Can Barely Hide

A tremble coursed through Cloud at the question. He licked dry lips and swallowed, trying to work up some saliva and not to croak when he spoke. He remembered the dream all too vividly.

"I was b-back on the table. Tied down." He remembered the way the bonds burned his flesh. "I remembered all the knives, needles... claws. I had your ring on my finger... it scratched the metal..." He whimpered.

"But I needed you, Reno. N-not to save me, but I..." He struggled with the idea even as he thought of how to word it. "I was in so much pain, but it didn't matter. I needed you... to touch me and kiss me." He ran a hand over his face. "That kind of torture and that kind of lust... leave it to me to mix them up."

"It's okay. It was just a dream," Reno worked to soothe his lover. "Tseng once told me that the sleeping mind takes events, needs and desires and works them into dreams in an attempt to make sense of everything."

He rolled over onto his back and carefully pulled Cloud around to lie on his chest with his head tucked under Reno's chin. Strong hands that normally wielded fury, pain and death moved over Cloud's face and body with a gentle tenderness reserved only for the blond alone.

"Your mind might have just tried to use our love and our plans to try and diffuse the nightmare, but it somehow got twisted." Reno sighed and kissed the top of Cloud's head. "I don't really know. I'm not a head shrinker, but I do know one thing. I'll never hurt you. Sex and love making are meant to be about love and joy. You don't ever have to tell me what they did to you or what all happened when Hojo had you, but please don't ever think that what we do together is connected to that."

Reno couldn't help the light flush that heated his face. He wasn't accustomed to airing his own thoughts on love and sex, but he'd do anything to help Cloud. He was barely controlling the rage over those bastards daring to taint what they had.

"I love you, and we'll destroy them. We'll make sure they can't ever hurt you or touch either one of us again." Reno stuttered to a stop. He had accidentally slipped and revealed something he had hoped to keep hidden. For just a moment he hoped Cloud was too upset to catch it.

"Please tell me what I can do to help you and make you feel safe."

Cloud nuzzled Reno's chin as he spoke. This close to his chest, his voice was a comforting rumble in Cloud's ear. Maybe it was the proximity, or just that he knew Reno, but when his lover's face heated Cloud could feel it's slight warmth against his skin.

His next words gave Cloud pause. The line of his lover's thoughts had come to a screeching halt which made Cloud nervous. Pushing himself up to look at Reno, he hissed as the movement brought a stabbing pain with it. His arm trembled a moment until he found a comfortable position. He touched Reno's neck and collar with his other hand.

"I trust you with my life and my heart. I trust you more than myself. I can't even trust most of my memories from then- which ones are mine or Zack's, or I'd tell you everything. I would give my life for you without hesitation and I already know you would do the same. You almost did." He leaned down to kiss Reno, grunted at the pain and continued with the movement to lay on Reno once again. He nuzzled his lover's jaw and sighed. "Please don't hide from me."

Reno absently rubbed his fingers across Cloud's cheek.

"I'm not hiding, not really," he started, voice a little distant, and then he turned piercing eyes on the man in his arms. "Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? I've never loved before. The closest anyone's ever got to me is Rude. It's almost an unspoken rule. A Turk might take a lover, but we don't love. It's too dangerous. The one we care about can become a weakness, someone to be used against us."

Reno's soothing hand became more insistent and unintentionally rougher in his agitation. "And yet...I let myself fall in love. Even more, I wanted it, wanted *you*. It would tear me to pieces to lose you. I told Rude tonight that I was getting married. He's probably still staring at the phone in shock."

Cloud tried to soothe his lover with gentle rubbing and caresses. "Please don't think about losing me, Reno. We both deserve this too much." He leaned in to kiss Reno.

"I wish I could have seen Rude's face. Reno of the Turks is settling down. You're going to surprise a lot of people." He was slowly forgetting the nightmare as they spoke, though the feeling of it was still there. "I can't wait for that day."

With a sigh he rested his head on Reno's chest again. The steady beat of his lover's heart only soothed Cloud more. "Is there anything else about Rude?" Cloud asked idly. "Things at HQ alright?"

"He didn't say anything was out of the ordinary," Reno said and rubbed his eyes. They were gritty and burning with tiredness. He hadn't slept well since Cloud had been taken. Even a Turk eventually ran out of energy. And that was something he couldn't afford to risk at the moment. "I'm going to fix some coffee. I don't think I can go back to sleep right now."

Reno eased himself from under Cloud and pulled on a pair of soft pants. The half smile he gave his lover was strained.

"Try to rest, babe. You need all that you can get to heal. I'll just be in the kitchen."

Cloud was worried about Reno. He knew it was because of himself that Reno was so tired. If he could take away all the worry and bad things he would have right then.

He wanted to follow Reno; he didn't want either one of them to be alone. But something told him Reno just needed some time alone, Cloud had been so clingy since that place... reluctantly he nodded his head and watched Reno go.

He didn't rest though. He was afraid to sleep and return to that place again. So he stared at the walls and gripped his pillow tightly, thinking of Reno.

Reno paced the confines of the kitchen area like a caged animal. He wanted, badly, to go on the hunt and eliminate the sadistic bastards that had dared to touch his lover. They had hurt Cloud enough that it followed him into dreams. Reno's fury energized him more than the coffee did, although he had made it strong enough to melt the cup.

Sipping at the brew with a pained grimace, Reno used his phone to text a message to Rude using one of the Turks' more obscure codes. He wanted an end to this now. After he was finished he padded back to the bedroom to check on Cloud. The soft shine of mako blue glowed in the room. Reno bit back a curse at his own thoughtlessness and sat on the edge of the bed to trail his fingers over Cloud's cheek.

"I'm sorry, babe. I didn't think. Lay down with me and we'll try to sleep some more." He tried a smile. "This is our time away, right? I shouldn't let *anything* keep me from you if you need me."

He knew Reno was a worrier, and finally understood he couldn't stop it or do anything to calm his lover's nerves. Cloud looked up from the pillow at Reno and scooted over to make room. "I'll always need you, Reno."

He took Reno's hand and threaded their fingers together. "I know you can't help yourself. You're upset. But it'll be over soon, and then we can disappear for a while." He wished that day was here already. He was tired, in pain, and just wanted to be with Reno.

"I know something that will make us both feel better," Reno said, and this time he was able to give his lover a genuine smile. "How about you let me hold you, and we'll make some wedding plans?"

He squirmed his soft pants off and crawled under the covers, gently tugging so that Cloud's good side was nestled skin to skin with him. Reno loved to lie like that. It was very satisfying and comforting to him to be able to feel the warm weight of Cloud's head on his shoulder with silky spikes of hair brushing his neck and soft puffs of breath ghosting over his bare chest. He curled his arm around Cloud's shoulders and let his fingers comb through blond hair and massage the tender skin at the nape of his neck.

"Here. I'll start. What about wedding rings? We could wear matching bands or I could have something designed just for you. Yeah," Reno lowered his voice to a soft purr. "I think I'd like that. I'd like knowing that, even under your gloves, you would be carrying part of what I feel with you."

Reno continued the gentle massage of Cloud's neck and shoulders, kneading the tense muscles and occasionally brushing his fingertips over the sensitive areas he liked to kiss. He pressed his lips to Cloud's brow.

"Tell me what you would like."

Cloud hadn't thought about wearing a ring until now. It gave him some comfort that he'd always be carrying something of Reno around with him if they were ever apart. He looked at his hand and turned it over, imagining a ring on his finger.

"Something simple, and silver," he mused. "I think you should design it. I know I'll love it, and it'll be a surprise before the wedding... or when you put it on my finger." Cloud smiled and nuzzled Reno lovingly. "I want your name printed inside it. Always against my flesh." If he was ever alone, he'd have those gentle curving letters against his finger to remind him of Reno's warm embrace.

"What would you like?" Cloud was able to forget his injury as they talked. His mind was transported to that special day and his broken ribs were the last thing on his mind.

Reno hummed thoughtfully and continued his soft petting. He was starting to feel more relaxed and a bit sleepy.

"Something blue and gold. That way I can always have those pretty eyes of yours with me. I love the way they glow. I know it's the mako, but I like to think they glow a little brighter for me." Reno stretched to ease a stiff muscle and snuggled Cloud more firmly against himself. "We'll have one kick ass party afterwards, too. I'd like to see you enjoy yourself. Then I'm going to sneak you away and make love to you until you can't walk the next day. I'll start with just my tongue and I won't stop until you're panting and begging." He jolted a little guiltily. "But only out of love. Always, *always* only with love."

Reno carefully tightened his embrace and rested his cheek on Cloud's hair.

"My beautiful, sexy husband, you'll be mine forever. I'll love you and protect you even after my heart stops beating. I'll never let anyone take you from me again. Wanna dance with you again," Reno murmured as his voice trailed off into sleep.

Cloud was warm and sleepy and safe. When he realized Reno had drifted off he allowed himself to close his eyes as well. Snuggled firmly against Reno he hoped he would sleep without nightmares this time. He had worried Reno enough and he couldn't stand seeing his love so tense and angry.

He wanted to dance again as well. It was with that thought that he finally drifted into a deep sleep. He didn't move much as he slept; the warmth and scent of Reno keeping him happy and nightmare free this time.