bite out of the freakishly large Chocobo leg. Life was good. No Sephiroth. No Jonova. And best of all no planet demanding that he take on impossible task. Yup life was good….
(SPIKEY! What are you doing! Ho-how could you!)
If only he could get rid of the voices then he'd really be in a good mood. Eh one problem at a time he get around to them eventually. Besides how much harm could they do?
/What am I doing wrong now Zack?/
(What are you doing? What are you doing! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! YOU'RE EATING A FREAKING CHOCOBO! That's like eating your own brother Cloud. Your own freaking brother.)
/If my brother, which I don't have by the way, tasted just as good as this BBQ Chocobo I might eat him too/
(…You're a sick man Cloud Strife)
/I'm entitled to be a 'sick man' I saved the freaking three times. THREE! Count'em One. Two. Three./
(But still…)
/Eh you really can't blame me I mean really I was a experiment of Hojo's for four damn years/ He took one last bite out of the Chocobo leg before tossing the bone over his shoulder where it landed in, what was to be a continuously growing pile of Chocobo bones.
(Oh yeah I forgot about that…)
/How the hell did you forget? You were there with me./ He rolled his eyes reaching for another Chocobo wing.
(Oh yeahh that's right dude you know Angeal is really pissed off at you about what you did to his sword.) Cloud shrugged tossing the bone behind him at the exact same time as Vincent Valentine happened to be walking up to him. The bone hit the ex- Turk square in his chest somehow managing to stick there then slowly, excruciatingly slow, slid down leaving a wet brown stain in it's wake. (Spike….you're about to die.)
/Huh?/ He turned around and spotted the ex-Turk standing behind him a tick in his hand. Crimson eyes locked on to the blonde causing him to take a step back from the enraged man.
"V-vincent what uh…what uh can I do for you?" Cloud asked giving the Ex- Turk a nervous grin as he inched back for his sword. He had no doubt in his mind the man would try and kill him after all it was THE freaking coat. Even Yuffie wasn't crazy enough to fuck with that coat.
"Cloud…..the planet is dying." Cloud stopped his inching towards First Tsurugi to stare at Vincent with a blank expression.
"Well you better get to fixing that I'm retired." Vincent raised an eyebrow at him crossing his arms over his chest.
"Cloud you know as a main character in this fic you're the only one who can save the planet." Cloud scowled, turning his back on the Ex-Turk climbing on to Fenrir hoisting First Tsurugi on to his back. He ignored the fact that he was still only wearing Chocobo swimming trunks and flipflops and there by shouldn't be able to do said things but hey what the hell it was a crack fic! Who gave a damn. He turned towards Vincent blue locked with red and he said the one thing Clouds everywhere wanted to say since the day fan fictions became known to the world and the same plot was reused so much that all you had to do was look at the title you'd know what happened.
"Fuck the planet." Fenrir roared to life and he took off speeding down the beach. He made it about seventeen feet before the planet opened up and he was swallowed whole, Fenrir and all. Vincent sighed shaking his head glancing at the chair and left over BBQ Chocobo. Shrugging he pulled off his coat and sat down grabbing a leg.
"He should have known he couldn't run. Poor soul." He muttered taking a bite out of the Chocobo. His eyes widening in surprise. "Maybe I should considered going into the BBQ business ….I'd make millions off of this…."
-In the LifeStream-
Cloud floated through the lifestream muttering curse about Gaia and how she should fix her own damn self. He was pissed no he was beyond pissed he was so pissed that there weren't even words to describe what he was currently feeling for Gaia. A sudden light flashed and he found himself standing well more like floating in front of him was a beautiful blonde woman. This woman was the cause of all his troubles the reason he had nightmares at night the reason he couldn't come within thirty-feet of a village without needing to save someone. This was Gaia.
"Cloud, my child my son….I need you once more…." Her voice whispered through his mind he had the sudden urge to bash his head in.
"Yeah you and every other person in the world, fat chance lady I want you put me back in my body back on the beach so I can finish my Choco-barbeque." He a leveled her with a glare that could have made Sephiroth well…maybe not Sephiroth but Genesis head for the hills.
"My child please I know you have been hurt but please you will have the chance to change it all." Cloud gave her a horrified look as it dawned on him.
"Oh hell no! No way this is one of those fucking time travel fics! Nope no way. I am not going to the past and going through puberty all over again. Do you know how I had to fucking work out to get this body! And you want me to go back and do it all over again screw you whore biscuit!" He turned his back on her and started walking a way intending to find his own way out.
"What….did…..you….call….me?" She hissed out through clenched teeth. Cloud didn't stop to grace her with an answer.
"A whore Biscuit." Zack said standing opposite to her eating what could only have been a Chocobo's leg. Could turned to Zack only to gape.
"What the hell! You were just yelling at me for eating Chocobos now you're doing it! How's it even possible ?" Zack shrugged taking another bite.
"Well this is the Chocobo you barbequed earlier it's soul was sent to the life stream and I happened to catch Valentine talking to some people about opening up a VBC…" Cloud frowned Barbeque Chocobo was HIS idea damn it.
"VBC….?"
"Vincent's Barbequed Chocobo." Cloud's left twitched repeatedly. Oh the Ex-Turk was going down so down he'd be up by the time Cloud got done with him.
"ENOUGH!" Gaia shouted finally pissed off at being ignored. She was an all powerful being ignore her was high treason.
"What whore biscuit I already said I'm not going back, find yourself another man." He waved her off intending to find out more of this VBC thing. Come hell or high water he was getting a cut of Gils Vincent was sure to make off his brilliant idea.
"Blasphemy! Ingrate! For this you loose main character status!"
"Fine by me means I don't have to stick around here or hang out in the past. Let me know how it works out." Gaia let out an evil smile and then Cloud's world went black.
"So who's the new main character?" Zack asked staring at the spot his best friend had disappeared into.
"Sephiroth of course." A snap of her fingers and the silver hair general appeared before looking disorientated before his gazed on them.
"To what do I owe the honor?" His voice slide across them causing shivers to run up and down their spines. Even for a dead guy he was kind of scary.
"Your status as main character has been reinstated. Have fun in the past." She stamped a red sign on his forehead before hitting a button the ground under his feet disappeared and he fell through. Zack walked over to the hole peering curiously into it.
"Should you really have sent Sephiroth to the past? I mean isn't he the reason you're in this situation in the first place? Also for someone who's dying you don't look really sick." Zack asked munching a way at the Chocobo leg. Gaia's left eye twitched and she kicked the first year into the hole ignoring his wails.
"It's a crack fic don't question it anything that happens just accept it and nod." She said just as Aerith walked over to her.
"What status did you give Cloud?" Gaia smirked turning to walk away saying the two words any good fan hated.
"Mary Sue." A scream echoed throughout the world and somewhere in a dark corner a Chocobo cut it self.
-Cloud-
Cloud opened one blue eye staring in confusion at the white ceiling. Wasn't he suppose be back at the beach on his way to kick Vincent's ass for sealing his idea. Equally blue eyes came into view causing Cloud to blink when his mother's face came into face. His mother was dead….why was. He lifted a hand his frown deepening when a chubby little arm came into view. 'What the…..oh no the bitch had done it! She sent me back in time! Oh shit just got real in this fic shit just got real.' He sighed staring at his mother he supposed it couldn't be that bad at least the voices were gone.
(Think again! She sent me with you)
'…damn'
"What are you naming him?"
"….Jerry." 'WHAT! '
"Uh….Jerry ma'am? You are aware that this is a Final Fantasy fiction not a original…." She nodded staring at him.
"But It's also crack…." The doctor gave her a deadpanned look.
"His name is Cloud we're not on that much crack Ms. Strife."
"HE'S MY JERRY!" She clutched him close and started obsessively petting his head. "My Jerry he won't leave me. Jerry is here to stay. Forever and ever and ever and ever." Cloud stared up at his mother with wide huge eyes.
'You have got to be fucking kidding me.'
Yeah so …..that's it…..for now….. Was it good? Should I keep going or delete before someone's eye sockets fall out due to the sheer horribleness of it all?
TBC…..maybe…..if you like it….
Disclaimer : Yeah yeah yeah I know I don't own if I did…..-yaoi nosebleed- so much yaoi…
Wellllll first of all this is PURE crack or semi pure crack. Just know it is full of crack. Also I have nothing against time travel fics. I LOVE THEM. They are epic awesomeness. Number two : …Grammar sadly isn't my strongest point T_T I'm so sorry If I had a beta they would beta it but I don't so please live with it. Number three : This may or may not be a yaoi depends if I can fit it in…..after all for the most part Cloud shall be chibi-ed for most chapters don't want Seph to seem like a pedo bear…. And sadly number four well it's only sad if you actually like this story but : I have no idea where this is going pasted the "Dwon't Fwuck wif the cwuteness!" Which doesn't pop up for another 2-3 chapters. And uh yes it's AU.
Side note: No chocobos were harmed in the making of this fic...and the one that did had it coming to him.
/.../ Cloud talking to Zack
(...) Zack talking Cloud
'...' Cloud thinking
Cloud sighed taking a bite out of the freakishly large Chocobo leg. Life was good. No Sephiroth. No Jonova. And best of all no planet demanding that he take on impossible task. Yup life was good….
(SPIKEY! What are you doing! Ho-how could you!)
If only he could get rid of the voices then he'd really be in a good mood. Eh one problem at a time he get around to them eventually. Besides how much harm could they do?
/What am I doing wrong now Zack?/
(What are you doing? What are you doing! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! YOU'RE EATING A FREAKING CHOCOBO! That's like eating your own brother Cloud. Your own freaking brother.)
/If my brother, which I don't have by the way, tasted just as good as this BBQ Chocobo I might eat him too/
(…You're a sick man Cloud Strife)
/I'm entitled to be a 'sick man' I saved the freaking three times. THREE! Count'em One. Two. Three./
(But still…)
/Eh you really can't blame me I mean really I was a experiment of Hojo's for four damn years/ He took one last bite out of the Chocobo leg before tossing the bone over his shoulder where it landed in, what was to be a continuously growing pile of Chocobo bones.
(Oh yeah I forgot about that…)
/How the hell did you forget? You were there with me./ He rolled his eyes reaching for another Chocobo wing.
(Oh yeahh that's right dude you know Angeal is really pissed off at you about what you did to his sword.) Cloud shrugged tossing the bone behind him at the exact same time as Vincent Valentine happened to be walking up to him. The bone hit the ex- Turk square in his chest somehow managing to stick there then slowly, excruciatingly slow, slid down leaving a wet brown stain in it's wake. (Spike….you're about to die.)
/Huh?/ He turned around and spotted the ex-Turk standing behind him a tick in his hand. Crimson eyes locked on to the blonde causing him to take a step back from the enraged man.
"V-vincent what uh…what uh can I do for you?" Cloud asked giving the Ex- Turk a nervous grin as he inched back for his sword. He had no doubt in his mind the man would try and kill him after all it was THE freaking coat. Even Yuffie wasn't crazy enough to fuck with that coat.
"Cloud…..the planet is dying." Cloud stopped his inching towards First Tsurugi to stare at Vincent with a blank expression.
"Well you better get to fixing that I'm retired." Vincent raised an eyebrow at him crossing his arms over his chest.
"Cloud you know as a main character in this fic you're the only one who can save the planet." Cloud scowled, turning his back on the Ex-Turk climbing on to Fenrir hoisting First Tsurugi on to his back. He ignored the fact that he was still only wearing Chocobo swimming trunks and flipflops and there by shouldn't be able to do said things but hey what the hell it was a crack fic! Who gave a damn. He turned towards Vincent blue locked with red and he said the one thing Clouds everywhere wanted to say since the day fan fictions became known to the world and the same plot was reused so much that all you had to do was look at the title you'd know what happened.
"Fuck the planet." Fenrir roared to life and he took off speeding down the beach. He made it about seventeen feet before the planet opened up and he was swallowed whole, Fenrir and all. Vincent sighed shaking his head glancing at the chair and left over BBQ Chocobo. Shrugging he pulled off his coat and sat down grabbing a leg.
"He should have known he couldn't run. Poor soul." He muttered taking a bite out of the Chocobo. His eyes widening in surprise. "Maybe I should considered going into the BBQ business ….I'd make millions off of this…."
-In the LifeStream-
Cloud floated through the lifestream muttering curse about Gaia and how she should fix her own damn self. He was pissed no he was beyond pissed he was so pissed that there weren't even words to describe what he was currently feeling for Gaia. A sudden light flashed and he found himself standing well more like floating in front of him was a beautiful blonde woman. This woman was the cause of all his troubles the reason he had nightmares at night the reason he couldn't come within thirty-feet of a village without needing to save someone. This was Gaia.
"Cloud, my child my son….I need you once more…." Her voice whispered through his mind he had the sudden urge to bash his head in.
"Yeah you and every other person in the world, fat chance lady I want you put me back in my body back on the beach so I can finish my Choco-barbeque." He a leveled her with a glare that could have made Sephiroth well…maybe not Sephiroth but Genesis head for the hills.
"My child please I know you have been hurt but please you will have the chance to change it all." Cloud gave her a horrified look as it dawned on him.
"Oh hell no! No way this is one of those fucking time travel fics! Nope no way. I am not going to the past and going through puberty all over again. Do you know how I had to fucking work out to get this body! And you want me to go back and do it all over again screw you whore biscuit!" He turned his back on her and started walking a way intending to find his own way out.
"What….did…..you….call….me?" She hissed out through clenched teeth. Cloud didn't stop to grace her with an answer.
"A whore Biscuit." Zack said standing opposite to her eating what could only have been a Chocobo's leg. Could turned to Zack only to gape.
"What the hell! You were just yelling at me for eating Chocobos now you're doing it! How's it even possible ?" Zack shrugged taking another bite.
"Well this is the Chocobo you barbequed earlier it's soul was sent to the life stream and I happened to catch Valentine talking to some people about opening up a VBC…" Cloud frowned Barbeque Chocobo was HIS idea damn it.
"VBC….?"
"Vincent's Barbequed Chocobo." Cloud's left twitched repeatedly. Oh the Ex-Turk was going down so down he'd be up by the time Cloud got done with him.
"ENOUGH!" Gaia shouted finally pissed off at being ignored. She was an all powerful being ignore her was high treason.
"What whore biscuit I already said I'm not going back, find yourself another man." He waved her off intending to find out more of this VBC thing. Come hell or high water he was getting a cut of Gils Vincent was sure to make off his brilliant idea.
"Blasphemy! Ingrate! For this you loose main character status!"
"Fine by me means I don't have to stick around here or hang out in the past. Let me know how it works out." Gaia let out an evil smile and then Cloud's world went black.
"So who's the new main character?" Zack asked staring at the spot his best friend had disappeared into.
"Sephiroth of course." A snap of her fingers and the silver hair general appeared before looking disorientated before his gazed on them.
"To what do I owe the honor?" His voice slide across them causing shivers to run up and down their spines. Even for a dead guy he was kind of scary.
"Your status as main character has been reinstated. Have fun in the past." She stamped a red sign on his forehead before hitting a button the ground under his feet disappeared and he fell through. Zack walked over to the hole peering curiously into it.
"Should you really have sent Sephiroth to the past? I mean isn't he the reason you're in this situation in the first place? Also for someone who's dying you don't look really sick." Zack asked munching a way at the Chocobo leg. Gaia's left eye twitched and she kicked the first year into the hole ignoring his wails.
"It's a crack fic don't question it anything that happens just accept it and nod." She said just as Aerith walked over to her.
"What status did you give Cloud?" Gaia smirked turning to walk away saying the two words any good fan hated.
"Mary Sue." A scream echoed throughout the world and somewhere in a dark corner a Chocobo cut it self.
-Cloud-
Cloud opened one blue eye staring in confusion at the white ceiling. Wasn't he suppose be back at the beach on his way to kick Vincent's ass for sealing his idea. Equally blue eyes came into view causing Cloud to blink when his mother's face came into face. His mother was dead….why was. He lifted a hand his frown deepening when a chubby little arm came into view. 'What the…..oh no the bitch had done it! She sent me back in time! Oh shit just got real in this fic shit just got real.' He sighed staring at his mother he supposed it couldn't be that bad at least the voices were gone.
(Think again! She sent me with you)
'…damn'
"What are you naming him?"
"….Jerry." 'WHAT! '
"Uh….Jerry ma'am? You are aware that this is a Final Fantasy fiction not a original…." She nodded staring at him.
"But It's also crack…." The doctor gave her a deadpanned look.
"His name is Cloud we're not on that much crack Ms. Strife."
"HE'S MY JERRY!" She clutched him close and started obsessively petting his head. "My Jerry he won't leave me. Jerry is here to stay. Forever and ever and ever and ever." Cloud stared up at his mother with wide huge eyes.
'You have got to be fucking kidding me.'
Yeah so …..that's it…..for now….. Was it good? Should I keep going or delete before someone's eye sockets fall out due to the sheer horribleness of it all?
TBC…..maybe…..if you like it….