Convergence [2]: Blood Roses

Sorry it took a week and a half. I wrote three scenes that didn't make it in, and then the ones that did were each written in at least three different ways.
This whole 'plot' business is tough to manage. I hope I did it right... Feeling a little uneasy about this one...
But hey, on the bright side, PWPs will abound when this fic is finally finished.

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~ 8 ~

Squall could feel the roaring pulse of the engines, wrought with fire and electricity, carried through the walls to drawl against the side of his cheek. It invaded his eardrums and passed right on through to his brain in a numbing lullaby, stimulating synapses to fire off faster than he wanted them to, and although his position affected him in a way opposite to that he had planned he couldn't pull away from the whine of Ragnarok's centre. The staircase loomed over his head, a pretend shelter, a child's fort for playing war at the side of the hangar.

Six days.

It hadn't even been a week since Seifer dragged him half-dead and gagging from his cell in D-District. Now he was hidden away in his father's rocket ship, with Rinoa and Seifer closeby, that damn dog and some kid that looked two years younger than he sounded along for the ride, and Zell waiting back at the Garden to pounce on him as soon as he got back.

It was funny, he used to think his life, his work, were difficult to handle. Sitting there surrounded by the engines' rumble, he found he would give anything to be launched into last week and have them back. He was used to plain, simple paperwork. Now about six previously stable relationships, plus the fate of every army in the world, were spiralling far out of a control he didn't even want. All he had to look forward to was a peaceful night of sleep-- if his blond pursuers could manage to give him that. A peaceful night's sleep usually followed a few hours of tossing and turning with eyes too twitchy from spending a day plastered on a computer monitor to let him shut down, but it was familliar, at least.

This new proximity to Zell didn't bother him so much, since he and Zell had maintained something resembling a friendship over the past years. Seifer, though, unnerved him more the more he thought about it. Two years they'd worked with but one office between theirs and only spoken in business talk, only when absolutely necessary, when scribbled notes and clipped email messages n'tn't enough to get the point across.

Although he hadn't heard Seifer say more than a few words at a time since Rinoa held her blade to his throat or, more accurately, since Squall told him to shut his mouth, he was positive the return to normalcy wouldn't last long. Most people would have obeyed the command without hesitation, but Seifer sure wasn't the type to. He had become detached as they drove, mumbling distant apologies at wrong turns in tones Squall couldn't remember hearing him use before. If whatever was bothering him was of any importance, he was sure to eventually reveal it without much prompting.

Squall straightened his shoulders against the wall. Right. He wouldn't touch anyone, or have anyone touch him, for at least one night. And he was sure to back right out of that promise as soon as Seifer threw him up against a wall or Zell started getting that damn dejected-mumble-thing in his voice again.

Like a response to the grumbles of his thoughts, something nudged at his hand. Angelo, silent as the ghost he sometimes seemed to be, was poking at it with his nose. The dog whined quietly while he tried to lift Squall's palm onto his head and for a moment Squall just sat and watched him. He had awoken him like this before, in his old dorm amid dashes of blind-scattered sunlight, just before his alarm went off. Unlike Rinoa, he never asked for anything more complicated than a pat on the head or a milk bone.

Angelo didn't look surprised in the least that Squall was already awake. "Fine, fine," Squall mumbled before closing his eyes and returning his temple to the wall. He still knew where to scratch, right under the ears where an animal's claws were too sharp and clumsy to safely reach themselves. Angelo's whine left to make room for thankful pants.

"You two were always sweet together."

Where one went, the other followed. Squall lifted his eyelids just as Rinoa was sitting down, two arms' lengths away, to hug her knees. "Why are you hiding?" she asked, her voice light with curiosity. That curiosity. It was already starting.

"I'm not hiding."

"Yes you are."

He didn't want to get into it, so he closed his eyes and let her keep the answer she wanted. It didn't matter. She always latched onto her preconcieved answers before asking her questions. "Where's Seifer?" If he wasn't with either of them, he was probably bothering Laguna, which meant it was time for Squall to get up and go play babysitter.

"He sitting in a corner and sulking just like you are, as a matter of fact. I found him in that room with all the chairs and the huge window. I tried to talk to him, but he told me to 'go away, ma'am, if you don't mind' so I came to find you because everyone else is busy. Laguna's teaching Dorian how to fly." She heaved a sigh when Squall didn't reply. "I should have known I wouldn't get anything more from you."

"If you have relevant questions, I'll answer them."

"What counts as 'relevant'?"

"Business."

"Alright..." Rinoa bit her fingernails lightly, tapping them with her teeth. "Why aren't you wearing your Griever necklace?"

Squall's eyelids twitched but remained shut. Because he could remember it warm and wet with her saliva, because she had said it looked good on him, because a part of him left when the war was over and some more when she was gone and he just didn't want it around to remind him today. "That's not important."

"I'm curious."

"You're always curious."

"So I am. Can you blame me? You're intriguing."

"I put it away."

"Did you give it to Seifer?"

"No." Squall stared at her to make sure she knew he wasn't just avoiding a renswenswer. "It's in my gunblade's case, if you really have to know."

"Okay, okay, sorry. I was just wondering because he got rid of his choker. I thought you might have exchanged them."

"Why would we do that?"

"You're dating, aren't you?"

Squall pricked the air with a scoff and tipped his head forward, hiding behind the few thick shocks of hair that fell from behind his ear. "Hardly."

"Then what the heck are you? This is something I should know. I want to know what to expect from the people I'll be working with." Self-righteous, demanding, and Squall loathed the fact that she was right as soon as it dawned on him. "I've been gone for a long time. Of course relationships have changed. I need to know what they are."

Squall's jaw clenched and relaxed several times. "He, and I, and Zell... were... lost, for a few days-- I'll brief you on that later. It's a long story. The three of us ended up doing some things that I don't know if I should regret or not, and--"

"The three of you?" Rinoa smiled and leaned back, her weight on her hands, "Kinky. I didn't know you had it in you to take on one guy, let alone two at once." She jumped forward to crouch much closer to him, "You're blushing."

"Back off." Rinoa obeyed, tipping back onto her bottom with a breath tight enough to sound more like a giggle. "Just consider us friends. Even that's pushing it. I'm confused about it right now."

"If you talked to me," Rinoa suggested cautiously, the laugh pulled right out of her voice, "maybe I could help you."

"I've already told you too much."

"Think about it. You're good at that."

Squall half-shrugged. There were more important things to think about than whether or not he would let her help him think. Angelo grumbled under his hand, probably miffed because the scratching had stopped, and lowered his head to rest his chin on the floor.

~*~*~

Zell wasn't supposed to fall asleep.

He just wanted a minute now that he was alone, okay maybe five minutes, to flop down into that mess of blankets and inhale those smells that were sex and Squall and yeah a little bit of Seifer but he could ignore that part if he stayed on the right side of the bed and just kept breathing it in. But then it felt like the pillow he was hugging and all that softness was either too real or not real at all, he couldn't tell, and thinking about it just shut his brain right off. Ten minutes later the sun had set, the clock reading 5:57.

He didn't realize that Squall was almost three hours late until he finished getting dressed, and was already scolding himself for worrying about it by the time he was in the kitchen. He'd said no less than eight hours, not no more. Everything was fine.

Day-old dishes still sat in the sink, a reminder that this home's occupant had never learned to take care of one, and Zell had them clean and drying atop a towel on the counter in a jiffy. He headed back down the hallway-- may as well change the sheets real quick while he was still in the mode-- but a scratching sound stopped him before he got to the bedroom.

Scratching?

Positive he wasn't just hearing things, Zell curved back around through the kitchen. His silent question was answered by a loud bark the second the door whisked open. He didn't even have time to regret being caught in the wrong apartment before a pair of paws slammed into his shoulders and knocked him onto the carpet.

Rinoa and Squall looked on with shared amusement, still a little breathless from following Angelo's mad sprint. Zell quickly overcame his shand and began tumbling around with him like he was a dog himself, his cries of "Hey boy! Hey! How ya doin'?" already sounding stuffy.

Squall felt for the lightswitch and flicked it on once Rinoa took a step over the threshold. "Okay, maybe you did miss him the most," she observed, "but for now, lay off." Angelo whined at the tone of her 'off' and sat back on his haunches. Having forgotten for a minute to expect her, Zell got back onto his feet. "Hi, Zell." she offered quietly.

Zell's eyes went into saucer-mode. "God, Rinoa, you look good." She stood in a spirited black curve before the white of the walls, and though she hadn't grown an inch, he swore she looked a foot taller. She was smiling, her hip cocked atop thighs that had gained obvious muscle mass. He had worried about her when she disappeared, with no goodbye to anyone but Squall, and the sight of her stronger than she was the last time he'd seen her had him expressing unexpected relief in a nice big tight hug that lightened her heels. She was a bit heavier than he remembered, definitely less fragile, her hands confident on his shoulders. "Have you gotten to see the rest of the gang yet?"

"Not yet. Angelo took care of that, scrambling and barking all the way here like he wanted to kill something. Turns out he was just looking for you."

"Didn't think he'd remember me." Zell stepped back and held her at arms' length to look her over. "Oh man, look at you, Irv's gonna totally flip out when he sees you like this, you're like... hot, Rin. And your hair, I mean geez..."

Rinoa's mouth curved up in a wry smile. "I wasn't before?"

"Aaah! I mean, uh..." Zell's eyes danced away from her and found Squall slumped on the sofa, watching them with his generally-indifferent face as he played with the ribbing on the arm rest. No help there. Rinoa planted a kiss on Zell's cheek.

"It was a trick question, silly," she teased before crossing her arms and stepping back to look appraisingly around the room. "You look good, too. And so does this place. When do I get mine?"

Although obviously meant in jest, her question brought an answer frhe bhe brunette in the corner. "You and Dorian can share a dorm."

"Her and who?"

"A friend of mine," Rinoa explained before Squall could do it for her. Zell's brow remained crinkled. "I'm taking care of him. He's five."

"You're gonna share one of those tiny little dorms with a five year old kid? And a dog?"

"I guess so," Rinoa replied, sounding a little disappointed.

Zell grinned knowingly at her nod. "Tch, yeah right. You'll go nuts."

"Okay, Zell," Squall got up and started a sulky beeline for the kitchen, "You figure it out."

"They can use my place." Zell almost clamped his hand over his mouth. Hyne, children and animals in his apartment? He damned his generosity and tried to get the thought to stop scaring him. Hopefully Squall would come to his rescue.

He peeked around the archway just as Squall fished a bottle of water from the second shelf of the refrigerator. Judging by how high his eyebrows were raised when he turned around, he sensed Zell's fear dead on. He didn't say a word until he drank some, drawing out the silence and with it, Zell's suspense. "Sure," he finally permitted, appearing more amused than Zell thought he should have been as he leaned against the counter, "and you," he gestured with the bottle, "can have the dorm."

"But..." Zell sighed and kicked at the sill that cut off the carpet, bare-toed. "Fine."

"Aww! Look at him, Squall," Rinoa cooed, placing a comforting hand on Zell's arm. "Your apartment is huge. Why can't he just stay here with you?"

Zell broke into a new smile at that, ready to turn around and hug her again. Damn, she had gotten cool. "Yeah, why not?"

Squall kept busy scowling past the blond's shoulder at Rinoa, not sure whether he should thank her or hate her, though it was pretty obvious she felt she deserved the former. He took another gulp of water to cool his temper. "I guess I'm cornered."

"Sweet!"

A black hand raised to stop Zell from bounding across the floor. "Don't get too excited," Squall warned blandly, "It's temporary."

"Ah," Rinoa patted Zell's arm a couple times in a silent 'you're welcome,' "I wanted to ask you about that. How temporary?" She walked into the kitchen with a grace owed to both the power she hid and that displayed to sit down in the nearest chair.

"That depends. The seven of us'll meet in the central office tomorrow to sort it all out."

"Tomorrow's Saturday," she contested.

"Exactly. I won't have to pull anyone out of their classes." Rinoa made a face at him. "Actually..." Squall pushed up from the counter and dragged tired footsteps through to the front room. "I've gotta go call about eight different people right now."

Zell watched him until he reached the phone and, dumbfounded by his luck, took the chair across from Rinoa before overcoming it. "Thanks," he said, coy and quiet as he stared at the marbled tabletop. "I woulda died stayin' in one of those rooms again."

"So, you finally figured it out?"

"Huh?" He looked up to find Rinoa regarding him with that soft smile of hers, the one that, even after the passing of more than a year, still made him want to tell her everything. "Figured what out?"

Rinoa squinted, concentrating like she were trying to find truth in the blush already hinting at his cheeks. "He told me a bit about what's been going on lately. I knew how you felt about him a long time before we broke up."

Zell let the side of a fist fall onto the table and stared at it. "Damn it..." The smile he tried to force turned sour. "Everyone could tell but me, eh?"

Leaning forward in her seat with her elbows on the table, Rinoa whispered soothingly, "We're always the last to know when we fall in love."

"I wishtilltill didn't know," Zell mumbled, following crooked grey lines with his fingertips.

"Things not going so well?"

The blond shrugged and got lost for a moment in the hushed sounds of Squall's telephone-voice, too far away to let him pick out many individual words. There was a "tomorrow," and a "bye" soon after. The next call sounded louder, marked with a "you heard me."

"If you knew all along..." Zell finally managed, "Why didn't you hate me for it?"

"You never know. Maybe I did." That got Zell to look at her. Her amused smirk softened, she slowly shook her head. "I could never hate a person for caring about someone that I do. Sure, it made me a little uneasy, but it's not like you tried to steal him away from me. I value my friendships. All of them."

After a thoughtful nod Zell went back to staring at his hand. "Same here." Putting it like that made it easy to understand. His shoulders began to feel a little lighter. Then an idea hit him, and they got heavy again. "You... Rin, does like... everyone know?"

"As far as I know, he's as clueless as you were," she assured, giving his forearm a little squeeze.

There was still one thing he needed to know, though, even if the question would be hard to force out. "I don't wanna end up fighting with you... Do you want him back?"

Rinoa let out a burst of a laugh before she could quiet it with her hand, inadvertantly showing off her ring finger, "Hyne, no."

Zell leaned back in his chair as the sliver glint slapped him with yet another surprise. "Oh!"

Her smile turned sad when she followed his gaze, her hand dropping to her side. "Gods, I wish Squall would learn to be more of a gossip." She cleared her throat, "I married Zone a short time after I left. We didn't get enough time to find out if I was just rebounding." Zell just looked at her, waiting for her to finish spelling it out. "I'm the only Owl left, Zell. They're both dead."

Zell searched his lap for a little while. "I'm sorry, Rin," he finally offered, falling back on traditional consolation only because he couldn't think of something better. "You gonna be okay?"

Rinoa nodded, throwing her sorrow behind a bright curtain. "Sure I am, though I've had to talk about it more in the last two days than in the last two months." Her attention tu to to her hand, "It's all because of this thing," she mumbled before yanking off the ring and putting it in her pocket. "There."

Although he could tell that the airiness of her tone was forced, Zell believed her. She stood and saved him from having to come up with a new conversation topic, "My stuff's probably unloaded from the ship by now, if Seifer worked as hard as I told him to. And I should take Dorian off Laguna's hands before he drives him crazy. Wanna come with? You can show us where we're staying."

"Yeah, good idea." Zell followed her up. "I gotta get a few things too." Rinoa waved to get Squall's attention and gestured to the door with a thumb while Zell shoved his feet into his shoes. Catching the gesture, Angelo left Squall's side to follow the pair into the elevator, brushing against Zell's leg in the process. Zell sneezed as the door closed.

"Matter of fact, they both just left," Squall continued, unsure whether the acknowledging wave he returned had been seen.

"Ooo, I gotta go meet 'em then," Selphie chirped, crystal clear across a line that reached only two or three doors away, "You're welcome to come too, 'course."

"I know."

"But let me guess, you won't."

"I might." It was an honest answer. Squall wasn't in the mood to attend Rinoa's 'homecoming' party, but it still would be interesting to see how well Selphie could throw one together in the mere ten minutes allowed her.

"You'll be missed if you don't show, and--" She whispered a grunt; a refrigerator door thunked shut, "--I'd stay on the line longer to try to convince you, but I gotta go right now. Irvie! Don't just stand around like a dolt, take this."

"Have fun."

"Yessiree, will do."

A click left Squall alone. He supposed it would be a good idea to drop Caraway a line to let him know his daughter was still in one piece, though dodging the man's bombardment of questions wouldn't be much fun-- especially on an empty stomach.

He only had to poke around in the fridge for a few seconds before a brown paper bag in one corner, labelled Estharian Seedless, caught his eye. Upon peering inside, he found it filled with dark purple orbs, and instantly his mouth started to water. Fresh grapes were a simple pleasure that could no longer be taken for granted now that the majority of the Garden's food supply was kept in cold storage. Laguna had brought these.

The first to find its fate burst open in a torrent of juice, plump and perfect enough to feel unnatural, and as Squall headed back out towards his spot on the sofarealrealized they probably were. Esthar was known for its successes in genetic manipulation.

He was interrupted before he could sit back down by the distant whir of his elevator lifting back up to his door. Figuring someone had come to steal him away for Selphie's party, he rolled his eyes and placed the paper bag in one palm while walking over. As soon as the sounds stopped he pushed the button, and almost lost his mask as none other than Seifer raised a fist before his face in latent preparation to knock. "You were expecting me," the blond observed, quickly overcoming his surprise.

"I heard you coming."

"We need to talk." Seifer's tone flattened, his features dead serious. "Let me in."

Squall backed up enough to let him pass and watched him in silence, waiting for his explanation, but he stopped after a few steps, distracted. "Well, don't you get all the breaks. Didn't notice it before, since you keep the place so damn dark. You'd think your friends would have thought to get you a night light." He continued forward and didn't hesitate to open the balcony door. "Whose idea was this?"

"My guess is Quistis," Squall explained. Seifer didn't even shiver as he stepped outsite, his chin lifted high in the frigid air. Squall followed cautiously and turned to lean back against the rail once outside. Seifer held his shoulders straighter than usual as he stood there, taking deep, slow gulps from the breeze. It looked like he may have forgotten what he came for. "What?"

The blond leaned on the rail with his elbows, not even noticing the snow bleeding into his shirtsleeves as he tried to pick somewhere to start. Hours of so much thinking had left him groggy despite his determination to act. "I don't remember a damn thing, I still don't, and even though she said I did something I can't see myself ever wanting to do... I believe her. But now I don't want to remember. So I'll have to trust her word. Not that I have a choice in the matter in the first place."

Squall popped another grape into his mouth instead of commenting on the introduction. Seifer was rambling, and he didn't intend to stop him.

Frustrated by hearing no words when they were what he wanted most, Seifer cleared his throat and opted to force Squall to use at least one. "Do you believe her?"

Squall swallowed earlier than he wanted to. "I don't know. I wasn't there." He held out his hand to offer the fruit in a silent bribe. He liked Seifer's rare moods of thoughtfulness, and planned to draw this out as long as he could. Seifer accepted one of the bigger ones with a short nod. "What changed your mind?"

"Seedless my ass," Seifer mumbled before spitting into the near-darkness below them and, never one to dodge with distraction in the way he was beginning to, took a breath and prepared to drop his bomb. "I doubt she did it on purpose, but Rinoa called to me today."

Squall had to mold his next words with a dry tongue. "Called to you?"

"When she was all riled up. The second time, when I called her 'Princess,' whatever the fuck that me--"

"Zone and Watts called her that. That's why it upset her."

Seifer's sigh left him slightly deflated. "Shit."

"They were her Knights."

"I figured that." Seifer reached into the bag again, but kept the grape in his hands instead of eating it. "I felt something, her anger, something. Something familiar." His inability to pair the feeling with any particular memory told him exactly where it belonged. Dread and excitement had been battling in his stomach all day. He still wasn't sure which had won. "Oh hell, it's not like I need to describe it for you." Squall let his nod show in his shoulders so Seifer would see it. "She earned my respect when she put that knife to my back. I'm positive that's what left me open to it. Squall, a part of her is looking. She probably thinks she can keep hiding it away. She can't. I can't." He paused to roll his orb from one hand to the other, "You can't."

"I didn't feel anything."

"Nothing?"

"No," Squall confirmed, his voice raising a little. He could feel an unnerving quiver in his knees, so he turned around and put his own elbows on the rail for more support.

"Liar." Seifer ground out the accusation in a growl. "There you go pretending I'm stupid again."

"I'm not--"

"You may not have seen how we drew our blades, but I know you kept us from sheathing them at the same time. I saw you. You also must have noticed how we spread out on her wings like we could see them. Plain as day, the way we walked in step."

"I don't want this." Squall quenched his thirst with another grape, forcing it down fast, hoping his voice would stop shaking when he spoke again. "If she asks, I just won't accept it. If you want to that's your perrogative, but--"

Seifer pressed a plump violet moon to his lips to cut him off. "You brought her here. I won't deal with her alone."

Squall snatched it away and dropped it back in the bag withoutakinaking the staring contest Seifer had just started. "I tried it already," he replied bitterly, "It didn't work."

"I didn't think I'd have to remind you that I did the same, and failed far more miserably than you."

Squall puffed a cloud of breath. "She doesn't want a pair of failures."

"We have experience. Whether she knows it yet or not, she's offering a second chance."

"And you're actually taking it?"

"Yes." Seifer reached over and took the bag from Squall's hand to place it on the rail. Squall watched him quizzically without trying to take it back. "That's what I came to tell you." He took the hand he had freed up and started working off its glove as he spoke, "I've already decided to bring you with me."

"Forget it."

"Forget it?" Seifer laughed a little, "All this time spent in command seems to have made you forget that some things are more powerful than you are." He shook his exasperated head when Squall just kept watching him release his fingers instead of saying anything. "Gods, Squall, I mean look at us." Squall's eyes dropped, bringing the volume of Seifer's voice with them. "We were the only two trainees the Gardens had ever seen choose the same outdated weapon only a year apart, and then look, Rinoa's got two little ones now. It's like she's holding one of us in each of her fucking hands. The symbolism's laid on so thick here it's suffocating, and if you can't see that--"

"I can." Squall's chin fell too, "I don't want to, but..."

Seifer triumphantly yanked the glove the rest of the way off and tossed it over his shoulder. "Stop denying it," he commanded as he started caressing the back of Squall's hand with a thumb, "This is huge. The timing is perfect. The world's only two ex-Knights, drawn together by the power of a sorceress who may be the last to ever live. It's..."

"Romantic is what it is," Squall finished, tossing an eyeroll to the sky. "You haven't changed."

"See? Already ending my sentences for me." Squall tried to tug his hand back, but Seifer tightened his grip. "I propose a pact. Tradition."

Squall eyed him with brows pushed together. "What kind of tradition?"

"Hyne, don't you read?" The brunette just stared, so he continued. "Upon the rare occasion in which two join to follow one," he recited, turning Squall's palm upwards and tracing the creases with a finger, "They must forge a pact of pain." The words tasted like mildewed paper and dust. It was a good taste, somehow like returning home after spending years lost. "They must create a harmony of blood."

Squall leaned away, admittedly weirded out by what he was saying, not to mention the passionate near-whisper it came out in. "Uh, Seifer..."

Seifer chuckled, "Don't worry, that's a little too archaic even for me." He took a grape from the bag, the plumpest one he could find, "And besides, I think we've shared enough bodily fluids already." He placed the orb in the center of Squall's palm and folded his own on top. "A blade between," he explained, lacing their fingers together before turning their knuckles to point at the sky, "and with it, an oath. Never abandon the one we follow, nor one another."

"Screw that, I can't--"

"At least until she doesn't need us anymore, okay? Fuck, are you ever good at ruining a moment."

Squall slouched and scowled out into the snowfields. "Fine." He felt Seifer's other hand cover the back of his, and kept his eye on Trabia Garden's eerily lit circle on the horizon.

"You too." Seifer paused for compliance and nudged at his elbow when he didn't get it. "Humor me." Squall sighed and mirrored the gesture, this hand as warm as the other despite still being clothed. "And I know I'm not that painful to look at."

His glare was stony when he finally gave it to him, but Seifer didn't seem to have expected anything else. "Now what?"

"Now..." The blond's smirk returned as he leaned in and made his intention no secret, "Improvization." He crushed their mouths together in time with the sphere held captive between their hands, breaking the skin with a silent crack as their palms collapsed on it. Squall was taken enough by the softness with which he did both to allow their kiss to become open-mouthed, as slow as the juice that dripped warm down his wrist.

Seifer guided Squall's arms over his shoulders, letting what was left of the fruit fall away when he let go to lift him onto the ledge by the hips and nestle himself between his thighs. Squall's fingers left cold trails across the back of Seifer's neck before he held tight with both arms to regain the balance he'd almost lost. Pulses quickened with a new hunger as they drank from one another with alternating fervor, pressed close enough to be mistaken as one, and Seifer was the one to end it. He backed off just far enough to speak. "It's done, then."

Squall's scowl returned as Seifer's voice snapped his senses back in place. "Nothing's been 'done.'"

"Our pact's been sealed."

"You smashed a fucking grape," Squall shot back, "It was stupid." As soon as he said it, he knew it wasn't completely true. Seifer had odd ways of doing things, sure, but he could already tell that something small and nameless had changed.

"Would you rather I took one of your kitchen knives and did it the real way?" Seifer laughed at the darkened stare he got in reply and took another kiss, wetting Squall's cheek with his fingers before he finished.

"Let me down."

"You think I'd let you fall?"

"No."

"If I let go right now, you would."

"I know."

Both of Seifer's arms tightened around his waist. "And you're not scared?"

"No. It's just uncomfortable."

"You should have thrown us both back into the wall by now," Seifer stated, his genuine smile brought on by more realization, "but you trust me."

Squall did think his ease with having such a full dependancy on the larger man's grip was a bit uncharacteristic, but he had no idea why Seifer found it so interesting. "What's your point?"

"Look down," Seifer softly urged, already pushing him backwards.

Squall leaned back against the man's forearms without a second thought, turned his head into the breeze, and shrugged, loosening his own grasp around his shoulders to do so. Pale blue in the Garden's soft glow, the snow was far enough away to kill him easily if he fell. In fact, a fall would crush him into a state far beyond the help of a phoenix down or Life spell. His heart rate didn't increase. He felt no adrenaline rush. Shiva, too, was calm when she should have been urging him to fight his way back to safety. He couldn't explain any of it.

"It's already started." Squall lifted confused eyes, cueing Seifer to pull him back up. "Nothing's supposed to happen until she accepts, but, well... There you go. No going back now." Squall shook his head to sift his thoughts to the surface and click them in order as Seifer continued, "I'm completing the union tomorrow. I expect you to show. Or," Another quick kiss prevented Squall's protest, "We could go do it right now. Care to crash Miss Tilmitt's party with me?"

"How do you know about that?"

"She invited me, of course. I saw her in the hall before I took Rinoa and chickie's place in the elevator." Seifer chuckled quietly while finally helping Squall onto his own feet. "You should have seen the little girl's face when she offered, so sour with obligation I had to suck my own cheeks in."

"I'm not going, not with you, not now. If we're..." Squall swallowed on the aching lump that had grown in his throat, "If we're going to ask her, I won't let you turn it into a display. Especially when she could say no."

"She won't deny us."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"I'm still not going. We'll talk to her after the meeting tomorrow."

"Meeting?"

"To discuss strategy."

Seifer let out a loud breath and turned back to the door. "You still can't make a decision wut tut them," he mused before sliding it open.

"I haven't had to make decisions like these in ages."

Seifer shook his head before stepping through. "What time?"

"Nine." Squall followed him, paper bag and stray glove in hand, and closed the door to lean against the glass. "And don't bring anything up until after it's over, okay?"

"I won't," Seifer confirmed, just before the elevator door came between them. Squall stared at it for a long time, long enough to bring an ache to his heels.

He was going to be a Knight again if Rinoa accepted, a fact he had no control over now. Seifer would bring him down with him no matter what he did, and he'd already opened himself enough to that first kiss outside to set things in motion. Or continued in time with the wheel already turning. It was hard to tell. Maybe it would be better this way, having someone to go through the motions with, someone to blame it on.

He slid down the glass, tore off his boots, and shoved them to the side. If they were to guard her, Riwoulwouldn't be able to go back and do the job that brought them together in the first place without their company. That sure turned everything on its head.

No, he wouldn't worry about that now. One thing at a time-- the conference tomorrow would go on without mention of this particular problem, and then plans could be changed later if it turned out they had to be. The carpet blurred before his eyes as he temporarily forgot it was there. His back started to ache from bekeptkept in the same position for too long, but he didn't bother moving even when his front door opened again.

Zell's smile fell as soon as he saw Squall all slumped and sloemn on the floor. He swung the backpack he brought with him to thunk down beside the door. "What's wrong?"

Squall shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

"Right, like I'm not gonna worry," Zell said before plunking down beside him, "D'you not want me staying here? Cos I know we kinda badgered you into that..."

"No, I do." Squall finally looked at him. He had re-gelled his hair while he was picking up his things. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah! You should see all the stuff Selphie's got hidden away for emergencies. We all just sat around and talked, got Rin caught up on everything. Irvine told all his jokes again." He grinned at the memory, "Quistis spilled her apple cooler all over herself from one of 'em even though we'd all heard it before. And look what Rin asked me to take care of for her." He tore into a pocket and held up the photo Squall had taken that morning. "I can't believe she did that. He frickin' needed it too. Why are you sitting on the floor, anyway?"

It took Squall a minute to notice the sudden subject change. "... I don't know."

Zell jumped to his feet, still psyched with leftover energy from the get-together. "Yeah, me neither. We got you all this furniture and here you are pretending the place is empty." He held out his hand. "You look ready to collapse. Why don't you just go to bed?"

Squall let him help him to his feet. "It's too early."

"It's almost midnight." So, Squall had been sitting there longer than he thought. "Go to bed. I'll unpack my stuff and get some food, if that's okay."

"That's fine." Squall staggered a little as blood rushed belatedly to his head, sparkling in front of his eyes and blinding him. Instantly Zell's hands were on his shoulders to keep him from falling over.

"Yeah, definitely time to sleep." Zell laughed a little and let him go when he straightened, backing up as he brushed past. "I kinda slept all day, didn't mean to do that... anyway, I'm not tired. I got some lesson plans I should finish by last week, so I'll do those and be in later."

Squall stopped at the doorway to the hall. Lesson plans, for gym? Oookay.

"Er!" Zell started stammering, misinterpreting Squall's pause, "I mean if that's what you want, I'll take the couch if you don't--"

"No." Squall almost laughed when he turned around and saw the horror in Zell's expression. "You live here now. That means you can sleep wherever you want to." He watched that tattooed face melt into something resembling flattery before finishing the trip to his room.

Selphie had brought out some munchies for the group, but that was all they were, and Zell had left famished. He found some kind of wrap in the freezer and popped it into the microwave, took his papers and his walkman from his bag, and settled down on the sofa with food in hand.

He lived there now.

Wow.

~*~*~

Squall found some normal cotton bedsheets in the closet in a sleepy daze, but by the time he was between them he was wide awake. After an hour, he couldn't even close his eyes. He hadn't noticed just how big his bed was before.

It was really big.

And it was really, really empty.

He tried stretching out across it to make it seem smaller, but that only magnified things. He tried curling up on one side, but then the whole expanse behind him stood too high as he sunk into his end, tilting him in a way he wouldn't be tilted if there was a body behind him. For a while, he switched back and forth from one position to the other. That only ended up tangling the blankets around his legs.

By one-thirty, he'd had enough. He slid into some boxers -- yes, it was his own apartment, and yes, Zell had already seen him naked more times than he could count, but he wasn't a damn exhibitionist -- and stalked, squinting, back out into the kitchen. When he caught a glimpse of the blond on the sofa, he considered just standing there for the rest of the night.

Zell sat in the light of one of the end-table lamps with an ankle crossed over the opposite knee, a binder in his lap, a stubby pencil in his hand, and a pair of headphones covering his ears, cranked up loud enough to have made him deaf in his early teens if it were a habit. He nibbled on the metal stub that used to hold an eraser when he was reading and on his lip when he was writing. He would nod to the beat of his music and mouthe the lyrics during all his favourite parts of songs that Squall had never heard before. The tee and old cotton shorts he had changnto nto at some point were wrinkled, his hair already loose enough to send strings into his eyes, probably from running a distracted hand through it when he forgot it was gelled.

He lifted his gaze-- somehow bluer now than it usually was-- to flip a page, and immediately dropped it. His pencil fell to the floor along with his foot. "Shit!" He tore off his headphones. "Between you and Seifer, I'm gonna have a heart attack before I'm twenty-five."

Squall didn't lift his hip from where it had come to lean against the stove, nor did he uncross his arms. "Sorry." But he wasn't, and Zell wasn't angry at him.

Zell raised a suspicious eyebrow. "How long've you been watching me?"

"A while," Squall dismissed. Zell was the one watching, now. He placed his binder on the cushion beside him without looking away.

"I'm done."

A corner of Squall's lips turned up. "You are?"

"Uh-huh," Zell took a moment to turn off his walkman and set it down on top of his papers before standing.

"Looks to me like you still have a lot to get through."

"Nope, all done." The kiss Zell greeted him with was tight from the grin he just couldn't quite hide. "I kinda left a mess, though. Should I go clean it up?"

"Tomorrow."

"'Kay." Zell unfolded Squall's arms for him so he could take one of his hands, and led him back to his room. "Geez, you were busy," he mumbled before lazily straightening the blankets out. He climbed into them first simply because he was closest, and before he could even get comfortable Squall was right in there beside him. Then Squall's arm was draped over his waist, Squall's head on his shoulder, and he couldn't help asking again, "Alright, now you've gotta tell me what's up." Squall shrugged in his arms. He took it as a don't-want-to-talk-about-it and prepared to make himself sleep.

"Seifer wants me to be Rinoa's Knight. With him."

Zell waited a moment to admire Squall's ability to tell him about a million things within one sentence. He had assumed Seifer went up there to get laid, not talk with him, and he had never really understood the whole sorceress-knight thing on more than a scholastic level, but he opted to bypass those points. "Why's he gotta drag you into something he wants to do?"

"It's what he does," Squall replied flatly. He felt Zell's diaphragm jerk in a silent laugh, and found himself shifting a little bit closer.

"Yeah, that's true."

"I don't want him in my head." The thudding his heart forgot to do earlier came now, hard enough he was sure Zell could probably feel it if he couldn't already hear it in his voice. He trudged onward anyway. "I don't want her in my head."

"Is that what happens?" If some kind of mind-reading was what went on, Zell couldn't imagine how Squall got himself to do it the first time. "The textbooks and stuff... they never really described much..."

"No, I... I'm exaggerating. We wouldn't know what one another's thinking or feeling." Squall fought not to get more worked up at the memories of his previous joining. "They'd know what I'd do and I'd know what they'd do, half a second before it happened. But not exactly. You can't visualize what they'd do, but you know. And at the same time you don't know. But you trust, you can't help trusting, even if you don't want to." He shook his head hard and rolled over, frustrated. "I'm not making any sense."

Zell wasn't startled by Squall so suddenly putting his back to him, since he had heard it coming for a while. "Sure you are."

"Then would you mind explaining it to me?" Squall snapped.

The blond grinned at the back of Squall's head. Didn't he know by now what he would get when he asked for that? "I aced introductory psych in fifth year."

"Good for you, but I don't see how that's got anything to do with it."

"It's got everything to do with it. I barely remember anything from that course, but when you talked about knowing and not knowing something at the same time, it reminded me. You," Zell declared, "Were referring to your subconscious."

Squall turned back over to find the smile he had heard in Zell's voice still on his face. "Fine, you've got my attention," he said, scowling.

"Okay, see, I'm totally gettin' this now. The stuff in History just skimmed right over what happens with sorceresses, called it a 'connection,' and that was it." Zell's epiphany began making his grin even loopier as it unfolded, "But now I get it! The subconscious. It's like your other half, that most people only get in touch with when they dream and stuff. That's what connects. Your subconsciousnessess-es-er, you know, they join up with each other," he rattled, pieces coming out as they came to him, "The conscious mind lies all the time, but the subconscious never does. It's like your true self. That's how you can know things without knowing how you know them. No wonder you don't want them tapping into it."

Squall sighed, but couldn't make it sound annoyed. "You know, Zell, you have a real talent for exposition."

"I know!" And Zell just kept going, because once he was on a roll, it was impossible for him to stop without physical coercion, "People get in touch with it in tons of different ways, like studying their dreams, meditation, hypnosis, some weird theory about talking backwards that I totally don't get... And they say it's related to battle in a lot of ways. That's why they had us learn about it in the first place. Anyway, are you gettin' me?"

Squall nodded. Their other halves, as Zell called them, would become a collective. Or, actually, "It's already happening."

Zell's face fell. "It is?"

"Outside... Seifer held me out over the edge of the balcony and I didn't even--"

"He WHAT?" Zell whipped his pillow aside and bolted up onto an elbow. "You better be lying, fuck, tell me you're lying."

"Calm down. I'm fine." By the time Squall had finished two short sentences, Zell was sitting up.

"I should go kill him. Right now," he seethed, "I'll break his fuckin' neck."

Squall heaved a heavy sigh and put a hand on Zell's thigh. Zell didn't even understand his own theory. "You're missing the point. I wouldn't have let him do it if I didn't know he wouldn't drop me."

After a few more loud breaths through his nose, Zell cursed again and collapsed backwards. "I guess."

"You trust me, right?" Squall asked quietly, holding out Zell's pillow.

Zell tore it from his hand and shoved it back behind his head. "'Course I do. But I don't trust him, not when he does stupid shit like that..."

"The way things are moving now, you'll have to trust us both."

"I thought you said you didn\ant ant it." Zell flicked a hand out above him, "But now you're all lettin' it happen."

Squall stretched out on his back, ready to burp butterflies. "I don't mean to. I don't think I can control it." Last time, he hadn't fought it. Last time, he thought he had entered into it by choice, but he was mistaken. His wants only happened to coincide with what he was being forced into.

At a sudden thought, Zell rolled onto his side. "What if it was me?"

"Hm?"

"Would you feel better if it was me instead of Seifer?"

Squall inwardly cringed. "No."

"...Oh." Zell fell back again and closed his eyes, denying his disappointment. Squall was famous for his boundaries, damn it, he shouldn't have expected him to let him cross the ones he didn't want anyone else to. Then the mattress shifted, his pillow pulled tight behind his head, and Squall's kiss sucked all his negativity right out through his mouth.

"You know what I mean."

Zell found he already felt the smile he forced. "Yeah."


------------------------------------


Yay, Sorceress Theory 101. Zell is so effing handy. Or he's a hindrance, I don't know. This was supposed to stay nice and light and I just dumped all my ideas right out of the poor boy's mouth.
Blah.
And now I have a grape craving to contend with... >_<