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Chapter Twenty-Three: In the Dark

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An earthy aroma filled the apartment, and it almost seemed to relax him. It brought upon him a comforting feeling; it was warm, it was inviting.

His eyes watched the steam dance up into the air from the mug between his hands, and intrigued him with the way that it followed no designated path and could change with the slightest disturbance of the air around it. It twirled about as Zack bustled back and forth behind the bar counter, putting away the instant coffee and milk. He quickly cleaned up a spill on the counter before he forgot about it, and before Cloud could get his hands on it to clean it himself. Zack wasn't about to give Cloud a reason to take his attention away from the question he asked him.

"What's going on?"

Cloud had stayed quiet for a long while, just staring down at his coffee. He liked it with milk and a tiny bit of sugar, just to take the edge off of the bitterness that some coffees had. Zack was actually surprised by this, as he himself enjoyed it black, and he chuckled at the sudden role reversal. He had handed Cloud the coffee black, assuming that that was how he took it, and Cloud had looked up at him with a sheepish look and quietly asked if he had any sugar. Zack would have laughed at that for several reasons, had he not been able to see the bruise on his face much clearer now in the lighting in his kitchen, and a serious mood fell on him. He couldn't stop staring at it, and it drew away any sort of excitement he had for finally being able to spend time with Cloud.

"This coffee...is really good," was all Cloud had mumbled in response, after that long silence was broken.

"I couldn't wait to get back to see you." Zack tossed the sponge into the sink and turned, resting his hands on the counter and watching as Cloud slowly sipped the drink, his light blue eyes never leaving the rim of his mug.

"It has a nice flavor."

"I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"I always thought that instant coffee wouldn't be very good compared to the type you have to brew-"

"I really missed you, Cloud," Zack said softly, earnestly. He watched for any sign of blushing or embarrassment from the boy, but there was none.

"-but this is really good."

"Cloud."

"You know...I've always wanted to try coffee with a little bit of chocolate, just to see why it's so popular-"

"How'd you get that bruise on your face?"

"-but I wouldn't want to waste it if I didn't like it-"

"Cloud, enough."

Once again silence fell upon them, and the blond just sat there, never pulling the mug away from his face, as if to hide behind it, and he no longer sipped it.

"Please, Cloud," he said, his voice gentle, but pleading. "How did you get the bruise on your face?"

Cloud stammered for a moment, and slowly the mug was lowered to the counter. He suddenly let out a breathless laugh, shaking his head. "You're...going to laugh at me."

"Am I?"

"P-promise you won't...laugh?" He had to think of something quick. He didn't want Zack to know about it – he couldn't let him know about it. It would just give him more reasons to worry about him. He forced his eyes to crawl up to Zack's, and he forced his eyebrows to arch in a sheepish expression that was like second nature to him.

Zack studied his features for a good moment before speaking slowly. "I guarantee I won't laugh."

"I uh...on the ride over to the town, I got a little sick and when I went to bend down to t-the side to throw up, I didn't see a crate that was sitting beside me. I hit my cheek pretty hard on the corner of it."

That...was quite plausible.

Cloud locked his eyes onto Zack in an attempt to drive the validity of his lie home, and forced them not to flicker away. Perhaps there was a chance that Zack already knew about it, and that he was just seeing if he would come clean and talk about it by asking these questions, but Zack didn't seem like that type of person to play those types of games, and especially to someone who already was suffering enough mental anguish as it was. Or so, at least Cloud hoped.

But Zack suddenly smiled and shook his head at him. "That had to have hurt."

"H-hey, you said you wouldn't laugh." That was a good line, it made it seem all the more real.

"I didn't laugh – I smiled. You said nothing about smiling."

What was the word he would use to insult Zack at a time like this again...?

"Ass."

There, it was more natural now, and once he received another smile from Zack, he relaxed more than the smell of the coffee had done for him. But the word suddenly reminded him of why he was there.

Cloud set his mug down and stood, walking around the counter to where Zack stood watching him. He walked straight into his arms and buried his face into his chest.

Zack let out a heavy sigh when they connected, and he wrapped his arms around the boy and squeezed him gently.

"I missed you too, Zack," Cloud said, his voice muffled against the man's warm chest. "I'm really happy to see you." It felt good to finally speak the truth for the first time that night. He didn't want to lie to Zack, but he felt as if he couldn't handle Zack knowing the truth, at least not yet. He wanted to deal with this on his own for now, and not have to think that Zack was babying him, or treating him any different because of the situation. He wanted things to be normal between them, and for things to flow naturally, like nothing was wrong.

"And you don't know how happy I am to hear you say that. I was worried for a while."

"Why?" Cloud peeled his face away from the warm body and looked up at him with a nervous look.

"Well, you were acting a little distant, so I thought that something was wrong. I thought that maybe I did something to upset you."

"No!" Cloud cleared his throat, pursing his lips together as he realized how loud he actually said that, and how bad it cracked with his hoarse voice. He forced a shaky smile and his voice lowered. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just a little tired today."

"I can see that. I was a bit surprised back in the ramen shop."

"I know, I'm sorry, Zack."

Zack just frowned down at him, but with a sympathetic look. "You gotta stop saying that word. That's three times now that you've said it today. You know what that means, don't you?"

"T-three kisses, right?"

"Wrong. That's four. You still owe me from the movies a week ago." Zack reached up, brushing his thumb across Cloud's uninjured cheek. "I'd like to redeem one now."

"J-just one?" Finally, there was that blush that Zack had been hoping to see since they began their conversation.

"Maybe two," he murmured, leaning down and placing a very delicate kiss on Cloud's lips.

Cloud tensed momentarily. It's just a kiss. It's not so bad. I can do this. He relaxed, rising up a bit on his feet to join in as his hands slipped between them and rested against Zack's chest.

"There's one," Zack whispered, pulling back a little to watch as Cloud's eyes opened and looked up at him. "I forgot to mention that I get to choose where I kiss you, by the way."

"That's not fair. You can't just make up rules as you go along," Cloud said with a face that was nothing less than perturbed.

"It's my game, my rules."

"W-well fine. Just...k-kiss me already."

Zack hummed a pleased noise, and couldn't help but smile as Cloud already had his head tilted up and lips parted slightly in anticipation. "Not on your lips."

Cloud suddenly looked a bit horrified. "T-then where?" He was afraid to ask, and he was afraid of the answer, even though he was trying to prepare himself.

When Zack began to lean down again, Cloud squeezed his eyes shut embarrassingly, unsure of where Zack was going to kiss him. But Zack simply just placed his hand beneath Cloud's chin and kissed the bruise on his cheek tenderly. "Please, be more careful next time," he whispered.

"Yeah." Cloud's hands curled, gripping Zack's uniform in his fists. "I will."

Zack lowered his head down into Cloud's hair and breathed in. There was something off about the way his hair smelled. It wasn't how it normally smelled, but it wasn't bad. In fact, it was clean and somehow familiar – he just couldn't place it.

Cloud lifted his head as Zack began to pull away, and he caught his lips in his.

Zack was startled at first, but quickly melded with the kiss. He couldn't help but smile through it as Cloud's hands hesitantly wrapped around him, pulling himself closer to his body with a soft noise. Zack enjoyed the extremely rare moments when Cloud would be forward, and not necessarily in intimate moments only. When they would train or spar together, it thrilled him seeing the usually introverted boy taking a step towards being more aggressive and confident. With interacting with his friends or fellow barrack mates, Zack was amused seeing him banter with a comfort that he found in himself that allowed him to laugh and withstand their teasing, and even tease back.

And now, Cloud was gradually incorporating tiny hints of his tongue in their kiss, flicking it across Zack's lips, which parted to see if the boy would venture any further. When it remained where it was, Zack nipped gently at Cloud's bottom lip, and he received a small moan as a response, and a little more tongue.

They kissed for quite some time, the speed increasing with the intensity and the exploration of their hands. Kissing became feverish and breaths became shorter as they began to migrate out of the kitchen, unaware of where they were really headed. As they moved together, never parting, they didn't even notice when Cloud's elbow bumped up against the coffee cup and the contents spilled out onto the counter. It fell with a shrill noise, but was drowned out by their muffled moans and pants.

Cloud seemed to be leading, walking backwards toward the bedroom as Zack followed with half-lidded eyes. He steered the boy into the dark room before he bumped into the doorframe, and his hand slapped out against the wall to find the light switch blindly. But Cloud's hand went out to stop him and he uttered a noise of disapproval into his mouth. Zack pulled away, breathless, intrigued.

"You want the lights off?" He couldn't stop himself from grinning as he could still see Cloud's face turning red in the moonlight shining through the window.

Cloud just nodded quietly, his eyes darting away from Zack's smoldering gaze as he was being gently urged towards the bed. He found his knees buckling once he connected with the edge of the mattress, and he sat quickly before he lost his balance any further through the immense trembling in his legs.

Zack chuckled and sat next to him. "Careful," he murmured, pulling Cloud against him again. "Wouldn't want you to fall and hurt your other cheek." He leaned down and they began to kiss once more, slower now, but sensual and deep.

Cloud's heart began to beat heavy in his chest, and he was disappointed that it wasn't from the emotions they were sharing. He was scared and he was confused. Zack was obviously enjoying this and wanting more, as he found himself being pushed onto his back and covered by half of the man's body. He could feel Zack's hard erection pressing up against his thigh as they kissed, and he thought he could hear him groaning softly between his thoughts. There was no turning back on anything that had happened between them before this, and they couldn't stand still, either. They had to move forward, and the sooner that they did, he'd be able to ensure that he wouldn't lose Zack like how he now feared.

He wanted to do whatever he had to do to keep one of the few people that actually cared about him.

Shaking hands reached up and began to fumble for Zack's clothing. Fingertips trembled along the belts on his waist and began to tug halfheartedly on them. Zack responded with an interested purr, and responded with his own tugging of Cloud's clothes, which was done with more purpose than Cloud's attempt.

"You okay?" Zack suddenly stopped and was staring down at him in the dark.

"F-fine, why?" Cloud could see Zack's eyes narrowing at him.

"I thought I heard you mutter something."

"No," Cloud said, shaking his head and trying to steady his voice that wavered as he spoke.

"That's what I thought I heard you say."

"No, I mean that I didn't mutter anything."

Zack just looked at him for several seconds before he just nodded and went back to kissing him. He started at Cloud's mouth, and they shared several deep kisses, but then began to move down to his neck where he passed his tongue along his skin. Cloud writhed beneath him, his head turning to the side, picking up where he left off in the removal of Zack's belts. They came loose, and he hesitantly began to slide them from the loops on his trousers. They slipped off of the bed and landed with a soft thump against the carpet, and the noise caused Zack to let out a low groan.

Zack's breath was hot against his neck, and Zack's hands felt restricting as one was embedded into his hair, and the other slid up his shirt, seeking out his body. It passed over his heaving stomach, lightly trailing along until he found his chest. Zack's fingers stopped at a nipple where he circled his thumb over it with the speed of the nipping and suckling on his neck.

Zack lifted his hips away from Cloud as he could feel his hands trying to unbutton his trousers. "Here," he whispered, pulling his hand away from his hair to undo the button for Cloud when he couldn't steady his hands enough to grab hold. "The light might be a good idea, Cloud."

Cloud stayed quiet, concentrating on finding the zipper. He narrowed his eyes, glancing between the zipper to Zack who hovered above him and was watching him with interest. Everything seemed to be blurry.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes." He found the zipper finally and tugged it down. His hand passed over Zack's hard arousal and he received a very unrestrained groan from the touch.

The pants were soon discarded down on the ground next to the belts, and Zack's shirt soon followed. He reached down, his hands passing along Cloud's jawline to his shoulders, and down his chest.

"Sit up," Zack murmured, and Cloud obeyed slowly, just staring ahead into Zack's body. He reached down and slipped Cloud's shirt off of him and tossed it to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him in as he dipped his head down and began to nip at his neck.

Cloud made a pained whimper and seemed to shrug his shoulders in discomfort. Zack realized he had grabbed him a bit too tight and mumbled an apology before continuing to pinch his flesh between his teeth on his neck. He received what sounded like a more pleasured whimper, so he continued down to his collarbone where he placed several suckling kisses on it.

Zack pulled away, groaning as he reached down to himself and rubbed the bulge beneath his boxers. "I want to take this slow, but not seeing you for a week was killing me."

'Take this slow'? So he is expecting it.

"W-what do you...want me to do?" Cloud said, finding that his bottom lip was trembling. He stilled it between his teeth, and his eyes slowly crawled up to watch as Zack was circling his thumb over the tip of his erection through the fabric.

"Well," Zack said, reaching out and brushing his hand along Cloud's chin, "whatever you feel comfortable doing of course. I'm not a picky man, but I'm not gonna lie. This would be nice." He let out a soft groan as his thumb found Cloud's lips, and could feel the boy's hot breath being released from his nose across his hand. "You think that would be okay, Cloud?" He leaned down, slipping his thumb away to replace it with his lips; he kissed him gently.

Cloud muttered something that Zack couldn't quite understand as he kissed him, and he pulled away chuckling. "What?" He brushed Cloud's hair away from his face, and he saw something catching the moonlight as it fell from his eyes. "Cloud...?"

"Don't..."

It was that familiar tone. It was meek, and it was distant, filled with unimaginable memories and nightmares. It made Zack's breath hitch in his chest, and all he could do was stare at Cloud in disbelief for a long while, his eyes never blinking.

He finally released the breath he held when he saw more tears streaming down the boy's face, and it came out in a small choke. "Cloud?" was all he was able to muster forth through the swarming confusion and denial. He didn't want to believe this was happening again. This couldn't have been happening again. Things had been fine, things were progressing slowly, but nicely. Cloud was smiling more, he was showing more confidence in their relationship. But now, he was shrunk into himself, and Zack could now pick up on the tremble from him through the mattress. "Please, Cloud, look at me." He reached down with his hand, gently grasping Cloud's chin.

Cloud suddenly cried out, his voice cracking through an onslaught of hysteric breaths. He smacked Zack's hand away and hurled himself forward, shoving the stunned man away from him. He ran out into the living room and found the door, his hands blindly searching it for the knob. He was whimpering, unable to wrap his shaking hand around the knob once he finally found it and he began to pound on the door, muttering incoherently.

Zack called out to him several times as he approached him cautiously, but hurriedly. "Cloud, please, calm down!" He finally reached him and Cloud whipped around, pressing himself up against the door, his eyes wide with fear. "It's just me, Zack," he said quietly, slowly reaching out with both hands. "Just me..."

Cloud huddled into himself, bringing his hands up in fists to his bare chest. Zack could see a white bandage on the top of his left shoulder that he hadn't noticed in the dark room, and his eyes narrowed at it. One more thing to pique his suspicions about everything.

"It's okay, please, it's okay..." His hands slowly reached out, cupping each of Cloud's elbows in his palms. He rubbed him gently, slowly moving upward on his arms, and he watched as Cloud began to relax.

"Zack?" His eyes fluttered as they looked lazily about. He seemed confused, almost as if he just woke up from a deep sleep.

"Are you...okay now?" Zack took a step forward, sliding his touch up to Cloud's shoulders.

He stammered for a few seconds as he shook his head. "I-I'm fine...I uh...don't know...what happened..."

"Come here, it's okay." Zack pulled him into his chest when he saw more tears brimming his eyes. He didn't know what to do or what to say. He just found himself repeating 'it's okay' as Cloud buried his face into his chest. He could feel hot liquid running down his skin as Cloud cried against him silently.

Cloud eventually pulled himself away after they stood together for a while, and he uttered an unbelievable and forceful laugh, as if to dismiss everything that had just happened. "I don't know what...I was thinking."

"It's okay," Zack said one more time, and realized that their conversation was going nowhere but circles. He didn't exactly know where to take it. "What happened? Did I scare you? Was it something I did?"

Cloud shook his head before resting his head against his chest. "No, it wasn't you. I just...I don't...know what happened."

"Hey, it's to be expected sometimes," Zack murmured, placing a kiss onto his head. "Maybe we're taking things a little too fast."

"No, please!" Cloud pulled himself away, fear once more in his eyes. "It's not fast! I want to!" He was suddenly squeezing Zack's upper arms in a grip that caused him to wince slightly. "I want to, Zack! Please, l-let's go back into the room, okay? We can do this, we can do whatever you want."

"What are you talking about, Cloud?"

"I'm ready for whatever you want. I don't mind, I'll do it. I want to share myself with you because I know that you care about me, and I know that I can make you happy-"

Zack hushed him, wriggling his arms away from the tight clutch of Cloud's fingers. "Slow down, Cloud. What do you mean by all of this?"

"W-we...we can have...sex...if you want."

Zack stared at him, peering into his eyes with an uncertainty that mimicked the look on Cloud's face. He was searching him for answers, searching for any sort of explanation for his hysterics, and for the sudden and unexpected offer of his body.

Zack, of course, had thought about it. But at this point it was at the back of his mind given the circumstances. Cloud was more than just someone to share his bed with for a night or two. Admittedly, his first few relationships were like that, but he had always given as much as he possibly could to whomever he was with. And with Cloud, he knew that there could be something meaningful there, and he didn't want to do anything to hinder the unique and thrilling feeling that was left in his heart when he thought about him.

He was ashamed of himself for giving into his urges so soon, and he felt that perhaps things were a bit rushed between them. No, he knew that to be true, but he couldn't help but want to flood the boy with all of his attention and emotions. It was overwhelming for himself, and he felt as if he were to hold everything in, that it would erupt in a fury of sappy words and intimidating advances. He was never good at holding in anything when it came down to his emotions, and with Cloud he tried his hardest. He knew the boy scared easily, and especially after everything that he had gone through. He wanted to do whatever it took so he didn't lose him.

But sex... it actually scared him, probably more than he realized. He knew that with Cloud it wouldn't be just sex. There were different ways of having sex, of course, and there was a difference between 'making love' and 'creating love'. He had made love in the past, but it was more of a style than anything else. But with Cloud, he'd be creating love. He'd be nurturing it from the beginning of a tiny smile, to growing it from a passionate kiss after tender moments were exchanged, to watching it blossom into those three words that he heard in his head whenever he looked at Cloud.

'I love you'.

It was silly, he thought, as he had only known the boy for a matter of months, and in reality they had only been with one another for...two weeks. It had only been two weeks since their first kiss. Fourteen days, seven of which they were apart. What on Gaia was he thinking? What on Gaia was he possibly doing to this boy to make him so spun, so insistent on sex already? Had he been too pushy, too quick to claim him? After the incident with Mejia, he was afraid that Cloud would be taken away from him, that he would turn into someone else, that he would lose himself. He wanted to show Cloud that he wasn't alone, and that he himself would always be there beside him, to protect him, to show him that things weren't supposed to be that way.

Things had been fast, but he was trying to take it all in steps. Sex was...just not an option at this point. It would be a stupid thing to do, and now, as he stared into the blue eyes filled with turmoil, he could do nothing but hate himself for even taking any steps with Cloud to begin with. And although he knew that Cloud was still suffering from the attack, he couldn't ignore the thoughts that he had that suggested that there could have been something new hidden behind Cloud's erratic behavior.

"Please, Zack, let's...let's do it...okay?" Cloud took the opportunity of Zack's musing to lean into him and begin kissing his neck teasingly. "I'm okay, don't worry," his voice was wavering a bit as he spoke, which suggested all the opposite of what he was murmuring into his skin. "I want to do this."

The hot feeling of his breath against his neck broke him from his thoughts, and he reached up and gently pushed him away. "No, Cloud, just listen to me for a second."

"I want to, trust me." Cloud was trying to approach him again, but Zack held him away.

"Cloud! Just listen!"

Cloud fell silent, looking up at Zack with wet eyes and a parted mouth that was panting slightly.

"I-I don't think...that we're ready for that just yet." When Cloud's face began to look horrified, Zack wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. "I want to share everything with you, don't get me wrong. And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to, but right now it's just...not a good idea. I don't think I need to explain why."

Cloud was feeling dizzy. He was confused and angry all at the same time. He no longer knew what to believe or think, as Mejia's words still went through his mind, and here Zack stood saying the opposite. Not five minutes before, Zack was above him, ready for whatever that could happen inside a bedroom, and had he not lost himself in hysterics, he only wondered if Zack would be saying those exact words now. Zack was babying him again, as he stood in front of him wearing nothing but boxers, all the reminder of why they had ventured into the room to begin with. He knew what he really wanted, and he wasn't going to let Zack go without giving it to him. He wasn't going to let Zack go.

"No, Zack, I think we are ready for it."

"Cloud, please, listen to what you're saying."

Cloud fell silent for a while once more, looking as if he was tumbling his own words inside his head, but his facial expression didn't change any. He still looked dazed, and yet, he still looked adamant. "A-at least...let me..." Cloud trailed off, running his hand down Zack's side to his hip, hooking his thumb in the waistband of his underwear.

"Cloud, stop," Zack said, his voice cracking, and his will cracking as Cloud's hand slid across his stomach and dipped down to his groin. "I'm not allowing this to happen." He grabbed Cloud's wrist and tugged his hand away. "Let's just go back to the room, and you can rest, okay? You said you were tired earlier."

"The coffee woke me up."

"Don't be ridiculous. Now go. You can wear some of my sweatpants if you want."

Cloud ignored him, rising up on his feet to brush his lips against Zack's once he stopped talking. "Just kiss me. We can still do that, right?"

Zack's eyebrows met with a frustrated groan. He watched closely as Cloud continued to peck at his mouth and jawline with lips that began to slowly swell. Zack found himself unable to stop from meeting those advances with his own, and he caught Cloud's mouth in his. "Of course we can," he said between, "we always can."

"I didn't mean to ruin it before," Cloud murmured. "We don't have to have...s-sex, but can we at least do what we've been doing with each other...?"

"Only if you're comfortable, but I don't think now is a good time." Despite those words, he couldn't stop from continuing in the dance of their lips. They both fell silent, breathing in deep as they kissed and drew themselves closer to each other. Zack didn't realize how much he really wanted the boy until he could hear his own moans coming from his open mouth as their tongues began to meet and slowly swirl between them.

"Cloud...please, let's not..."

It was so soft and so irresistible that he couldn't help but let his mind go.

Zack tried to at least gain control of the kissing, if he no longer had any control of his mind, or the erection between his legs. It was made worse as Cloud began to move against him, driving his lap against Zack's hips, as if trying to persuade him, as if it wasn't obvious that he wasn't enticed enough as it was.

And he cursed himself as he leaned his head down and began to kiss Cloud's neck once more, sliding his hands up into the boy's hair, and back down to his face.

"Z-Zack..." Cloud said, breathing heavily as his chest brushed up against Zack's. He moaned, partially because it felt good, but more to fuel Zack into relaxing and going with what they both wanted to do. He let another moan escape him as Zack's hand began to paw at his face blindly, lustfully. He turned his head into his hand, kissing the palm that trailed along his skin. Fingers caressed parted lips erratically, the feeling of Cloud's rapid breaths flowing across them weaved in between each in a blanket of increasing passion.

Zack could feel the boy's moans rumble through his throat as he lightly sucked on his skin. He could feel him kissing his fingers, and thought he could feel his tongue flicking against them. There was a hot swarm around his finger, and he realized that Cloud took his index finger into his mouth.

Zack gasped and lifted his head, watching with wide eyes as Cloud began to suck on it. It was done a bit clumsily, but the endearing look he wore on his face as his head began to move with his sucking caused Zack to release a very loud growl from his throat.

"Oh shit," he said as he watched Cloud continue. He could see the boy's saliva coating his finger, and it glistened in the light. He couldn't help but imagine something else between his lips, and somewhere in the back of his mind he was scolding himself. "Don't do that," he warned him huskily, but this fell on deaf ears as the boy's mouth remained wrapped around his finger.

Cloud was staring at him during this with eyes that were searching for acceptance and allowance. He reached up and cupped Zack's hand in his, holding it there as he continued to suck, releasing several sweet-sounding whimpers with each bob of his head. He could feel his eyebrows relaxing on his face and raising with the pitch of his moaning.

"Cloud, please...d-don't." He watched, helpless, as Cloud lowered one of his hands and suddenly began to caress his erection. His breath sucked into his lungs, and the touch sent a shock through his abdomen up to his chest. His eyes fluttered closed, and he couldn't stop himself from pulling away. He allowed Cloud to rub him, slowly increasing the pressure against his member, and increasing the suction on his fingertip.

It was too painful, too teasing. He warned him one more time, but when he went ignored, Zack leaned down and bit Cloud in the crook of his neck. His finger was released as Cloud threw his head back once more, letting out a cry. This did nothing to deter him, but only aided Zack in his decision to push the boy back into the room.

They sat back down on the center of the mattress, their lips never breaking contact as Zack had urged Cloud deeper onto the bed. Zack caressed Cloud's waist as they kissed heavily, sliding his hands between them, and he unbuttoned Cloud's pants without any protest from the boy.

Cloud began to tug at Zack's boxers, and the SOLDIER got to his knees to allow him to tug them down, revealing his hardened arousal that was hesitantly grasped with Cloud's shaking hand.

Zack sucked in a hissing breath, removing the boxers completely before tossing them to the floor. "Cloud, we don't have to do this." He sat on his heels, watching as the boy was staring at him, almost with a distant look.

"Yes, we do," was what Cloud whispered before he scooted himself down on his side, and lowered his mouth onto Zack's member. He hesitated at first, but when he heard Zack's soft moaning upon contact, he began to slide his mouth onto it further. He resisted the urge to gag, trying to calm his breathing that he noticed started to quicken, and he forced himself to clear his mind. He stared at Zack's stomach, watching as it clenched with each dip of his head, and then relax as he pulled back. He concentrated on the man's slight bucking of his hips, and how his member seemed to tighten the faster he would move. His mind was so still of other thoughts, that he didn't even notice when Zack reached down and grasped him.

He froze at first. He hadn't realized that he wasn't fully aroused at all. Perhaps it was his nervousness, or perhaps it was from his brain attempting to shut down to perform the motions of normalcy. But when Zack began to slide his hand along his flesh, he managed to relax, and he continued to move along. He pulled his mouth off briefly to catch his breath and calm the thoughts in the back of his mind, and to calm the tightening reaction in his stomach as his body was threatening him with gagging. He heard Zack ask him if he was okay, and he just nodded and went back to nursing the tip with his tongue. He remembered that Zack seemed to enjoy when he would swirl it across the head, or when he would trail it along the underside towards the tip. All received sultry sounds from the man, but would bring back the memory of the incident in Kalm.

Concentrating on anything but his memory was hard, but when Zack began to whisper nothingnesses to him as he stroked him, it helped draw his mind away from that, and bring it to this moment with Zack. A moment he tried to think of during the attack to help block everything out, and now that he was back experiencing it, it made him appreciate it even more.

"C-can you move your hand just a little?" Zack said, his voice coming out considerate, and almost sheepish. He smiled down at Cloud, running his knuckle along his jawline.

Cloud obeyed, moving his hand in time with his sucking, and Zack matched his strokes with him. Their noises began to fill the room as Zack had his head tilted slightly back, pleasured grunts mixing with the occasional hiss or groan, and as Cloud moaned quietly around Zack's member in his mouth.

Zack's other hand was caressing his head so tenderly, that it blended with everything he sensed around him. The softness of the bed below him, the sight of Zack's body in front of him, the familiar smell of Zack's skin, the unique taste of his passion – it all drowned his mind in a comfort that he thought he would lose. He wanted to hold onto it for as long as he could, but everything he was experiencing at that moment overwhelmed him.

Zack watched as Cloud pulled away from him to cry out a little in pleasure. He rested his cheek against Zack's slick member, his eyes squeezed shut and his hand still clutched around him. Cloud stuttered out his name numerous times as he began to writhe beneath his touch, tossing his head side to side, rubbing his face against Zack's member.

"Zack, I'm..." He cut himself off as a moan escaped his mouth, and the fingers on his other hand curled into Zack's thigh.

"Come on," Zack murmured, his voice thick with lust and anticipation. "Please, come for me." His hand continued to pump him, giving it a slight twist as he would reach the tip. He could feel a familiar throb coursing in his palm, and he watched in pleasure as Cloud suddenly stiffened, pressing his face into Zack's erection as he reached his end.

Zack growled as Cloud eventually released onto himself and his hand. The soft, restrained cries coming from the boy were different from his usual loud sounds, but it was enough to bring Zack's climax forth rather quickly. He soon found himself doubled over him, one hand gripping his shoulder, the other clinging tightly in his hair as he could feel Cloud catch most of his emissions into his mouth. Cloud whimpered quietly, swallowing as best as he could, but he couldn't help but gag immediately afterwards. Zack finally peeled his fingers away from the boy, realizing he might have clutched onto him too hard.

Cloud sat up with his hand covering his mouth, the last of his convulsing dissipating into labored breaths.

"You okay, my angel?" Zack whispered, scooting towards him.

Tears were rolling down Cloud's cheeks then, but Zack couldn't tell if it was from the gagging, or something else. But when he suddenly let out a shaking breath and covered his face, Zack reached out and pulled him into his chest. "Please, tell me what's the matter. I can't help unless you talk to me."

Cloud mumbled something into his chest, but his speech was slurred through the combination of panting and sobs. He finally calmed himself after several moments of Zack hushing him gently, and after a few kisses to his head.

"I'm just...happy to hear you call me that," he finally said, knowing that it was a partial lie. He couldn't think of anything else to say that would come close to sounding like a believable excuse for his crying, other than the truth. Then again, crying over something like that without a reason was, in it of itself, not believable.

Zack pulled away, frowning down at him. "Why wouldn't I call you that? I like calling you that." He brushed his thumb across his cheekbone, wiping away the tears. "It's nothing to cry over..."

Cloud just shook his head, smiling rather awkwardly. His eyes fluttered closed as Zack leaned in and kissed him on his lips modestly, and as Zack began to pull away, Cloud deepened it, as if trying to make it last as long as he could, but it was clumsy, and hesitant.

They finally parted, and Zack slipped off of the bed to find something to clean themselves with. While he disappeared, Cloud wiped angrily at his face. He wasn't sure why he cried, as he assumed it was just a mixture of different reasons. He was ashamed of himself for his behavior that he seemed to have a hard time keeping control of. He was trying to stay normal, to make it seem like nothing was wrong, but was finding that he was unable to even have any say in his actions or reactions.

Zack came back with a warm washcloth and began to wipe Cloud's abdomen with it. Cloud shuddered at the feeling, and even Zack had a bit of a sour look to his face. In the heat of the moment, they didn't seem to mind the substance, but afterwards when the emotions calmed and the brain became more aware of everything, it wasn't so enjoyable anymore.

"I-I think I got a little on your shoulder," Zack said, a bit clumsily. He began to dab at Cloud's shoulder gently, his eyes once more narrowing at the bandage across it. "Hey...Cloud?"

Cloud just hummed a bland reply, staring into his chest as he cleaned him.

"How did you get hurt?" He motioned down to the bandage.

After a few seconds of hesitation, Cloud finally spoke slowly, carefully. "It's just a sore...from my pack. They sent us on a hump the other day, and upped the weight to almost two hundred pounds."

"Oh, they never cut you guys a break, do they?" Zack said as he finished cleaning him, and Cloud just nodded in response.

Zack left the room to throw the cloth in the hamper, and when he came back to his room, Cloud had already pulled up his pants and was now pulling his shirt back over his head. He glanced over to his alarm clock, then back to Cloud who wasn't looking at him. It was already late, and Cloud looked tired...and perhaps he just didn't want him to leave his sight after his odd behavior, and the possible lies. "Stay with me."

Cloud looked at him slowly, his hands falling from the collar of his shirt to his sides. "What?"

"Stay with me tonight. I want you to stay." He almost felt like blocking the doorway, as Cloud suddenly got a look like he wanted to run.

"I...uh...d-don't want to impose..."

"You always say that, so stop it." Zack paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "...Even if you hogged the bed and all the blankets, ate all my food, and took all the hot water in the shower, you could never impose on me."

Cloud was trying to fight back the tears in his eyes again, and he scolded himself as he brought his hand to his chest in such a helpless and feeble gesture, but it just made Zack smile at him so warmly, so protectively in response. "I-I...really shouldn't..."

"Why not?" Zack approached him, reaching out and grasping Cloud's hand. "You said you had liberty tomorrow, didn't you? We can spend the day together."

"...Really?"

"Yes, really," he whispered before he leaned down and kissed his nose. "So please, say yes."

"Zack...I don't kn-"

"You can wear my sweats to bed if you want, although if you wanted to sleep naked, you could do that too, I have nothing against it as I do it myself sometimes."

Cloud tried to speak, but Zack just ignored him and turned on the light to begin looking in his closet for his sweatpants. Cloud eventually stopped trying to talk Zack out of it, and took the sweatpants that were held out to him defiantly. They both changed, Cloud in the pants that were obviously too big for him, and as he walked they would slide down, revealing his hipbone and the top of his groin. Zack marveled at that for a moment before he slipped on his boxers.

Zack crawled into the bed first, patting the spot next to him as Cloud just stood with an apprehensive look. But he eventually gave in and slid under the covers with him. At first he lay as far away from Zack as possible, huddled against the edge of the mattress on his side, his arms folded against his chest, and even his head was hardly on the pillow at all.

"I don't bite."

Cloud turned, his gaze meeting Zack's who was facing him, watching as he lie there for a few minutes silently. "What?"

"Come here. You don't have to let me hold you, but at least come closer so you don't fall off the bed."

He began to speak, but his voice came out roughly, and he cleared his throat. "I-I don't need much room."

"If you don't need much, then it won't make a difference if you're close to me," Zack said, fumbling with the blanket over them as he reached over to try to pull him closer. "C'mon, scoot."

The boy groaned softly and obeyed, wiggling back towards Zack, who immediately wrapped his arms around him. Cloud really didn't expect much else from him. He would have done that even if Cloud had told him not to hold him a hundred times. But his touch was warm, even if it made Cloud nervous. He had fallen asleep at Zack's apartment a few times before, but it was always different. It was just 'crashing' at his place, never 'spending the night', and never together in his bed. There was the night he came back from the infirmary after the first attack, but somehow that was different. They were both clothed, and both wide awake, and both just friends at that point.

He had never been held like this by anyone. He found himself scooting even closer.

"There we go," Zack said, placing a kiss against the back of his neck. "Thank you, Cloud. This is making me really happy."

Cloud nodded, his eyes closing at the feeling of Zack's lips planting several more kisses, and it made him shudder. "Me..." He cleared his throat again; it was still sore a week later. He was admittedly just getting his voice back, as he had basically lost it the day after the attack, and it just recently began to get stronger. "Me too," he finally said.

Zack lifted his head, frowning. "Are you getting sick? You've been having some trouble with your voice since earlier."

"Yeah, I think I'm okay. It's probably just a little bug," Cloud said, casually.

Zack nuzzled his nose into his head before he tightened his hold and closed his eyes. "Well, if you're not feeling any better tomorrow, we can take you to the infirma..."

"...Zack?" Cloud turned his head to look at the man who suddenly trailed off, deep in thought.

"Get some rest, Cloud," he finally said, smiling gently.

"O-okay...Goodnight, Zack."

Cloud's hair smelled like the shampoo from the infirmary.

"Goodnight, Cloud."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~
...To be continued in Chapter Twenty-Four: Understand.