Under the blue light

~~Disclaimer~~ well , as you know , i do not own Lucrecia, Cid nor Vincent as well as EVERYONE named in that fic (~sniff~ i am sure we'd have a lot of fun if i did own Cid and Vincent though) They are the property of Square-Enix. This story is not meant to destroy the characters at all , its just something that comes out of my sick mind

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There was a small lake, in which a waterfall would land. On it's shores , a tall figure silently walked. Bathed by the moon light and the chills of the night winds, with nowhere to go yet heading for this one specific place , he walked around the lake and made his way behind the waterfall.As he walked inside this hidden cave , the loud noise of the water crashing down dimmed.

Was it by the distance that was growing or by himself drowning into recent souvenirs?no one could tell.Only a few days ago he came here.Only a few days since last he seen her.Only a few days separated him from then and now, but those memories grew stronger with each footstep.Within his troubled heart he wished to see her again, and this time, alone.

The path of the cavern openned into a larger room , bathed in blue light and surrounded with many crystals.A small altar at the end of the area where she has once been seen was now empty.

This silent presence who has once been there, this presence so precious to his eyes though reminder of an unforgiveable past.This dear presence who's whispered voice bounced on the walls in an endless waltz.This voice who called for him , who remembered him.

"....Vincent."

The tall man walked forward and knelt near the altar.He wished to see her again , so many things needed to be said and so little time did they have the last time they met.His whole life, for so long, has revolved around her, it was hers to take and through her death his own life also ended. The tragic tale of a starcrossed love. It was his story..

Even to this day , she hauts his dearest dreams , even to this day her death plagues him with countless nightmares.He knew he could never erase the past.When they met , mere days ago , it seemed as if she didn't hate him. Oh God, did he hope that, one day, she would forgive him for only watching as she went through so much pain.Somehow , after seeing her , he knew she never held anything against him. But it was him , him who hated what he did.The peoples with who he came here with, told him he never did anything bad , that this sin was not his own, but he couldn't find the necessary will to at last , forgive himself and move on.

In the few days that followed , he settled another part of his past, at long last. This other man , who took away from him the woman he loved , who used her in the worse possible ways , who caused her death , was now gone. For Vincent, it was the end of the road. Everything was now over. The man who caused Lucrecia to suffer perished. This same man who then turned his anger toward Vincent, was no longer.

Vincent looked at himself , at his hands , at his reflection in the altar. His left hand was covered with a golden gauntlet that went up to his elbow.His, once short , ebony hair fell around his face and deep crimson eyes stared back at him.Those once brown eyes now turned bloody red.

He often wondered if he was even alive, but the pain in his own heart proved he was.This heart that once has been shatterred by love , to then face this deadly gunshot. In both events the first was the worse. It has been the one longest to heal , if it can be said healed.Why had this other man unallowed Vincent to rest in peace and why did he transform him this way was a complete mystery.The answers would forever remain unknown , now that he was dead.

" .... Lucrecia"

His voice was no more than a whisper , a silent prayer for his muse.Only the sound of it broke him. This wound was still so sensitive. How he wishes to hold her , how he wishes to see her. Yet , she was not there , she would never be there again.

Everything within his mind blurried , turned into chaos. Everytime he'd close his eyes , he'd relive this story. For many restless nights he has afflicted himself with 'what if' and 'if only' until he was no longer able to keep his mind focused and his body forced itself to sleep.

His heart ached again , what was he good for now? For what could he live, now that his purpose was gone? Ever since his awakening, from the shinra mansion's basement , his goal was to make Hojo pay for everything he has done , and once achieved , what was his purpose? For who could he live? For what?

" .... ah yes... maybe them."

Those peoples who were with him when he came to this cave.Cloud , Tifa , Nanaki , Cid , Yuffie , Cait Sith , Barret. Somehow , even if he has found comfort in that group , he couldn't see himself doing anything for them. Aside maybe continuing on their journey.

Lucrecia left someone behind when her life ended: Sephiroth.This child she never seen , this child she never held. Vincent can remember her cry when he saw her. She wished to have held him just once.Now , the peoples who he was with , were going after him , they had to kill him so this planet can be saved from the meteor comming its way.

But to Vincent, Sephiroth is , first of all , the son of his beloved.To kill him , wouldn't it add yet another sin to his already too long list? He couldn't do this. He wouldn't hurt her again, but then again , he told her he was dead.

....so many lies he has told to everyone. It only trigered more his self hatred. How many times has he told his friends he was fine when he wasn't. He didn't want to be assaulted with questions , he didn't want anyone to know until he was ready to tell them. When they all ended here , in this cave , the questions started. Vincent just pushed them away. Oh, not because he doesn't care about them, but they already have enough to hold their mind busy for a long time and also , Vincent never felt anywhere near deserving any compassion. After all , he is like this by his own fault.

Vincent sat down , back to the altar. He layed his arms on his legs , head low.He thought of those with who he travelled for a while.He is , by far, the oldest one of the group , but since he slept over the half of his life away , its like if he froze in time.So now , this makes Nanaki to be the oldest , at least, human year wise.Because he's actually just a teenager.Vincent often listen to what he says.He is wise beyond his years.Sometimes , a phrase of his's will end up trapped in Vincent's mind.He often putted a temporary balm on his wound without even knowing it.But the wolf also has his loss... familly.

Then came Barret , angry man , but always there for a friend.they aren't that much of friends though.They could say they see each other as party members , but not quite as friends.At least , not close ones.He also lost many peoples dear to him and now , he has his daughter, Marlene. It's for her that he fights.

Follows Cid. Both him and Vincent share room.Cid is the only one to have seen Vincent wake up, screaming , in the middle of a nightmare.He has always been there to calm him down. He is different with him than with the others and never accepted Vincent's answer when they were given as a way to be left alone. In all the group , Cid was the only one to see through him. He is his closest friend , his partner.

There was Cait sith , stuffed animal controlled by one of Shinra's executive or whatever.What else can you say about something that looks , talks , acts , like a gigantic stuffed pet? At least, he has been usefull and warned everyone of Hojo's plan at the sister ray , he is also the one that got the black materia..Not bad for a toy.

There was Cloud. In the whole group , cloud was along those he could understand the most. He lost someone a while ago, like himself.Sephiroth killed the woman he loved. Weird how things works. The father kills the mother and the son keeps on the same killing spree than his father.Strange how fate goes at time.

At least Cloud has Tifa. If only he would open his eyes , maybe he'd see she loves him so dearly. Vincent often feels bad for her. He see himself within her actions. yes , Both Cloud and Tifa are just like he has been... like he still is.

Then comesfie fie , how she can annoy him.He hasn't yet completly forgave her for thieving them all from their materia , but he guessed she had her reasons.He accepted her , but always kept an eye on her, just in case.

So where does all this bring him now? Should he continue and go after Sephiroth or let them do this on their own? After everyone from his past gone , what is left for him to do? Will he then be able to rest in peace? will he still be haunted with nightmares? will he be able to move on....and live? What can he do now , what will it do? what will it change?

So many questions so little answer.

Putting his human hand on his forehead , he layed down , those many question clawing at his mind, torn between what he should do and what he wants to do.He so wished to see her again , tell her the truth, maybe. Ask her what she wants.It would be so easier.He putted his claw on his chest , almost digging his fingers through it.If only he could stop his heart from aching , if only he could, at last, feel this weight off from his shoulders.Why couldn't he find the way to forgive himself? Hasn't his path to redemption been long enough already?

With his blurried mind , he couldn't even tell wether she was alive or not when he saw her. His heart wanted her to be alive. His mind wanted her to be gone. How could he ever move on if she was still alive? But most importantly , how would he ever be able to move on? After all , he isn't like everyone else. He has those demons clawing at him , tearing every bits of sanity from deep inside his mind. His soul has probably left a long time ago.

" .... I thought i'd find you here."

A hoarsed voice filled the silence of the cave and a warm hand reached for the one of Vincent on his forehead.

" You ok?"

Vincent recognised that person at once, Cid. Why he was here was surprising to him , while it wasn't at the same time.

".....yes. I am fine"

"Like hell you are. You are still thinking of her aren't you?"

Cid sat beside his friend , who kept on looking at the top of the cave.

"....."

" i thought so."

"Aren't you suposed to be with Shera?"

"I went there , but ... it's not my place."

"...?"

" Everyone seems to expect Shera and i to end up together, But it's not the case, that's all. After all , the only thing binding me to that place was the rocket. Now that it's gone , i just don't feel drawn to that place anymore. So i just walked around , and felt like comming here. I thought i would find ya. I wanted to make sure you'd be alright."

" ... You shouldn't be that concerned about me."

" Yeah maybe , but i know that though you want to be left alone most of the time , you do enjoy some compagny. I just didn't want you to sink yourself into your thoughts for too long. You've been messing your mind up for long enough now."

"...."

"You know she forgave you , she has never held anything against you. Why don't you just stop? Why don't you move on?"

" I dont know..."

" What do you need?"

That question left him without answer. What was it that he so needed? that he so longed for? At first it was her to fogive him , but now done , that hole is still there. Hojo is gone , yet that hole still remains. Is there really nothing left for him? This long sleep that he has putted himself througok aok away everything. He has stopped in time , sleep through years. Everything he knew is gone now. So what does he need?

" I don't know what you are thinking about Vincent , but you have to know one thing. I am there. If there is anything that you need , you can always ask me."

" You couldn't give it to me."

That phrase came out so suddenly that Vincent couldn't help to wonder why he even said it. He couldn't even understand what it meant. At this instant , he felt uneasy aside Cid. He sat down and motionned to get up , but Cid stopped him.

" So what do you need? ... Lucrecia?"

" I wish , but i don't even know if she is alive or not. It seemed to unreal."

" You know the answer Vincent , you just don't want to admit it to yourself."

Every evidences pointed for Lucrecia to be gone , to have perished. But Vincent knew he didn't accept her fate. He tightly clutched his left hand , supressing anger and sadness that were rising. Why couldn't he stop denying the truth?

" ...Cid, stop. "

Cid putted his hand under his friend's chin and turned his head toward him.

" Why? I don't want to see you like this anymore Vincent, I want to see you live , to see you move on and raise your head. What makes it so hard for you? It's been 30 years now , 30 long years that you unallowed yourself to be happy."

" i said... stop"

He slapped Cid's hand off his chin and turned his head around. This only making Cid grab him by the shouder and lay him on his back , holding him there.

" No i won't ! That's more than enough Vincent! What makes you so different than anyone? Everyone faces heartbreaks! What makes you so different so YOU cannot make it through? How are you more fucked up than anyone else??"

" Get off!! Just leave me alone Cid! "

Both voices were rising , Cid , angered by Vincent's attitude and Vincent for being trapped as such and forced to face himself.

" I AM different than everyone!!! I got those beasts inside me! I am those beasts! I cannot just shoot myself down without expecting to heal and walk again! I am through with all those voices that haunts me!! I got no one that cares about who i am without being affraid of what they see! I got no one to care about like i cared for Lucrecia!!"

" You got no one to care about because you shoved everyone OUT! You don't let anyone near you Vincent! They all care for you in their own ways! I care for you! I wouldn't be here if not!! Why do you think i am doing all that ??! Just to kick you to a gutter later and stop caring about you?? "

All those truths were lined one after the other , both men too much in fury to realise all the doors of their mind being flunged open , letting out their hidden content.

" Then why Highwind?? Why are you doing all that instead of just letting me do this my way? Why do you care so much about the monster i am?! "

"Because i ... "

Cid knew the answer , he barely sto the the words from slipping out of his mouth. He wished to shout them but didn't knew the reaction it would bring. He tensed up , gritting his teeth , eyes tightly closed and with a snarl , approached his face from the one of his friends and kissed him.

Vincent tensed up at once , eyes wide open. Completly taken aback by this reaction from Cid. He pushed him away , not hardly but not gently either.He jumped to his feets , staring at Cid , dumbfunded.

Cid stared at him , confuand and ashamed of his action. When he couldn't find the words to tell him what needed to be told , he used action. The glass was broken now and the ultimate truth reveiled.

"why? why me Cid? What makes you think that i..."

"don't say more Vincent.. i shouldn't have done that..I'll leave you alone. It's what you wish.."

Cid got back up , getting ready to leave.

"What makes you think that i wouldn't fail you like i failed Lucrecia?"

"....what? ...Vincent you didn't fail her.. and if you so want to believe you did , then the reason why i would take 'that risk' are mine only to know, for now."

Cid walked toward his friend , who didn't motion away. He putted his hands on his shoulder again , this time not to pin him down , but more to slowly embrace him.

" And why dn'tdn't it be you? Vincent, alow me to show you , it's hard for me to admit such a thing , but ...."

Vincent closed his eyes. This was not what he wished for , but at the same time .... It felt right. He let himself being hugged , mentally finishing Cid's phrase.

" So this is why you aren't with Shera... "

Cid only held him tighter as an answer, caressing his hair. Vincent couldn't help but getting weaker , his legs were not enough to sustain him up now. Overwhelmed by what wasng ong on. Both men knelt down , still close one to the other. Cid approached his lips once again , timidly welcomed by those of Vincent. It's been a long time since he felt anything like this , maybe too long , but his body has never forgot what to do. He held on to Cid like to very life , which only aroused the man a thousand folds.

Without breaking the kiss ,Cid gently pushed Vincent backward and layed over him. His hand slowly feeling around his chest. Vincent was still unsure about this t sht shoved his thoughts out of his mind. He , for once in a long time , wouldn't push someone away from him. Both men's tongue entertwined in a long and endless dance , tasting each other. Vincent hands travelled from Cid's head to butt , drawing him closer , until he threaten to break him in two. Cid unbutonned Vincent's shirt and kissed everything he was bound to see, his tongue leading the path.

Vincent slowly got Cid rid of his jacket and shirt , softly moaning at the touch of his warm lips on his chest.Both men matched touch for touch , Cid leading his friend. His hand stopped at the massive belt Vincent was wearing , gently tugging on it.

Vincent faintly nodded , his eyes closed , and Cid took it off , then unfastenned his pants , taking them off. His hand felt around his stomach , trailing lower, until it reached this sensitive place. His hips arching up, Vincent shivered and hissed in pleasure. Cid gently grabbed hold of his manhood and slowly stroked him, while taking his own pants off.

Vincent's claw clashed against the ground as he tried to grab hold of it, eyes drawn backward. This mere touch was almost sending him over the edge , his cries filling each inches of the cave. He deperatedly searched to grab a hold of Cid's head to pull him up , and once achieved , he lead him in a long and languid kiss.Slowly and timidly , he reached for Cid's shaft , matching him again.

At his touch , Cid almost collapsed , his right arm , last thing holding him from comly lly laying on Vincent , failing him, his groans echoing in Vincent mouth , down to his chest.He took his hand off his friend and reached for his discarded jacket, taking a small bottle of lubricant from it.

"Do you...want..?" He whispered

Vincent nodded again, and after taking his hand off from Cid, the blonde man putted some gel on his finger.Vincent spreaded his legs and Cid gently entered him. Vincent faintly screamed , clawing with his right hand on Cid's back , holding on to bare skin. Cid covered his lips with his own to swallow every cries the ebony haired man would relinquish.He entered him with a second finger , making the cries louder , but this time , he broke the kiss and once again went down with his tongue. Grabbing a hold of his friend's left hand , holding it tightly in a lover's clutch , his mouth travelled down his stomach , his groink and wrapped around him. Taking off his other hand , he gently sucked him , making Vincent bang his other hand on the ground , his hips violently arching up , hissing Cid's name.

It didn't take him long for him to tilt over the edge and release,Cid expected that, and after taking him whole, he still felt there was more to give.He kissed his way back up to Vincent's mouth. The smaller man was shaking and sweating.Cid once again brought his fingers to his entrance and prepared him for the last dance.

Still dearly holding to Cid's hand , Vincent moved his arm up above his head , allowing Cid to keep balance. Both man longly kissed again and once Cid felt his lover was ready , he questionned him with his glance. As an answer , Vincent wrapped his right arm around his waist , spread his legs even more, pulling Cid nearer.

The touch of his fingers left, replaced by something bigger , warmer. Vincent's mind tilted as Cid sank in him , slowly moving in and out. Cid's moans and Vincent's keen cries turned into muffled screams as both men's lips locked one to the other.

Vincent squirmed , allowing Cid to reach this special place so deep within himself.Once touched , his entire body arched backward , Cid increased the tempo , holding his friend's hand tighter and wrapping his other arm around his waist.Vincent screamed Cid name as a sacred mantra with a voice he never thought he'd , so, so highly pitched. Cid increased the speed even more , for a few seconds , before relinquishing , waves of ectasy travelling both men's shaking bodies.

Cid layed beside Vincent , still holding each other's hand.Neither man dared speaking , neither man could even find the words.Cid delicately lifted Vincent's head and slid his arm under it , drawing him closer.Both naked men, shamelessly laying down in thddleddle of the cave. The world stopped around them.Savouring each instant of this closeness.

Both men wondered what the other was thinking , but for Vincent , it was the beginning of a new chapter. If Cid was honest in his words then ....

He knew that he would never forget Lucrecia, but he now realised he wouldn't be alone. He found his reason to live , a purpose. He found that someone needed him , and only the Gods could imagine how he needed that. He knew Cid would leave tomorrow to join the rest of the group and go against Sephiroth. He would follow , only to make sure that Cid will come back safely, unharmed.

" I haven't held him.. not even once" He remembered Lucrecia say.

"You will soon Lucrecia .. i won't let him win. I'll send him to you , and close , once and for all , this story." He thought to himself.

Cid felt Vincent's thoughts, he caressed his hair , to chase them away.

" i couldn't manage to say it earlier Vincent...but... i love you."

Vincent's heart melted , the shell in which he has enclosed himself for so long shattered.He looked at Cid's deep blue eyes , drowning himself in the truth of the words that had barely been said and for once , once in so long , he smiled.

" ... so do i Cid..so do i."

Both men's lips locked onto each other for the last time this night as a whole new story began.