Possession

For info and disclaimers, see Chapter One.

********************

Through this world I’ve stumbled
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word
To find the truth enslaved
Oh, you speak to me in riddles and
You speak to me in rhymey boy body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive

********************

“You want us to do what, now?” Reno’s voice held the slightest tremble of outrage and Rude, although stoically silent as always, was inwardly raging. Tseng brushed an imaginary strand of hair back into his severe ponytail and folded his hands in front of him. His cool black eyes were outwardly calm but Rude, accustomed to reading people who didn’t want to be read, could see disgust smoldering behind the façade of acceptance.

“You heard me, Reno,” the head of the Turks replied, his voice chilly. “You’re to destroy the support pillar in the Sector 7 slums. The president wants Avalanche exterminated.” Reno clamped his lips together and nodded shortly. He would accept the orders. Of course he would, and Rude would as well because it was what they did. Still, as he walked out of Tseng’s office, he couldn’t help but wonder if what they were doing was just a little bit extreme.

“Can you believe this?” Reno snapped. Rude could tell his partner was furious because Reno kept making abortive motions with his hands and feet as if he intended to start dancing. Reno tended to experience anger as a pcal cal emotion and it made him jittery as a ferret on speed. Rude merely grunted in reply and the smaller man turned incredulous eyes on him. “Rude, they’re talking about taking out an entire sector! I mean, I’ve got no problem with a bit of clean-up but this…its ridiculous. If they gave us half a chance we could find these idiot Avalanche members and take them down!”

And that was what it all boiled down to, really. For Reno, it wasn’t the fact that they would be killing thousands of innocent people or destroying part of the city. It was a matter of professional pride; this order, at least to him, was a clear communication that they weren’t capable of hunting down terrorists and disposing of them. And while Rude tended to agree with his partner, that was the lesser of the problems that was eating at him about it. Certainly, the fact that they hadn’t even gotten a go at Avalanche was an insult of the highest degree, but he could overlook that for now. What bothered him was the way they proposed to take care of the situation. It was just so…sloppy.

“Settle down, Reno,” he ordered. His voice, as always, was level and pitched in the middle of his vocal range which, for most people, was very low. He’d found that with most people it served to soothe their nerves long enough for him to grasp whatever advantage was available to him. Reno, however, ignored him.

“I will not settle down, and I don’t see why you’re being so fucking calm about all this!” He lit a cigarette that had appeared seemingly out of thin air and took a long drag, his eyes blazing. Rude regarded him carefully out of the corner of his eye, surpressing the urge to smile fondly at his partner’s impotent rage.

“Smells good,” he remarked instead, sniffing the smoke. It had a certain fruity quality to it that, while familiar, he couldn’t quite place. Reno shot him a curious look but shrugged and offered the cigarette to him.

“Its strawberry,” he murmured. “Got em yesterday.” Rude hid a smirk behind his huge hand as he pulled slightly on Reno’s cigarette. It never failed to work; an abrupt change of subject will not only confuse one’s opponent, but allow an opening in which something leading could be tossed into the conversation.

“Nice,” Rude replied. “Where at?” Reno took the cigarette back, a thuderous scowl on his face.

“Wall Market,” he said. His voice was still tight with anger, but he had settled into a stalking glide and Rude chalked up one point on his mental tally. It amused him to no end to see just how many people he could manipulate in the course of the day and, although he felt bad about doing it to his partner, everyone was fair game. “And right about now, I’m thinking a trip there is in order. How about you?”

“Why?” Rude stood aside to let Reno board the elevator and stepped in after his partner. Reno jabbed angrily at the button that would take them to the first floor of ra Hra Headquarters and shrugged moodily.

“Get drunk. Get laid. Have some fun before we have to destroy an entire sector,” he replied. Behind his dark sunglasses, Rude cl his his eyes. He didn’t think he could stand yet another trip to Wall Market with Reno, especially if it turned out the way they always did. The two of them would go to the bar, have a few drinks, and then Reno would pick up whatever attractive woman happened to be sitting around and disappear for the rest of the day, leaving Rude to get plastered and stagger home, torturous visions of his partner and some woman fixed in his brain, denying him sleep.

“We can do that here,” he said, softly, and Reno cocked an eyebrow at him. Rude leaned casually against the wall of the elevator, arms folded in front of him. He reconized that look; it was Reno’s way of asking without words just what bug had crawled up his ass and died. He continued, not moving an inch. “Why take a trip all the way to Wall Market?”

“Have you seen the women around here?” Reno snorted. “They’re dogs. Either that, or they’re too busy sucking executive dick trying to get ahead in the world. The only nice looking, available women around here want commitment anyway. I haven’t got time for that. I’m not out looking for a wife, or even a girlfriend. I just need to blow off steam.”

“Ever thought you’re going abit iit in the wrong way?” The elevator hissed to a stop and Reno stalked out, followed closely by Rude.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean,” he snapped. “You ever stop and think about the shit you say? Cause sometimes it doesn’t make any damn sense, you know that?” Rude shrugged, which only servedinflinflame Reno’s anger. “Dammit, Rude, how am I even supposed to hold a conversation with you when you won’t say a fucking word?”

“What should I say?” Rude inquired. It wasn’t that he was deliberatly trying to piss Reno off. It was just so easy to do that sometimes he couldn’t help it. Not that he tried to avoid it, either. Unless he was trying for a particular outcome, Rude made it a point to say what was on his mind and let the chips fall where they may. Which, unfortunatly, often ended up with Reno having a hissy fit.

“Fuck! How the fuck am I supposed to know?” Reno was back to his furious half-dancing, although it was drawing more attention now that the two of them were standing still. Several lower level Shinra employees going in and out of the building cast strange glances at the two Turks, but wisely held their tongues. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Rude realized he was being infuriatingly calm, but he didn’t care. Extreme emotions in o peo people always inspired an unshakable coolness in him. It was driving Reno mad, he could tell.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Reno muttered. “Never mind. Just don’t even worry about it, you smug bastard. I’ll find you when I’m ready.” And with that he stormed off, lashing out at a pillar as he passed. Rude watched from the stairs, unmoving and unmoved, until Reno was out of sight and then turned to go home. All he needed was a little physical activity, a little exercise to bring himself into focus. Reno would get over it; he always did. As Rude made his way to his apartment, he dwelt briefly on their assignment but when he felt the disgust rising in him, he banished it from his mind. No time for unwieldy emotions. Never time.

********************

He heard the door open but he didn’t turn to see who it was. Unless he had lost his touch entirely, it was only Reno come to pretend that nothing had ever happened, perhaps bearing a botof eof expensive gin as a reconcilliation although he would never admit that’s what it was. The soft snick of the door latching again reached his ears and he smiled inwardly. Light footsteps padded across the thick carpet and then his visitor settled in the single chair that the room contained. Content that he wouldn’t be interrupted, Rude closed his eyes again.

Graceful, fluid movement took up the whole of his concentration; he felt as though he were dancing, a deadly waltz around the nearly empty room, arms and legs in perfect harmony with his steady, controlled breathing keeping a rhythm that was simple and essential and, ultimatly, soothing. Sweat beaded on his shaved head and ran down the back of his skull to tickle the sensitive skin of his bare back and chest. How long had it been? Two hours, maybe three. He was nearly done now, his motions slowing and his breaths growing longer and deeper. Almost done and he regretted having to stop but not even he could keep it up forever, strong as he was. He settled into the final pose and held it for a minute, bringing his breathing back to normal and resetting his mind into its usual pattern.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Reno sitting in the chair as expected with a large bottle of gin in hand. What he hadn’t counted on was the expression on his partner’s face. The green eyes held a curious, quiet awe that Rude found as disturbing as it was flattering. He gave Reno a quick once over and, satisfied that his partner wasn’t drunk, nodded slightly and picked up the glasswatewater he had poured himself before starting. Reno shook his head a little and the wonder disappeared from his face, replaced by his usual mercurial cynicism.

“Damn,” he commented, smirking a little. “You know, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you without those sunglasses on.” Rude’s eyes widened slightly and he barely squashed the urge to reach up and touch his face where the glasses usually rested. Marshalling his emotions, which were now a strange mix of nervousness and embarassment, two things that he almost never felt, he shrugged broad shoulders and settled himself on the floor.

“First time for everything,” he replied and he was secretly glad for the even tone of his voice. He kept his eyes on the water in the glass, focusing on how it rippled gently every time he took a breath. As he watched, he pondered how best to get Reno out of the apartment before he was tempted to do something stupid. Something he couldn’t take back.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Reno concurred. “And also, damn. I knew you were buff, but shit, man.” Rude resisted the urge to squirm uncomfortably; he could feel Reno’s eyes crawling down his bare torso, could almost imagine the leer forming on his partner’s face. “You’re seriously cut. Chicks love that, you know.” That last remark was thrown in in what could only be described as a casually conspiratorial tone. Rude glanced up.

“I’m not interested, Reno,” he said flatly, rising and walking across the room to where his shirt lay wadded up in the corner. Barefoot, he walked toe first with a queer kind of grace that even he found a little unnerving. Reno shifted behind him, clearing his throat a little.

“Yeah, I know,” he said and there was a slight question in the words. A question that Rude wouldn’t (couldn’t) answer. “I’ve never seen you…with a woman. Or anything.” Reno’s words rang in the empty room and Rude paused as he pulled a black muscle shirt on. No, of course Reno hadn’t seen him with a woman. Reno hadn’t seen him with anyone, and that’s the way it would stay. Not that he felt the need to hide his sexual exploits from his partner, of course. The simple fact was that Reno would never see him with someone because Reno was the only one he wanted.

“No,” Rude responded calmly. “You haven’t.” He stretched a little and then crossed back to the chair Reno sat in and looked down at his partner. Reno peered up at him, a tiny grin on his face. “You hungry?”

“You’ve gray ray eyes,” Reno remarked, seemingly at random. Rude almost flinched. “I always wondered what color they were, but I never thought they’d be gray.”

“Why?” Rude padded into the kitchen, pulling open the refrigerator door to see if there was anything edible inside. A couple of beers, some cheese, and a forlorn jar of mayonnaise stared back at him. The corner of his lip curled down and he shut the door again, turning to the cabinets. Reno ambled in after him, casually taking in the scene. Rude recognized the expression in his partner’s eyes; he wore the same one when entering a new place. It was standard procedure to check out everything, cataloguing possible hiding places and escape routes as well as making a mental note of where everything was in case it was necessary to determine whether things had been tampered with.

“Dunno, just never figured you for the gray-eyes type, I guess,” Reno replied, hoisting himself up to sit on a counter. Rude pondered asking him to get down but decided not to, as it would only earn him a dirty look for his troubles.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Why’d you wonder?” Reno shot him a surprised glance and Rude met it with a steady one. He only hoped that as the years had gone by, he’d gotten better at hiding the emotions in his eyes. It had been his only failing, the only crack in his hard exterior. He wished he had the sunglasses now so he could hide the feelings that were tying his stomach in a knot.

“I don’t know. I guess I just…did,” Reno muttered, his voice sullen. “Why not? Isn’t it natural to want to know what color someone’s eyes are?”

“Not really,” Rude replied coldly. He turned back to his hunt for food, but found only a loaf of stale bread. Looked like he was ordering in again. He began to dig around in a drawer for the number of the nearest take-out place, carefully avoiding eye contact the entire time.

“I think it is,” Reno sulked, banging his heels against a cabinet like a child. “How are you supposed to trust someone if you don’t know what color their eyes are?” Rude paused, hand hovering over the phone. That was a bit of depth that he’d never expected to hear out of Reno.

“You didn’t trust me?” he asked. Without looking, he knew Reno was blushing furiously and he allowed himself a moment’s pleasure at the thought.

“Of course I did,” his partner snapped, jumping down from tountounter with a bang. “I’ve put my life in your hands more times that I can count. Its just…You were always a little bit…”

“Creepy,” Rude supplied, and Reno nodded reluctantly.

“Its hard to talk to someone if you can’t ever see their eyes. I mean, it’d be different if I knew what your eyes looked like ‘cause then I could imagine them behind the glasses and, you know, maybe I’d be wrong but it would be something,” he offered. Rude nodded calmly, picking a bit of lint offhis his black sweatpants.

“I understand.” He thought for a moment, then pulled a beer out of the refrigerator, offering another to Reno, who accepted. The two of them walked into the living room and settled on the floor.

“So, um, why the lack of furniture?” Reno took a swig of beer and smiled, the same charming grin he turned on everyone when he was uncomfortable. Rude shrugged.

“Don’t lit,” t,” he said. “It just clutters up the place.” Reno nodded and absently pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. The smell of strawberries filled the room and Reno winced a little.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “Is it okay if I smoke?” Rude nodded, waving his hand to indicate he didn’t care. Reno looked relieved and produced an ashtray from his pocket, which he settled on the floor beside him. Rude rolled his eyes and, realizing that Reno could see them for once, quickly turned his attention back te boe bottle in his hand. Reno smirked a little, but thankfully didn’t comment.

“So,” Rude began, after a comfortable silence. “Sector 7.” Reno grimaced and chugged half the bottle of beer in one go, belching ferociously as he finished. He at least had the grace to look embarassed by the rudeness, a trait which most people were sadly lacking. Rude let it slide.

“Yeah.” Reno sounded glum. His eyes were fixed on the blue smoke trailing up from the end of his cigarette as though he thought it might give him some out, some secret that would counter the orders thad had been given. “Sector 7. They want it done by tomorrow, Rude. So what do you think?”

“I think that new time bomb they’ve been working on over in R&D,” Rude replied. “The touch sensitive one.” Reno nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I suppose that way if those idiots from Avalanche try to stop us…”

“It’ll go up in flames anyway,” Rude finished. Reno sighed slightly and stubbed out the cigarette. His eyes were troubled, but there was a hardness around his mouth that assured Rude there would be no trouble from him when it came down to it. Not that Rude had anticipated any sort of trouble from his partner, but it was it was somewhat worrying to see Reno in such a funk about the situation.

“Hey Rude.” Reno’s long fingers twisted the fibers of the carpet into intricate swirls and Rude forced his eyes away from them, concious yet again of how vulnerable he was without his glasses to hide behind. “Can I ask a qua question?” Rude cut his eyes at Reno, but his partner seemed totally engrossed in the carpet designs he was creating so he merely grunted assention. Reno’s brows drew down and he took a deep breath before speaking and even then, the words came haltingly. “Rude, what do you want?”

“What do you mean?” Rude was a little surprised by the tone of the question. He’d very rarely heard Reno be serious and even then it was only in relation to professional matters. Either this Sector 7 business was really bothering him or something had happened after their argument to put him in a contemplative state of mind. And, Rude reflected, it’d have to be a hell of a big something to get Reno in a less than frivolous mood.

“I mean, what do you want? Out of life?” Reno seemed slightly uncomfortable with the questions, but he lifted his gaze and looked Rude straight in the eyes. It was like being hit in the forehead with a two ton weight; the quiet gravity in Reno’s crystal green eyes startled Rude and tugged painfully at his heart. Not for the first time, he wanted to gather Reno in his arms and rock him to sleep, hold him through the night. He had never wanted it so badly before, and the sheer force of the emotion shocked him so badly that he turned abruptly away from his partner. Reno continued. “Everyone wants something. Or someone.”

Rude’s heart thundered so loudly in his chest that he thought it would burst out. Sure that Reno could hear it, he rose and paced over to the large picture window. It looked out on Midgar, not the prettiest of sights but one that usually brought Rude a modicum of serenity. Now, all he wanted was to open it up and fling himself out. Damn Reno and his stupid questions! How was he supposed to answer that? Reno was right, everyone did want something or someone. And the someone Rude wanted happened to be standing right behind him, hand on his shoulder, asking him if he was all right and the words just flew right past his ears so that they were only a dim murmur through the roaring in his head.

He turned and, grabbing Reno by the shoulders, he slammed his partner against the wall. Reno’s mouth opened soundlessly in shock and probably a little pain before Rude swooped down and covered it with his own. A moment, then, where the two of them froze, one unsure and the other ashamed and then the stillness was broken by Reno twining his arms around Rude’s neck and leaning into the embrace. Rude pulled him close, savoring the feeling of his partner’s hard, slender body pressed against his. His tongue explored Reno’s mouth carefully, slowly, feeling out every little nuance it could find. He had often imagined kissing Reno, but it had never been like this. Never been so slow, so sweet. His chest ached with the *rightness* of it, but he forced himself to pull away, let go.

Reno stared at him, green eyes half shut and lips parted ever so slightly. Rude watched him for a moment, remembering the expression, burning it into his brain, and then he turned away. His back to Reno, he spoke coldly. “Maybe you should go.”

Reno didn’t say anything, just walked carefully around Rude and over to the door. He started to turn back, to open his mouth, but thought better of it and simply opened the door and departed. Rude stood, back to the window, and stared at the floor for a long time after Reno left. It wasn’t over, he knew enough to know that. But he also knew that he had to make sure it ended the right way, had to make sure that this was as far as it went. Because he had realized something when he was kissing Reno, something that had made him stand back and something that made him determined that it wouldn’t happen again. There for a split second, he’d had a choice. He could either hold on and keep Reno forever, or he could stand back and let him go.