Can Barely Hide

Cloud watched him go in silence. It wasn't until the door closed that he felt a stab of terror. Not again. He launched himself from the bed and paused by the door.

He was fine. Reno was just a few feet away. There was nothing to panic about.

Shivering, Cloud knelt by the door and leaned against the wall next to it. "Reno? Please don't leave me alone." He pressed his temple against the corner of the wall. "Come back..."

It surprised and alarmed Reno when came out of the bathroom with several warm washcloths for Cloud to find his lover kneeling in a corner. He mentally berated himself a moment later. Obviously, Cloud was still suffering from...whatever the hell that had been. Flashback? It made him ill to think about his lover ever having been that terrorized.

"Come here, love," Reno said gently and drew Cloud to his feet. He made sure the shivering man could see everything he did and efficiently cleaned him up.

A quick rummage in the closet found his old, soft robe and he wrapped Cloud in it and grabbed a pair of sleep pants for himself.

Snuggling him tightly in his arms, Reno asked, "Want to sit in front of the fireplace with something warm to drink?"

Had this been any other time or place, Cloud would have fled to be alone and quiet. But with Reno it broke his heart to think of being alone again. It was frightening how much he needed Reno now.

He nodded once. "That sounds nice. I need you," he whispered. "I'm sorry." He rested his head against Reno's shoulder. "I'll be better in a while."

Reno hummed approval into Cloud's soft hair and led him into the living room. The seldom used gas fireplace still lit instantly with a touch, and with the curtains drawn and the lights off it made the room cozy and warm. Reno tossed a pile of large, squishy pillows on the floor with a thick throw blanket and parked Cloud in the middle of it.

The Turk was grateful for the open floor plan that allowed him to keep an eye on Cloud as he made some hot chocolate. It was a comfort drink of his own that he would rather suffer torture than admit to. Mugs in hand, he hurried to sit back in the pillows and maneuver Cloud between his legs to lean back against his chest. The soothing crackle of flames and flickering of firelight relaxed him as well. Reno held his lover in a protective cradle of arms and legs.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Reno asked. "I'll listen. If not, well, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, love."

Cloud shifted his weight so he didn't rest completely on Reno's chest. He stared into the fire, letting it's heat warm and calm his vibrating nerves. "I don't remember much..." He didn't think he wanted to talk. But soon he found himself trying to make sense of what had just happened.

"What I do remember I'm not sure I trust." He held his mug tightly; afraid his hands would shake and spill the warm liquid. "It was years of mako showers and injections. That much I know. But I wasn't myself. How much of the things I think I went through were probably just things I *thought* he went through..." He took an uneasy breath. "I was told the truth two years ago, but I still can't sort it out in my head."

Reno ran soothing hands up and down Cloud's arms and nosed through his hair to kiss his temple.

"Hojo." Reno murmured. "I was...part of the force sent to retrieve you and Zack. I didn't know you at all then, but I remember thinking that anyone who managed to escape that bastard should have been allowed to go."

He winced when he remembered what else had happened, how some overzealous snipers had killed Zack. Damn, it was a wonder that Cloud didn't still want to slit his throat.

"What was the truth?"

Cloud felt distant and numb as he remembered more. It could break him again if he allowed it to. But he felt safe and centered with Reno touching and holding him.

"I was never a SOLDIER. Everything I thought I was or thought I did was Sephiroth's doing... or..." He tensed. "Zack's."

"Some really horrible things had to have happened to you, though, or it wouldn't be affecting you so strongly now," Reno pointed out. "It makes me wish Hojo could be killed all over again, just slower this time."

He shifted Cloud's position and breathed a small sigh of relief. The painkillers he had swallowed were finally taking the sharp edge off the pain. It was true he'd heal quickly. The Turks had their own experiences with Hojo's fucking around before Veld had then Tseng had finally put a stop to it. Reno noticed Cloud had gone quiet.

"Still here, babe, still safe. Keep talking."

Reno swaddled them both in a cocoon of blanket and wiggled them deeper into the pillow nest.

Closing his eyes, Cloud couldn't help but want to relax in the warmth of Reno's embrace. The mesmerizing dance of the fire made him feel drowsy. As much as he wanted to watch it, doing so made his lids droop. But he wasn't tired...

He didn't want to talk about that time any more. In fact his lips seemed loath to moving at all now. Instead he laced his fingers with Reno's and squeezed. "Just hold me," he murmured.

Love weakened a man in a way, Reno decided. Memories were a foe he couldn't just fight, and he felt helpless as to how to protect Cloud from them.

The firelight was making him drowsy as well, but the need to keep watch and protect was stronger. Reno shifted Cloud so he could slip his hand inside the robe and feel his lover's heart, the rise and fall of his chest. He tightened his hold and bowed their heads together.

"I'll hold you. You never have to ask."

Cloud let the rise and fall of his lover's chest lull him into a further state of security. Reflecting on recent events now didn't cause any alarms to go off. And his subconscious didn't seem to be giving him any choice. He tried to think about other things but his mind kept wandering back to that bed. It was after a few moments of such reflection that he came to realize something.

"Reno..." Cloud turned a little in his embrace, carefully. Fishing a hand out of the covers he touched Reno's neck and jaw. "When... when you tied me up and touched me and kissed my body... then tied my cock and used that toy inside me..." He flushed red, but he had to say this, play by play. "And came on my face. Through all of that I was scared. I was also thrilled, and hard."

He paused to stroke his fingers along Reno's neck, and then return it beneath the covers. "It was good. You understand? I was excited, despite everything else- our words." He was half excited now just remembering. Removed from the event as if watching a movie. "But then I couldn't see you."

He tilted his head, hoping Reno understood. "We can do it again. Some day. If I can see everything."

Reno closed his eyes and lifted Cloud's hand to kiss the palm. He did understand. What he didn't understand was how his lover seemed to easily forgive him for causing the fear. Reno had wanted to dissolve Cloud into a quivering, shaking, begging need, not terrorize him. It humbled him.

"Sometimes you can be astonishingly, suicidally brave, Cloud. I'll never cover your eyes again," Reno promised.

A warm trickle of thought began to edge its way into his fierce guilt.

"You like being under my hands?"

The look on Reno's face was what he hoped was the start of forgiveness. His lover was too hard on himself.

Did he really have to tell Reno that his hands were the best part of his body? Well... up there with his mouth, hair, and cock. The corner of Cloud's mouth twitched. "You really have to ask?" He turned his wrist and took Reno's hand. "Your hands do a lot for me." If that wasn't the understatement of his life.

Reno felt the blush creep over his face and laughed at himself.

"That didn't come out quite right." He turned his head to the side. "I like...to touch you. I like knowing you want me to."

Reno set their mugs on a low table and snuggled Cloud close.

"I guess I don't explain myself very well. Never tried to before," he said, kissing his lover's forehead. "I told you I wanted you for years, right? Well, the first time I every really got to touch you was when Rude and I found you and Tifa collapsed in the church. I nearly lost it right there. Would have, if it hadn't been for Rude. My hands were shaking so bad I couldn't feel a pulse. Rude found it, and we carried you two back to the bar. It probably would have made more sense for Rude to carry you, bigger than me and all, but I grabbed you and hightailed it outta there. When we got back I just sat with you on the bed, touching your face, your neck. I found the geostigma under your sleeve, and thought all the waiting was going to be for nothing. I thought I had waited too long, and I wouldn't ever get to tell you anything." Reno had to stop and clear his throat. "That you're here now, and *want* me to touch you...that's something I never want to take for granted."

The Turk tilted Cloud's head to the side and trailed his lips down the graceful arch of neck.

Cloud wondered what had kept Reno from touching him before... or telling him. But it had to be a million things ranging from Cloud saving them from Sephiroth to Cloud being closed off from everyone but his enemies. There was something to be said about hindsight, wasn't there?

Cloud closed his eyes and sighed. Those lips. They always seemed to be smirking at him. Sometimes Cloud wanted to smack it right off his face. What was so amusing to this man? But then there were times he could feel his knees go weak because of those lips.

"Geostigma..." Cloud tasted the word again; it still left a bad taste on his tongue. Sometimes his arm ached in memory. That memory was real. And vivid.

Even though he could guess, he wanted to know from Reno's lips... "Why didn't you stay there, until I woke?" He remembered seeing Tifa and then finding Reno and Rude quietly standing behind him. Opening his eyes he looked at Reno with a soft pout.

"I wanted to. I wanted to crawl in the bed and hold you, but I didn't because if you had opened your eyes and looked at me with hate or disgust it would have crushed me. We had to fight the creepy trio. I couldn't have done it with my heart torn out."

Cloud's pouting lips were irresistible. Reno dipped his head to trace the lush bottom lip with his tongue. His fingers stroked up Cloud's neck to rest lightly on the pulse point.

"Open to me," Reno whispered, pleading for reassurance that his touch was wanted, that he hadn't ruined it all.

"Maybe I'd have been confused, but you never disgusted me," Cloud whispered, lips brushing against Reno's. He scooted up Reno's body slightly and parted his lips, licking at Reno's mouth before pressing in for a passionate kiss.

Taking Reno's hand from his neck he pressed it over his throbbing heart, the motion causing the robe to fall off one shoulder. Moaning into his lover's mouth, he pressed closer and lightly sucked at Reno's lips and tongue.

To have Cloud lean into him like that, return his kiss so easily, was a much needed balm for Reno's heart. He felt the soft thumping under his palm and slightly curled his fingers over it protectively as if to shelter it. As the kiss grew more passionate he moved his other hand up to sift the fingers through the soft strands of Cloud's hair, not as an attempt to hold him in place but just to enjoy the sensation.

Reno massaged Cloud's scalp and slipped his tongue in between his lover's parted lips. He pulled back to nip and suck Cloud's lower lip, traveling over every millimeter of rosy pink flesh so as not to miss even the smallest taste.

Slitting his eyes open, Cloud watched Reno's eyes as his lip tingled and throbbed under the attention. The man was gorgeous in general but when he was caught in love and passion he took Cloud's breath away.

Bringing his arms up, Cloud wrapped them around Reno's neck. One hand reached around to squeeze a shoulder while the other leisurely petted red hair.

Hungry for more, Reno grasped Cloud's waist to gently turn the man until his lover was straddling his lap. The robe had slipped even further down Cloud's shoulder with the movement. Reno pulled the blankets up behind Cloud's back, swaddling him in warmth, and moved his mouth from lips to throat. He lapped at the small bruise he had left earlier in the evening.

The hand moving in his hair made Reno want to purr and curl up against Cloud like a big, red cat. It felt so *good* to be petted. Indeed, a soft rumbling could be heard in his throat as he traced his tongue down between the line of chest muscles. He tasted salt, a hint of himself, but mostly the overwhelming flavor of Cloud's skin.

Looking up, he said,”Love you so much. Even if you never wanted to make love again I could be content just holding you at night and listening to you breathe."

Then he blushed. Rude would have blackmail material for *years* if he ever heard such phrases come out of Reno's mouth. He was a Turk, ruthless and vicious as needed, but damn it, he was at home with the man he loved, the one he had wanted for years. He had the right to be, er, mushy. Mushy Turk. It made Reno grin and lean forward for another kiss.

Straddling Reno caused Cloud's robe to part. Though there was Reno's sleep pants between them he could still feel his lover's firm and strong thighs through the cloth.

And then the most sweet, ridiculous, and endearing poetry came from those magical lips and Cloud felt his heart brim with love for this man. Stroking his hair, Cloud met Reno's lips for a kiss. "How could I never want to make love again? I could never get enough of you."

He pressed his forehead against Reno's and then slipped his arms down and under Reno's. He pressed close in a hug, nuzzling Reno's chin and neck. "I love it when you hold me like this. But I also love feeling you deep inside."

Reno shivered with love and desire and hugged Cloud to him as tightly as he dared. The slide of skin against skin of their chests always felt so good. He slipped his hands inside the folds of the robe to explore the skin of his lover's back. Cloud had such soft, smooth, touchable skin overlaying all that musculature. It made a man, at least this man, want to touch every part and claim it for his own.

Reno loved kissing Cloud where the line of his jaw curved into his neck and gently moved his head so he could do so. He traced the word 'love' into Cloud's skin with his tongue then nipped lightly over it.

Reno lifted his head to kiss his lover's lips.

"I want you again. I always want you," he said. "But this time I want you to set the pace. I'm yours to command. Anything, anyway, you want me to touch you, I'll do it."