Left Out

A/N: Aww, you guys are the bestest. You say such fabulous things! I'm totally stoked that my threeway chapter was such a hit and therefore must extend my sincerest thanks to these guys for their tremendous reviews:

schwaerze - I love you. *Hugs* You give me such detailed, thought-provoking feedback and it means a lot that you spend such time on them, telling me everything you think or feel. You rock for that.

Hmm, Loz and Yazoo committed suicide at the end of the film? I truly never thought of it that way. I always thought they just started to fade away, like they had no choice in the matter since Kadaj was gone, like his absence was drawing them in because they were all so closely linked. Where one goes, the others go too. Now that you've mentioned it, I really dig that suicide theory. Instead of shooting themselves, they just will themselves to die, because they CAN. Cool. And yet, so sad...*cries like Loz*

Yeah, Loz = eager puppy. A really big, strong, violent puppy but a puppy nevertheless! After obediently doing Kadaj's evil bidding for God knows how long, he definitely deserves his 'reward'. ;)

I don't know either if Kadaj would let Loz top him. Nice idea, though whether it would actually happen is open for debate. Daj probably likes being in charge too much!

Thank you for commenting on the emotions that I put into the sex. I've probably already said this, but I find reading slash without /some/ form of emotion (not necessarily love but at least a little fondness or tenderness, even the opposite scale such as mixed hate/desire) to be an unsatisfactory event. Without that, without some actual human feelings, I quickly lose interest in the story and I think a decent writer should be able to incorporate genuine feeling into all the smut. You can have both and I'm happy that I managed to achieve the right balance, especially in this fic where the bond thing between them all plays such a huge part.

Indeed, I think Loz gets frustrated at how cool and casual Yazoo is all the time. You never see him get angry. Even when when Reno insulted Mother to his face, he still doesn't raise his voice or go ballistic like Loz or Kadaj would. He chastises Reno but doesn't yell or let his calmness crack. Throughout the whole film, he either acts amused or just mildly irritated. Never really pissed. Loz probably finds Yazoo TOO perfect sometimes with all his elegance and grace. I reckon Loz secretly wishes Yazoo would get a little dirtier and nastier, maybe get mad and scream at somebody or headbutt them in the face just for a change! I know /I'd/ like to see that!

Haha, oh yes. I had to write the mother of all climaxes with this fic. (okay, okay, terrible pun...) Now, I've probably outdone myself and I'm not sure if I can ever top that again. Everything I write from now on will probably suck. :P Not really, but it's gonna be very hard to do a climax THAT friggin' spectacular a second time.

Enjoy this last little piece. Here, I touch on the subjects you mention. I will investigate more of Loz's doubts and fears in the next story I write as I think there's a lot more to be explored in that respect with him.

Ravenlyn - Thank you ever so much! *takes ten stars and frames them* Yes, it WAS about effing time those bad brothers just got down to it and shagged like wild horny animals. I think the results speak for themselves. You just know that if the three of them got together, something hugely amazing had to happen with all the power they have. If you did ever watch them doing it, not only would you have to take cover from falling debris but you'd have to like, wear a lead suit or something and even that may not protect you. Oh, but the hair loss and radiation burns would be so worth it... :D Thank you for reading this story of mine. I hope you read and enjoy the next one I post as much as you did this.

Murtaghgirl - Don't fall off your chair, now. I can't be sued or held responsible for any injuries sustained from reading my fic! As for your rant, I totally agree. None of them should have died because they were the most awesomest things about that film. I don't think Cloud intended to kill Kadaj, not really, only Sephiroth and because Sephy was in Kadaj's body, poor little guy copped all the collateral damage from that big-ass sword battle. If it came down to Kadaj being beaten to his knees and Cloud standing there with his sword on Kadaj's neck, I doubt Cloud would actually perform the fatal strike. He'd be all noble and let Kadaj live but only after a stern warning to be a good little brother from now on. You can tell he cared about Kadaj in spite of everything by the way he catches Kadaj's fall and holds him in his last moments. If he didn't care, Clould would have walked away and not looked back. So, try not to be too mad at him! Besides, it's Sephiroth's fault! Blame him! *punches Seph hard in the groin and kicks his smug ass back to hell* Yeah. I reeeeally don't like him.

Never fear, in the very near future I will be writing much more of gorgeous Yazoo to satisfy your lust-crush. Perhaps even with Kadaj! Sound good? Thought so.

I'm not going much further with this fic so I can't guarantee a happy ending for them all but hopefully I leave it on a positive, not-too-depressing note. Thank you once again for reading and that goes to everybody who's read and commented. See you again soon.

PS. This fandom freakin' rules! ^__^


***


Epilogue.


As a result of my scientifically-manufactured heritage, I’ve always felt like a gaijin, a foreigner, belonging not to this world or any other. I’m part human, part alien and part phantom but not fully one or the other and it makes me feel set apart, different. Strange. Sometimes I’ve even felt like an outcast in my own family but not anymore. Not after this. Not after what we just shared. Here, embraced by my two silver-haired, cat-eyed, equally-strange siblings, enfolded and enveloped by both of them at once...this is where I fit in. This is where I belong. This is how it should be, not just for me but for all of us.

Complete. Three parts of a whole, joined and bonded for the rest of existence. Our minds and souls have always been inexplicably intertwined and now our bodies have been too. There are no boundaries between us any longer, no barriers, no secrets. No shame.

I’m sure people would think that what we’ve just done is wrong. I’m well aware of what incest is and I’m well aware that we’ve just committed it but you know what? Fuck what people think. We’re bad guys. We’re evil. If we wanna do bad things – or things considered ‘bad’ or ‘unnatural’ by the rest of normal society - we damn well will. If we’re going to sin, we’ll do it in style, just like we do everything else. Our time on this planet is too short to have regrets and the only thing I regret about this experience is that we didn’t do it sooner.

Besides, how can something so incredible and powerful be wrong? How can the unbreakable strength of our spiritual connection be wrong? How can it be when laying here in the arms of my brothers fills me with such peace, such calmness and joyous happiness?

Anything that makes me feel this good must be right and I’ll kill anyone who says otherwise.

Eventually, I draw back from Yazoo’s intimately warm embrace to look at him, checking that I didn’t hurt him too much with the force of my passion. I know he asked for it and I also know our flesh repairs quickly but I didn’t really want to cause him actual harm so as I carefully slide out I’m glad that he doesn’t show any pain. Instead, he gazes up at me with heavy-lidded eyes, blinking dreamily; appearing sated and beautifully blushed with purple love-bites all over his white neck and the subtle sheen of materia glimmering under his skin. Even now, after being thoroughly and sinfully ravaged in the rawest and most immorally depraved way by his own brothers, he still looks like a pure, shining angel.

“So, Loz,” he says with his soft musical murmur. “Do you finally trust us? Do you believe that we need you? That we want you?”

Kadaj leans forward to speak to me, his voice a silky caress against the side of my face. “That we love you? And would give our lives for you? Do you believe that now, brother?”

Suddenly choked up, I can only gruffly reply, “Yeah,” believing it, knowing it, with every mutated molecule of my being. I love them back so much it hurts; my chest and throat tightening so that I can hardly breathe. Overcome by the depth and intensity of my feelings, I start to cry again, only this time nobody makes fun of me for it. Not even Kadaj. He just squeezes me soothingly, kissing my temple, before Yazoo pulls me down to his shoulder, stroking my hair and comforting me until I settle and hush. Kadaj reclines next to us, putting one arm around me and nestling his head into Yaz’s other shoulder.

Yazoo – our middle brother; the tranquil one, the mediative one, the one who balances my hot-headedness and Kadaj’s insatiable need for power, the one who keeps us from separating and keeps us stable. We need him. We need each other. We’re all we’ve got in this world.

At least until we find Mother.

Which we will. Big brother Cloud and his friends are going to tell us where she is. We’ll make them. We’re good at making people do stuff. Kadaj has it all planned out and Yazoo and I are ready to follow his instructions, to take his orders, no matter how crazy or insane they sound. We’ll do whatever is necessary to locate Jenova’s cells because we must have them. Kadaj /must/ have Mother. Nothing can happen without her and his desperation is getting more and more urgent by the hour. His Reunion is coming. Soon. We can all feel it.

I’m not afraid anymore of what will happen when Kadaj becomes our Father. I’m not afraid of him dying or being taken away from me because it’s impossible. He can never be taken away from me. Even if he is, even if he dies, I’ll soon join him. And so will Yazoo. We cannot exist without each other so if one of us gets pulled back into the Life Stream, the remaining two will follow. No matter what happens on that day, none of us will be left behind, left to grieve, left alone. We cannot be separated, not ever, not by bullets or swords or bombs, not even by death’s black claws, and knowing that makes all my doubts and uncertainty about finding Mother and the potential destruction she or Sephiroth could unleash upon us all just dissolve into nothingness, leaving me peaceful and trusting that whichever way that momentous event unfolds, whatever occurs – good or bad – it’s meant to be. We’ll survive it and continue to subsist, in one form or the other. Somehow, I just know this. The planet could explode into a billion bits and scatter throughout the cosmos like specks of sand and we’d still stay this way forever.

Together.

But the world is not ending just yet. We still have a bit more time left to ourselves – just to be US - and for now we will stay in bed and rest, our bond repaired and reforged; content to say nothing and simply bask in each other’s quiet closeness, all of us still gently glowing with the residual energetic field created by our intense, almost violent, lovemaking. I’m a little sore, a little bruised, but a whole lotta happy and I can’t wait to do it all over again.

Just before I drift off to a well-earned sleep with the familiar warmth and scent of my two beautiful brothers surrounding me, their bare skin pressed to mine, Kadaj’s arm draped protectively across my back and Yazoo’s soft hair under my cheek, I have one final, comforting thought that sends me smiling into slumber.

Loz definitely ain’t left out no more.


END