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Chapter Six: Apologize to No One

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Laughter was flowing from the SOLDIER 1st Class' quarters, filling the empty hall of the SOLDIER floor with its lyrical sound.

Several enticing snaps of carbonation being released with a hiss were heard as soda and beer cans were opened, followed by more laughter. The small television was still on, but was being ignored by the four men and one boy who all sat on the couch and…well, Graves on the coffee table. Graves was going on and on about some woman from the front lobby and how particularly round her ass was in a skirt, while Elici snickered, Ratcliff had a hand over his face in shame, Zack laughed with him, and Cloud just sat there smiling politely.

Zack glanced nervously over to Cloud as Graves went on blindly about the woman's backside, but it didn't seem to bother Cloud, who reached forward and accidently grabbed Zack's beer absentmindedly.

"Whoa!" Zack grabbed it from him before it could reach his young lips. "That's not for a minor."

Cloud mumbled an apology.

"Wait, aren't you under the drinking age, sir?" Elici tilted his head at Zack who gave a perturbed looking scowl.

"Aren't you too old to be calling me sir?"

Everyone laughed at this, including Cloud. His laugh was a pleasing sound that filled everyone's ears, which made them laugh even harder, but more from relief to see that he seemed a little better by their company.

"I'm sorry, sir, I have to address you respectfully, even though I'm older."

"Yer so by the book, man! Loosen up!" Graves guzzled down the alcohol faster than everyone could blink.

"Yeah, just call me Zack, okay?"

"Sorry, sir."

Zack hung his head, sighing heavily.

"Even shy ol' Ratcliff calls 'im Zack!" Graves pointed out and Ratcliff nodded.

"That's what he wants, yeah?" Ratcliff leaned forward and grabbed Cloud's soda for him before he could do it. Cloud seemed a little annoyed by that, but accepted the help from his friend.

"Well, I like to do things the way they're intended." Elici shrugged his shoulders, sipping on his drink. "I do what's asked of me by this company and execute it to the best of my abilities."

"But if Zack is a representative of the company, and he's askin' ya ta call 'im by his first name, and ya don't, isn't that disobeyin' Shin-Ra essentially?" Graves pointed a finger out from being wrapped around his beer can as Elici's face looked distraught over this logic, and especially this logic coming from someone like Graves.

"You know it's just easier to tell you to shut up, Graves," Elici stated simply.

More raucous laughter.

This was true of Elici, however. He was a man connected to a dying sense of duty. If it was a reasonable request that fell into what was asked of him being Shin-Ra infantry, he would execute the order without question, without hesitation. Of course, if he was ordered to do something outlandish, unjustified and against regulations, he'd tell the person to fuck off and abandon his loyalty to the company very quickly. His morals were strong, and he had a family to think about back home in the Sector 7 slums, and his family to think about here in Shin-Ra.

That's how he saw everyone in his unit - as a family. And when someone messed with a member of his family, those morals and sense of duty were kicked in. He liked to do what was right, and with the proper conduct and protocol of course.

"Ya ever drink before, Strife?" Graves asked the blond boy, who just pointed a finger at himself.

"Me?"

"Duh, yer the only Strife here, ass."

"N-no." Cloud shot Zack, who was sitting next to him on the arm of the couch, a worried look, as if checking for his approval of the conversation. Zack just smiled at him warmly. "I haven't."

"Yer pretty fuckin' innocent, ain'tcha?"

This comment made Cloud flinch in his seat, the color draining from his already pale face. He felt like bolting from the couch at that moment as his breathing quickened and everyone seemed to catch on to this reaction but silly old Graves.

Elici kicked Graves' shin from across the couch. He finally got it.

Cloud was unconsciously squeezing his own hands tightly, unaware that he was nibbling on the stitches in his lip. Zack reached up and brushed a hand along Cloud's mouth gently. "Don't do that, buddy."

Cloud flinched again and made Zack retract his hand, worried. "D-don't..." he murmured, his eyes seeming far away. "D-don't touch me, please..."

Zack slipped off the arm of the couch and squatted down next to Cloud, who looked as if his thoughts were spiraling inward. "Cloud?"

"Hm?" He blinked as Zack spoke, his eyes bright again, his face soft. "What's up?"

Zack was peering at him questioningly. His hand reached up to touch him, but stopped. "Do you need to go lie down? You've only been out of the hospital for a few hours now..."

"Lie down? Why? That'd be rude to everyone here," Cloud said, so innocently, so oblivious to the fact that he had been relapsing into his personal nightmare from several nights before.

Everyone let out heavy sighs at this.

"Never mind." Zack chuckled, patting him on the shoulder. He relaxed as Cloud accepted the patting without a single look of fear or flinching.

"Welp," Elici stood, smoothing out his uniform trousers, "I better head back to the barracks. I have an early mission tomorrow."

"Really?" Cloud looked up at him. "Where are you going?"

"Eh, some guard duty somewhere for a couple of days. Don't worry 'bout it." Elici smiled down at him with that fatherly grin of his. Elici was so secretive sounding at times, and it drove everyone nuts. "I'll come say good-bye in the morning. You're going to be working in one of the Administrative offices tomorrow, right?"

Cloud nodded, not really looking forward to clerical work.

"I'll stop in before I head out." He nodded to everyone an informal goodbye, but shot Zack a salute before he left that made everyone groan in annoyance.

"Dammit, 'By-the-Book-Elici' 'till the end!" Graves shouted after him as he closed the door.


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The other two had left about an hour later, dangerously close to being late for reporting back into the barracks. They noticed how Cloud kept on glancing up to the clock, and how increasingly nervous he became as the minute hand dawdled up to the top of the clock. He didn't want them to meet the same fate he did the night he was late.

So they left when Cloud broke out into a sweat when the hour hand was on the nine, and the minute hand was five minutes away from the twelve.

Cloud relaxed a bit, practically melting into the leather couch as Zack picked up the scattered graveyard of beer cans, and Cloud's half-empty soda can.

The SOLDIER glanced up to Cloud with a soft chuckle. "Don't worry, they'll make it in time."

Cloud nodded profusely. He was bouncing a leg.

"Stop." Zack reached out and put a gentle hand on his knee. "There's no need for the jitters anymore."

"S-sorry."

A heavy sigh. "There's no need for apologies anymore."

"Sor-"

"Ah!" Zack reached a hand out to shush him and Cloud obeyed, shutting his mouth.

Zack sat down next to Cloud, shifting his body so he could face him on the couch. "Listen, Cloud." He scooted close, and Cloud could feel his body heat against him.

Cloud turned his head slowly, sad eyes meeting kind ones.

Zack tilted his head off to the side, thinking for a moment. The sound of a short breath being released from his nose cut through the stillness in the room, making Cloud grow increasingly nervous.

Zack finally spoke. "You apologize to no one." His voice was quiet, firm.

Cloud's breath in his chest hitched. Confused eyes flickered back and forth on serious, confident ones.

"And especially to me. Don't you ever apologize to me for anything."

"Zack..." was all he could think of saying.

"Do you understand me?"

And a nod was all he could think of doing.

And all Zack could think of doing was pulling him close and embracing him affectionately.

But they just sat there in the now quiet apartment, staring at each other in the light of the television. They had learned their lesson from the past few times. The sitcom was no longer on, and was now changed to a boring news show. It was still ignored, however.


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After cleaning up, Zack disappeared into his room for a few moments, leaving Cloud alone in the living room.

Cloud drew his knees up onto the couch, wrapping his arms around himself in the cold space. His eyes became half-lidded as he squeezed himself hard in his arms. He didn't like to feel alone like this, even though Zack was only a few yards away.

Was it normal to feel this way?

The psychologist had probably said it was, but he hadn't listened to her much anyway. Now he wished he'd tuned in on her blathering enough to at least be able to relate what he was feeling to the textbook crap she had been spouting off.

Cloud didn't notice that Zack had been speaking to him from inside his room, and when the SOLDIER received no response, he was looming behind the young one with an aura of worry and annoyance.

Annoyance only because of the fetal position Cloud had curled himself up in, sitting upright on the couch.

"Hey."

No response.

"Didja hear me, buddy? I said the bed is ready for you."

"What?"

Zack frowned sympathetically as he walked around the couch to Cloud's side. "C'mon," he urged, slowly reaching down and attempting to uncurl the boy from the position he was in.

"Where...are you going to sleep?"

Zack's hands stopped, a rather large noise coming from his throat as he swallowed heavily. "Y-you're sitting on it."

"Oh," was his bland reply. After a moment of silence and stillness between them, Cloud mumbled, "I can sleep here."

"I don't think so. There's only room for one person on this couch, and that's me." A short laugh from the SOLDIER. "C'mon, let's get you up."

"No, no. This is fine..." A meek protest, and an even meeker attempt to lay down on it, as if claiming the spot for his own.

Zack took on that commanding tone again, which made Cloud practically crawl out of his skin. "Bed. Now." His eyes followed the boy, who begrudgingly scooped himself up off the couch with a momentary wobble, and then began to shuffle over to Zack's bedroom with a look of disdain.

"I should just go back to the barracks, I don't want to impose-" He began to turn back around, but found himself staring into Zack's chest.

Zack was right in his instinct to follow him, mistrusting the boy to obey him fully. It was actually a bit of relief that Cloud would stubbornly protest; a sign that he hadn't lost himself entirely in the incident. Zack's biggest fear was that Cloud would turn into a mindless 'yes-man' to avoid any more confrontation from anyone.

"Cloud." Zack's voice came out pleading. "Please just do what I ask for now, okay? It's for your own good."

"Why can't I go back to the barracks, Zack?" His young eyes were looking up at him as if he were a puppy begging for food. "What aren't you telling me?"

Zack looked away towards the bathroom and stared into the dark room, trying to focus his attention on anything but the sweet boy in front of him who longed for answers to Zack's sudden ambiguity.

"Zack?" Cloud asked again, taking a close step forward. He was inches away and it made Zack very nervous.

"Cloud, just...stop. Stop asking questions and just go to sleep, okay?" His voice came out a bit more annoyed than he intended and this caught the young boy by surprise.

Cloud recoiled, his eyebrows arching in a very hurt expression, but Zack didn't see this as he was still staring away. "I-I..." A shaking hand was brought to his chest in a fist. "O-okay...I didn't mean to u-upset you..." His voice trailed off into a whisper as he took a step back.

Zack's shoulders fell, followed by his head. "Oh shit, I'm sorry Cloud. I should be the one to say that." He finally looked at the boy, and then looked away as the expression he held was too painful to view.

"I'm...gonna go. I've been imposing," Cloud whispered again, stepping to the side to walk around Zack.

"Cloud..."

"Goodnight Zack, and thank you."

Zack let him step around him as Cloud headed to the door to put on his boots.

"Mejia's on duty right now." There, he said it.

Cloud stopped cold in his tracks, the room beginning to spin around him. "W-what?" He turned, swaying on his feet.

"He's...still..." Zack turned around, his eyes trailing up the boy.

"O-oh..." Cloud cut him off with a weak exclamation of surprise. He was really swaying now. And this precarious wobbling of the blond's caused Zack to have an excuse to reach out and hold onto him, albeit it was a concerned grip and not the tender embrace Zack longed for. A touch was a touch, after all.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought it would be best for you not to know for now, until the investigation was completed." Zack stepped into the boy, unconsciously running his hands across Cloud's forearms. He realized what he was doing, and abruptly stopped at his shoulders.

"I...uh..." His eyes began to flutter erratically.

"Bedtime?" Zack offered, as the look on Cloud's face screamed he was about to pass out.

He nodded, stumbling around the SOLDIER willingly. He could feel Zack's warm hand on his back as he was led into the dimly lit room in a haze.

He saw nothing else but the full sized bed wrapped in heavenly white sheets. It looked so enticing in his muddled state and he so longingly crawled on top of it, feeling his mind tugging into a wavering sense of unconsciousness.

"You don't want to change out of your uniform?"

A soft groan was a reply as Cloud lay down dizzily on his stomach.

Zack smirked at this, watching as Cloud slipped his arms underneath one of Zack's pillows comfortably. Wow, he sure knows how to make himself at home.

"Hey wait, you can't lay on your stomach."

Another groan as a rebuttal.

"On your back, now."

"Why?" Cloud's voice was muffled in the down pillow.

"Might have something to do with the swelling in your head."

"I'm fine."

"Okay, okay. But if you wake up with a migraine, don't come cryin' to me."

Cloud flipped over slowly onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He scratched at the stitches in his forehead. They were probably itching like hell as they healed.

"Good boy." He smiled kindly down at him, and Cloud frowned.

"You're so annoying."

Zack laughed at this as he reached down and threw the pillowy blanket across Cloud impersonally, not wanting to be tempted into tucking him in with a kiss. Cloud looked so comfortable at the moment and Zack seriously considered hopping in there with him as he nestled into the pillow. So enticing...

But Zack refrained with a dry laugh and walked towards the door. "I'll be out here if you need me, buddy." He flicked the light off and closed the door partially, then rolled his eyes as he watched through the crack in the door as Cloud flipped back over onto his stomach tenaciously.

Stubborn kid.

He flopped down onto the couch and flipped through a few stations on the television, but the sound wasn't on. Zack just wanted the light to shine through into his room to keep a better eye on Cloud if he needed. He lay back, his arm folded under his head, peering over the arm of the couch and watching the blond briefly.

He could hear a few fussy moans coming from the boy, but then silence after a several minutes of idle stirring.

Zack sighed heavily then, allowing his eyes to close. Normally he would slip in some unwanted musing over certain things before sleep, but this night it was put on the back burner. He fell asleep very quickly.


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The sound of delirious whimpers cut through the silent space of Zack's subconscious and it roused him quicker than any other sound would at that moment. Even sleeping out in the field on missions, sounds of the enemy wouldn't have woken him as quick as this sound did, as it was pitiful and alarming. It was familiar.

He was up on his feet faster than his eyes could even open and when they did, he found himself already at his bedroom door with his hand on the handle.

Damn, he worked quick.

He pushed the door open with a slight squeak of the rude hinge and peered inside.

Cloud was on his side in a fetal position. The blankets had fallen off onto the floor beside him. The sound of the hinge caused him to stir and wrap his arms around his chest with a groan of disapproval at the noise.

Zack stepped inside, observing as he twitched his head into the pillow, murmuring to himself. He managed to curl into himself even more as Zack got closer.

"Cloud?" he whispered, peering down at him, trying to determine if he was awake. He was asleep, unfortunately, as he seemed to be reacting to a nightmare playing across his slumber. More whimpers from the boy, followed by heavy breathing.

"Hey, Spikey." He sat down on the bed next to him, and this caused Cloud to scoot closer to him for comfort. He reached down and set a hand gingerly on a shaking shoulder.

Cloud muttered some protests, probably replaying the other night in his head as he thrashed weakly against the bed and under Zack's touch. The psychologist had warned Zack of nightmares, as they were normal reactions to traumatic events. Zack knew this all too well. Angeal's death crawled into his memory and he shuddered.

"Hey, buddy." He tried again to rouse him, rubbing his shoulder tenderly, trying not to scare him awake. He watched as Cloud reacted to this touch with more shaking, more discomfort. Whimper after whimper escaped his throat as he shook his head weakly into the pillow, muttering sleepy cries of protest and denial. Zack couldn't take it anymore.

"Cloud!"

Cloud shot his eyes open with a small gasp of air as he fumbled up into a sitting position. He jerked his body up, slamming himself up against the headboard with a few cries of confusion as the last of his nightmare tapered off into the dark room.

Zack went to reach for the boy, but he scurried back even farther, pressing himself against the bed, kicking his legs as if trying to scramble away.

"S-shit..." he breathed, blinking hard several times. "Zack."

"Yeah, it's me."

A bottom lip began to quiver in fright. "I-I thought..."

"It's okay," he reassured him. "It was just a dream."

"Y-yeah..." Cloud ran a hand quickly through his hair, his eyes darting about uncertainly. "A dream..."

"Go back to sleep, bud." Zack began to stand up to obey his own order for himself, but Cloud's frantic voice stopped him.

"Don't leave me."

Zack turned his head back to the boy, a confused look on his face. "I'm not going anywhere, Cloud. I'll just be in the other-"

"Don't leave!" Cloud yelled, his voice cracking with fear.

"Look, you really need to get some rest. Are you running a fever?" Zack went to touch his forehead but his hand was smacked away.

"Please!" Scared eyes stared at the SOLDIER hopefully.

"Okay, okay." Zack motioned for Cloud to lay back down, but he didn't move. Sighing, Zack realized what he wanted and he crawled across the foot of the bed to the other side, sitting next to him. "You know it's gonna be a long night like this," he said jokingly.

They both leaned up against the headboard, their heads tilted back and staring up at the ceiling together.

"I...don't feel right," Cloud said finally, after several long moments of awkward silence.

"Well yeah, that's expected after what happened."

"No..."

"You gonna puke again?"

"No."

They fell silent.

Zack scoffed a short laugh, his head slowly lowering from the wall. He turned his gaze over to Cloud, who simultaneously was doing the same thing in the dark. The television from the other room cast intricate shadows on their faces through the crack in the door.

They both looked at each other, their expressions filled with trepidation, confusion, fear.

"I...feel the same way," Zack replied simply.

They both turned their heads back in unison to the wall and spent the next several hours together sitting in an uncomfortable yet pleasant silence as the sun began to rise.


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...To be continued in Chapter Seven: By the Book.