A Crack in Time

Disclaimer : Don’t own a thing. I make no money. Therefore you don’t sue me!

Warnings : Obvious OOCness, Hojo and a Cocktail dress. Brief mention of implied Vin/Cid.

Cloud’s Jerry Lou-ness (Thank you Dreamfool for the name xD) will be in the next chapter though I’m not 100% sure I’ve captured it. And Yes the definition of Mary Sue at the end is from Wiki. Thanks to everyone who review/rated.


Cloud rolled over on the blanket the woman had sat him on. The woman, yes she was a woman and NOT his mother because he remembered his mother well and she wasn’t half as crazy as this whore biscuit.

(Where did you even hear the term Whore Biscuit I swear you’ve said it like thirty times since we’ve been here?)

/I don’t even know but there’s something that’s been bothering me…/

(What’s that?)

/How are you even here? I mean if I’m back in time then doesn’t that mean you’re still alive and if you’re still, which I’m fairly sure you are, shouldn’t you not exist?/

(…………..)

/For that matter since you ARE still here doesn’t this mean I failed to save you again and we still end up as Hojo’s experiments?/

(Spike…….shut the hell up no one wants to think about this I don’t even think that made sense geesh.)

/Eh hey I thought I wasn’t the main character anymore why are we starting off the chapter again? /

(Cause the chick writing this crazy thing hasn’t the slightest idea how to bring Sephiroth in to take over his roll)

/WHAT!? She gave the psychopath my role! That whore biscuit! That that THAT WENCH! / Tears poured from the charge blue eyes causing Ms. Strife to come running to the room.

“Shh shh Jerry mommy’s here….” She bounced him a little before sitting him down and going to make a bottle.

(Why does she keep calling you Jerry?)

/I don’t know I think the whore biscuit messed up and sent us to a parallel universe because my mom wasn’t a psycho Jenova wannabe/

(Yeah mayb- WHOA SPIKE DON’T DRINK IT!) Startled Cloud dropped the bottle his psycho-Jenova wannabe mother had given him.

/Why…..?/

(She poisoned it look.) Cloud turned his head and sweat dropped. There sitting on the counter next to the formula was a pot labeled “Poison for Jerry”. She really was a Jenova wannabe.

/Guess I won’t be eating anything here …..Freaking whore biscuit. / A small pout came to his lips and he looked longingly at the bottle if only she wasn’t a psychopath….

----------------------------------------------Sephiroth---------------------------
Pale white eyelids snapped open revealing green vib- Oh fuck it. Sephiroth woke up and looked at him. So he was the main character now hmm what could he do with this new found situation. Maybe he should go destory the world? After all Cloud, the only one who could even hope to defeat him was what? He looked in the mirror that was conveniently pushed in front of him. He looked to be about fifteen so that meant that Cloud Strife was just an infant if he had even been born yet.

‘I hope you really didn’t think I sent you back in time with no means to control you.’ Gaia’s voice whispered in his mind causing Sephiroth to twitch.

“As if you could control me….” Gaia laughed a faint glow appeared in front of him.

‘Shall I show you?’ Sephiroth remained silent, gloating the planet on. ‘Very well…”A blinding white pain filled him suddenly he found himself tied to a chair sitting in the middle of a pure white room.

“Torturing me will get you no where I’ve spent my entire life being tortured by Hojo anything you do will pale in comparison.” Like anything she could do would- Sephiroth’s thoughts cut off the moment the door opened revealing something even Sephiroth couldn’t defeat. His skin began paling till it turned a remarkable green color. Standing before him wearing a red cocktail dress that stopped above mid-thigh with a red feathered boa complete with red high heels, and thigh high red stockings was Hojo. That’s right people. Professor mother effing Hojo.

“Hellooo big boy.” He purred through red painted lips blinking fake lashes at him. The image was enough to make him want to tear his own eyes out. Hojo took a step towards him his hips swaying left and right. That moment if ever asked Sephiroth could truly say he died a little one the inside. “I’m going to work you all night long.” At that music came pouring into the room Hojo dropped his feathered Boa and a strip pole appeared. Hojo walked over to it and started grinding into it in time with the music. It was when he climbed up the pole and turned up side down parting his legs in the air giving Sephiroth a perfect of what was REALLY under the cocktail dress that Sephiroth vomited what it was in his stomach at the time.


“OKAY! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY YOU WIN! I won’t do anything just please make it go away I’ll be a good boy I promise.” He cried out when Hojo began making his way towards him stripping out of the dress leaving him in nothing but a G-string, stockings and heels.
‘We knew you would see it our way…..’ A light flashed and Sephiroth was back in his room. But not before he got an eye full of Hojo’s naked ass. He curled into a ball and rocked back and forth mumbling incoherent words about killing cocktail dresses every where. In future years Hojo will forever wonder why his greatest experiment would cower at the sight of a red cocktail dress.


----------------------------Vincent----------------------------------
Vincent, Cid, and Yuffie all sat around a huge pile of Chocobo bones most of them eaten by the great Wutarian (Did I spell that right?) ninja Yuffie herself. Cid’s left eye would twitch every so often as it was he had just gained some very disturbing news.

“So yer telling me that out of the blue you decided you wanted to eat a fucking bird?” The ex-Turk nodded picking up a Chocobo wing. “And for some fucking reason decided to open a damned Barbeque?”

“Yes.” Cid sighed letting his cigarette drop.

“And people call me fucking insane.” Vincent reached over and patted his head affectionately causing Yuffie to pause. She made a weird face sticking out her tongue.

“What Yuffie?”

“The two of you aren’t going to start like making out are you?” Cid flushed and Vicent remained passive giving the Wutarian princess a blank stare.

“Where did you get that idea?” She made a small noise in the back of her throat dropping the bone.

“Internet.” Vincent gave the slightest indication of a twitch before standing. “Where are you going?”

“To see a man about a Chocobo.” They both blinked at him.

“Wha…?”

“The fuck?”

-Sephiroth-

It had a been a few days since the incident that-shall-not-be-named happened and Sephiroth was for the better part over it….well he could he look at Hojo and not go into a panic attack however that didn’t seem to stop the dreams. After clearing the image as best as he could from his mind’s eye he done some thinking. Some deep life altering thinking, at first he blamed Cloud for his ultimate demise but as he thought more and more about it really wasn’t Cloud’s fault.

If anything Cloud had been just as screwed over as he was. No the person to blame was Hojo. And Jenova but mostly Hojo. If Hojo had never sent him on the mission to the reactor he would have never gone crazy and developed a mommy complex and would never had been killed by Cloud. If anything going back in time had given him a chance to exact revenge on the real person who had wronged him. Sephiroth had a plan. A really good plan one involving a certain Chocobo blonde hair boy, ShinRa and some duck tape. Oh yessss Sephiroth had the plan.

Unfortunately that meant he’d have to keep Hojo around a little longer than he’d like but while he was still didn’t mean Sephiroth couldn’t make his life a living hell. Hojo nor ShinRA would never know what hit them and by the time they did it would be too late.

-Cloud-


Cloud yawned looking at glares he and his supposed mother were receiving from the villagers. He hadn’t remembered them being this hateful before maybe it had something to do with the same reason his mother was such a Jenova-wannabe-whore-biscuit.

(Hey Cloud I was doing some reading and I just found out what a Mary Sue was….) Cloud yawned again huge blue eyes blinking uninterestedly at the things around him.

/Please do enlighten me on this revelations you’ve had/

(Well it says right here and I quote “A Mary Sue (sometimes just Sue), in fanfiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader” un-quote.)

/Okay so I was all that before the Whore Biscuit gave me Mary Sue./ He told him snorting lightly inside his head. /I give both woman AND man wet dreams people through their feet at my good looks I mean really I had a hard life I had to kill my idol for Gaia’s sake. I’m the perfect SOLDIER. I really don’t have any flaws./ If he could of flipped his hair over his shoulder he would have.

(Spike…..what’s happening to you? You….you never would have been so…blunt about this! You’re….you’re …..you’re becoming a Jerry Lou. And technically you never made SOLDIER.) Cloud eye’s widen and realized it was true. He never used to think himself flawless! He was going to end up becoming a bastard and getting hated by Cloud fans every where. Or worse end up like acting like Genesis. (Nothing against him he shall show up soon)

/NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!/ Not to far from them that same Chocobo cut it self.

Next Chapter : Sephiroth get’s a baby.
Will be out sooner or later……and no the Emo Chocobo will not be a constant thing.