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Chapter Twenty-Four: Understand

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He waited to leave until Cloud was finally asleep.

It took longer than Zack originally thought it would.  His bed was very comfortable, more so than the bunks in the barracks, at least.  He assumed that Cloud would have fallen asleep very quickly given that he was so tired from his behavior, and given the exhaustion from the aftermath of being intimate.  

But it took two hours for him to finally sleep.  Zack listened to his breathing pattern, which started off normally, but soon became thick, as if he were crying.  He kept his arms around him throughout the two hours in silence, pulling him closer if he tried to shift away.  Zack had tried to lift his head in the dark to see his face, but he had nestled it deep into the pillow.

Eventually, his breathing slowed and evened out, and Zack hadn't realized how tense Cloud actually was until his body just seemed to melt against him once he fell asleep.  He had to carefully pull his arms away to not disturb him, and he dressed out in the living room as his belts made a bit of noise as he buckled them.  Cloud struck him as someone who would be a light sleeper, and he wasn't going to take the chance of being caught leaving.

And now he was making his way down the quiet halls towards the barracks.  He remembered that Ratcliff said that Kunsel was alone in watching over the unit, now that Mejia was gone.  It seemed like they hadn't appointed more SOLDIERs in charge to take a shift change, but Zack had heard rumor that Shin-Ra was going to start to have infantry commanders solely in charge of the units soon, since SOLDIER was beginning to thin out.  Or at least it seemed like that to Zack.  With the Mass SOLDIER Desertion, the loss of Angeal and Genesis, he was beginning to feel like all of SOLDIER was falling apart.  That only left Sephiroth and himself as the only 1st Class SOLDIERs, and to him it was his world, and the world as he knew it was becoming much smaller.  

There were other classes of SOLDIER, of course, but it was thin, and to him it didn't matter.  SOLDIER was extremely hard to get into, and people weren't so easily accepted, and also easily replaced – especially the 1st Classes.  Perhaps it was a bit naïve to think that even he was irreplaceable, but in reality, if Shin-Ra couldn't replace him with a human of equal skill, he knew they would probably develop some insane weapon to take his place.

So it wasn't much surprise to see Kunsel in the barracks, and not in his quarters.  Zack entered as quietly as he possibly could for being in such an enraged state as he was.  He was going to get answers, and he was going to get them from the man who had them and was hiding them.  He didn't care when he threw the door open that several people woke up and lifted their heads at him.  He didn't care that Kunsel sat up and suddenly looked as if he were staring into the eyes of an unfathomable monster.

"Zack," Kunsel tried to keep calm in front of the few members of the unit that awoke to Zack's entrance.  Perhaps it wasn't as quiet as Zack had hoped.

"Let's have a chat," Zack said, his voice heavy with an obviously fake friendliness.

"I can't."

"Oh yes you can."  

Kunsel stood from the bed looking very unnerved.  It was rare that he and Zack got into any sort of spat or argument, and it wasn't so much that he feared Zack, he feared repercussions from the company if he were to be caught speaking with Zack about the incident.  In fact, he feared that he would face repercussions if he was even seen talking with Zack about anything, even if it was just the weather.

"Zack, sir, I can't."

Zack stopped his approach of Kunsel, lowering his hand as he looked as if he were to grab the man by the collar of his shirt and drag him out into the hallway for a merciless beating.  Zack just stared at him for several long moments with an expression that even Kunsel had a hard time reading into, and he usually could read Zack quite easily.

Suddenly, Zack spoke.  He sucked in a quick breath before he did, and Kunsel seemed to look fearful over what was about to come out of his mouth.  "Now," was all he said.

Kunsel followed Zack out into the hallway in nothing but a shirt and boxer shorts.  He hissed with displeasure of the cold tile on his bare feet, and frowned at Zack accordingly when the double doors closed behind them.

"Please make this quick, we have to get up at five for a PFT and then field day."

Zack was doing more of that unnerving staring.  "You have PFTs tomorrow?"

"Yes, and maybe some martial arts training.  I haven't fully decided yet."

They fell silent, Kunsel not exactly knowing why and what he said that would strike Zack silent when he looked so heated.  He knew why he was there speaking with him, that was apparent, but for him to look confused over a regular day made Kunsel confused.

But … Cloud said he had liberty.  Zack continued to stare.

"My feet are cold– "

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

" –I'm going back inside."

"Do I have some sort of disease that makes everyone feel compelled to lie to me and give me the fucking run-around?"

Kunsel ran a hand through his hair and glanced around nervously.  "I … really can't talk to you, Zack."

"Why the fuck not?"  Zack was now very visibly angry as his hands clenched down at his sides, and his jaw was set very prominently.  His eyes were intense, almost as if Kunsel could see the mako coursing through, and Kunsel took a step away towards the barrack.

"I'm sorry, Zack."

"I order you to tell me what happened in Kalm."

Kunsel let out a low groan as he rubbed his face.  "He said you might try something like that."

"'He'?  Who?  Tseng?"  Zack approached him, knowing that Kunsel was teetering on telling him what he knew.  "What happened in Kalm?  What happened to Cloud?  He smells like the fucking infirmary!"

"Zack, I gotta go."

"Kunsel!" Zack shouted, his voice ripped through the silence in the empty hallway.  He was shaking with frustration, and his breathing was erratic and strained through the anger.  "Were you ordered to keep quiet about it?  Just say yes or no."

"Just," Kunsel lowered his voice to a whisper, leaning into Zack closely, and Zack could feel him shaking as well as he grabbed his wrist.  "Just take care of Cloud.  That's all I can say."

"Kunsel, don't walk away, please, tell me exactly what happened."

"They're watching me, Zack.  My phone, my activities, everything," he muttered as his hand went to the door handle.

"Why?"

"Night, Zack," he muttered before he disappeared inside the barrack.

Zack stood watching the closed doors in a few minutes of disbelief before he turned.  He headed back towards the elevator, his fingertips digging into his palms.  He couldn't focus; his vision was clouded with a fury that he wasn't sure what to do with.  Everything around him looked like a prime target for putting his fist through; his lungs were more than ready to empty his breath in a string of shouting expletives.

"You're pretty scary when you're pissed, I'll give ya that, yo."

Zack stopped and turned to face the Turk leaning up against a wall around a corner.  He was smoking through the very end of a cigarette, and Zack had then wondered how long he had been standing there.  He was surprised with himself that he didn't smell the smoke.

"The hell are you doing here?" Zack said through slow, thick breaths.

Reno tossed something at Zack as he rested the cigarette between his lips.  "I was told to deliver this back to ya."

Zack caught it and looked down at his cellphone.  "I don't want this right now."

Reno ignored him and took a long drag on his cigarette before speaking.  "Ya know, when someone says they can't talk, usually it means somethin' big went down, yo."

"I'm not an idiot.  I know that."

"Usually means only select people know what ya wanna know."  He flicked the ashes off to the side, and their eyes met.  "And that usually means that you're bein' excluded on purpose, yo."

"Get to your fucking point, Turk."

"Might be smart to leave that guy alone."  He was obviously still ignoring him, and he blew out plumes of smoke from between his lips as he chucked the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out.  "Pokin' your nose where it don't belong can have its consequences.  Gotta be careful, yo."

"Are you following Kunsel, or me?  Because you seem to conveniently appear where ever I am lately."

"Anyways, Boss said ya need to have your phone on ya at all times," Reno said as he turned and started to head towards the elevator.  "Never know when someone who knows a bit more than ya might want to share."

Zack froze as his cellphone beeped in his hand.  His fingers tightened around it, and he found that his mouth opened, but nothing came out.  He watched as Reno jabbed the elevator button with the end of his cigarette lighter.

"We're even, yo."

"What?" Zack managed through the shaking of his head in confusion.

Reno stepped into the cart and the bell chimed rudely above when the doors began to close.  "Ya know, giant snake tryin' to eat me an' all, yo."


~*~*~
Zack wasn't sure how long he had been staring down at the text message from the number he didn't recognize.  It didn't matter who the sender was, however, as all he needed to know was displayed to him in broken and abbreviated words, spilled out into two messages.  It filed into his inbox with the second part of the message before the first, but the second one was all he really needed to read to fully understand.

And all his eyes were able to focus on were two words.

'Attempted rape'.

He wasn't sure how many times he punched the door inside the elevator, but the skin on his knuckles became raw, and his breathing became erratic.  His thoughts were nonexistent, replaced only with adrenaline and instinctive rage as he blindly walked back to his quarters.  He found himself sitting on his couch, his hands attempting to rub his face, but the muscles in his arms refused to still their trembling to allow him to complete one pass across.  

The room was quiet and almost dull.  Zack could hear the soft ticking of the clock in the kitchen, and with each second he grew more anxious.  He glanced over to his bedroom and he could see Cloud shifting slightly in the bed, trying to tug the blankets over his shoulder.  

He considered waking him.  He considered telling him that he knew what happened and he considered begging him to tell him in his own words.  He considered telling him that he was sorry for not being there for him.  He considered telling Cloud that he loved him.

Would any of that even make a difference for Cloud?  None of that would take away what had happened.  Sympathy couldn't erase reality.

Soft murmuring came from his room, and Zack found himself entering without even realizing he had stood from the couch and walked over.  The moonlight was peeking through the slats in the blinds, causing shadows to run across the boy's face as he slept.  He was facing Zack's side of the bed, his knees brought up to his chest with the blankets tugged tightly around him, still speaking softly as he slept.  

Zack sat on the edge, staring down at him for quite some time.  He watched as his eyebrows would furrow with the quiet noises he made, and then relax.  Zack couldn't even begin to understand how someone would want to hurt him.  And he couldn't understand why Cloud wouldn't tell him what happened, and why the company had ordered Kunsel to keep quiet about it.  What would the company have to gain by keeping something like this secret?  Sephiroth himself told him of the first occurrence, so what made this so different?

He shed his clothes quietly and slipped back under the covers.  He couldn't stand to wake him, not when he looked this relaxed.  Cloud muttered something again, and this time he heard it.  It was his name.

Zack scooted closer to him, wrapping his arm over his shoulder and pulled him to his chest.  Cloud seemed to tense at first, but then relaxed once Zack began rubbing the back of his neck with his fingertips lightly.

"Where were you?"

Zack opened his eyes and saw that Cloud pulled away and was looking at him.  He paused for a moment, their eyes flickering against each other.  "Did I wake you?"

"It's okay."

"I'm sorry.  I just forgot I had a report to turn in earlier.  I slipped it under the door to Tseng's office."  He leaned forward and kissed his forehead lightly.  "Go back to sleep, please."

Cloud lifted his head and looked at him for what seemed like a long time.  "What's wrong?"

Zack forced himself to chuckle as he reached up and grasped Cloud's head and urged it back down onto the pillow.  "Nothing, Angel.  C'mon, sleep."

Cloud just stared at him in the moonlight silently.  Zack thought he could see his eyes becoming glossy, and noticed that his breathing became thick through his nose as if he were beginning to cry.  But no tears escaped, and as he spoke, his voice came out a steady whisper.

"Why do you call me that?"

"I need a reason?" Zack said, brushing his thumb across Cloud's cheek lightly.

Cloud shook his head, and finally the tears began to roll across the bridge of his nose, trailing along the contours of his cheek to the pillow.  "I just … don't feel like I deserve to be called that."

Zack wiped the tears from his face and smiled at him softly.  "You do.  And I can think of a lot more deserving nicknames to call you, so just accept it, babe."

"'Babe'?  I'm not a girl."

"Does it really matter what I call you?"  Zack brushed his lips up against Cloud's.  "Just know that I … "  He pulled back, and he could see Cloud's eyes widening a little, waiting for him to continue.  Zack let out a soft chuckle.  "No matter what, you're my Angel, and there's nothing that can happen to change that, okay?"

Cloud was silent for a while.  He was blinking slowly, and with each time he released more tears, all which were quickly wiped away.  "If you say so," he finally whispered.

"I know so," Zack whispered back, finally kissing his lips fully.  "Go to sleep, now."

Cloud shifted a bit, lowering his head into Zack's neck.  "You too."

Zack kissed the top of his head.  "I will."  He wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling them together.  He could hear the boy's breathing begin to clear, but he could still feel his hot tears against his skin.  After a while, Zack spoke, his voice coming out careful, and as ambiguous as he possibly could for knowing almost everything.  "You know," he murmured into the top of his head, "you can … talk to me about anything."

Cloud was still for a moment, and not even the sound of his breathing could be heard.  His muscles seemed to clench against Zack's body before he suddenly pulled away and flipped onto his other side, turning his back to him.  "Yeah … I know," he eventually said, his voice distant, yet holding almost a hint of guilt to it.  "Goodnight, Zack."

Zack frowned to himself, but wrapped his arm around him and once again pulled them together.  He didn't bother responding.  There was no need.

Neither fell back asleep.


~*~*~
His phone had gone off around six.  At first he ignored it and slammed it into his nightstand drawer, but when it went off again, and Cloud had groaned in disapproval, he sat up and answered it out in the living room.  

Zack hadn't slept; he couldn't sleep.  Through trying to calm himself from the shock, through a nightmare Cloud had towards early morning once he finally seemed to fall asleep, Zack couldn't find the ability to even think about sleeping.  He refrained from getting up throughout the night to pace about his apartment, only because when he tried to pull away from Cloud, the boy changed positions and finally faced him again.  He then couldn't find the ability to pull away, as Cloud actually nuzzled up close to him.

He remembered that he might have started to drift off from sheer exhaustion at one point during the night, but was awoken when Cloud began to fuss over the nightmare.  He started to toss his head weakly, muttering something that Zack couldn't quite understand.  Zack watched him in the strengthening sunlight for a bit, unsure if he was just simply dreaming.  But when his voice began to rise and when his muttering became phrases he understood like, 'please, don't', Zack gently shook his shoulder, but not so gently woke him.

It was a very rough night.

And now, Zack was pacing about, much like he wanted to do earlier in the night, but he was on his phone with Director Lazard.  Part of the conversation was Lazard disciplining him over leaving his phone behind and not answering it the first time around that morning, part of it was giving him details of a mission he was assigned, and the last part was Zack telling him that he was going to take the day off.  He then politely hung up.  He had started to walk back into the bedroom to snuggle back up next to Cloud, when the phone promptly rang again.

He ignored it at first, but finally realized the phone wouldn't stop ringing unless he actually answered it.  He dressed himself out in the living room while his phone rang a few more times on the counter.  Throwing it against the wall seemed tempting, but he reluctantly answered it to have Lazard gripe at him for another few minutes, through another few laps of pacing around his kitchen.  He looked up and saw Cloud exiting the room, looking rather haggard as he tugged up the sweatpants that began to slip on his waist.  Zack frowned briefly, as they really weren't that big, and he wondered if Cloud had lost some weight.  He couldn't really tell, as most of the time Cloud was in his uniform, and the few times that they had been intimate, Cloud had his clothes on for the most part.

"Did I wake you again?" Zack whispered, holding the phone away, and Cloud looked at it with a worried look as he could hear Lazard through the earpiece.  

Cloud shook his head and accepted a rather hesitant hug from Zack.  "Do you have a mission?"

Zack rolled his eyes with a grimace as they pulled away.  "Something like that."  He brought it back to his ear and said a few 'uh-huh's, and then held it away again.  "Can I kiss you good morning?"

"You don't have to ask," Cloud whispered slowly, giving Zack a confused look.

"Well, not good to assume things, you know."

Cloud smiled a little, but it looked rather empty.  "You remembered."

"Of course I did.  How could I forget?" Zack whispered and leaned down, kissing Cloud gently on the lips.  Cloud put minimal effort into it, but Zack wasn't that surprised as he looked drowsy, and he didn't expect much after what happened.  Again.

Zack pulled away, staring down at Cloud, unable to hide a concerned look.  He didn't even read the first part of the text message, so at this point he really wasn't sure exactly what happened.  'Attempted rape' could have meant that Mejia just tried to get at him, and Cloud was saved in time, like the first incident.  It could have meant Mejia didn't even get to Cloud at all, and that he was stopped before anything remotely happened.  And it could have meant a lot worse ….

His eyes looked over the bruise on his cheek, and the bandage on his shoulder.  Cloud seemed to notice and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet, then turned away a little.  "How do you feel this morning?  Throat still bothering you?"

"No, it's fine."

Lazard was still talking on the phone.

"No need to go to the infirmary?"

Cloud shook his head quickly and darted over to the refrigerator where he opened it and leaned in, but didn't seem to be looking for anything in particular.  "No need."

"What're you looking for?"

"The milk."

Zack cleared his throat and pointed to the bar counter where the milk sat next to the instant coffee and a steaming mug.  "I would have made you some if I knew you were awake, sorry."

Lazard was still talking.

"It's okay," Cloud whispered, looking down to the counter where his cup from the night before was spilled out onto the surface.  "Did we do that?"

"Uh-huh," he said into the phone, then pulled it away again.  "I guess we did.  I'll clean it when I get back."  He watched as Cloud began to make himself a cup of coffee, and smiled as he realized Cloud was seemingly comfortable enough to help himself.  He filled a mug with water at the sink, barely turning on the faucet as to not make much noise, and then set it into the microwave.  He slowly closed the door and then winced when it snapped shut rather loudly.

"No, don't worry.  I'll take care of it while you're gone," Cloud whispered, wincing more as the microwave beeped rudely when he pressed the buttons to set the time.

Lazard was still talking.

"Oh, so that means you're staying here today?"  Zack flashed him an excited smile, and most of it was genuine.  He couldn't help but force a small part of it, however, only because he was trying to suppress his anger in an attempt to act somewhat normal around the boy.

Cloud bowed his head, trying to hide his suddenly red face behind his hair.  "W-why do you have to say things like that, Zack?"  He focused his attention on the spinning mug in the microwave.

"Because it makes you turn red like that, and it's cute."

"I'm not cute."

Zack laughed quietly and leaned against the counter next to him, trying to get a better view of his face.  "Angelic," he whispered.

"I'm not, really," Cloud whispered back with a small smile.

"Stunning," Zack said.

"Stop," Cloud said, his smile slowly fading.

"Beauti-"

"Stop!"

They both fell silent, listening only to the sound of the humming microwave, and Cloud's annoyed breathing.  He looked both ashamed and frightened, and Zack just stared at him quietly.

Lazard was silent on the phone, as well.

"P-please, don't call me any of that," he finally whispered uncomfortably.

Zack just stared at him as he brought the phone warily to his ear again and awkwardly continued the conversation.  He began to pace once more, walking around Cloud who just stood at the microwave idly, even when it beeped to signal that it was done heating the water.

"Well," Zack said once he snapped the phone closed, "I gotta go take care of some monsters down in the slums, and then report for a meeting.  I should have the rest of the day off afterwards.  Would you like to do something?"

Cloud didn't respond.  He was just staring off into the appliance in front of him.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.  It's just that when you smile, I tend to get a little carried away."  Zack walked over to Cloud and ran his hand along his upper arm lightly.

He flinched.

Zack pulled away.  "Cloud?"

Cloud stammered a few times and shook his head as if he were snapped out of a trance.  "I, uh … what?"

Zack began to repeat himself slowly, but Cloud cut him off as he nodded and spoke quickly.

"No, it's okay.  I'm just … not used to being called all those things."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Zack said softly as Cloud turned to face him with his head aimed downwards.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, forcing a shaky smile as he lifted his head a little.  "What would you want to do later?"  He started to spoon in the instant coffee, and it foamed up in the water and released its aroma, which reminded Zack of his own serving he neglected.

"Well, do you like to shoot pool?"

"I've only done it a few times with … Elici …" He trailed off, staring down at the mug in his hands.

"Did you enjoy it?  We can walk down to this pool hall on –"

Cloud suddenly flinched again, and the hot liquid splashed onto his hand.  He hissed and set the mug down onto the counter, shaking his hand off over the sink as he swore a few times.

Zack rushed over and turned on the faucet, and Cloud gratefully put his hand underneath the cold water.  "You okay?"

"Yeah, I think I just need some more sleep."

They both seemed to sigh heavily as Cloud continued to hold his hand under the water.

"Just make yourself comfortable, and I'll be back before you know it.  Get some rest, and we'll go out later if you want," Zack said softly before he leaned in and gave Cloud a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah …"

"Your hand okay?"

Cloud nodded a few times and turned the water off.  He dried his hand off on the sagging sweatpants before he grabbed the sponge.  "I'll have everything clean before you get back, don't worry," he mumbled and walked past him to start cleaning the mess from the night before.

"Cloud, just go get more sleep.  I'll do it when I get back, okay?"

He set the sponge down slowly and nodded a few more times, his eyes never meeting Zack's gaze.  "Stay safe."

"Hey."  Zack stepped to him and put his hand beneath his chin to lift it.  Cloud accepted the touch, and uncertain eyes crawled up to Zack, but then looked back down again when Zack smiled at him.  "Not gonna look at me?"

Cloud responded by doing nothing but just staring off to the side, his bottom lip retreating back into his mouth where he nibbled on it nervously.

"Well, you don't have to look at me.  Just listen to me."  He rubbed his thumb across Cloud's chin as he spoke.  "I … I'm glad you're here with me."  He watched as Cloud's eyebrows furrowed as if he were responding negatively in his mind to what he was saying, but then they relaxed as Zack continued.  "And … just know that I'm here for you."  His phone beeped and Zack dropped his hand from Cloud's chin with a growl.  "Well, as much as I can be without getting interrupted."

That shaky smile was back on Cloud's face again, and those uncertain eyes returned to briefly meet his.  "I know you are, Zack."

"I better go.  Don't want to keep those monsters waiting."  Zack began to walk to the front door, but was stopped by Cloud grabbing his arm.

"Wait."

The sound of Cloud's voice was almost pleading, suddenly filled with a tone that suggested suppressed thoughts were yearning to surface.  Those eyebrows that were furrowed were now arched over eyes that finally locked onto Zack's.

Zack's mission be damned, if Cloud wanted to open up to him and tell him everything, even if it meant facing consequences from Lazard, he would have stayed.  He would have flushed his phone down the toilet, locked his door and barricaded both Cloud and himself in his room and did nothing but hold him all day.  He would be a hypocrite; he would apologize to Cloud a thousand times over for not being there for him, for not knowing something had happened, for doubting his instincts, and for continuing with their passion even though somewhere in his mind he knew it was wrong all along.

But Cloud said nothing; he did nothing.  Moments of them both shifting nervously on their feet passed, and each could sense an aura of unease between them, but nothing was addressed.  Awkward smiles were shared, and a brief rubbing of Cloud's hand on Zack's arm was enjoyed, although somewhat solemnly.

His phone beeped again, reminding him he had a message in his inbox, and he feared who it was from, and what it contained.  Cloud dropped his hand from Zack's arm.

"You … better go," Cloud finally said, his voice cracking a bit, and Zack couldn't tell if it was from his throat issue, or from something else.  But as Cloud lowered his eyes, Zack saw them gleaming with the all too familiar evidence of tears and pain.

"Yeah, I guess I should," Zack muttered, unsure of what to do.  He was seriously considering not reporting for duty, but in reality, it wouldn't be a very smart idea.  There would be hell to pay, but the look on Cloud's face was making it hard to just walk away.  "I'll be back before you know it."

"Yeah, of course," he said, trying to smile.  He had been trying to act normal since he first saw Zack the previous day, but was finding it impossible to even remotely seem untroubled, and he would be stupid to think that Zack was falling for anything that he attempted.  He knew Zack well enough to be able to read into those eyes when they looked at him with concern and speculation.  Perhaps he could blame it on being tired still, but sooner or later, Zack would catch on for sure, if he hadn't already.

Zack reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a tight squeeze.  "See ya."  He reluctantly left, giving him a smile.  He saw Cloud briefly smile back, but it was gone even before the door was fully closed.  Zack took a few steps down the hall, but stopped and leaned up against the wall with a heavy sigh.

And he stood there and listened as he could hear Cloud began to quietly cry.


~*~*~
He made his way down to the slums and dispatched of the monsters faster than he expected, even for himself.  It just seemed like a good outlet for his pent up anger he was feeling towards everything.  He was panting, which he never seemed to grow tired from fighting this easily, but given his sleepless night and his emotions, he wasn't too surprised that his shoulders were heaving and he had worked up a sweat.

A few people stood and watched as he killed the monsters, and a few children inquired about his sword and being in SOLDIER, but he wasn't in the mood to entertain.  He quickly dispatched of the inquisitive masses with a polite but firm excusing of himself.  They disbanded and went back to their lives beneath the plate, and he went to sit on a piece of … something that he couldn't tell what it was or what it was from.  All he knew was that it looked sturdy enough to hold his weight.

He kicked a bit of debris by his foot, frowning to himself.  He paused for a moment, then pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it around in his palm.  He still hadn't read the full message, or the new one he received from the same number as the previous ones.  He had opened it as he walked down the hallway towards the elevator as he left, but when he could still hear Cloud's muffled crying, he couldn't bring himself to read it.

Now he stared down at his phone as he stopped flipping it around, and his thumb hooked beneath the earpiece, trying to muster the courage to open it.  The breathing that he was finally able to get under control after his fighting began to become heavy once more, and the sweat that had stopped came back, trailing down his skin.  He was lightheaded, and then scolded himself for even feeling this way, as Cloud was back in his apartment feeling, remembering, suffering through something he couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around.  

He opened the phone as he held his breath, and went to the message inbox.  And the next breath he took came out in what sounded like a choke.  He sat and stared at it, piecing together the odd behavior from the boy, with what the message had read in so few of words.  And the next breath he took in, he picked up the smell of cigarette smoke.

"Finally opened it?"

Zack stood, looking through a few people who walked past him to see Reno once again smoking and sitting directly across from him on a pile of rubble.  He really had to start paying more attention; this Turk was everywhere.

"Y-yeah …"

"Hungry?"

"What?"

"Are ya hungry, yo?"

Zack just looked at the Turk rather dubiously, which received an amused grin from Reno.

"C'mon.  Let's go to the Wall Market."

Zack just found himself following behind a few paces, without saying much.

"So that storage room we found in Kalm …"

"… Yeah."

"Mejia's family owns it, and the shops above.  We knew that already, though.  What we didn't know was that Mejia was hidin' out there all along, yo.  That cadet found out the hard way."

Zack gritted his teeth, refraining from warning Reno to choose his words wisely during their conversation, but knew that Reno was going to indulge him in more of the information.  He needed to behave and choose his own words wisely to get what he wanted.

"Mejia pulled the cadet in there and, uh …" Reno suddenly stopped and allowed Zack to catch up to him as they neared a few citizens just standing around and talking by some shops.  He waited until Zack's intense gaze met his before he frowned and gave him what seemed like a sympathetic look.  "Orally raped him."

Zack was silent.

"He used a gun on the kid, pistol whipped and all.  Prolly the gun to the magazine we found in the wreckage."  They began walking again, and Reno took note of the soft growling he could hear from the SOLDIER.  "According to the medical report, and the report of the SOLDIER in charge of the team, that guy used Thundara on the kid, too.  Brutal, yo."

He was still silent, save for the now heavy breathing once more.

"Anyways, the SOLDIER in charge got to him in time and stopped Mejia before he did what he set out to do, if ya get my drift."

"Yeah," Zack said quickly.

"Long story short, the SOLDIER stopped it, Mejia ran, hurt another one in the team, and fled the town."

"And … Cloud …?"

Reno lit another cigarette and took a long drag on it, narrowing his eyes.  "Noggin's been rattled, nerves fried, shoulder's turned into target practice, and mind-fucked again."

Zack stopped walking and Reno turned, once he got a good distance away.  Perhaps he shouldn't have worded it so bluntly.

"C'mon," Reno said, nodding towards a small hut with smoke rising from it.

He finally realized they were in the Wall Market, and he looked around.  They were standing in front of what looked like a restaurant, as the stale air around was masked with the smell of good cooking.  He figured his stomach would be rumbling had he not been so disgusted with what he was hearing.

They entered and took a seat on the stools at the counter.  People were conversing over the hiss of the grill, and over the chefs shouting the patrons' orders.  They weren't handed menus, but were rudely briefed in what they served, and Zack just picked the special of the day.  He had no interest in what it was.

"So," Reno finally said, putting his cigarette out as a few people beside him grumbled and complained that the air beneath the plate was bad enough as it was, and they didn't need to be breathing it in.  "Don't be alarmed if the kid is a bit grumpy, like how he was in the ramen shop.  Electrocution and a head injury make for bitchy attitudes."

"What the fuck?  You were following me there too?"

"Hey man, don't hate.  Jus' my job, yo."

Zack was silent for a while, trying to calm himself.  It was true, it was his job, even though he wasn't sure why it was his job to be following him.  But to follow him when Zack was on his downtime still didn't sit right.  "How bad is he, anyway?" he finally asked.

Reno shrugged and took a sip of the beer he ordered.  "Well, he threw out his medication that was given to him, but he's been goin' to see that hot psychologist."

"How the hell do you know all of this?"

"Slick, I know everythin'.  I work in the Investigative Department, yo.  I investigate things for a livin'."

"But why waste your time with this?  Why me?"

Reno laughed rather arrogantly, albeit it was a very short and dry laugh.  "I knew all about ya even before we worked with each other."  He took another sip of his beer.  "Had to check ya out, just in case Cissnei wanted to start datin' ya," he said, slowly looking to him with a similarly arrogant smile.  "Just lookin' out for her."

Zack looked away and took his focus out on the grill in front of him behind the counter.  Several burgers were thrown down, and the smell really was amazing to him, but his stomach was in such a knot that food wouldn't know which way to go if he were to consume it.

"But," Reno began again, "I can see now that she ain't your type."

"That's what I told you.  I like my women to be–"  

Reno cut him off with another laugh, but it was more of an amused tone.  "I may look like a lazy cat, but there's a reason why I'm a Turk, yo.  Tseng may be in denial, but I can tell what type of relationship ya have with that cadet."

Zack nearly choked on the sip of water he took, and his gaze crawled over to Reno in disbelief.  

"It's cool with me, yo.  I don't usually swing that way, but … there are things in my past I can't so easily erase, ya know?  Things I can't ignore," he said quietly, almost respectfully.  "So it'd be wrong of me to judge ya."

Their lunch was placed in front of them with a shout of the chef to another chef saying that it was served.  They both winced a little at his loud voice, but the chef was too busy shouting more to notice.

"I'll admit," Reno said, taking a bite of his sandwich, "I don't know much about that cadet, but he must be somethin' interestin' to pull ya away from a girl like Cissnei, or that girl from the slums.  Hell, any girl, really."

"What the hell?  You knew about my past relationship?"  

The Turk sighed, throwing down his sandwich to look at him, offended.  "Man, ya sure don't catch on quick, do ya?  Have ya been listenin' to anything that I've said, yo?"

"Sorry …"

"And ya realize that I can get in big trouble for leakin' this shit out to ya."  He resumed eating.  "Our phones ain't monitored, and I'm supposed to be watchin' ya anyways, so unless you go blabbin' to Tseng about all this, then we should be safe.  So be grateful, yo, and show me some respect."

"But … why?  Why are you telling me this?  Why does my relationship with Cloud matter to you so much that would make you risk your job?"  Zack knew that Reno wouldn't be just risking his job.  He would be risking his life in leaking out classified information such as this.  Although at this point he was still clueless as to why it would be classified.

"I told ya, ya stopped me from becomin' a permanent resident in a snake's belly."

"C'mon, that wasn't that big of a deal.  You had your gun, you could have shot it."

"Ya know, you're a smart guy.  Tell me how many rounds did ya hear me fire off into it after ya were poisoned?"

"Is this sarcasm again?  Are you gonna make some sort of crack about SOLDIERs being able to count?"

"Nah, I'm serious, yo.  How many?"

Zack sat and thought for a while.  There was so much confusion and pain from the venom that it was hard to concentrate his senses at that time.  He replayed the incident in his head a few times before he finally spoke.  "Three …"

"Yup.  And how many in the magazines we're issued?"

"Ten."

"Gun jammed on me, yo."

"Why would you care about Cloud this much?"

"I told ya already."

"Reno …"

Reno was silent, just poking at his sandwich with a frown that Zack had a hard time reading into.  After a few moments, he spoke, his voice coming out hesitant and slightly wavering.  "I might … empathize with guys like this Cloud guy."

"...Empathize?"

"Yeah.  Like I said … some shit from my past I can't ignore."

Zack nodded a few times, not bothering to say much as he twirled a french fry into a dollop of ketchup next to the burger he hardly touched.  "Thanks … Reno."

"Yup."

"Lunch is on me."

Reno forced a laugh, staring ahead to the grill where a combination of smoke and steam plumed from the food being cooked.  "Yup."


~*~*~
The meeting was short.  Rather, Zack cut it short.  He had no interest in what Director Lazard was spouting off to the group of SOLDIERs.  Really, none.  He stood in the back of the room, his eyes locked onto Kunsel who stood straight as a rail during the meeting, and who had completely and utterly ignored him.

Zack waited until Lazard made eye contact with him before he shot him a two-fingered salute by his brow, and simply left.  Lazard didn't seem to make an effort to stop him.  Rather, he didn't want to shout at him in front of the the group of SOLDIERs in his office and lose that cool demeanor he always managed to keep.

Zack really felt like shooting him a one-fingered salute.

"Because you're one of two 1st Class SOLDIERs left, and Lazard don't wanna lose ya."

Zack had hardly believed that.  Before he parted from Reno, well, before Reno continued to follow him, that's what he was informed.  That was the reasoning why he was kept from Cloud for five days, the reason why Ratcliff couldn't make sense of himself around him, and why Kunsel had avoided him.

But whatever reasoning Cloud had for not telling him about what happened, he could only continue to speculate.  Perhaps he was ordered not to say anything, as well.  Cloud followed orders.  He wasn't one like Kunsel to let a few things slip for his own comfort or benefit.  It had been drilled into his head to obey, and that's what he did.

To obey.

Cloud had forced himself again.  He had begged Zack for sex, for intimacy to obey his insecurities.  Zack couldn't understand why he felt the need to be so adamant about everything.  For Cloud to cause himself more harm, more suffering for the sake of Zack's happiness ….

None of it made sense.

Zack entered his apartment slowly.  It was already late in the afternoon, and he admittedly didn't have the energy now to go out like he offered to Cloud earlier, but whatever would help the boy take his mind off of the incident, he was willing to do.  But as he entered, the apartment was cold.  Lights were off, the couch empty; everything was exactly how he left it.  

The coffee mug was still fallen, the liquid long since dried on the surface of the counter.  The sponge still was sitting where Cloud had set it in the morning.

Zack ran a hand through his hair.  He really couldn't blame Cloud for running again, but a part of him had hoped he had stayed; he hoped that Cloud would at least have trust in him.

Soft snoring came from his room, and for the first time that day he truly smiled.  He entered the room filled with sunlight, and on his bed, Cloud slept.  He had kicked the blankets off of himself and was sprawled out on his stomach.  Those sweatpants had wiggled their way down on his waist, revealing part of his bottom.  Zack realized then that he had never seen Cloud's bottom before, and he couldn't help but continue that smile.

And he shed his clothing, not bothering to change out in the living room this time around, as Cloud's snoring drowned out the sound of his belts unbuckling, and the sound of his armor hitting the carpet below.  He crawled into the bed, pulling the warm blankets over the both of them, and Cloud groaned softly and shifted onto his side, facing him.  Zack reached over and pulled him close.

And they slept.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

… To be continued in Chapter Twenty-Five: Awkward Cliché.