Convergence [2]: Blood Roses

~ 2 ~

"How much have you eaten?"

Squall closed his eyes, exasperated, and finally allowed himself to indulge in the incredibly plush pillow behind him. He didn't want questions. The flight had left him with a nasty bout of jet-lag, and he was starting to feel woozy before they'd arrived. He just wanted to sleep. "Zell brought hotdogs in the pack--" he paused to let the stout woman beside him chuckle before continuing, "I had three yesterday, and the day before."

"And before that?" Dr. Kadowaki asked as she tied her cold strip of latex around his bicep.

"Before what?"

"You were gone for three days before everyone learned where you were. And it took another two for your search party to reach you after that."

It was the first time Squall had even thought about it. He shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. I wasn't conscious."

"No wonder you look so sickly. Three days in the desert with measly preserves after five with nothing at all..." He sensed a shake of her head in her pause, "Have you eaten anything since you got back?"

"No time." An unexpectedly harsh prick befell the more tender flesh of his inner arm. She was usually so careful when drawing blood. He looked at her to find a deep crease between her brows-- anger, as he had expected.

"Malnutrition isn't a joke. You're going to *make* time," she replied as she withdrew the needle and pressed cotton to the tiny wound she had left, "As soon as I release you. Or I'll have something brought for you before that."

"Fine." He closed his eyes again, thankful and unsure it would show in his tone.

"We still have a lot to talk about. Here, take this."

Squall pressed a pair of fingers to the cotton ball and bent his arm up to cover it. "Like what?" It was sore-- she had probably left him with a bruise.

"Like what the hell they did to you in that prison." He heard her walk to the other side of the room, and felt a bit of dread at the closest thing to a curse she had ever let escape in his presence. She had enough to do, leading an infirmary that had recently grown into what was more like a miniature hospital-- worrying about him wasn't something she should have been wasting her time with.

"I told you already."

"You told me they injected you with G-308. But, according to what else I know about it, it would do nothing on its own." She sat back down beside him, "So tell me everything."

Squall took a deep breath, wanting to wait until tomorrow but sure the request would be worthless. "A guard... or something, came to my cell after I woke up and cast Pain on me, as well as Regen. He then injected me with the serum, and left. I lost consciousness again and awoke when Seifer and Zell arrived."

Some scribbling sounds came from Kadowaki's direction. "And how long did it last?"

"You'd be better off asking one of the others. My guess is two days, but I wasn't awake the whole time. "

She cut off a gasp, "Two days?"

"As I said--"

"I'm surprised you didn't go insane."

Squall wished for the mattress to swallow him up at the thought. "I... almost did," he admitted. "I shouldn't have... So much training down the drain because I couldn't handle *discomfort*..."

"Hush, you. No one can be trained to go through that." Squall replied to that with a sigh. She might have been right if she had been talking about a student, even another SeeD. But not him. "So... after that, it just wore off?"

Squall swallowed and hoped she wouldn't be able to see him blushing. "Yea A l A long pause followed. Squall would have tried to stare her down had he not been afraid to open his eyes. "What?"

"You know it would be in your best interests not to keep anything from me," she stated quietly.

Damn her for knowing him, for being the closest thing to a mother he'd had since arriving at Garden as a child. She had tended the wounds of his youth with more care than those of most other students, probably because someone had told her early on that he was an orphan who didn't even know love from adoption. Although he didn't remember much, he knew that-- and somewhere down lineline she must have managed to pick up enough information from him to tell when he hid something important. "I doubt that."

"Whatever it is... if it would add to my knowledge about what this stuff does, spit it out. Your welfare isn't the only concern here, let me remind you. Someone else may end up hurt like you were. Let me help *them.*"

"Stress," he managed out.

"What do you mean?"

"Extreme... psychological, emotional... physical stress. Helped it wear off faster, I think."

"*Negative* stress?" She continued with reluctant necessity.

Squall knew what she was asking. Kadowaki wanted to know if he'd been raped. "No."

"Thank you," she replied softly, sparing him from more questions as her quick scribbling continued. It seemed she got the picture. "I'd like to take a look at that puncture wound now, if you don't mind."

*You have got to be kidding me...*

"That won't be necessary." Both pairs of eyes in the room shot to the doorway at the sound of a third voice. It was Seifer, of course, leaning smugly against the doorframe with his arms crossed. "It's already healed. The Regen took care of that."

"But wasn't it located....Oh." She stood, her face suddenly quite pink as further realization dawned on her, and picked up the red vial she had left on the bedside table. "I'll go check this into the lab. It may take a few days for the results to return... perhaps longer, depending on whether this needs to be sent to Esthar. Seifer, would you mind staying, now that you're here? I have a feeling Squall will try to leave before I'm finished with him." She flashed a knowing little eyeroll in Squall's direction after Seifer nodded, and rushed past him down the hall with quick clicking steps.

Seifer chuckled, never removing his eyes from Squall's furious stare. "I'm not finished with him either."

"Asshole."

"Now, now." Seifer strode across the room, taking the distance in four steps, and sat down in the chair beside him. "I would think you'd be a little more grateful to me for rescuing you from having to display your ass before the doctor... Not that I would mind getting to see it again. That was quite a mouthful you let loose, by the way: 'extreme psychological, emotional and physical stress.' I don't know why you couldn't have just said it was due to your being fucked. It's a much more accurate description."

Squall instinctively pulled the sheet that covered him further up his chest. "What do you want?"

"To change your mind."

"About what?"

Seifer just smiled at him. "Here," he offered, reaching for Squall's still-bent arm. Squall pulled it away. "Still think I want to hurt you, eh?"

"... No."

"Then stop being such a frigid little bitch and let me touch your *elbow.*"

With an exasperated whoosh of breath, Squall unfolded his arm, palm facing upwards in Seifer's direction. Seifer pulled away the cotton and tossed it onto the table. "She forgot to finish up," he observed as he plucked a little round bandage from where Kadowaki had left it. He quickly peeled off the paper and stuck it atop the tiny red dot the needle had left. "There." With a strange softness he leaned down and pressed his lips to it-- Squall shivered and turned his head away, opting to look at the snow that fell outside the darkening window instead. "You liked that," Seifer whispered, rushing hot breath over his skin.

Another shiver (because it looked so cold outside, Squall told himself), and he squeezed his eyes shut. "That doesn't mean..."

"Hm?" Seifer moved he caress of his mouth in a near-dry trail up his arm, meeting his bicep and placing a little nip there.

"It doesn't mean I want... anything from you."

"You don't?" Sefier continued moving upwards and skipped over the thin fabric of Squall's light blue gown until he came to the side of his neck. Squall's eyes flashed back open as his head was pushed an inch to the side beneath the sudden intensity that was Seifer letting his mouth do what it wanted, warm and wet with the light scrape of teeth. He had to stare back out at the snow, to follow the flakes one by one.

"That's right. I'm going back to my dorm soon. I'm ... tired," he replied quietly. The snow wasn't helping. He jerked away, merely a gesture to his determination as Seifer just leaned further forward to follow him.

"I'm the one getting tired," Seifer dug his fingers into Squall's arm, one pushing hard onto his little bandage. "Tired of the shit you're stirring up with me. Already tired of the way you're still trying to distance yourself." He nipped at Squall's earlobe and gripped his arm even tighter when Squall leaned further away from his whisper. "Did you see the straps tucked under the bottom of this bed?" Squall nodded, his breath held. Yes, every bed in the infirmary had them, to be used when calming the aftershocks of Berserk and Confuse spells cast too long on practicing students. He had permittied their inclusion himself when the infirmay was under construction last year. "You don't want me to have to use them to keep you from leaving, do you? I have a job to do here."

The muscles of Squall's stomach were sucked inward along with a loud breath. He couldn't say anything. He lost the battle with his body-- but he wouldn't lose against Seifer, not when he had turned Zell down so adamantly just a short while earlier. It would be an incredibly stupid mistake to make again, and would proably turn them back against one another. The rapid echoing click of footsteps a good distance down the hallway had Seifer backing off. Squall jerked his freed hand up to rub away the wetness on his throat, hoping no marks had been left with it.

"So, you *would* like that? It's too bad you're about to be rescued," Seifer observed, his gaze sparking with interest as he leaned back in his seat. "Next time, then. Oh," his eyes danced to Squall's groin, "and you might want to hide that."

Squall drew his knees up quickly just as Kadowaki appeared in the doorway, followed closely by Selphie, who smiled and waved at him. "Squall, you look stressed," Kadowaki said, a tad concerned.

"Of course he's stressed," Selphie replied, "He's had a loooong few days. I'd say it's about time to let him out and show him his surprise."

"Selphie... I'm really tired. I'll go back to my room... You can show me tomorrow."

"I don't think so!" Selphie smiled broadly, looking strangely as though his answer was what she wanted to hear. "Not after I came all the way here to get you. I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."

Squall looked to Kadowaki for support, but she shook her head at him. "Neither am I," she confirmed.

"Agh, fine. Get out of here and let me change."

The women nodded and left quickly to wait. Seifer affectionately patted Squall on the head before digging into the back pocket of his trousers. "Almost forgot to give you these," he said quietly before tossing a pair of black leather gloves into Squall's lap. Squall's glare immediately softened.

"I won't take these."

"I have another pair," Seifer replied as he made his way to the door. "Those have been to small for me for a while, so they should fit you perfectly."


~*~*~

Balamb Garden was swamped with student applications soon after Ultimecia's death. A generally peaceful world meant barely a threat for graduates, and so parents sent their children in droves to recieve an education at the only Garden left in working order-- the one that had spawned and was run by, no less, the five people who had officially saved the world. It also quickly became common knowledge that the Commander/Headmaster (Squall had taken on both roles as 'commanding' became barely necessary) was the son of the Heroic President of Esthar. It was far from surprising that acceptance became quite an honor, and as more children and teens were accepted, dormitory space quickly filled up. A baby boom had begun at the same time, a promise from the world's population that the high demand for Balamb-G's classrooms would do anything in coming years but diminish.

When students began having to share rooms meant for two in groups of four and cots became scarce, Squall was finally convinced to allow for expansion. Tuition money--the price of prestige more than anything else-- had replaced what was lost as parties interested in hiring SeeDs disappeared, so funding the project (as well as those slated for the infirmary, the cafeteria, the quad and the library) was not an issue-- they even had money to spare. Every extra bit of gil brought in went straight back out to Trabia Garden which, although unlikely to ever fly, would be repaired to livable condition within four years. Students were even offered hourly pay for helping out, in the from of credits to be deducted from their own tuition costs.

Balamb-G may have had more engineers and architects graduating that year than any other profession because of it, but it would be worth it. Student morale would skyrocket, extra rooms would open to take in even more bodies, and they could get away with increasing tuition rates even further. The former warship, having completed the mission it was fated with when it was built, found reason to continue its existence in becoming a full-fledged boarding school. It now offered courses in a multitude of subjects, including philosophy and the arts with its mandatory courses in mathematics, languages and sciences. Battle training was still mandatory as well, but students were quickly abandoning it and turning towards more 'practical' majors. Fewer students had graduated as SeeDs last year than ever before. Squall tried not to think about the fact that SeeD was quickly dying-- and refused to accept that 'War Class' (as students had nicknamed it) would have to be removed from the mandatory credit list within another year or two.

Dorm construction had begun eight months ago. Now it looked like it was finally completed, months after the Garden's other sections. Squall allowed Selphie to lead him by a now-gloved hand down the arc of the main hallway, weaving quickly through crowds of student bodies as only a petite bundle of energy could. They lost Seifer behind them early on-- he had been taken up in a brawl between a couple of female students. Judging by the catlike screams and growls that met their ears, he would be busy for a while. Squall didn't mind-- the flying skirts distracted enough attention to keep all but a few students from congratulating him for his return. He shrugged off a pat on the back with a rushed "Thanks," as Selphie led him down the dormitory hallway and into a less congested crowd. She let go of his hand and they slowed to a walk, side-by-side. "Where are we going?"

"To your room," Selphie replied giddily.

"But I thought--"

"Shush!"

Squall did, until they passed the door to what had been his quarters since he joined the ranks of SeeD. "Selphie, what the heck?"

"I. Said. Shush!" Selphie's teacher voice. Squall bit his tongue. They reached the end off the hallway, and turned around a new corner, then came to a row of elevators. "New faculty section," she explained as she pressed a button beside the one at the end of the row.

Squall figured that. He had approved the area along with every other major detail. Students and professors would have to be separated-- teachers deserved to be recognized as authority figures, and this would be a great way to do it. "I told you before, I don't need a new room."

"You actually thought we'd let you stay where you were while we all got new digs?"

Squall shrugged, "Yes." He reflected now that it had been pretty stupid of him to expect his friends to obey his orders. He followed Selphie into the elevator. They began moving upwards as soon as the doors closed.

"I don't think so! Especially after how much you're helping Trabia Garden. I'll always remember it as my home, no matter how long I live here. I owe you. I fought really hard for all this, and I'm the one that figured out how to keep it a secret from you. So you better accept it." Squall just nodded in response to the threat. The elevator stopped, and Selphie handed him a key card. "Here you go!"

Squall took it warily, then scanned it through the obvious horizontal slit beside the door before slipping it into his pocket. It opened with a soft 'beep' to reveal a living room, large enough to be comfortable and definitely much bigger than he could ever need it to be. The walls were white, the floor covered with crisp navy blue carpet. One corner held a black L-shaped couch. A steel bookcase glinted in another, nearly overflowing with books new and old as well as a few framed pictures. Matching coffee and end-tables filled the remaining gaps of space. Each end table held a lit lamp, glinting silver to match.

In the middle of it all, in front of a large window directly across from him, stood Zell, Irvine, and Quistis, all regarding him with hopeful expressions. Quistis stepped forward, hands clasped together in front of her. "We were going to wait until your birthday..."

"But after all the shit you went through, we figured this would be better!" Zell finished for her, grinning widely. He had brought the spikes back to his bangs, and the sight made Squall feel what he could only call 'strange.' "Nice, eh?"

For the second time that evening, Squall couldn't say a word despite wanting to. His mouth had suddenly gone very, very dry. "Well, go in!" Selphie commanded, pushing him forward with a hand on his back. He stumbled across the crack that separated the the elevator from the floor, eyes still wide.

Irvine grinned at them both and flopped onto the couch. "Now this... *this* is nice. My influence, I should add." He affectionately patted the leather on which he lay. "Damn sexy piece of work. Wish *I* got one o' these."

Squall turned left to find that the wall he thought was empty opened up in an archway. He stepped through it to find more blue and silver-- the silver was held by his new assortment of kitchen appliances and small table, complete with *three* chairs. It seemed the others expected to dine with him on occasion, and he couldn't stir up a thought to deny that unspoken request. Not after they had done this.

"We all got kitchens," Selphie continued, following him rather closely to soak in every bit of emotion he allowed through, "Now we don't have to eat with the students anymore." Squall swallowed and nodded his understanding. "Continuing on!" She announced in tour-guide mode as she took his hand again and led him through the kitchen to the hallway on the other side. Six feet followed them. "Door one or door two?"

Squall went for the doorknob to his right and found a bathroom on the other side. It was tiled in black and grey, trimmed with more silvery metal... and it had a bathtub. A gigantic bathtub. He hadn't taken anything but showers since he was young enough to use the underclassman bathrooms. "The tub was Zell's idea...and look, I even got you some bubble bath!" came Selphie's voice from behind him as he finally realized she had been speaking. "You know, so you can relax and stuff!" She sounded absolutely enthralled. Before he could finish taking everything in she jerked on his hand again, and the others backed out of their way as he reached for the last door.

Bedroom, of course, but it didn't fit in so well with the apartment's colour scheme: here the walls were a deep burgundy, the floor carpeted in either a much deeper shade of the same colour or pure black. A dresser made of what looked like mahogany, generally plain and practical-looking, filled a corner. His gunblade's case leaned against the wall beside it. A pair of dark drapes hung over the apartment's second window, tied back to reveal the falling snow with rope of a golden hue. Someone flicked a switch beside him to reveal that a small electric chandelier hung from the cieling. It, too, was rather plain, not to mention completely astonishing.

Irvine cleared his throat somewhere behind him. "That's my... other influence," he explained as Squall's eyes fell upon the bed-- a four-poster bed, headed and footed with more mahogany, covered with a bedspread to match the walls and numerous decorative pillows. And it was gigantic, likely even bigger than king-sized. "King of the castle gets the biggest bed.... Just in case." Squall didn't know whether to laugh or cry or run away and hide. He settled for blinking continuously.

"Ooooh! Almost forgot! Squall, I think I missed something," Sephie said, rescuing him again from his duty to speak. The group led him back to the kitchen and urged him into the living room-- and there he saw something he hadn't yet. What he thought was a window turned out to be much more than that. It touched the floor. It had a handle. He dashed towards it, pulled the handle to the side, and stepped onto a small half-circle balcony covered in Trabian snow. The rail was made of cement that looked like carved stone and was held up by fat pillars. A frigid wind nearly knocked him over. He welcomed it to try.

"You like it?" Zell. Squall spun around, staring at the group, eyes flicking from face to happy face. He wouldn't cry. Damn it, he wouldn't.

"I..."

His gaze returned to Zell, who nearly blinded him with a new smile as he correctly answered his own question. "Hell yeah, he likes it."

"Come inside," Irvine beckoned him with a hand, "Don't want you gettin' sick again already." Squall was sure Irvine knew as well as he did that he could stand out there for three weeks without having to worry about even getting slight frostbite thanks to Shiva, but he obeyed anyway. "I say it's time for some celebratin,'" Irvine continued as Quistis shut the door, since Squall had forgotten to. "Anyone wanna help me out?"

"I will!" Selphie dashed into the kitchen ahead of Irvine (he managed to give her bottom a light slap as she passed), flicking on the overhead light and heading immediately to the refrigerator.

Squall almost ran into the glass-topped coffee table as he strode over to the bookcase. Something had obviously caught his eye. "That's a bunch of stuff they were gonna throw out when they redid the library," Zell explained, "Saw you readin' a few of 'em before, soo..."

"We weren't sure about exactly what you would like," Quistis continued for him, "So there's... a bit of everything, I guess."

But the books weren't what Squall was looking at. His eyes were misting; he covered his mouth with one leather hand as he reached for a particular picture frame with the other.

"Oh, and that. That's Laguna's. We all kinda added something of our own, and that's his... hope ya don't mind or nothin.'"

Squall's hand fell from his mouth as he gazed at his mother's standing form, black-and-white on a sunny day in the field he had visited just that afternoon, hair blowing restlessly about her face as Laguna's camera caught her in the middle of a genuine laugh. Laguna had been interested in photography. He should have expected this. "Where... where is he?" he choked out, tears fighting to blur his vision at the emotion he heard in his own voice.

"We asked him to come... I dunno why he didn't show, maybe important president business or somethin' like that." Zell forced an awkward little laugh.

Seifer. That was why. Whatever he had said, that was what kept Laguna from coming. Squall didn't know now whether he really wanted Laguna to see him like this or not-- but anger finished the spectrum of what he was feeling at the simple fact that Seifer had made a choice that wasn't his to make. He hadn't realized he had reached out his free arm for the nearest body before he fell, or grasped for, or was pulled into a tight hug. He managed to hold onto his dignity as he let Zell hold him and even wound his own arms around that compactly muscled back. Not a salty drop was shed-- he crunched them all back, swallowed them hard even as they drove knives into his throat.

"No tears, okay?" He opened his eyes to find Selphie gazing up at him from past Zell's shoulder, still smiling, always smiling. He reached out for her hand and squeezed it hard.

"Thank you."

"No problem!" After returning his squeeze with a little one of her own, she replaced the hand Squall held with a half-filled champagne flute. "Who else wants booze?" With the offer she bounced back into the kitchen.

"I think I'd like some," Quistis answered. She patted Squall's shoulder with a shaky hand before following Selphie. "Welcome back."

"Hyne knows, she musta missed you most of all," Irvine added from the spot he had already claimed on the couch. "Got the gum outta your hair yet, Quis?"

"Barely," she chuckled dryly as she poured herself some drink. "I don't know why the students won't listen to me... Why they have to play pranks on me at every turn... Goodness, was that ever exhausting."

Squall backed away from Zell carefully as not to spill his own champaigne, fighting the urge to hide his burning face as he returned the picture to the bookcase at eye-level, one shelf above the one he had taken it from.

"You okay, man?"

Squall nodded and blinked a few more times, returning his eyes to their usual dryness. "Yeah."

"Here... let's just... sit." Zell looked nervous, as if he were afraid Squall would fall to pieces at any second. Fortunately, he had already gotten as close as he could to that point and passed it. He sat down slowly, testing his new piece of furniture and finding it quite plushy. Zell took the armrest beside him.

"It'll be hard not to sleep the entire day away tomorrow," Quistis continued. She sipped her champaigne, then the sip turned into a big gulp, and before she knew it she had drained the glass. "Especially with this stuff helping me," she added as she poured more.

Irvine whistled. "Looks like Quissy's goin' on a binge tonight." He laughed; Zell and Selphie followed suit. "Better hurry up and get some before she starts chuggin' outta the bottle."

"Irvine Kinneas!" Selphie exclaimed as she handed Zell his glass. "Feet! Off the table!"

Irvine groaned but complied, whining, "But deeear... Firecraaackerrr... I'm eve even wearin' my boots..."

"That's not the point! You're a guest, and you're supposed to respect your host's furniture," his firecracker replied, her anger only pretend as she flopped down beside him and cuddled up to his arm. "This... all this is a little weird, though." Her tone fell from silliness to seriousness. "Like... like somebody's... missing."

"I'm calling her tomorrow," Squall revealed quietly. Instantly every eye on the room was on him.

"You're *what?*" Zell asked, a little loud so close to him.

"I'm calling Rinoa. I decided that on the flight here." No one said a word. He would have to explain himself, now. "She's... in Timber still, right?"

"... Right," Irvine confirmed slowly, "as far as we know."

"That's where all the resistance groups are based. Including Ebony Rapture."

Selphie cleared her throat. "So..."

"So, we need help if we're going to go after them." Squall ran his finger along the rim of his glass, reluctant to drink from it. "They'll be weary of Garden associates. Rinoa, if she's still there, will know the area."

"You're suggesting she's part of the 'in-crowd'?" Quistis asked.

"Exactly." Squall looked up and found her leaning into the archway that separated the rooms. "You don't think that would be... wrong, do you? To call her up when we need something like this, after..."

"No." Quistis shook her head and smiled, albeit a bit sadly, "If anything, I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you. Happy to do you--us-- this favor. Remember, you're the one who pushed her away, not the other way around."

Squall nodded and looked back down, unable to dispute the truth. "Good. I'll pay her, too, of course."

"Of course."

Irvine spoke up again, his voice heavy with necessary negativity before he said more than Squall's name, "Squall... you know she could be dead, right?"

"I know," Squall replied. Zell's supportive hand fell on his shoulder, and he accepted it despite being sure he didn't need it.

"... Timber's a war zone right now," Irvine continued, "All those resistance groups...including the Forest Owls... with nothing to resist. They've turned on each other."

"I know," Squall repeated. Timber was a scar on an otherwise peaceful planet-- on numerous occasions he wished in frustration that he could just send over an army and wipe out the whole place. He had known about the gang wars in Timber as soon as they began, a few months after he and Rinoa had separated. He called once out of obligation, still feeling the burden of his Knighthood, to see if she was okay. She had bitterly replied that she was-- and that Watts and Zone were her two new Knights, so he needn't bother worrying about her anymore, thankyouverymuch. They hadn't spoken since, every trace of mental contact between Sorceress and Knight completely shattered.

"Sorry... Just thought I'd make sure you were prepared for the worst."

"He's always prepared for the worst, silly," Selphie replied, knog Irg Irvine's hat from his head to kiss his cheek. "That's sweet of you and all, but I think you're forgetting who you're talking to."

"Toast?" Irvine held up his hand, and Squall almost smiled at the sudden mental image of him holding a shrivelly hotdog instead of a glass-- then his mood darkened significantly. He would have to talk to Seifer. Or yell at him. Or throw him in solitary confinement so he could spend some time understanding what he so easily put his student victims through while he thought about how *not* to intrude into other people's private relationships.

"Yes!" Quistis raised her flute as well, "To the safe return of our missing piece."

Crystal clinked celebratorially around the room and Squall finally drank, his heart heavy with dread amid others likely afloat with hope.

--------------------------------

So... now that Squall has the sexiest bedroom ever + a big bathtub + a giant bed + a long leather couch... heh.... ^_~
Yees, I should disclaim that-- punked the corner-couch idea from Gravitation. W00t, Squall has Yuki's couch in his apartment now, how fun. (is Yuki's leather? I don't know. I don't think so. Bah, who cares!)

Going through a breakup right now... end of a two year relationship-- one in which I'm the one that fucked up and distanced myself and hurt someone that really, really didn't deserve it. Sooo, long story short, I've been listening to a lot of Rammstein. I don't know if I'll be updating more or less often because of all this, is what I'm saying. Meh.