Convergence [2]: Blood Roses

*wipes hands*
Totally. Done.
I will never touch this godsforsaken chapter again.

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More sinned against than sinning, please.
You're not above my suspicions.
You're lamb and serpent just like me,
It's more than just superstition.
Then suddenly, I'm finding out that it's me you'll be taking down with you...
-- Splashdown, 'A Charming Spell'


~ 9 ~


Seifer found his living room shrouded in disarray and cold. Squinting into the dark, he kicked to-be-washed laundry away from the heating duct by the door before flicking on the light. Used clothing, as well as the multitude of neglected detention slips and report drafts littering his table and sofa were easy to forget about, even as he trudged right between them for his bathroom cabinet in pursuit of something to dull the ache at the base of his skull.

He might have graced Squall with his company a little longer if the fuckers hadn't decided to act up again, crabby and disgruntled because he refused to summon. As long as they didn't talk he could handle the headaches just fine. A couple over-the-counter painkillers or a few shots from the bottle beside his bed did the trick, especially when he caught onto this throbbing warning before it got a chance to grow. Dincht was lucky -- hell, they were both lucky -- he hadn't needed any more of that moonshine before their little excursion ended.

The only time one had tried talking to him, it got stuck right back into the database the very same day for its trouble. He couldn't remember what their names were or even how many he had, and as long as they did their job and stayed quiet most of the time he'd never have to find out -- though by now, he was quite near the end of his rope.

The little bastards had been flickering images into his mind like so many used apple cores all day in an attempt to torture him out of stretching their living space any further. They'd started with that forgotten graduation ball years ago, the dance he had watched with a passivity owed to the eighth glass of bubbly to make it into his hand. They wanted to remind him of how surely Rinoa had walked right past Balamb-G's beauty queen in pursuit of him (Gods, that look on Squall's face had been priceless), just to top it with her refusal to even see him when he returned, stolen away with barely an explanation that he didn't want to hear anyway. He got the point early on that they were trying to make him hate her.

Today, she had looked past the Gorgeous Commander again, just like before, to find him. To ask him for help. Today, the magical pissants in his brain learned that the joke was on them. Triumph was worthless when it couldn't be used to gloat. That was exactly what he did, because a joining with Squall, through her, would let him show it in its entirety.

Never mind that this scared him. Never mind that he honestly didn't want to be alone when he went through something that had likely nearly killed him before, even if this time he would be doing it right.

Shuffling impatient fingers over the different boxes on the shelf, he considered the evening's options for entertainment. It would be nice to go back and visit Squall, maybe offer some distraction from the turmoil he was likely putting himself through over this. Of course, then he would be asked why he had left in the first place, and "I had to do something about the guardian forces pounding their itty-bitty fists against the inside my skull" wasn't a sentence about to escape his mouth any time soon. Scratch that.

Nor would he be going to that little shindig next door, not that he knew where the desire to avoid it came from. Putting Selphie in a constant state of scowl was always amusing, as would be doing the same to Zell by means of offhand remarks containing dual meanings only decipherable to the two of them. Quistis' inquiries into Squall's welfare would even be tolerable for a chance at that.

Squall wouldn't be there, and Rinoa would. One without the other. He pierced the second pill from its foil package with a loud pop and swallowed them both dry, a coughed "Fuck" passing around their lump as he flicked off the light. Dependency. He had forgotten it would be mutual.

Seifer didn't know as much about this dual-Knight buisiness as he let on. What information he had gathered at seventeen was sketchy, and it hadn't said anything about the draw between them starting up before their official acceptance. Only a handful of past sorceresses had taken more than one. That didn't leave much to go on, though he knew one thing: Rinoa, the link to shoulder it all, had to be feeling something. He wouldn't be surprised to find her at his door in an hour or two, or to learn tomorrow that she had made it to Squall's. It was tough to decide which was preferrable.

He pushed a pile of manilla folders aside to sit on his sofa. The gravity shift shot pale lightning down his spine. Oh yes, they sure were pissed off at him tonight. Too bad for them he'd already made up his mind. It was his duty to answer the call, no matter who or what disagreed. Simple as that.

A knock. So he had been right. He stood to find the pain already numbing, and felt self-congratulation drain from hise whe when he opened the door. "Shouldn't you be feeling your way up a little yellow skirt right now?"

"Thought I'd give it a rest for a night," Irvine replied, appearing impressed by the greeting. He didn't make a move from where he stood, leaning patiently back into the corner with arms and ankles crossed. "Don't think she'd appreciate it if I made a show of displayin' her undies to the guests."

"So you left early to come see me." Seifer smirked and got a similar one in return. "I'd be flattered if I didn't know you'd only show up here because you want something," he said, backing away from the door. Of all the people he'd supposedly spent his childhood with, Irvine was the most rewarding conversationalist. He took shit like a mirror and never refrained from making his rebuttals amusing. "What is it?"

"I want to know what's gotten you so active lately." Irvine tilted up from the wall and seemed slightly apprehensive as he passed, no doubt unnerved by being around someone taller than he was. "A person doesn't break out of a two year stretch of solitude for nothin'." He continued to the sofa and pushed those folders back to where they'd started before falling onto it.

Solitude? Well, Seifer supposed it could be called that. After Fujin and Raijin's escape to some l tol town on the Galbadian coastline, he'd been left alone, and too many students required samples of the long arm of his law to warrant him any time for friendmaking. He didn't follow Irvine after he shut the door, instead taking a spot on the wall. "Actually, I was enjoying just that before you waltzed in on it."

"Hm." Irvine nodded slowly, then winked at him, of all things. "Quite a change from last night."

Fresh interest raised Seifer's eyebrows as he crossed his own arms. "Oh?"

"You were gone when I came lookin' for you, pretty strange considering it was past twelve."

"And since when do my nightly adventures concern you?"

"Since they started involving people that concern me. Zell wasn't home either. I didn't have to go anywhere else to figure out where you both had gotten to." Irvine tapped his temple, "You three should be sick of one another by now. The fact that you're not tells me somethin' else is going on."

"So you came by to rub your investigative talents in my face? I can't say I'm impressed."

Irvine took off his hat and tossed it onto the cushions beside him, letting out a long breath. "For one thing, it's still plain unbelievable, and for another, you've gotta be dyin' to spread the word. You've always had a thing for bragging about your conquests. Thought I'd lend you an ear before you dumped it all into one less forgiving."

Seifer shrugged and let him have it, all of it. By the time his play-by-play was finished, the long-haired young man across the room had gained rather wide eyes and lost most of his tan. Although Seifer didn't know too much about him, one fact couldn't be denied: few others had seen him in such a state of shock, let alone put him there themselves. Maybe he hadn't expected so much detail, or hadn't been ready to hear that things had already gotten so intense.

Whatever it was, Irvine tried twice to respond to Seifer's explanation before he remembered how to use his voice. "Watch it," he warned quietly, his easygoing stance tightened into a physical threat as he picked up his hat and strode over. "You might not see either of them as more than bodies to get in, but that doesn't mean they see you the same way."

"Why should that worry me?" This time, Seifer's smirk wasn't returned. A trigger finger tapped the centre of his chest.

"Hard on the outside, but Squall and Zell are both sensitive souls." Irvine glared through squinted aqua now, his moment of shock dissipated in lieu of his concern for his friends, "Fuck if I know why they let you in in the first place, congrats for that, but now that you're there, be careful."

So much for lending a forgiving ear. "So you're th--"

"Maybe I am threatening you," the cowboy injected, already warmed up to the idea. "If for some fucked up reason you end up the one doing the letting-down, you'll do it easy, or you'll answer to me. Some folks may not follow up on the threats they make you-- I can think of one right now-- but I will."

"And if I said I plan to keep them around?" Seifer humored.

"If you decide not to clean up the mess you made, you'll be just as careful. Zell, especially, has got to be fucking insane for this, but if he's trustin' you enough to let it go on, I will too. I'll also keep everything to myself, as hard as it'll be to do that. So will you."

"Sure, why not?"

"But don't think--" that finger pressed harder before easing up a little, "--I won't be watching you."

"Congratulations for almost scaring me. Did it ever cross your mind that I just might be getting fond of them both?" Hm, the words came out of his mouth before he filtered them. That didn't happen much.

Irvine frowned thoughfully. "I get the feeling that doesn't make a bit of difference."

"Please." Seifer clicked his tongue, "Of course it does. Everything's under control. Run along now, I'm sure your friends are missing you."

He had to credit Irvine for picking up the bitterness that escaped into his tone. The sharpshooter stepped back, his mouth curling into a long smug line. "They could be your friends too, y'know. As much as she hates to, as much as I tell her it's a lost cause, Selphie tries to include you. Oh and, ah, by the way," He winked, "She knows too; that, or she made a really good guess. I'd look around next time you feel like kneelin' down naked over your sleeping commander." Irvine took that last word to walk out the door, and Seifer damned him for it, as he would surely have been able to come up with an impressive retort had he been given the chance.


~*~*~


Zell had already fied bed breakfast by seven, so Squall's phone only got to ring twice before he hopped over to pick it up. His first word of the morning, a hushed "S'up," came out rusty.

The line stayed quiet for a moment. "Zell? I'm sorry, I must have the wrong--"

"Nah, nah." Zell waved a hand out in front of him as if Dr. Kadowaki could see it, "I'll get him."

"Oh. Alright, thank you."

Covering the mouthpiece with his hand, he headed back to the bedroom, already hit with a nervous twinge. Seven o'clock on a Saturday morning wasn't an opportune time for delivering good news. It was the best time for urgent news. Urgent news was always bad news.

Squall had kicked off the blankets at some point after Zell uncovered the window, probably overheated in the rising sun that streamed through it, and lay on his stomach with both arms under the pillow he had smooshed his cheek into. His eyes opened as soon as Zell sat down on the edge of the bed. "Me?"

"Yeah."

Squall curved back in a stretch, kept himself there with the help of an elbow, and took the phone. "What?" His thoughtful frown turned into a disappointed one. When it went from that to one of anger, Zell rested a hand on the sunlit white gold of his lower back, every breath quiet as not to drown out any of his 'yeah's or 'fine's. He flinched when Squall tore the phone from his ear and stabbed his thumb into the 'off' button. "Fuck."

"What'd she say? What's wrong?"

Squall fell back down into the pillow, his arm dangling over the edge of the mattress. "Nothing," he grumbled.

"That's not funny."

"It's not supposed to be." The phone dropped from Squall's hand to the floor, "They got my blood test results back. No trace of the serum showed at all. It's like it never happened."

Zell's fingers pushed around and beneath Squall's side, but he couldn't quite manage through his confusion yet. "So you're okay?" Squall nodded. "Then what's the problem?"

Squall rolled onto his back under Zell's arm. "Nothing to go on. After everything we went through, we've still got a blank slate." His already feeble hope of getting enough information out of his own body to keep from having to send someone in undercover had just crumbled, and his desire to get out of bed, just as weak, had gone with it. They would be sending Rinoa off with absolutely nothing. In a few hours, he would have to tell her she may as well be blind. "Kadowaki's sending the info to the labs in Esthar tomorrow, but she doubts they'll find anything either."

"I'd say I'm sorry..." Zell found his smile again, "'Cept I'm not."

"Figures you wouldn't be," Squall glanced at the clock, "You've always thought in straight lines."

Zell wasn't sure if he was supposed to be hurt by that or not but, it sure did slacken his jaw. "What's that s'posed to mean?"

"Never mind. I have to get dressed."

"No." Not only did Zell refuse to move, but he tightened his grip on Squall's waist. "Tell me what the hell you meant by that."

Squall closed his eyes. Too late to go back on it now. He wished he could have gotten some caffiene in him before having to explain Zell's tentency to see the world through a straw to his face. "It means you don't see everything at once. You don't see that if somethias sas still wrong with me, I could have used it. I would know what to expect from these people. We might have even been able to come up with an antidote, and everything would have been fine."

"Would have been fine?" Zell tried to dare Squall with his own glare to open his eyes, unaware that that was exactly why he kept them closed, "Everything would have been 'fine' if you were still sick? I don't even wanna think of all the shit that could have been left inside you from that, which is probably why I didn't think of it 'til now. I bet the needle they used wasn't clean. That stuff coulda made you react to every spell you ever got cast on you in the future in the same way. Hell, it could have screwed up your immune system, made you anemic, given you fuckin' cancer fol wel we know, and now you find out that none of that happened and you're pissed off?"

Squall shifted under Zell's grasp, which had become slightly painful by now. "Yeah, I'm pissed off."

Zell sucked in a deep breath along with his lip, nostrils flaring as his head shook with incredulous anger. "I'll never get you."

"What you don't 'get' is that we're right back where we started."

"I don't think we are," Zell countered.

"Thanks for proving my point. You can't see past your own--"

"You know what I see? No, wait, hold up." Zell's hands flew to either side of Squall's face, thumbs pressing below the barely-there circles beneath his eyes. Squall jumped a little but kept them closed. "You talk about me not seeing, and you can't even look at me. Why the hell's that still so hard for you, huh? Look. The hell. At me." A shake of his arms punctuated each part of his command, and Squall obeyed by the last. At such close range it was obvious Shiva was back to cloud up his irises again. Oh well. Zell blinked and brought Quez back, and swallowed hard on her. "You know what I see? You, and I mean fine, I 'think in straight lines' like you wanna call it but it's only cos every one of 'em's drawn right to you. Just, agh, fuck, what the hell else am I supposed to see when I got you here like this? Don't answer that. I'm takin' a shower." Zell's hands flew away just as fast as they had come and balled at his sides before he used them both to slam the bedroom door behind him. The same excuse used twice in as many mornings. It sure was handy.

Squall stared. He stared at the ceiling, out the window, at the walls, at his own hands, even at the phone on the floor for a while.

He thought maybe he should get dressed, and found Zell's shirts when he opened the wrong drawer, so he closed it again.

He wasn't hungry, but his stomach started screaming at him anyway. So he went out to the kitchen, and found Zell's cereal bowl already drying on the towel, the pan and dishes away to make room for it.

A brand new pair of red and black sneakers beside the door, just like the old.

Zell's toothbrush hanging above Zell's hair gel next to Zell's folded shirt and shorts on the bathroom counter.

And Zell himself in the shower, right where he said he would be.

Zell scrubbed feverishly at the suds on his head for a few more seconds before he noticed he was being watched. This time, he wasn't startled. He just watched back through the unfolding steam. Blank, hinting at curiosity and definitely anxiety.

"I'd do it again."

Soapy hands fell to the blond's sides. "Huh?"

"We're not..." Squall crossed his arms in a useless shield against the prickles of spray that bounced off Zell's body, "We're not back where we started."

As soon as Zell had left the bedroom, he knew their next conversation would either put him where he wanted or take everything away. "So..." All or nothing. He'd be left with a permanent heart murmer no matter what happened. "You'd hurt like that all over again, just to..."

"Yeah."

Squall flushed pink under the sudsy line Zell drew across his cheek. "You mean it?" A nod continued the line in a squiggle up his temple. And then there was soap everywhere, both cheeks, his earlobes, slicked up the back of his neck into his hair, down between his shoulder blades. Zell even tasted like it, bitter as Squall worked past his lips, fresh when he inhaled. He took a step over the edge of the tub, and Zell broke from him. "Wait," the wet continued down to the hem below Squall's navel, "You still got these--"

"Oh." He let Zell push the shorts down and finished the job himself, sending them behind the toilet with a flick of his foot. His climb finished in a rush that threw him under the shockingly boiling torrent and Zell into the far wall. This kiss was wet and sloppy when it didn't matter, any mess made free to be washed away if they so desired. Squall's hands roamed and dotted over the pale lines left behind when so many Cures had come too late; curved between cool tile and warm, tensed hindquarters. He hadn't noticed the scars on Zell's chest and stomach before, maybe because they belonged there, because they matched his own.

Zell snapped his head to the side. "Hold on." He lifted a hand to stop a drip of the shampoo still in his hair from getting in his eyes, "Gotta rinse."

"Mm." Squall reached out for the showerhead, fingers brushing up its hose before plucking it from its clip. "Mind?"

Zell beamed and tilted his head back. "Nope." A hot splash met his hairline and eased back as Squall's other hand followed up the slope of his nape and met it halfway, efficiently drawing soap away. He tried carefully not to pull as he worked out the few unbroken knots Zell had missed. Foamy drops painted snail trails down from Zell's shoulders before stopping somewhere between their stomachs, out of sight, and Squall might have followed them with his mouth had they not promised to taste bitter. As soon he completed his task, the valleys between his fingers physicially itched to have blond strands weave through them again.

Zell tossed his head forward. Squall returned the showerhead to its place, angled down to spit at their thighs. When he turned back to the body between his and the wall, he found that Zell's hair had fallen over his face in sopping ribbons thick enough to cover half of it. "What?" Zell squinted an eye at him, taken off-guard by the stare he was getting.

"Looks good." Despite this, Squall waseadyeady brushing the curtain away, finishing with a wordless approving sound before their mouths met again. The steam became a presence thick enough to be suffocating, so when Squall backed out of the kiss and paused the rhythm their hips had taken on in the middle of it, it was only because he needed to breathe. "Finish washing later?"

Zell was thankful one of his hands had found a hold at the back of Squall's neck, as that growl made him need it for support now. He bit the side of his lip, lopsiding his grin, and rolled his hips when Squall's eyes narrowed in order to widen them again. Worked like a charm. "I guess."

Squall searched the area with his eyes, and they landed in the unopened conditioner bottle in the corner. They didn't really have anything else he could think of, the move-in so sudden (heck, everything was still sudden), but when his fingers closed around it his conviction only rooted itself deeper. He didn't just want Zell, he wanted to give him something. It was long overdue, anyway.

He took Zell's wrist with his other hand, and Zell let his confusion be known as soon Squall squeezed opalescent off-white onto his fingers. "What, you want me to do that mys--" his tongue died when Squall pulled him close again and dragged his hand back around to his bottom, dripping perfect little pearls along the way. Zell heaved a battle with the humidity, eyes shifting bright back and forth between Squall's. "Hyne--you-no-y-you want--"

"You." Squall drew Zell's tongue back into his mouth, tried to massage calm back into it, and gave up. "Inside me."

Zell couldn't let go of the back of Squall's neck because then Squall would be able to see his face so he just babbled on against his lips, "I can't but are I mean are..." Squall's grasp tightened assuringly around his wrist. His fingers twitched, drawing more lines beneath their tips, "Oh fuck, fuck you're not kidding." He couldn't breathe, not with all this steam and Squall's breath even hotter, patient on his mouth, just waiting.

"Please."

Zell shuddered, looked at him, "Okay."

Amusement tightened Squall's mouth. "Are you alright?"

Zell became aware that the blur he saw wasn't just a part of the atmosphere. He finally took his clean hand back to viciously sharpen his vision. "Uh-huh, I'm fine... Soap in my eye."

"Take it easy." It wouldn't be much fun to let Zell uke him if he was too damn nervous to hold himself upright. "It's not like you've never fucked anyone before." Squall shoved Zell's cheek to the side and went for his throat, flattened a hand on his chest, played with a nipple, anything go get him back to normal.

Zell groaned. "But it's you..." He swiped blindly to the side and found the tap. Too hot; way too hot.

"Right," Squall paused, silently thanking him for bringing down the temperature, "It's me. You want me, so take me."

"It's not like I don't want to." Zell's head fell back to get slightly re-soaped by the suds still on the wall as Squall's mouth made it to his adam's apple, "I so fuckin' want to, and I'm gonna, 's just that..."

"You're panicking." Alright, this was it-- Zell's voice still shaking, just like his fingers beside the cleft of Squall's bottom, close and far enough away to be annoying. Zell had been on-and-off weird for more than a day. Time to stop asking just to shut up when Zell was reluctant. Screw it, Squall wouldn't back off this time. "Why?"

"You don't wanna know." Zell's voice turned cynical, hopeless, "Seriously. You don't."

When Squall stood straight to chance a glance at Zell's face, he found that he looked just as he sounded. "Why not?"

"Because." Zell's eyes darted away in obvious shame. "You don't need the hassle."

Finally, finally, Squall's brain clicked. His mouth wanted to stretch into a frown and a smile at the same time, cancelling out into a straight line. Imagining his own foot meeting his ass about six million times, he said, "You may as well tell me now."

"If you just figured it out," by now Zell's nervousness had turned to a slump, "There's no reason to say it."

Squall disagreed. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted to hear it. He couldn't say it back when he didn't even know if it would be true or not, but... Wow, was that ever a selfish thing to hope for. "Fine, don't." Bitten more harshly than Squall intended, the statement left them in an awkward standoff. He chewed thoughtfully on the inside of his cheek, feeling his own muscles, especially those in his back, tense up. Zell's arm stayed where it was when he released it. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No; fuck, no, I don't want you to go anywhere, I--" Zell cut off as Squall's hand, the one that had been holding his wrist and was thus slippery with some of that conditioner, reminded him that he still had an erection. The noise he made couldn't decide whether it wanted to sound surprised or thankful.

"Is it okay now?" Squall asked quietly, "Now that I know?"

Zell did his best to ponder as Squall worked determinedly along his length, able to feel his eyes on him and unable to watch back. Seifer had warned him that Squall would run once he knew, and Seifer had been wrong to the one-hundred-and-eightieth degree. Some fear had gone, yes, but there was more. "You said I'd be good to you." Squall didn't reply to him, probably waiting for him to keep going. "I dunno if that's totally true."

"It is," Squall countered simply. Why couldn't Zell have grown out of his self-esteem issues like everyone else? And why the hell wasn't Squall as annoyed as he should have been that he hadn't? "I know it is."

"You... expect a lot. I mean, what if... if..." Squall's grip tightened, and Zell wasn't sure whether he was trying to get him to shut up or keep talking. Squall's other hand cought his face, keeping his spine straight just as his head started to loll to the side. "What if you're wrong or... Like, I bet you an ...n... Seifer screwed all over the place yesterday--"

"Once," Squall corrected, concise to allow Zell more room to talk. He hoped Zell could get the rest of this out quickly. The high scrape already tinging Zell's voice was turning him on more than it was supposed to yet.

"Still, he's way bigger than me. You know... what I mean. Don't pretend he's not."

Squall's shoulders bounced. The smile he'd been hinting at broke bright and slackened quickly. "He hurts. I don't want to hurt all the time."

Zell's eyes, already closed, squinted tighter with regret for what he couldn't help asking, "If he were here right now..."

"Zell." Zell recognized that command as such and opened his eyes, finding Squall slightly irritated in his sternness. "I don't want him here." Squall punctuated that with a light squeeze.

"Mm..." Relief washed over Zell just like the shower still was-- funny, he'd forgotten all about it. "You... know what?"

"What?"

"You know how I started actin'... like a slut... before?"

"Sure," Squall humored, entertained by how easily Zell could turn conversation into a game of pong.

"Those girls... they looked like you... I didn't even get it 'til two days ago."

"Oh gods," Squall droned, struck with a particularly disturbing image of Zell jackhammering into a very butch brunette, "That's terrible."

Zell bared his fangs at Squall's note of pity, his silent laugh turning into a pleasured sigh halfway through, "No, I mean..." He reached up with his un-soapy hand to find Squall's hair still barely damp as he pushed it out of his face, "Hair, eyes. Same colours. Other stuff too." Blushing at his own sappiness, he darted his gaze back to the showerhead. "They never ended up good enough, though. Think I broke a lotta hearts cos I was looking for you."

Squall could feel Zell's cheek growing warm against his hand and he was sure his own were too. 'Flattering' was quite an understated description of what Zell was telling him. "So in other words, you were practising."

"I-- Hey wait," Zell said after a moment of confusion, "I guess I was. You sayin' you want me to show you..... w.. what I can do?" Squall kissed him before he got the chance to grin at his own words, and ended it quickly to speak.

"You've been teasing me this whole time." Squall's irises jumped downward to Zell's stilled hand, "Pretty cruel."

"Yeah well," Zell retorted, fingers creeping closer at the reminder in spite of himself, "Not like I can... even... think too good right now..."

Squall shrugged noncomitally and released Zell's erection to rest both hands against the wall on either side of his head. "There."

Zell growled something nonverbal, his eyes narrowing playfully. "Aright, fine then." An index finger trailed down until he found where he was supposed to be going and slid in easily, though his eyes bugged as soon as he felt how tight Squall was-- every memory of experience he had with women went right down the drain. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to hold on for all this..."

Squall's head dipped down to Zell's shoulder, his back bowing as the intrusion seemed nothing more than an intense tease. "You'll be fine."

Okay, okay, he could do this. Zell drowned slight panic with as much air as he could take in and flat out decided not to screw this up. Maybe he could stall-- yeah, that's what he'd do, he'd get Squall so turned on beforehand that when he got there too quick himself he might bring him with him. Hopefully. Maybe. Damn it.

Zell's preparations morphed into explorative curling and angling. Squall opened his mouth to tell him to get on with things, but "Ah--" came out instead as sensation flickered to a new pitch. His hands lost their grip on the tiles and slid apart in the condensation, leaving him sprawled up against Zell's presently stronger frame. The blond caught him with a free forearm across his lower back.

"Um, was that good or bad?" Zell was grinning a grin Squall couldn't see, but he was sure to hear it in his voice.

"Good." Apparently he hadn't, as he had taken on a tone of annoyance to mingle with his need, "God Zell, don't stop." Using Zell's shoulders as an anchor, he pushed back into that stilled hand, forward when it moved again, and then just kept going as every one drew his ache up the inner curve of one hip.

Of course, this did the same to Zell at the same time. He hissed in a longing breath through his teeth, but let Squall do what he wanted. For a little while, until the haze of the steam lifted and brought his senses back full-force behind it. Squall was squeezing him, rubbing up against him in time with his fingers, hell, the fact that he wasletting him finger him was a miracle in itself. His breathing was the only thing without rhythm, going all pitter-patter-freaky beside Zell's throat. "Squall--"

"Now." Squall found his way by touch all the way back up to Zell's mouth and d tod to climb right inside it, devour him whole, whatever.

Zell yanked away just before he got lost in it, his tongue tingly on the roof of his mouth when he spoke. "You gotta let me go," he observed, and Squall's mind twinkled at the irony. He dropped an arm to let Zell pass and then leaned against the wall once Zell was out of the way, his temple against a forearm as he watched Zell flip the cap off the conditioner. "Baby?" Zell asked suddenly, his own touch making his voice shake.

Squall wondered if Zell would start calling him that habitually. Probably. "What?" Despite the way it almost made him blush, he liked treating it like it was his name.

"How do you want to, uh... be?" Zell continued awkwardly, his stance humorous and completely sexy at the same time-- conditioner gobs dripping down his legs, cock half-forgotten in his hand as he watched Squall with unease.

Well, if he had Zell screw him up against the wall all he would do was remind him of Seifer, and as he already said, that wasn't what he wanted right now. The shower didn't hold many options. Zell would probably have trouble supporting all of his weight if they were to face one another--

"Let me see you," Zell interrupted, very close all of a sudden. "Gotta see the look on your face." He eased around to Squall's other side to be welcomed by the shower's rhythmic beat against his legs.

"How--"

"On your back." Zell's simplicity held a commanding hint that, Squall found, hardened him further as soon as he recognized it. "Right here. It's big enough."

Squall raised an eyebrow, "You made sure of that, didn't you?"

Zell grinned widely. "Right, like I knew I'd get to be in here with you. Now c'mon, down," he urged, pressing on Squall's shoulder. Squall accepted the help offered by a trained pair of hands (those scratchy flowers would have kept him from slipping either way) until Zell was crouched between his knees, drinking up the sight of him like he was made of a million elixirs. Squall shifted, trying to relieve the way his spine jabbed against the porcelain slope that propped him up. "Not too comfy..." Zell mused be cle climbing along his frame.

"It's fine, Zell. Where are you going?"

"Here." Zell emerged from the other side, the shower curtain falling belately back against the side of the tub in a nonexistant breeze, and lifted Squall's head with his hand to wedge a towel behind it. "Good?"

Always better with actions than words, Squall dragged him down to share a generous bout of nipping kisses. It wasn't that the makeshift pillow did much to help; the display of concern was what got him. He'd been afraid of it. Stupid. He couldn't live without it.

Waterfalls began skimming down from either side of Zell's back, annoying, so Squall blocked them with his knees. Zell groaned at the suggestive hug of his legs, parting their lips. "Gonna make you feel so fuckin' good, baby... Lemme go."

Too conscious of his neediness, Squall dropped his arms from where they'd been crosat tat the back of Zell's neck to use the basin's edges as elbow rests. Zell left a slick trail as he guided his way, swallowing on the grunt that protested how carefully he opened Squall up. Practically painless, but Squall could tell his knuckles were going white anyway without even looking at them.

"Okay... so far?" Zell paused once only halfway in, and considered the question himself somewhere beneath the hyped holygodsI'minSquallrightnowtoofuckingperfect that had begun to loop through his head. He didn't know how he'd manage the sheer bliss of being inside Squall at all, let alone get through friction.

"I won't break." Squall slid his ankle up the wall until he found the indentation that was supposed to be a soap dish and hooked his toes into it for leverage. "Don't be careful."

Zell finished his plunge into Squall's body wordlessly, trying not to stare (didn't want to make him uncomfortable) while unable to find another option. The tub's hard surface hurt his knees, so he shifted, inadvertandly bringing a perfect arch to Squall's back. "Oh fuck... There..."

So much hoarse need echoing around the stall turned Zell's legs into some impossible kind of taut, determined goo. In, out, etcetera. Squall panted, too quietly to hear, but Zell could see each breath tug just a little bit on perfect, flushed lips; wished he were in the right position to kiss them continuously as he moved. Squall didn't have to say a thing, didn't have to beg or whine or anything like Zell always ended up doing himself-- that look told Zell everything, tilting up and down in time as every thrust dragged his head against his terrycloth pillow. Zell's dampened bangs fell to skew his view; he cursed them immediately and put them back in their place with a frustrated toss of his head.

Squall relaxed somewhat as he got used to the continuity of Zell's thrusts, much more calculated than he thought they would be. He'd imagined Zell careful, but erratic, quick to lose control-- and had to remind himself that Zell wasn't here to take, because Zell loved him.

A moan escaped him. Gods, Zell loved him. He hadn't put the thought quite into a mental sentence until now.

"Mm... make it better..." Zell's voice hinted at the glee Squall's single sound had brought him. Balancing himself on one hand on the slippery edge of the basin with an ease owed to studying the martial arts, he used the other to bring Squall more pleasure, maybe even get another moan out of him.

Squall bucked right up against him, bringing him deeper. "Yes..." he mouthed, the only real sound his drawing out of the 's,' punctuated with a hitch in the middle. Pure sex to Zell's ears, a smooth purity of tone he'd never directed at Zell, maybe not even at anyone. Zell moved faster for him, filled him as deeply as he could, and knew it as soon as he was brushing up against Squall's spot. Squall twitched and mewled, his head pulled back to lengthen his throat-- once almost pale enough to blend into the white of the porcelain, it was flushed with the rest of him now. His leg started bouncing of its own accord, then fell from the wall to cross beside the other over Zell's back.

"Squall... I c-- I..." Zell worked at the silken steel he gripped with quivery desperation, watching the effects etch Squall's features. He should have closed his eyes, one sense deprived to draw it out a little longer, but they didn't obey. "I... fuck... nn... I l..." He regretted the hiccup that cut off that sentence, but when he tried again-- "I..."-- he regretted that too.

"Say it." Selfish, yeah, it was all Squall could be at the moment. Zell wasn't supposed to feel like he did, Squall wasn't supposed to need to hear a confirmation so strongly, it it felt so wrong it ended up right. "Please," he forced between pistons, "Tell... tell me." He needed it more than he needed to come, more than he needed to breathe.

Zell didn't notice that embarassment had finally squeezed his eyes shut until they flew back open, meeting Squall's immediately. The tide drew back and gave him a blanket of calm lucidity, a two-second window to bubble "I love you," before it crashed him down to Squall's chest. He mouthed the words a million times more as he redrew his hand's rhythm between their bellies, his breaths clicking desperately until Squall's became sobs. Halting his breathing completely, he pushed back up and watched.

So perfect and warm, Zell all wet all over him and flooding him and -- "Hn... gods... Zeh-Zeh-Zeh--"

Zell would find his records. He would break into the network through Squall's computer if he had to without a second thought and risk being fired just to officially, permanently sever the end from his own first name.

He drew his arms around Squall's back as soon as it lifted. Squall clamped hard for a slient second before his release slicked them both, and muffled his holler in the side of Zell's neck-- it flowed right through the blond's chest and dissolved deep against his lungs. Squall's voice and his insides both tightened in a gradually slowing echo that Zell moved with, wanting to go on again through the aftershocks even as he was --so frustratingly-- softening.

Squall's limbs turned into limp noodles. Carefully, Zell broke their junction and turned them over in their shallow pool, shoving away the towel that had fallen at some point to lay back and curl Squall (currently much more cuddly than he'd ever admit) over his chest. "Got cold," Zell observed of the water, now drumming icily against Squall's bottom instead of his own.

It wasn't cold. It was a summer storm whose remnants emanated ozone from Zell's skin like rain from sun-warmed concrete, just for Squall to inhale. Shrugging, he mumbled something like "Meh," as resting his cheek on Zell's chest squished his mouth to the side, and reached for the back of Zell's neck to play with his hair. Nice hair, he had. Soft, fine, baby-blond; not coarse gold like Seifer's.

A shiver crawled quietly down Zell's back from where Squall's fingertips had begun to affectionately pet and scratch. "You okay with everything?"

"M-hm."

"Don't gotta say anything back," Zell assured. He meant it.

Good, because Squall didn't know what he would say. His affectionate haze lifted swiftly-- it seemed he had already sucked up every wisp, the air now clear and cool. Zell surely thought less of him now for begging for the comfort of those words without even having his own to return. Love was monogamy, not comparing one partner to the other as he had done as just after orgasm hit. If he was in love with Zell, he wouldn't have still wanted Seifer.

That was stupid. He didn't know what the hell love was. Zell probably didn't either.

"Umm... Kind of a bad place for catchin' Zs..."

"Not sleeping," Squall replied. Zell sounded more likely to drift off than he did. "How much time before we have to leave?" And with that, his heart dropped a few inches. Time to go deal with Rinoa, and Seifer, and Seifer's stupid ideas. No matter what he felt for him, Seifer was the last person he wanted to see right now. Unless Rinoa was. He couldn't decide.

"Hell if I know. Prob'ly not for another half-hour, I'd guess." Squall looked positively ill when he pushed up and put his face in Zell's view. Zell's smile relaxed. "You freakin' out?"

Thud - thud - THUD.

"That's him," Squall said impulsively, returning to his feet faster than he should have.

Zell cocked his head to the side, regarding Squall oddly from below, "How d'you kn-- oh. Shit. Um, 'kay, you stay here and finish up and I'll go." Squall nodded, thankful for the rescue, and stayed out of the way while Zell rinsed himself off. A quick peck on the lips, a grin, and Zell disappeared past the curtain.

Barely giving himself enough time to struggle into a pair of shorts, Zell bounded through the apartment in the direction of the perfect face to shove so much good news in. The door acted as a cue to tackle when it opened-- "Guess what!" he exclaimed in mid-air before he landed on Seifer with his legs about his waist and his arms around his neck to smush their lips together in a purely celebrational kiss.

Seifer staggered backwards, but once he recovered his balance his feet took on the weight of an extra body with ease. "What the hell's gotten into you?"

"Nuh-uh." One might have thought Zell's smile couldn't have gotten any bigger, but it always managed to when the need arose. "You should ask who I got in," he whispered gleefully, as though parting with the most powerful secret in his inventory. "An' guess what else-- yah, there's more." He didn't bother giving Seifer time to answer him, "He knew it though I didn't really say it and then he asked me to say it in the middle of stuff-- he ASKED me!-- and it didn't scare him or anything and we just layed there until you knocked and I left to get the door because he's still gotta wash his hair--"

Seifer covered Zell's mouth with one bare hand. "Hold it." His eyebrows went high enough to meld with his hair as he looked up-- gods, that was weird-- at Zell. "You told him you're in love with him?"

"Muf! Ivn'ih brayph--" Seifer lifted his hand, and Zell restarted. "Yup! Isn't it great? You were so wrong Seif, you don't even know..."

Seifer squeezed the little blond's wet sides and dejectedly replied, "And here I was thinking you were as happy to see me as I am to see you..."

"Tch, right, like you're looking for me. Why'd you show up, anyways?"

Instead of answering right away Seifer walked into the living room, straight and tall as if Zell's backside wasn't bouncing on his thighs with every step. "Thought I'd play Leonhart's escort this morning, in case he has cold feet about our plans." He dumped Zell in a tangle onto the sofa and smirked at the disgruntled sound he made-- Zell didn't understand how nice it had been of Seifer not to drop him on the floor instead. "But, obviously, you beat me to it. I'm assuming you know what the plans are?"

"Yeah, he told me all about your big dumb idea. It's freaking him right out, and I don't blame him." Zell confirmed, already back on his feet.

Seifer tugged teasingly at one of the blond locks curling around an ink-marred cheekbone. Zell scowled. Tearing his facem Sem Seifer's reach caused his hair to be pulled painfully, and he had to hastily remind himself that it was his own fault. "If he'd told you all about it," Seifer retorted, "You would know it wasn't my idea. Not that it's any of your business."

"Hell's that mean? Whose was it?"

"The lady's," Seifer wasn't even sure if the reverence he hinted at was feigned, "I would probably be as powerless as he is were I not so willing."

"Don't get all smug at me. This is some hardcore shit you're dragging him into, so you better-- What the hell, you can't even face me when I'm talking to you?"

Seifer now stood before the bookshelf, eyeing the collection with interest, "Are these from the library?"

"Uh, yeah, we got 'em all with no help from you--"

"Quiet." Seifer's fingers gained speed as they scanned the titles, intense concentration upon his face.

"Whatcha lookin' for?" Zell asked, mock-pensive, peering right over Seifer's shoulder.

Seifer took a long time to answer-- by the time he did, he was crouching before the bottom row. "Never mind. It isn't here." His shoulders sagged.

"Don't tell me you thought 'the sorceress and her knight' would be there. Psh, like we'd put that in Squall's place after all the crap he went through before."

"I suppose I should assume it's been thrown out?"

"Nope." Zell predicted Seifer's return to full height and leaned out of the way just in time.

"Where?" Seifer demanded of those big blue I've-got-a-secret eyes that crinkled with a smile at the corners-- in other words, begged for a choke hold.

"I dunno if I wanna tell you," Zell replied, unable to pinpoint the exact reason why, but enjoying his leverage just the same. He rocked innocently on his heels a few times as he watched Seifer's scowl reveal itself in a glory that long ago made him want to cower and run. "What're you gonna do for me? Oh-- I know. Swear you'll never throw Squall over the edge of a balcony again, there's an idea."

"So, he told you everything, did he?"

"Far as I know." Zell flopped back onto the sofa, but the leather stuck suffocatingly to his still-dampened chest and stomach. "Dumbass." He flipped onto his back and sent his legs up the back of the seat to regard Seifer upside-down as his head tipped back over the edge.

"Where's the book?" Seifer pressed. He would find out if he had to strangle Zell for it, though he refused to show that conviction in his stance.

"Quistis."

Oh, fuck. "She has it?"

"She started an antique book collection, and it's the oldest one she has, so you'll have to do some real suckin' up to get it. Have fun," Zell said, oh-so-glad to be the one putting that dreadful look on Seifer's face. "And you should know, I'm living here now because Rin needed my place. So if you were thinking this two-Knight thing'll get me outta the equation, you made a huge mistake, buddy."

Seifer heaved a condescending sigh and sat down beside Zell, "If I wanted to get rid of you, I would have ages ago."

Zell shrugged, feeling a little silly as blood began adding weight to his head. "You're not as powerful as you think. Especially when it comes to one Zell Dincht treating one Squall Leonhart the way he should be treated."

Seifer replied after a thoughtful pause, "I'm starting to wonder if you'll ever give up competing with me."

Zell smiled, his eyes closed. He could hear Squall's footsteps, almost silent, coming up to the kitchen. "'Course not."

Squall's walk held a subtly emphasized swagger, Seifer noticed, his stomach clenching unpleasantly as it dawned on him who had just finished putting it there. Not in particular resentment for Zell, however (who could blame him for taking an opportunity like that once presented?) -- just the knowledge that he hadn't done it himself.

"I want you to do me a favour," Squall announced from the archway. In the time it had taken to lather, rince and dress, he had come to several conclusions.

He would face Seifer. He would go through hell right beside him, if that was what Rinoa ended up asking of them both. He wasn't a coward, for Hyne sakes. He also wasn't the only one who should have been fearing her-- with all the leftover anger she had for Seifer, he probably wouldn't have too good a time of this either, whether he knew it yet or not.

His other conclusion would be brought up now, before he could go back on it.

"Well, good morning to you, too." Seifer crossed his arms-- though he wasn't actually offended-- and Squall crossed his own in turn without even realizing it.

"Who?" Zell asked, to find Squall shifting his eyes to Seifer, then back to him again.

"Both of you." Squall paused to take a breath, hoping to Hyne this was a good idea. "Spend some time together. I don't care what you do, as long as you do it without me. Don't talk about me, either. Don't even think about me if you can help it."

"But..." Zell swung his legs around to return to a sitting position that didn't defy gravity, and Seifer had to catch his ankles to keep from being inadvertantly kicked in the head. He threw Zell's legs hard back to the floor, and Zell decided right then that the apology he'd almost made wouldn't be happening. He exchanged glares with Seifer before turning back to Squall.

"I don't think I'll have any time left over from what I spend with you, I'm afraid," Seifer replied, cutting off whatever argument Zell had planned to give. "You and I have our own to-do list to take care of."

"Whenever you find the opportunity," Squall allowed. "If you don't learn to enojy one another's company, I..." His heart sank back to where it had been before Zell left him in the shower. If they couldn't, he couldn't, and he didn't want to think about the choices he'd have to make then. Not that he hadn't already run through every option at least six times. "Try it."

Zell sputtered a littlforefore giving in to what he knew was a childish pout. "Dammit... Okay." If it was what Squall wanted, it was what he would get. This confirmed it-- Zell was whipped. "Not that we'll even be able to agree on what we end up doing."

"We'll fight from start to finish," Seifer added.

"Yeah."

Squall smirked at them, just enough to bring it to their attention that they had agreed on something.

~*~*~

The meeting went well, considering.

The group of seven huddled unevenly around the refreshment station in the corner of the central office-- an unprofessional get-together, but it served its purpose. Irvine and Selphie flirted like teenagers, Seifer shot out lewd comments between sips of his tea, Zell spent most of his time grumbling things no one else could hear, and Quistis took it upon herself to shush them all, succeeding only in egging them on.

Rinoa leaned quietly against the wall, occasionally pulling out one of her weapons to shine it affectionately with her thumb. Squall had told her not to wear them around the halls-- when he reminded her of this fact she shrugged and explained that she felt too uncomfortable without them. She spoke only when questioned, and gazed at the floor with eyes shadowed by light smears while the others were speaking. Even Angelo couldn't rouse her from her daze. His occasional nudges and licks to her hand went unrecognized, but instead of looking to someone else for attention, he curled up at her feet and shared her demeanor.

When it was Rinoa's turn to offer her knowledge about Ebony Rapture, her voice held an even more bland tone than Squall's. According to the proposal, on the second Wednesday of any given month, she was to visit the playground of an abandoned preschool and sit on the swing furthest east. Someone from the group would find her and take her to 'headquarters.'

Unfortunately, the second Wednesday of that month was four days away. Rinoa would have to work hard to make sure she was up to snuff, and since Zell's substitute was still under contract (easier to lengthen one already in place than to draw up a new one), he would be the one to accompany her to the training centre for a minimum of seven hours per day. After regular hours, Irvine would help her study the tactics and techniques that would hopefully keep her from having to put her physical training to use at all. Squall stomped on Irvine's refusal of overtime pay before ouldould finish voicing it.

Everyone else would return to their normal duties on Monday, and then on Tuesday Rinoa would get a ride from Laguna to Balamb. She would take the train home to quell possible suspicion, and once she was 'in,' she would radio Squall's office directly via satellite (sent up last year after a promising collaboration of Galbadia's and Esthar's efforts) at least once each day to report.

Dorian would remain in the Garden-- Squall agreed to accept him into the system without charge, putting it down to paying forward the deed done for him in his own childhood. Dorian would attend his first junior classes Monday to get used to the change while Rinoa was still there, and would move into a group dorm once she left. It was impossible to know when she would return, but return would be inevitable. She would hopefully be able to disappear from the city without notice, returning home once Ebony Rapture was wiped out.

Eventually the discussion dissolved into casual conversation with a slightly more serious air about it than when the conference had started. Zell coaxed Angelo into the far corner with a toy he'd revealed from his pocket-- the dog must have remembered it, as he lost his bad mood to excitement and followed him loudly into a game of fetch. Irvine and Selphie filtered from the room first, and as soon as Selphie's wave disappeared past the doorway, Rinoa took Squall's arm.

"I have to talk to you," she demanded quietly, almost timid. She didn't shift her eyes from him, though her next word was obviously meant for everyone, "Alone."

Squall nodded, not very surprised that she had approached him instead of being approached as was planned, then nodded in the same way to the others. Seifer narrowed his eyes, obviously ticked off at being left out of a discussion of his dream, but took the opportunity to bring Quistis with him with a beckoning tilt of his head. She parted her lips in her confusion, but allowed him to lead her into his office.

Rinoa busied herself by pouring some of the darkest blend of coffee. "Were you thinking about me last night?"

Squall watched the liquid shake unevenly into Rinoa's paper cup. It almost spilled before she placed the pot back on the burner. "Why?"

"At Selphie's..." She drifted off into tearing open a sugar packet and continued as she emptied it, "I kept forgetting you weren't there. Which... which is weird, you know, because it was always the other way with you. You'd show up somewhere and we'd almost forget you were there, but now... And Seifer too. I couldn't stop thinking about either of you, but I can't talk to him about it. He doesn't understand like you do." By now, she had used three sugars. She took another and shook the packet's contents to one end much more violently than necessary before squinting quizzically at it and putting it back in the basket. "I tried not to look distant... I don't think anyone else picked up on it, but... Fuck, I couldn't even sleep last night. Even Dorian knew something was wrong."

She looked over at Squall, but he didn't know what to offer her. He gestured his request for her to continue, which she did after swirling cream into her cup. "I didn't mean to ask for this, all these feelings I wish I couldn't explain. It feels like I'm cheating on them, totally stupid, I know, they're fucking dead for Hynesakes, but... I guess... I guess I'm lonely." She sipped her coffee carefully and winced like it had burned her, then came back with added strength. "I need to know if this is just my imagination. If it is, I'll leave you alone."

"It isn't. Don't take it the wrong way, but I wish it was." Squall had already consumed two cups of coffee, but it was looking inviting again, so he took more.

"Still drinking it black?" Rinoa asked as he sipped, though a bit of small talk wasn't nearly enough to lighten the mood.

"Always."

"Mm.... Is, um, does Seifer know--"

"He brought it up to me last night, and I think I agreed to... something. He's excited about it-- too excited. We were supposed to take you aside this morning and ask you to accept us."

Rinoa took that information with impressive ease. "No way. If it were just you, fine, but I won't accept Seifer. He wants what he wants for all the wrong reasons. Always has. I might have been spoiled enough by my dears to crave two Knights, but that doesn't mean he'll be one of them."

Agreeing with her would have gotten Squall off the hook. Completely. He could have lied and never have had to speak of it again. Instead, he said, "You can trust him."

Rinoa took some time to blow softly into her cup. "I'll never understand why you let him off so easy, after what he did to me."

They'd had this fight a hundred times before. Squall was getting damn tired of nostalgia. "I didn't know he molested you until yesterday."

Rinoa's laugh held sickening phoniness. "And yet, that doesn't change a thing."

Squall sucked in a frustrated breath-- damn her, trying to corner him-- and turned to trace Irvine and Selphie's path out the door. He made four whole steps before Rinoa called out, "Sorry. I'm being a bitch, taking this out on you."

She sure was, but for the first time, she was able to admit it. That was what got Squall to face her again. "Like you used to."

"Yeah, like I used to. Look, I should tell you something. I want you to stop hating me."

Squall made his way back over so their conversation could continue quietly. "I don't hate you."

"That surprises me. I was frustrated with you all the time back then, but it wasn't because of Seifer. I..." Rinoa played distractedly with the rim of her cup, uncurling it, "I owe you an apology."

"I don't really want to hear it." Squall slouched against the wall where she had stood previously. Apologies were awkward, especially when they were as forced as Rinoa's was beginning to sound. "Leave the past in the past."

"No, I need to get this out. You need to hear it. I was frustrated for the wrong reasons." She spoke slowly, as though trying to repeat a practiced speech she hadn't thought about for a long time. "I put such an effort into getting to know you-- I still know so much it would probably scare you-- because I wanted to use it. I cared about you. I wanted to fix you, change you. When I realized I knew everything I could and barely anything had changed, I hated you for wasting my time."

Squall felt anger rise within him even though the reminder was excessively vague. "I didn't even know--"

"You didn't know about my game, I know that." She laughed cynically, quietly, "And it's funny, in all my investigating, I never picked up on the fact that you're stubborn, and you are who you are. You're not the person I fell in love with now, and you never were," She put her cup down on the counter and stared at it, "Because that person existed in my mind. I thought I could bring him out of you, but he was never there to begin with. As for the real you, that I did get to know... You're tolerable," she finished, aiming a genuine smile at him.

Squall stared at the floor-- he wasn't, damn it no, he wasn't blushing. His eyes moved to Zell, still playing with Angelo, whipping the ball a little harder every time he threw it and apparently oblivious to the presence of anyone else. Or anything else, as he came close to breaking a table lamp twice in a row. "So what do we do now?"

"What do you want to do?"

"Would you please not turn everything around on me?"

Rinoa giggled to herself. "I'm sorry, you're right. Stupid me. I'll ask flat out: do you want to be my Knight again?

"No."

Rinoa shrugged and tossed her cup, still half-full, into the garbage. She wasn't hiding her deflation very well. "Great, because I don't want you to be. It's settled. We'll stay away from one another whenever we can, and keep this a business transaction. Good?" she clipped bitterly, tossing her hair behind her shoulder and straightening her back. Squall just nodded at her, already feeling a little guilty. Not that he had a reason to, aside from the fact that Seifer would kill him as soon as he was done talking to Quistis. Wait. Why the hell was he talking to Quistis?

Rinoa raised her volume, "Are you two almost done over there? I need my escorts."

Zell looked up from the furry belly he was now scratching, his eyes slightly red and watery. "Yeb, ogay," he acknowleged before both he and Angelo bounded over. Squall wanted to disappear into the wall after he watched her follow out the door close behind them, but didn't get the chance to. Seifer's office door opened for Quistis, who headed over to him immediately.

"Is everything alright?" she asked tentatively. Squall didn't look at her. "Seifer explained things. You don't have to say anything to me now... Just know that for you, my office is always open, so to speak. Call my home number if you need to."

"Thank you," Squall replied blandly, his tone much more 'leave me alone' than thankful. He had a pretty negative picture of how that explanation must have sounded coming from Seifer's mouth. Quistis' steps clicked out the door, and a heavy hand fell to his shoulder. Seifer had probably been standing there the whole time. Squall didn't look at him, either.

"So, when and where?"

Squall did a mental double-take. "When and where what?"

"When and where are we to meet our mistress? She's left, so that obviously means we'll have to meet up at a later time. Today?"

Squall tried unsuccessfully to shrug off Seifer's hand, and decided to drop the bomb. "We're not."

A moment of silence followed. "You know, mumbling is a terrible habit. For a second there I thought you said we aren't going to--"

"That is what I said." Squall found Seifer's eyes narrowed in anger, so he narrowed his own right back for a moment, shaking his chin mockingly.

"Fuck." Seifer released Squall's shoulder and put his back to him to take a few rigid paces from the wall. He stood and just looked around the office for a moment before his shoulders started to shake. He was laughing. "Figures. Figures you would go out of your way to fuck this up. Last time I let you nod me away, that's for sure."

"It wasn't my choice, Seifer. Rinoa doesn't want anything to do with you. Or me," he added, the two words tasting like a lie upon exiting his mouth. "Let it go."

"She told you that?"

"Yes."

"Hyne in the sky." Those square grey shoulderes only bounced more. "And to think I had the impression that you were a thinker."

Squall blew an unruly lock of hair from in front of his eyes. Despite the effort, it fell right back into the same place. "Point?"

"Don't you know anything about the deep seed of desire? About hidden motivations? Gods, anything aside from what can be taken at face value?" Seifer turned around, his arm making a wide arc through the air as he emphasized the point requested: "She lied to you," he growled, his hand drawing into a fist.

Squall halved his gaze. "I'm not responsible for what she can't make herself say. If she really wanted what you think she does, she wouldn't have said she doesn't."

"So you're either stupid-- and I know you're not-- or you're blind."

"There isn't anything else to go on. She wouldn't deny herself a want if she really wanted it." That was how people worked. As far as Squall knew, anyway.

Seifer laughed at him some more, his arm falling limp again by his side. "Or, you're being true to form today and just don't give a shit. No, no wait. You're pretending not to give a shit." He shook his head, his defeat mocked by his smile, "Lies, lies. Am I the only one in this whole damned place that understands people?"

Now, that was a joke. "Understanding isn't manipulating, Seifer. So, you can -- or think you can-- tell what Rinoa's thinking. Maybe I can too. That doesn't mean we should go after her and try to reel it out of her."

"Why not?" Seifer leaned forward, raising a mischevious eyebrow, "It worked with you didn't it?"

Squall let his eyes fall closed. His voice deadened to a single flat note. "Don't bring me into this. She and I are very, very different people. If anyone should know that, it's you, especially when you claim to be so understanding."

"Well, aren't you the smartass today." Seifer turned and put his own back to the wall, his arm just a few inches from Squall's shoulder. "You may be different, but you're similar in what counts to me right now-- your desires, and your denial of them."

"Everyone has deep desires-- I've had the desire to slice your throat open and leave you to bleed to death several times-- and everyone is responsible to moderate those desires with thought. That was what Rinoa's doing, and she's fucking allowed, because she's human." Hell, it might as well have been what Squall was doing himself. Hard to know. But he did know what he truly wanted, and that was to follow Rinoa's route. If she didn't want this, he didn't either.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm human too--"

"I wonder about that sometimes."

"--And I know that want is what we are. It's who we are. You talk about moderation, but moderation's imposed on us. You wanted to slit my throat. Every part of you wanted that. What you didn't want was to deal with what would come with it-- like being expelled from the only place you know. We're moderated by a conflict of desires, by rules, not by guilt, not by good judgement."

"So you're saying, basically, that you don't believe in moraliy?"

"How can I? How can you?" Seifer chuckled. "Look at where we live. Look at what we were raised to do for a living."

"An I s I said that I'd actually feel guilty for killing you, whether I got caught or not, you wouldn't believe me?"

"Sure, you'd feel guilt, but that guilt isn't a part of who you are." The blond casually held his arm out and inspected the back of his hand, "We're told to feel guilty-- although, even I'll admit that the Gardens don't preach about the conscience as much as the rest of the world."

"Okay, fine. Tell me why I don't kill you right now." Squall didn't have any rules to conform to, no court to face. "I'm the boss, remember?"

"Oh gods, where should I start? For one thing, you don't have a weapon on you." Seifer drew his arm back upon spotting what must have been a speck of dirt beneath his fingernail, and worked at it distractedly with his other hand. "More importantly, I'm valuable to you and this organization, not to mention a good lay."

Ooo, Squall was getting pissed now. "I saved your ass, you ingrate. Four different countries wanted to put you to trial and kill you. They almost declared war on Garden for keeping you tucked away. I put everything I know at risk for your benefit when, obviously, I shouldn't have."

"Aw, now don't say that..."

"Half the world would thank me if I chose to off you in your sleep tonight."

"But you would cry, because you would regret missing out on everything I could have done for you. The same goes for Rinoa, actually. We're selfish creatures, Squall. I suggest you step down from your moral pedastol and find yourself a mirror."

Squall scoffed lightly, and opted not to comment on Seifer's laughable claim that he was the one idolizing himself. "Rinoa wants you dead more than the rest do."

"If she did, she would have killed me in Timber." Seifer smirked and straightened proudly. "Just another reason for me to think she wants to continue the natural exchange of human relationships and use me as KnigKnight. And if she wants me, she wants you."

"If there's one thing-- though I'm sure there are many-- that you completely missed the memo oen ien it comes to relationships, of any kind, it's trust. Trust her to do what she thinks is right. Don't do it for her. Don't do it for me." Squall let out a bitter chuckle, not unlike the ones Seifer often made. He didn't care. "I can't believe this. You want to be her Knight, yet you don't trust her, nor do you respect her. She was right about you. You want what you want for all the wrong reasons, and yeah, she said that." Seifer didn't answer him. Hopefully he was considering. "If you've ever wondered why people tend to dislike you, there it is."

"You think I'm overbearing?"

"It's all you've ever been. As I said last night, Rinoa won't accept us. Just leave it at that."

"I'm not letting you end this with a trite 'I told you so.' I'll drag you to her side myself." Seifer paused to thoughtfully scratch his chin. "Actually, maybe I'd rather go alone. Maybe I'd rather not include you, after all."

Although meant as a threat, Squall took that as a promise, though it was most likey a bluff. "Fine. Good. Thank you. Right now, I have work do to, and so do you."

"It's the weekend."

Squall tore himself from the wall and headed for his own office without making eye contact. Nida would probably make the same protest once Squall called him in for company.

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Thanks for sticking with me. :)