Convergence [2]: Blood Roses

~ 14 ~

Sure, tons of crazy stuff had gone on lately, but it was still weird for Zell to have to knock on his own door. "Hey, Rin? You awake yet?" Not that Rinoa could have heard the whisper even if she had passed out close by, on the sofa.

Convincing himself that he wasn't intruding, Zell used his keycard and crept into his living room, grimacing at the tiny sleeping body curled up on his sofa. So, that was the kid, he recognized, bending down to mess with the cords of his entertainment system.

The place wasn't as messy as he feared -- a couple dishes in the sink, some dog hair here and there, and a few toys that didn't matter because they'd be gone with his guests when they left. Now, all he had to do was be stealthy, pick up his stereo, T.V. and winter coat, and get the hell out of there without waking anyone up.

He forgot that Angelo was a light sleeper.

A skitter of nails on linoleum, two barks, and he was caught, his hushing hisses a useless combatant to Angelo's excitement. Dorian groaned, rolled over, and Angelo left Zell biting back frustrated cuss words to drag the boy's fluffy comforter away from him.

Dorian was small, and Angelo was strong. They were rolling around on the floor within seconds. Zell wrung hinds nds awkwardly as he waited to be noticed, not quite sure what to do.

"Hey, big guy," addressed a feminine voice from the kitchen. But there was something weird about it, something shaky, and Zell found his explanation when he turned around -- Rinoa stood in her ten-sizes-too-big nightshirt as though bracing for gale winds, her arms drawn tightly around her chest, chewing a hole in her lip, evidently in the middle of a crying fit. She gave an embarassed wave and, probably because she was seeing someone else see her, sputtered a quiet sob.

"Shit, Rin..." Zell hurried forward -- it wouldn't be good for Dorian to see her upset -- and took her elbow, guiding her into his hallway which, although a mirror of Squall's, was painted light blue. "What's goin?"
?"

Rinoa didn't hesitate to throw her arms about Zell's neck and bury her face in the side of it. "I don't know. I was... I was awake and I heard you come in and I just started bawling and I don't even know why, though I felt like doing it last night but I couldn't cry alone, and I sure couldn't in front of Dorian because I'd freak him right out -- he looks up to me, you know? -- and so -- so -- so just hug me back, okay? I need a hug."

Zell smiled a little and did just that, careful not to squeeze too tight -- she was a girl, after all. Finding her this stressed out was the last thing he'd expected, but it did make sense, he supposed. "Having second thoughts about yesterday or something?"

"No," she bubbled immediately, "No, I'm happy, I think, but it's all so familiar and... okay, so I do feel guilty, but I shouldn't feel guilty because I mean, it's not my fault I need this. Them. It's their fault more than mine for me getting stuck as a sorceress in the first place. But I still shouldn't be stressing Squall out -- he really shouldn't have gotten into this, he's got so much to do already -- and I don't want to go back home without them, Hyne, I don't think I can. I'm sorry, sorry, I shouldn't be dumping all this on you." She made a finalizing sniff, but didn't loosen her grip in thightightest.

Somewhere in the middle of this Zell had begun stroking her hair, slowing down as her words sped up to get them to slow with him. "You've got to dump it on someone, Rin. How'd you sleep?"

"Fine. It was great. I woke up and just layed there thinking -- your bed is so comfy -- I felt so good. But then I heard the door open and bam, it was like I was totally alone all of a sudden. I wish I was normal."

"You're normal. You're just... you've just got some abnormal... stuff goin' on."

Zell's vocal fumbling made Rinoa giggle in that choked way crying people do, but another, higher voice piped up before she could argue with him: "Who're you and why're you hugging my girlfriend?"

An amused breath burst from Rinoa as she finally let go of Zell, a hand over her mouth, and Zell's laugh was prevented by a sneeze. Dorian glared at him quite dangerously for a five-year-old from the kitchen, fists on his hips as he waited for an answer. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to notice that Rinoa had been crying -- maybe she did so in front of him often.

"This is Zell," Rinoa explained, "He's my friend."

Dorian lifted a suspicious eyebrow, then shrugged his forgiveness. "Alright. Long as I don't have to hang out with that stupid old Lagoon man again, I don't care who it is."

Zell snorted, but Rinoa wasn't amused. She mocked Dorian's stance with her own hands as she replied, "That's no way to talk about anyone, kiddo. What's so wrong with him?"

"He can't remember my name. He called me 'Squall' four times yesterday!" Dorian exclaimed, holding up the accompanying number of fingers. "Then he called me 'Sqa-Dorian' about seven times. And he acts weird."

Rinoa smiled, mussing up the boy's mousy mop of hair as she passed him, and his scowl darkened. "Well, you look like him. Zell, want anything to eat? I'm starving. It's all your food anyway."

"Nah, I'm just here to pick up some --"

"You think I look like him?" Dorian asked, oblivious to the fact that Zell had been speaking. He bolted over to Rinoa and tugged on her nightgown. "Really?"

Zell wasn't sure he did -- aside from the hair, which any number of kids could have, they didn't share much of a resemblance, but Rinoa disagreed. "Sure," she replied, bustling her way through Zell's cupboards, "If I were you, I'd take what Mr. Loire said as a compliment."

"Compliment?"

"A nice thing to say. Want to feed Angelo?" Whether it was the sound of his name or the word 'feed' that got Angelo's attention, no one would ever know, but he was licking Dorian's hand in an instant.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes.-- Oo, sweet!" Rinoa squealed upon discovering a multicoloured box that probably contained more sugar than actuarealreal. Zell cringed -- those were his Fruct-Os, special from Balamb. He wouldn't be able to pick up more for months unless Ma sent another care package, and he was already running out, but he sneezed again instead of saying anything. "You sure you don't want to stay and eat?"

"Yep," Zell replied, waving a hand out in front of him, "Me 'n Seifer are gonna go get something later, I think."

Rinoa straightened and paused to smile at him before getting herself a bowl. "Glad you're getting along. If I were you, I'd be jealous."

Zell, already back at work de-tangling the malboros' nest of power cords behind the wall unit, called around the corner, "You'd think I would be." The reminder of jus>how>how it had become so easy not to hate on Seifer at all made his heart speed up immediately. He was not good at keeping secrets -- so bad at it that he was already distrusting his own tongue. "But there's more important stuff to worry about right now," he added, concentrating on every syllable for fear that he might slip.

"That's really good of you, Zell."

Zell shrugged, forgetting that no one was looking at him. Finished rolling up and tying the cords, he reentered his kitchen, finding Rinoa engrossed in solving the simplistic puzzle on the back of the cereal box while she ate. He stepped over Dorian -- who had stretched out on his stomach to watch Angelo devour his bowlful of dry food -- cri cringed at the mess of clothing on the bedroom floor before locating his jacket at the back of his closet.

He preferred to concern himself with looking forward to seeing what was on that video cartridge he'd found. Seifer had torn it right of of his hand, refused to even give him a hint about what was on it, and all that did was make him more determined to take it back and see it for himself.

And see it he would. It was the whole reason he'd come to get his player, after.

.

~o)O(o~

As expected, Squall had to provide his thumbprint to get into the office -- everything was as expected until he got to his own door, upon which was taped a printout with the words She said no, scribbled at the top in Nida's handwriting.

He plucked it from the window and, scanning it over, narrowed his eyes. The Galbadian President's reply was terse, a short denial with no request for a greater fee. He'd offered one-and-a-half million gil for the ter;ter; it couldn't have been worth more than that in the condition it had to be in.

Nida had added a second note to the bottom: Maybe they got a better offer?

~o)O(o~

The looming beast of Balamb Garden, sized nearly that of a small city, proved that morning that it was indeed large enough to sustain its own gravity -- as soon as Zell and Seifer left the main stairwell, they were pulled into a trudging orbit around its girth without a second thought.

It was too early for many students to be out with them. While Zell spoke, they only passed two -- who were in the middle of building the sort of igloo with walls too thin to hold it up, doomed to collapse if it wasn't given up on first. Although Zell's yammering got him into trouble on enough occasions, it also served to keep him out of it: in this case, by distractingfer fer enough to keep him from continuing the snowball fight Zell had begun less than an hour ago.

Alas, Zell got so caught up in this that he stumbled over his own words, giving Seifer the chance to interrupt. "I knew I should have gone with you," he said, his mouth hidden by the turned-up collar of his coat, "Gods know yours was the last shoulder she should have been crying on."

Coming from someone else, this might have been a considerate gesture, but even Zell was able to pick up on its jealous roots. "You woulda yelled at her."

"I would have understood," Seifer countered, squinting at his boots not out of any sort of shame, but because overcast snowy days were somehow always the brightest.

It was because of this haze of cloud-skewed sunlight that Seifer didn't even notice Zell's steps faltering until he spoke from behind. "You think," Zell observed, his even tone threatened by the instant thudding rage in his chest, "That I don't understand?"

"Of course you don't." Seifer had to admit, Zell looked funny standing there, his poofy white coat suggesting that he was made of marshmallow. Far too big for him, that was a fact.

"I'm trying, jerk. Gimme some credit here."

"Don't take it so personally," Seifer replied with a shrug, "There are things that people can only understand if they experience them first hand. Be thankful that you don't understand this."

Zell turned his head, eyeballing Seifer suspiciously to hide his confusion. "Wh

"

"Simply put, you wouldn't be able to handle it."

"The fuck I wouldn't," Zell growled, obviously wounded, "I'd be better at it than you are. You think you're handling it? You can't even -- you wake up and you get a fucking headache so bad you can't get past a kidproofed lid. You don't even have enough damn brains to get rid of thhen hen they could do enough damage to keep you from doing the job at all. Know what I think, shitface?"

Seifer raised his eyebrows, forcing himself not to appear defensive. If it didn't hurt overtly, it didn't hurt at all. "Mm?"

"I think you're a coward, that's what I think."

Seifer filled the three steps between them swiftly, looming as tall as he could. "Say that again?" he suggested airily.

"Coward," Zell spat, a full accusation, "Scared so shitless of your past that you're willin' to risk your life to forget it. You can't handle that, so what says you can handle this?"

Seifer raised his hand and was only an impulse short of giving Zell the gift of a shiner. Instead, he stuck a leg out, shoved, and put Zell on his ass in the snow. "I know you've always loved to stick your nose in shit, Zell, but for once, try to keep it out of that which you can't comprehend."

Zell sure didn't feel he deserved shedshedshed down, but knew he should have expected it. Seifer put his back to him and stood there, tall and proud and unwilling to show Zell his face. Zell didn't bother getting up -- he was soaked now, anyway -- choosing to fall onto his back, his collar preventing most of the snow from bothering his neck. "If I don't get something, it's ‘cause you haven't told me."

"You can't appreciate the value of what you already know," Seifer replied, "Damned if I'm giving you any more."

"Or maybe you don't get it either."

"I 'get' that you don't understand how much you owe me."

Zell sat back up without effort. "Owe you? I don't owe you anything! You owe me, you all -- you -- " Too many thoughts stole his control of his tongue for a moment, and Seifer turned around, arms crossed expectantly as he waited for Zell to finish. "Okay, fine, you gave me something that I could use to piss you off, but you already proved that it barely does, and -- Fuck, d'you -- you got no idea. Never mind." He pounded his fists ithe the snow for leverage and stood, started walking away.

He had to get back home and ream on his punching bag, who cared who saw him or got freaked out. Hopefully Seifer wouldn't follow him, wouldn't get to see him vent.

But then a sharp tug on his waistband made him fall back down, flipped him over, screaming cold shoved into in pants and he shouted his surprise in turn. By the time he got his bearings he was on his back again, Seifer's weight across his hips and k on on either side of him. "You didn't think I'd actually let you get away with that, did you?" And Seifer laughed -- the damn bastard laughed at him, leaving him too pissed and redfaced to say anything. He swung but Seifer dodged and caught his arm, then the same happened with the other. "Before you start hollering 'rape,' think about it."

Zell watched his fists flex open and closed, puffing out more steam than a locomotive. He could have gotten away, but not without causing injand and as badly as he wanted to break a wrist or two, the sliver of morality he still grasped kept him from doing so. "Fucker. Let me go. Someone'll see."

"Relax. No one's around." Seifer easily thwarted Zell's continuous struggles -- in skill, Zell would have had him beat, but in a match of pure strength alone, Zell was practically helpless. "I'm not going to let you go throw a temper-tantrum all by yourself and stop thinking just because you're a. No. Now, all you can do is think, and talk. That's what you're going to do. So calm the fuck down, because if you haven't been able to get away yet, you won't at all."

Zell swore and heaved a few more times, just to make sure. "So, what, you got a question for me or something?"

"You just tried to do something very, very unfair. Do you know what it is?"

"No," Zell replied automatically, but Seifer just smirked and shook his head.

"Try again."

"I didn't do anything unfair. You're the one that's -- "

"You asked me to practically bear my soul to you," Seifer finally gave him, "And when you got within a millimetre of telling me something about you, said instead that I have no idea, and to 'never mind.' That's rather unfair, don't you think?"

"No."

"Not just a little bit hypocritical?"

"No." But when he said the word this time, Zell closed his eyes. Maybe standing strong on the outside wasn't as easy as he'd told himself, as he'd told everelseelse. "I can't believe you're doing this, you asshole. You've got no idea how hard all this shit is already, and then you jump me and try to make me tell you all about it? Fuck that!"

"Who else are you going to tell? Squall?"

"I don't have to tell anyone."

"Then tell me this: why do you think we all -- I'm assuming you mean Squall, Rinoa and I -- owe you?"

"I don't." Zell wasn't selfish like that. nev never been.

"That's not what you said a few min ago ago."

Zell considered for a long time, and just when Seifer thought he might spill it, changed the subject: "You're too worried about yourself to see how lucky you are. You've got problems in your past, you've felt pain, well great. Everyone has." If his hands were able, they would have gestured at his points -- partly to give them more value, and partly to make Seifer look at least a little agitated. "It doesn't make you special. Doesn't mean the world oughta pay you back for it. The world doesn't owe you shit, and it doesn't owe me shit either."

"Hm, and what makes me so lucky?" Seifer was sure he knew Zell's answer, of course -- he just wanted Zell to have to say it out loud.

"Squall, stupid. He's gonna forget about me, and it's all your fault."

The words made Seifer wish above all else that he could have handed Zell that video cartridge and told him to have his f- an- and if he had some way of editing out the second half of it, he would have. "He won't forget about you," Seifer assured, finally letting go of Zell's wrists to find that Zell didn't bother trying to shove him off, "Trust me on that."

Zell's scoff was pure sarcasm. "Trust you?"

"Trust me."

"An' what about last night?" Zell replied, haughtily crossing his arms over his chest.

"We may as well have been on drugs last night, Zell. This is what I mean when I say you can't understand everything. You haven't felt magic fuck with your head the way it fucked with ours, and for that, you should be thankful."

Zell swallowed hard, is head tipped back at the horizon. "Y'know, you'd think, with how I feel about him, I'd be able to tell him more."

Seifer wouldn't. It was too obvious that Zell was constantly afraid of scaring him off. "Well, you have two options: either grow some balls, or tell me instead."

"Right. So you can go relay it to him? I don't think so."

Seifer heaved a loud sigh. "Have alr already forgotten what you hold over my head?"

Zell finally looked at him -- grinning with the amused danger of realization. "Oh yeah. Now let me the hell up. I'm cold."

Seifer sat back a little, shifting his weight over Zell’s goin. “I’d rather not.”

“Maybe you don’t have a choice,” Zell countered, still playful. He barely gave Seifer time to e hie his eyebrows before he lunged up and swiftly exchanged their positions. Seifer didn’t try to get away, of course, because there was a slight chance he wouldn’t be able to. “See? It’s cold. Not very nice, eh?”

Seifer, still squirming as he tried to get the snow off the back of his neck, replied, “You’re a quick one, Chicken.”

Zell scowled, and in a surprising move, took hold of Seifer’s chin. “Me and you’ve gotta get somethin’ straight.”

“Oh?” Seifer stretched liesurely, folded hinds nds behind his head, and waited.

Zell took a deep breath. “'If we’re gonna be stickin’ around each other for now, you gotta learn that ‘Chicken' or 'wuss' or any combination of them or version of one of them are not pet names. D'you got that?"

Seifer’s laugh was low an lazy. "Alright, then what do you propose I call you?"

Zell huffed, leaning back to cross his arms and scowl. "Try my name, ass."

"Of course I'll call you that, but sometimes I just need..." Seifer’s fingertips grasped upwards, as though trying to catch a butterfly without breaking its wings, "…extra flare."

"So, what, the name my Ma chose isn't good enough for you to use all the time?"

Pushing with his arms, Seifer sat up and leaned near Zell’s ear to quietly correct, "Your 'ma' didn't choose that."

"I'm talking about my first Ma," Zell replied, rolling is eyes. He leaned away – the closeness, and the startling way in which Seifer smelled like Squall, was something he preferred to avoid.

"You mean your real one?"

"No,” Zell confirmed, wishing he was in the right position to stomp a foot. “I mean my first one."

Seifer paused, his hands creeping thoughtfully around to Zell’s backside to keep him in place. Zell, to his credit, ignored the red flags that shot up because of it. "Alright, fine, how about 'Dinky?'"

Zell crinkled up his , th, the name sounding dictinctly smelly. "No."

"How about I take the 'i-e' off of the usual and just call you my little chick?"

Zell’s face scrinkled even further and was complemented with narrowed eyes. Seifer was no good at this. "That's even worse."

"Why?" Seifer chuckled darkly, clouds of breath puffing onto Zell’s cheek as he watched for a reaction, "Hyne knows you sound like one when I fuck you."

Zell squirmed, crimson lighting up his cheeks as he averted his eyes. "Shut up." Then, in a sudden rush of boldness, he swung up an arm and punched Seifer in the shoulder – halfhearted, but Seifer had to fight not to wince nonetheless.

“You’re angry today,” he observed quietly, peering at him. He slid his grip up from Zell’s bottom to his waist, hands hidden just under the hem of his marshmallow coat, and squeezed. “Are you sure it’s all directed at me?”

Zell didn’t want to be angry, of course, and hell if he wanted to be angry at Squall – Seifer had always drawn his rage like a magnet, he hhe honestly did like it that way. And he outright hated the wayfer fer almost sounded genuinely concerned.

Alterior motive. There had to be one. Zell looked at him, got another light squeeze for it, aimedimed his gaze over Seifer’s shoulder at the mountains. They were getting slightly hazy; it would start to snow soon.

“Think about it,” Seifer went on, “Don’t you want to yell at him? Ask him why the hell he’s ignoring you?”

“He’s not ignoring me.”

“Don’t you want revenge?”

Zell blinked thoughtfully a few times, and then straightened -- there it was. “You’re trying to get in my pants, you ass.” He shivered, weakening the anger he tried to force into his voice, and Seifer’s arms drew a little tighter around him.

“Not exactly,” Seifer replied, “I was actually leading up to the proposal of a favour.” For that, he got a sarcastic go-on look, and did, quite bluntly: “You don’t know how to properly suck a cock, Zell.”

Zell sputtered, unsure whether he should feel insulted or extra-insul “I “I know how to do it just fine, thankyouverymuch.”

“I could teach you. Give you pointers here and there. Actually, everywhere.”

“You’re sayin’ that if I went down on you, you would be doing me a favour?”

Seifer pretended to think, a finger to his chin and his eyes unwavering, crinkling in a smile that Zell removed from his scope of vision as quickly as possible. “Prick.” Unsure whether to laugh or be furious, he shoved off Seifer’s lap, kicked a wirc orc of snow spray at him, and allowed himself to be chased back to the entrance of the Garden.


~o)O(o~


Squall found, sitting with his legs in a V in the middle of Zell’s living room floor, that he had yet another thing to add to the week’s list of new experiences – and there was something to be said about the fact that he found this the most disturbing.

Seifer grumbled something quietly, and Squall, haunched forward and focused as he was with a dainty feminine heel steadied in one hand, was too engrossed to care about what it was. That was, until said foot twitched in something like annoyance, causing him to paint a fat, gobby red line across two toes.

“One hunded strokes,” Rinoa said again, enunciating like a well-learned Lady, “No less. I don’t care how sore your arm is; you’ve suffered worse.”

Squall scowled up at Seifer as he grabbed for a nearby tissue to fix his mistake, and Seifer – quite childishly – made a face am, tm, then retargeted in the direction of the raven locks currently under the attention of the square-ended hairbrush in his hand. The bristles were soft – mesmerize fur – mixed with tougher strands, luxurious, a gift from father, no doubt. Neither Kn ask asked.

Seifer smiled easily, subtly, once he forgot Squall wasn’t looking at him anymore; he really did enjoy this, as much as Squall did, and was just as reluctant to admit it. Squall turned back to his work, finished the first coat, and moved onto the the second.

He’d already done Rinoa’s fingernails, a metallic shimmering blue, and although they were surely dried by now, she kept waving them about in front of herself. Probably admiring how well they matched her outfit.
She
She was wearing colour today – denim and a t-shirt, and when Squall asked why, she had stated as though he should have known, “I’m not in mourning anymore,” and that was that.

An air of awkwardness hung around the trio, mostly silence, but trilling with tension every time one of them spoke. gs –gs – important things, frightening things – were hanging, unsaid, and Squall, for one, hadn’t the slightest idea what he would say when the question was finally asked.

“Are going to come with me on Monday?” Rinoa’s voice had lost its playful note of command, the question itself stating just what she hoped the answer would be in its tone. Seifer and Squall echanged short glances, and Seifer responded, quiet but unmovable, “Yes.”

Rinoa smiled, and Squall cut it off with a stare. “We can’t.” But it drew his stomach tight, the thought of watching her leave, of spending nights awake in the knowledge that he was supposed to be by her side. Of wondering when, if, how, she would ever return to them – of on what degree they would both fail again.

“Do you have something better to do?” Seifer asked.

What about Zell?

Squall would not leave Zell behind, and the Garden wouldn’t be able to manage being without all three of them. Well, maybe it would. Maybe, they could leave Zell, and have him take care of things, watch over Quistis to make sure she didn’t screw up. They wouldn’t be long. Squall would make sure of that.

And hells, would the reunion ever be spectacular once they returned.

Yes, this could work. This was Squall’s duty. Zell would understand – a business trip, that was all, only a little bit more than that, as the desire to go had him feeling like Rinoa was drawing out his very soul with her eyes.

Squall cleared his throat, and Rinoa jumped. “Well, do you?” she pressed.

“… No.” So much for logic. So what if he was in the middle of a standoff with Galbadia over the machinery that could have meant the difference between Trabia Garden’s success or failure as a school? So what if Zell would hate him, if Balamb-G might collapse. They could have been in the middle of a war, and Squall still would have said “We’ll go with you.”

------------------------

Okay, so here's my plan. I'm hoping to get the last chapter or two of this out by Halloween, finishing part two. Then my November will be spent on NaNoWriMo (nanowrimo.org in case you haven't heard of it), putting Convergence on hiatus, and then part three, as of yet lacking a title, will start up in December.

Thanks again for all the reviews. They're hugely appreciated. If you want more chapters faster, let me know what you think, because many a review has sparked a new idea in my head. ^_^