Memories

Memories by persepolis130

Summary: It's been five years since Tifa has seen Cloud, and he seems so different… which is as good an excuse as any for a bit of Cloud/Tifa.

Notes: Thanks to Wiredadex for help and for requesting this fic. I don't think this is quite what he was expecting, since I don't usually do het… Anyway, I wasn't going to post this at all, but I figured somebody might like it and it wasn't doing any good sitting on my computer, so here it is. This takes place just after Cloud arrives in Midgar (before the start of the game-- remember Tifa finding him at the station?). It starts out like pron but doesn't end up that way. And no, I don't own FF7. Dammit.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Cloud was a bit drunker than she'd originally thought, and seeing him stumble his way up the stairs made her laugh.

"Watch your step," Tifa told him with a smile, wrapping her arm around his bicep to steady him. He grunted and leaned against her, one hand on the far wall to brace himself. She did her best not to laugh. Too much. Imagine a SOLDIER First Class, one of ShinRa's elite, tripping over his own two feet!

But in the end, it was actually her fault. She hadn't wanted him to go, wanted to at least talk with him before he left, but she had to work the bar. Tifa really hadn't meant to get him completely trashed while he waited… she just kept bringing the drinks, wrapping an arm around his tightly-muscled shoulders each time she set one on the counter, and he kept drinking.

"Almost there," she told Cloud as he fairly dragged himself up the last step, tottering against her when he lost his handhold coming out of the stairwell.

"Where… where are we going?" he asked, sounding about as steady as he looked.

"I closed up, Cloud. We're going upstairs," she said, hand on his back to urge him forward, "to my bedroom. You don’t want to fall sleep down there on the bar, do you? All alone?"

The blonde paused, swaying, a confused look on his face. "Tifa? Where am I? I don't remember…"

She couldn't help laughing again. "You're at my bar, the Seventh Heaven!"

He blinked. "Seventh?"

"You're really an entertaining drunk, you know that?" she told him. "Here, no this way... There we go!" Working at a bar, Tifa had seen her share of drunks, but none quite compared with Cloud. Of course, who ever could?

Guiding him into her room, she added, "I really missed you, Cloud. You know that, right?"

He grunted, and she smiled, squeezing his shoulder. The muscle was hard beneath her fingers, and she sighed happily. "You know, I hardly even recognized you at the station, Cloud. You've changed so much. I remember when we were kids…"

Small for his age, all bony knees and elbows without so much as an ounce of muscle on him, he'd been shy and gentle to a fault, hardly promising as a candidate for SOLDIER. When he'd called her aside that night seven years ago to tell her he was leaving, she'd barely believed it. She'd encouraged him, flattered by his pledge to her, but in all honesty, she'd expected to see him back soon, head hung low to hide the defeated look in his eyes.

But the days turned into weeks, and the weeks to months and years, and no one heard from him. More than once, she thought he was dead. She remembered crying one night, her self-important teenaged mind sure she'd jinxed him with thoughts of his failure.

But then at the ShinRa reactor, when Sephiroth came and the fire was engulfing the city, she saw him through a haze of grief and pain, remembered him carrying her to safety. He disappeared as quickly as he'd come though, leaving her alone with her questions, with dreams of his kind smile and strong arms, only to re-emerge in Midgar five years later, boots caked in mud and well-used sword strapped to his back.

Despite having seen him at the reactor, the man she’d found today at the station was nothing like what she would have expected.

He was still quiet, but the silence was no longer boyish shyness; it had become something more, giving an undeniable presence to him, a silent strength. There was something beyond what the eye could see, a strange depth she couldn’t quite place, and several times tonight she'd caught herself staring at him before she even realized she was doing it.

There was something about his eyes. She remembered them being blue, but they’d never shone the way they did now, almost glowing against his too-pale skin. When he looked at her, she felt strangely trapped, lost in their depths. But what made her stare, forcing her eyes away guiltily as a blush tinted her cheeks, was more than that.

With his soft, light skin, delicate yet masculine features, and sleekly muscular body, the quiet, scrawny pre-teen Cloud she hadn’t bothered to get to know had become not only someone who'd saved her life, but someone she couldn’t keep her eyes off. And Tifa wasn’t going to make the mistake of ignoring him again.

"Sometimes… it's hard to tell where…" he murmured as she helped sit him on her bed.

His comment brought out of her thoughts, and she shook her head. "Hard to tell what, Cloud?"

He opened his mouth but then closed it again, looking down at his hands as if they belonged to someone else. "Tifa…" he looked up at her, suddenly concerned, "My insides don't feel right…"

Tifa leaned forward to bring her face to his level, her hands resting against his knees. "Cloud," she informed him, "You're drunk. Very drunk. Bordering on incredibly drunk even."

He nodded his head and seemed oddly relieved as she unlaced his boots, and then her own, setting both pair beside the bed. "…but that's okay, right Cloud? I mean, it's fine with me."

Throwing her gloves on the dresser, she settled down beside him, reaching across to slide her fingers up his back and into the fine, short hair at the base of his neck. It was soft like chocobo down. "Are you alright with it?"

Cloud didn't say anything, gazing straight ahead with a glazed look in his eyes, so she brought her lips to his cheek. His skin was soft and warm, and when Cloud didn't protest, she trailed her lips over to settle on his bottom lip, which she gently drew her tongue across. He allowed himself to be lowered onto the bed, Tifa's hand behind his back guiding him.

Bracing herself with one hand as she leaned over him, she let the other roam across his chest. "Tell me this is okay, Cloud," she whispered against his lips. "Say you want this, too."

She pressed her tongue through his parted lips, her hand moving down the bare skin of his arm. His tongue moved slowly against hers, sluggish, and she could taste the beer he'd been drinking. A gloved hand touched lightly at the bare skin of Tifa's waist, and she let her eyes drift shut, wrapping the fingers of her free hand around the back of Cloud's neck.

It took some time, but eventually his other hand joined its partner at her waist. His lips began to move against hers, if only slightly. Shifting her weight carefully, Tifa slid a knee between his thighs. Cloud grasped her tighter, digging his leather-clad fingers into her sides, and she decided his gloves had to go.

Tifa shifted again, looping her leg around Cloud's waist. Sucking on his bottom lip as her tongue left his mouth, she sat across his hips. He watched her sit up with a dull disinterest, mouth still open and reddened lips glistening. Unused to taking off someone else's gloves and fingers anxious, Tifa eventually just pulled them off inside-out and tossed them on the floor with a little laugh.

With only her panties separating her from him, his course cotton pants rubbed roughly against the inside of her thighs when she wriggled down. Cloud made an indecipherable noise but seemed otherwise unmoved. How much HAD he drank, anyway?

Frustrated with herself for not keeping track, she slid his hand down to cup her breast. He had nice hands, she thought as she heard Cloud's breath catch. Leaning over, she grabbed his other hand and brought it to the opposite breast, her hands over his directing them in circles against her shirt. His fingers pressed in a way that made her take a deep breath, and she rocked lightly down against his hips. "You like that?" she asked with a playful smile.

As expected, he said nothing, but she saw his cheeks turn a shade darker. She loosened her grasp on his hands and found that he held them there himself, so she took the opportunity to lean forward and run her hands up his chest, fingers sliding into the grooves of muscle that crossed his lean frame. She was impressed that even with him this relaxed, she could find the muscles easily, and the thought of that hard body pressed to hers made her vaguely dizzy.

Cloud seemed no less interested in her breasts than other men, but he didn't seem compelled to do much with them, not even trying to get under her shirt. For an odd moment, it seemed he hadn't done this sort of thing before and wasn't sure how to proceed, but Tifa quickly wiped the thought from her mind. As a SOLDIER, he'd surely had his share of women; it went with the territory. No, it was just that he was Cloud, and Cloud had never been like other people.

Deciding to help him along, Tifa took his hands in hers and slid them beneath her shirt, over the top of her bra. This actually made him shift his hips, and he looped his fingertips over the top of her bra. His short fingernails scratching across her skin made Tifa shiver, and she pulled the black straps down from her shoulders, peeling the shirt over her head. Looking down, she saw his fingers tug ineffectually at her bra, and she quickly reached around to undo the clasps.

Tifa saw his eyes widen and suppressed a laugh, leaning over him to bring her lips to his. This time, he kissed back with more enthusiasm, clumsy fingers moving against her in the nicest way, and Tifa decided Cloud's shirt had to go as well. This proved rather tricky because of the SOLDIER insignia belt and shoulder harness he wore, but he didn't seem to notice her trouble. Tifa finally gave up and asked him how the damn thing came off.

"It's not mine," he murmured.

Tifa laughed. "What do you mean, it's not yours? You're wearing it, aren't you?"

But he seemed too absorbed in the way her nipples hardened when he rubbed them. Not that Tifa could blame him; it was distracting her nicely as well, making her squirm and press her spread legs down around his thighs.

Finally, starting to breathe hard, she opted for tugging at the belt and seeing what would come loose, hearing the satisfying sound of a snap coming undone. Tugging again, she felt the rest of the snaps give way, and she practically ripped it off him. Cloud seemed to notice neither this nor his shirt being removed, though he'd somehow managed to get himself into a vaguely upright position during the process.

Cloud's skin was far too soft to belong to a man, and Tifa smoothed her hands across the expanse of his chest in awe. She wanted to lick it, to draw her tongue over his stomach, his chest, take a nipple in her mouth. She was afraid though that if she laid him back down, she wouldn't have an easy time getting him to sit up again.

So instead, she slid down his thighs to sit directly in his lap and pressed her chest to his. She heard a small "aah" escape her lips, answered by a lower tone from Cloud. The combination of it-- the feel of soft, taut skin spread over a firm body and the heat of his hardness pressing through his pants-- had her gasping and rocking against him.

His head was thrown back, and Tifa leaned in to lick a path up his neck, eventually settling at his ear. "Hey, not so hard, okay baby?" she breathed against his neck when a hand grasped her just a little too tightly. "You're too strong."

He didn't seem to hear, gripping her tighter until she finally pulled the hand away, placing it further up her back. In the dim light, Tifa couldn't see the expression on his face, so she tilted his head up, catching his half-closed eyes with hers. She swore they were glowing.

"…it hurts…" he murmured.

"Don't worry, I'll make it feel better," she told him, sliding her hands between them.

Unbuttoning his pants, Tifa slid her fingers down and in. Something wet brushed her knuckle, and her insides clenched when she heard Cloud's startled gasp. Fingers finding the slickness and sliding down his length, Tifa held back a frown and appeased herself with the fact that size wasn't everything. After all, why did it matter when it was Cloud? Satisfied with this, she stroked him experimentally a few times, finding a proper angle, before she began in earnest.

Cloud made a half-strangled groan. "But…" he protested, panting mouth open and hands back on her breasts, "I have duty tomorrow…"

Tifa laughed, and it felt good to do it pressed against someone she cared about. She didn't have long to enjoy the feeling though, because Cloud's mouth was suddenly on hers. It was messy and a bit wetter than she could really appreciate, and his hands were maybe still squeezing slightly too hard, but she didn’t really mind. After all, this was Cloud. Cloud who cared for her, who'd saved her life. Cloud whose presence made her heard skip a beat. Cloud who…

Her mind made up, Tifa raised herself and slid back toward Cloud's knees. "Let's get you undressed, huh?" she whispered. He complied, lifting his hips for her so she could slide his pants down. She took the opportunity to rid herself of the rest of her clothes, dropping them into a messy pile on her floor. It was a strangely welcome sight.

He was sitting upright, propped up with one arm, the other absently rubbing at his neck. He wasn't looking at her, his gaze instead looking somewhere through her, those intense blue eyes hazed over. Spreading his knees, she knelt between them. Hands running up his thighs, Tifa dipped her head.

There was something about the taste of him that made her mouth tingle. She hadn't really noticed it before, but here, her mouth sucking gently at the soft skin between his thighs, even his scent was tinged with it. It wasn't bad, just… unusual, inexplicable, making her head strangely fuzzy as she flicked her tongue across his too-warm flesh.

Cloud's breathing was loud and broken, catching in his throat when she sucked against his skin. It had to be one of the sexiest things she'd ever heard. Tifa found herself working harder to pull the little gasps from his mouth, and she ran her tongue up his length and across the slick tip just to see what he'd do.

The sound he made was more arousing than she'd expected it to be, and after a quick swirl of her tongue, she slid her lips down around him. This noise was even better, and she felt the light pressure of Cloud's hand caressing the back of her neck.

She couldn't go slowly, not like this, sweat already breaking out across her skin. Her fingers grasped tighter at Cloud's hips, pulling herself toward him on the down strokes. It was so good she could probably end it right here, and she almost decided to, imagining the satisfaction of his voice crying out and that hot bitterness against the back of her throat.

She knew it would be a waste though, when she could have his arms around her, protecting her, Cloud pressed against her, inside her, hot and strong against the aching need she felt.

Replacing her mouth with a hand, she slid off him, licking the spit from her lips. "You ready, Cloud?" she panted.

He murmured something, and she heard him swallow. When she looked into his eyes this time, it didn't matter that they didn't catch hers. "We'll just do it like this, alright?"

She knelt around Cloud's thighs, heart pounding in her chest as he bent his head to her breast. His tongue was warm, sliding clumsily across to lap at a nipple while Tifa stroked him, lowering herself slowly.

It was both new and familiar, the feel of him inside her, warm and hard, so good to be filled, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, relaxing into it. Cloud's strong arms pulled her tightly against him, his nose nuzzling at her cheek. She asked him something, not even sure what she was saying, as she began to rock her hips down on him.

He gasped and murmured something like, "Oh $#@%!," so Tifa licked Cloud's neck, settling in to suck just below his ear. His hips managed small, irregular jerks, but nothing Tifa could catch the rhythm of. After a few minutes, she realized they were pressed too close, Cloud's back arching strangely to keep them balanced.

"Lay back, Cloud," she said against his skin. If he hadn't been so drunk, she was sure he wouldn't have just laid there while Tifa moved against him, so she didn't care. The way his chest rose and fell, stomach clenched, mouth open with his panting, only made her want it more, made the heat inside her, the sensation of his flesh against her, even better. He was completely hers, every part of him. And when he came, head thrown back and fists gripping the bedspread, it didn't matter that he didn't call out her name.

All that mattered was that Cloud was hers.

XXXXX

After, she settled them on their sides, sliding a knee between Cloud's thighs and lying her head on the pillow beside him. She thought his eyes would be closed, body overworked and intoxicated as it was, but instead they were open, looking out at her with that strange blank stare he'd given her before. She suddenly found it unnerving, somehow off, and she looked down at his neck where the muscles corded to distract herself.

She traced her hands down his chest, and it felt uncomfortably sticky and warm. She rubbed softly across his abdomen, soothingly, the way one might comfort a sick child. His skin was flushed, patches of red standing out against the pale, marring the perfection she'd seen earlier. Two white marks stood out, one just below his sternum and the other on his lower abdomen, that she hadn't seen before. Pressing her fingers into them, she found that they were scars.

"Where did these come from, Cloud?" she asked, raising herself to examine them closer. Running her hand around to his back, she found the same thing, as if he'd been pierced straight through. "Cloud?"

But he didn't answer. In fact, he didn't do anything at all, staring straight forward, his hands and legs exactly where Tifa had put them. He hadn't moved an inch. Something wasn't right.

"Cloud. Cloud, what's wrong?" she asked. Shaking his shoulder, she asked again, louder this time. He slid limply onto his back.

Tifa tried her hardest not to panic, shaking his shoulders again as she shouted down at him. She'd seen plenty of passed-out drunks in her day, but this was something different. Now that she thought about it, he'd seemed strange all night, and it struck her in that instant that when he'd kissed her last, he hadn't tasted like alcohol in the least.

His breathing was shallow, and her hands pressed to his chest felt his heart flutter erratically. Suddenly, she saw an image of her father in his place, blood gushing from the wounds in his stomach, lips gone white pulled across bared teeth, and unfocused eyes staring up at her in agony. "…run, Tifa…"

"Oh god Cloud, don't die on me!" she pleaded, dashing toward the bathroom. Tearing open the medicine cabinet, she searched frantically for anything that might help, heart pounding in her ears. What was it, Antidote? Soft? Remedy? Her shaking hands scattered pill bottles and boxes across the floor, but she found nothing of any use.

She had to get help, she realized, and she sprinted back to her bedroom for her clothes.

He was standing at the window, his back turned to her, wearing everything but his boots.

Tifa stared, relief washing over her as she collapsed against the doorjamb, panting. "Cloud, you scared me half to death! What happened?"

"Tifa? Where am I?" he asked, "I don't remember…"

She shook her head, walking toward him, trying to get her hands to stop shaking. "The upstairs of my bar, remember? The Seventh Heaven?"

He looked at her blankly. "Seventh?"

"Yes, Cloud," she repeated, "Seventh. You asked me that before. And you said the same thing…"

"Sometimes… it's hard to tell where…" he murmured.

"Cloud, what's wrong with you?" she demanded, touching his cheek with the back of her hand. "Why are you saying that?"

"Tifa…" he whispered, staring uncomprehendingly at his hands, "My insides don't feel right…"

"Are you sick?" Tifa asked, breath catching in her lungs. He'd said that earlier, too. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, eyes unfocused. "It's not mine."

"Stop saying those things, Cloud! You're not making any sense, and you're scaring me!" She took him by the shoulders and shook him, and his head shook back and forth like a rag doll.

"…it hurts…" he whispered.

"What's wrong with you, Cloud?" She tried to stay calm, but she could feel tears begin to spring to her eyes. "Tell me what's wrong!"

He didn't answer, a terrifyingly vacant look on his face, and Tifa grabbed his arm. "We need to get you help, Cloud. Something's wrong with you."

"But… I have duty tomorrow…"

"No," she said, doing her best to hold back the tears. "No, you don't!" Oh god, what was wrong with him??

And suddenly he jerked, eyes locking with hers for perhaps the first time today. "Tifa? Tifa, what are… oh!" He jerked abruptly away from her. "Oh, I'm sorry! I must be in the wrong room, I…"

"Cloud…?"

"I didn't see anything! I swear…"

Looking over his shoulder, she saw a blush spread across his cheeks. "What are you saying? Are you okay? For a minute, I thought…"

"I… I'll leave now…" and he turned toward the door, eyes averted and obviously embarrassed, as if he didn't remember any of it.

This was still inexplicable, but he seemed coherent, at least, and not about to die any time soon. Best to go along with it then, calm him down. "It's alright, Cloud, I just… heard something… I thought…" she shook her head, grabbing her clothes and quickly dressing, "It must have come from outside though, because you're alright."

"Of course I am," he told her, with a sudden sort of "why wouldn't I be?" undertone that confused Tifa.

"Oh. Well…" she smoothed her hair back, suddenly realizing what a mess she must look. "Do you need a shower?"

Cloud shrugged. "Whatever."

"Um… I'll get you a towel…"

Turning away from her to look out the window, Cloud said over his shoulder, "Look, it's not important. Just go to bed."

"It's no trouble--"

"I said it's fine. Now just leave me alone."

"Oh. I'll… see you in the morning then… I guess…" she tried, feeling dazed. Cloud only grunted, ignoring her as she walked out.

The door shut behind her, Tifa sighed heavily and leaned back against the wall. What the hell just happened? He didn't remember? None of it? It was as if he'd suddenly become a completely different person. And one she didn't particularly like…

And now tonight meant nothing.

She wanted more than anything to cry. But what good would it have done? He wasn't well, and he needed someone to look after him, that much was certain. She'd definitely stay up tonight to check on him, and she'd do her best to keep him here, to help him. But for now, the only thing she could do was pray that tomorrow, Cloud would wake up as someone she'd recognize.

But for some reason she couldn't quite explain, she didn't foresee it.